Ted Haggard: Bought Meth, Didn’t Use It; Received Massage, No Sex

Haggardbush_1Ted Haggard told reporters today that he bought meth because he was curious, but got rid of it:

“I bought it for myself but never used it. I was tempted, but I never used it.”

Then why, pastor Haggard, did you leave your gay hustler Mike Jones a voicemail inquiring about getting more?

He also told reporters that he received a massage from Jones but never had sex.

Funny, yesterday he didn’t know Mike Jones. If the story continues to evolve like this, by next week he’ll have had that collegiate orgy he’s been fantasizing about.

You may have missed…
Mike Jones Fails Lie Detector Test on Ted Haggard But Test Administrator Doubts Test’s Accuracy [tr]
Ted Haggard Voicemails Analyzed; Pastor Admits to Indiscretions [tr]
Evangelical Leader Ted Haggard Steps Down After Gay Escort Claims They Had a Sexual Relationship for Three Years [tr]


  1. Tony says

    My three year old niece lies better. What’s next? “I had his dick in my mouth, but I did not suck it.” Or “I had his cock up my ass but I did not grab my toes and spin around on it.”

  2. bamabamabofana says

    But we are only getting to know this guy. He is the HEAD of 30 million fundamentalists who are trained to hate gay people.

    We need to know how long Bush and Dobson and Abramoff knew about his drug usage and patronage of prostitutes.

    We need to know every detail about where the drug money came from and how many children he may have given drugs to. Or if he possibly gave his own children drugs or exposed them to the on-line sex the way conservative singer Sara Evans’ husband did.

    This story is only 24 hours old. We need to know a lot more. He’s the leader of the entire Christian conservative movement. He’s a role model and a kingmaker and a hatemonger. All of the power he wielded against innocent children makes it a civic and patriotic duty to fully investigate his life.

  3. Robert In WeHo says

    Another bigoted hypocrite falls from grace when his “secret” is divulged. Makes a person wonder what other “dirt” could be dug up about the rest of the religious bigots who demagogue our community on a daily basis…

  4. patrick nyc says

    The creepist part is news clips of him patting boys on the back or the head. They all look up to him and how many are confused gay boys who had a crush on a prick like him?

  5. Greg says

    I love that he would admit to buying Crystal Meth before having gay sex, that gay sex would be the worse of the two.

  6. Andrew says

    Ok. A few hours ago hypocrisy threw me a rock, and then all of a sudden I was hit by a fucking meteor/rite. I’m speaking of the Reverend Ted Haggard. I don’t need to tell you that this does not make me happy. Remember the old kill the messenger? So now we have a gay hustler, and the so-called King of all Evangelistas (not sure what it has to do with washed-up 80’s supermodels-but I digress). Now dude has admitted to buying meth and having a completely ‘platonic massage’ by an overly steroid homo. You know he had a ‘happy finish’ to his massage. This is the hypocrisy to organized religion that I abhor.

    All I ask-don’t buy into the B.S. that Mr. Haggard was framed or ‘politically slammed’. He has admitted the meth, and massage so far). I wonder how many times he called out Jesus’ name as he ‘repented’ on the love masseur table? I usually call out God’s name or Jesus at least once or twice. Supposedly if you repent, you are ok. Does that mean he is now forgiven for his blatant hypocrisy and bigotry?

    Who knows? All I can say is thank God the Evangilistas are able to vote against gay marriage on Tuesday. What would heterosexual marriage be if gays were allowed to marry?

    I guess you need to ask Mr. Haggard, or his wife, or his five children, or his gay hustler. Ahhh. The All-American family. All they need now is a Namibian baby.


  7. Andrew says

    btw-when did did this go from a guy with a hustler-to a pedophile? Never been mentioned. Obviously plants in our midst. I speak only for myself, but fuck moles. Don’t Districts’ to salvage?

  8. Andrew says

    (don’t the moles have a failed election to try to salvage)? However like several Republicans lately, they prefer to talk about gay sex and dick. Hmmm

  9. RB says

    Does the dick in my mouth make me look gay? Haggard is so guilty and we have heard this before…”I tried pot but I didn’t inhale”. It was just as rediculous coming from Clinton as it sounds coming from Haggard! Let’s NOT play partisan politics here. BOTH got caught and both lied. Lies that any good five year old could have done better. Pathetic!

