11/25/2003
I'm Such A Turkey
My sister is a vegetarian. I love animals, and I'll admit sometimes that I get grossed out eating meat, especially when it is attached to the bones. Once, when I was living in Hong Kong, I walked through a chicken factory out of curiosity and the sights and smells I experienced in that warehouse almost made me a vegan. And sometimes, when I get a chicken burrito from Poquito Mas, I find a bone in it. I've stopped eating there. Even grosser is when you get a burger from McDonald's and it has gristle in it.
But it's Thanksgiving again, and I can understand why vegetarians cringe at the thought of a holiday that revolves around the eating of a roasted carcass. But what I CAN'T understand is Tofurkey that is shaped like an actual turkey.
First of all, if you are going to be substituting the crispy/juicy/luscious meat of what Ben Franklin wanted to be our national bird for a soybean delicacy, why in God's name would you want it shaped in the form of the poor defenseless bird you didn't want to kill?
How 'bout a nice loaf? I just don't get it.
I guess there are some good reasons for eating Tofurkey. First of all, there's no Tryptophan to worry about, so you won't need to worry about falling asleep during that heavy-duty game of Scrabble with grandma after dinner. You wouldn't want her to slip the word "zymurgy" by you. Secondly, Tofurkey doesn't run around the yard crazy when you axe its head off. Thirdly, there's no ugly red wattle to picture in your mind while you're chewing on a drumstick, unless of course, you look across the table at grandpa.
But I guess the best part of the Tofurkey is the fact that there's no wishbone. Perhaps I should start eating it. That way I won't have the opportunity to snap that porous parabola in half and realize that for another year the boyfriend I wish for just ain't gonna happen.
Gobble, gobble.
Posted 3:01 AM EST by Andy Towle in Food & Drink | Permalink
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As stated on my site, I'm the new Boyfriend. All others back off.
Posted by: Bravo | Nov 25, 2003 3:11:51 AM
Traditionally, it's customary for dinner first, and perhaps a movie. Then there's the first kiss. And maybe the sex.
Or... if you're anything like a friend of mine, have sex during the movie, then ask the guy out for dinner - I assume the kiss was sometime between the movie and sex.
To each his own I say.
I wonder if there'll be a cat(dog?)fight
Posted by: ksquare | Nov 25, 2003 7:12:40 AM
Uh, sorry, but who actually eats anymore?
Posted by: sean | Nov 25, 2003 9:27:20 PM
We skipped dinner, sex, and everything all together. It's easier that way...
Sex is next tho.
Posted by: Bravo | Dec 1, 2003 8:50:40 PM