  10. Marco says

    I am my gsy co-workers have been laughing over his in-car with wife Q&A all fucking day.

    Hypocrites can be hilarious.

  11. Leland says

    RB, we have disagreed but never let it be said I don’t give credit where it’s due, and your “Does the dick in my mouth make me look gay” is hysterical. One of the best I’ve heard in ages! It’s dangerous for a cynic to toy with optimism, but, again, from my personal experience with evangelicals, I want to believe that this is going to be the perfect manifestation of “the bigger they come the harder they fall.”

    But, at the same time, I too vividly remember a very close religious friend defending Jimmy Swaggart as a good, sincere man after his 1988 grotesque, transparent, fake-tears drenched “I have sinned” TV performance after he was exposed for tricking with female prostitutes. Pond scum that he is, he refused the discipline of his own denomination who ended up revoking his ordination. Still, while losing several faithful and now owning a much smaller piece of the pentecostal pie, even after being caught with another prostitute three years later he’s still out there, seen on television in 50 countries, sucking up money in Jesus’ name with a skill HRC would envy. And totally getting away with such statements as, “I’m trying to find the correct name for it…this utter absolute, asinine, idiotic stupidity of men marrying men. …I’ve never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry. And I’m gonna be blunt and plain; if one ever looks at me like that, I’m gonna kill him and tell God he died.” Despite his claim, apparently Oral Roberts casting out Swaggert’s demons by telephone didn’t take.

  12. Zeke says

    RB, my conservative friend, it was Haggard who made himself a partisan target by mixing his church “ministry” so thoroughly with Republican politics. It was HE who bragged about being an advisor to the Bush White House and it was HE who worked so hard on Republican bait-and-switch distraction campaigns like the Federal Marriage Amendment and state anti-gay marriage amendments across the country.

    Due to this, his partisan political affiliations are fair game.

    I’m all for supporting my socially moderate Republican friends, but I will always call a spade a spade.

    Clinton is old news and even though their excuses sound eerily similar, “I didn’t inhale” and “I didn’t have sex with that woman”, Clinton, as far as I know, never held himself up as a shining beacon of moral superiority and he certainly didn’t preach against or condemn others who were doing the same thing he was.

    It’s not Haggard’s gay sex or drug use that pisses me off. It’s not even his infidelity that I find most offensive. I DO find his infidelity to be very offensive, but in the end that’s an issue for he and his wife to deal with. It’s his HYPOCRISY that I find most offensive and unacceptable and frankly THAT is the ONLY issue that I think is any of my business.

    Haggard, by his own proud proclamation, was a Republican shill with a pastor’s stole. We can’t be upset when people are just as excited to point it out as he was.

  13. bjorn says

    HA! How many gay men have heard the old, “We didn’t have sex, he just gave me a massage” routine, or “I didn’t do the crystal, I threw it away” bullshit. He’s lucky he’s not out and dating a gay man, he’d be out on his ass.

  14. danny says

    My favorite line from the hustler: “I’ve seen clergy before. They always call from pay phones.”

  15. Becks07 says

    Let’s give the Republicans a nice massage with release in the voting booth next Tuesday, boys, whattaya say?

  16. Leland says

    Good a time as any to recount one of my favorite stories about the founder of Haggard’s alma mater. About 25 years ago, the father of a friend worked at a post office in Tulsa, Oklahoma, home of Oral Roberts University. After repeated problems with the employee toilets clogging, a plumber finally dug up the sewage pipes and discovered that someone had apparently been repeatedly flushing huge amounts of mail addressed to Roberts down the toilet. They called the university to alert them to this, and, realizing that much of the mail probably had donations in checks and cash in it, they came down and collected it all even though it was alternately soaked with urine and covered in feces!!! I kid you not.

    Less funny is that Roberts’ older son was gay and committed suicide in 1982, the year before “Ennis” said goodbye to “Jack” for the last time.

  17. Anon says

    It’s nice to know that NPH loves his bf enough to come out. They’ve been together for years.

  18. davidoz says

    Ted Haggard just made the main evening news in Australia which to my knowledge was one better than Mark Foley. Don’t think this isn’t getting the coverage it deserves.

  19. says

    If Ted confesses his sin and stops persecuting gay people for their life-choices, then I see no reason why he should not return to the Republican sponsored Evangelical Church of America.

    God moves in mysterious ways. This is HIS way of healing the Church in these troubled times of rampant hatred being carried out in the name of the Lord.

  20. steve says


    when i heard about the ‘massage’ part i immediately thought back to that episode of Sienfield “…it moved”

    also LOL @ Tony “I had his cock up my ass but I did not grab my toes and spin around on it.”

  21. mark m says

    Good point Leland concerning Evangelicals and redemption. I remember when Swaggart confessed his sins a lot of Evangelicals I knew believed the right thing for him to do was to step down from his position of leadership.

    Obviously he wasn’t ready to give up power just yet. Forgiveness and redemption are major aspects of Christianity, but you still pay a price for the choices you make. Being forgiven is not the same as pretending it never happened and continuing to preach from the pulpit while taking the money of sick and elderly followers.

    Haggard’s devout followers are totally oblivious to the double standard, the hypocrisy. All they see is a man who slipped. And if he renounces his actions and continues to campaign against the “evil gay lifestyle” that ensnared him, they will welcome him back with open arms.

    Sheep are stupid, smelly animals with no sense of self. Did I mention they are stupid?

    They don’t call congregations “Flock” for nothing.

  22. Glenn says

    Saw Mike Jones on the Today show this morning, and I have to say he was quite credible, in my view. I admit to having the bias that I want to find him credible, but still.

  23. Leland says

    Well put, Mark M, and major points for the “flock” emphasis. Matthew, given your apparent opposition to their hate campaigns, I’m offering a 24-hour special in which I will not flame your apparent embrace of religion, or your blindness to the historical fact that without hate, most evangelicals and pentecostals would be immobilized. Apparently having misread virtually all of what Jesus allegedly said, they are far more concerned about what they think people shouldn’t do than what they should, and reinforce their own sense of holiness and superiority by actively hatting those who fall short. It is not just coincidence that white racism was historically, and remains, most rabid among those who needed to believe there is a group lower than themselves and the origins of these spin-off sects now grown huge.

    Haggard is a Jedi Master of their modernized, seductive smile fuck attack. “Born again” Bush, consistent with his grades at Yale, gets a “C”—he tries hard but the forked tongue of the cobra behind the fake smile keeps darting through. Cheney rarely even tries hiding his contempt, his hatred for those who disagree with or are unlike him, while I guess that the only god he genuinely believes in is Himself.

    Matthew, I’ll even be uncharacteristically gentle with your word choices that might imply you think gay sex is a sin and “life choice.” Perhaps you were only referring to Haggard’s admitted “bear(ing) false witness” [he initially insisted he didn’t know his accuser] or alleged adultery or admitted purchase of drugs.

    He might convince himself, his followers, and his fellow antigay industry executives that he is no longer gay or bisexual, but he will be incorrect. Celebacy is possible. “Conversion” is not. Don’t make me retrieve my Apollo-B69 flamer thrower in response to any fantasy pontifications to the contrary.

    Unlike most gay theists, I won’t engage in a hermeneutical debate about what the Bible does or does not say about homosexuality until AFTER those who say it unequivocably condemns it fully practice what they preach about the Bible’s alleged inerrancy. In other words, when people like Falwell, among other things, stop wrapping their hog jowls around two giant buns filled with Bubba’s Pork BAR-B-QUE, give me a call.

    In the interim, it’s important for those less familiar with the Haggardites to understand that his fall from grace and power will only briefly slow their homohysterical jihad down. Some might love him a little less this morning but all, despite their sanctimonious denials to the contrary, hate us just as much as they did the day before. And are still dedicated to using their votes and everything else they have to returning our lives to Hell on earth.

  24. RB says

    Wow Leland! You made some good points, even as I consider myself a Christian, and presented them in the most incredible manner! Everyone knows we have not always agreed, but this time, GREAT JOB! A couple of points had me straying, but the overall thought was right on. I cannot let you get away 100% with all of you posts, but you certainly were “uncharacteristically gentle” this time! I will take issue with your Cheney comment elsewhere. LOL

  25. Elias says

    “Pastor Ted,” the reporter asked. “Have you ever had Mike Jones’ dick in your mouth?”
    “Yes,” said Pastor Ted. “But it doesn’t count because I didn’t swallow.” (Wide toothy shit eatin’ grin.)

  26. Anon says

    Do you all agree that maybe it would be a good thing if more evangelicals read towleroad? Particularly if they read, think, and post only when they have something new to say. What say you?

  27. Lord says

    I believe he said he didn’t pay for sex. I guess it just came free with the purchase of drugs. 😉

  28. bananafanafoboombam says

    hmmm…so what are the actual details? How many times did they meet, and where did the money come from?

    Did they ever do the six college boy thing that Jones said Haggard demanded?

    Why did Haggard talk about his drug use in front of his wife and children?

    All of these things are extremely original, novel and never ever examined questions in the history of gay politics. They need thorough airing, every day till we have the truth, and can find out whether all the other closeted hypocrites have led their lives this way or found other ways to continue to spread self-hatred while making a living at it and hiding their own gayness.

    Will he make any appearances in the last two days to campaign against gay marriage if he feels that it’s still a moral truth, no matter if he personally is a FUCKING HYPOCRITE, just like every self-hating gay republican?

    These are the questions we need a lot of time to go over. I’d make a special contribution to Towleroad to make sure we keep a really detailed archive about all the self-hating republican homophobes who are trying to make their living endangering our rights and our physical safety every day by demonizing us to the rest of the country. Wouldn’t you?

  29. Anon says

    Here are some choice quotes from the article linked below:

    From the Rev. Ted:

    Oct 29th services: “Father, help us this next week and a half as we go into national elections,” he said. “Father, we pray that lies would be exposed. We pray that deception would be exposed.” (!!)

    “As soon as we believe that we can think, say or do secret things, there is a greater opportunity for the enemy to violate God’s Word (sic),” Haggard wrote in his book “Primary Purpose.” “After all, the newspaper’s best headlines are accounts of people doing things they thought would remain a secret.”


    The Rev. Benjamin Reynolds, who left his own church, Emmanuel Missionary Baptist Church, last Sunday after revealing he was gay, said that “the whole body of Christ is hurting. I’m not a member of New Life, but I’m certainly hurting.”

    “This makes my faith stronger knowing the devil roams the earth like a lion devouring people,” said Rick Ricchi, 49, a church member for five years. “It tells me how much I need Jesus in my life . . . It makes me realize anyone can be tempted.”


  30. RB says

    bananafanafoboombam, NOT all gay repubs are “self-hating republican homophobes”. Here we go again…and I thought we had beat this one to death several weeks ago! You do not have to be self loathing or anti-gay to be a repub. Some may be, but not all are! I happen to know some “moderate” dems and do not classify ALL dems as liberals. Come on…

    Great quotes Anon! He is a complete hypocrite! But then again, you rarely find the hypocrite on the bar stool next to you. Unfortunately, they are in church!

  31. bananafanafoboombam says

    here we go again, the republicans trying to shut down the discussion of hypocrites who spread anti-gay hate.

    No, let’s all let them go to rehab for two weeks, and come back to Fox News and pass judgement on us. Let’s stop calling out their self-hatred and let them get born-again AGAIN and keep on passing judgement on us so they can take our rights away and incite young jerks to attack and kill us.

    Thanks for the gay republican talking point…there’s really no anti-gay hatred you don’t tolerate, as long as it comes from a rich republican…

    There is so much more to this story — and to the stories of all the closeted gay Republicans who make livings out of selling gay hatred to this country and the world.

    Job one in the next two, five, and 10 years is to expose every one of them and show the real Christians in this country that republican politics have corrupted the churches at their root. Republicans infected the churches with politics and hatred and look at them now. Like RB, all they do is protect REPUBLICANS. They have perverted the churches and Republicans only want to protect themselves.

  32. Anon says

    Well, not all self-hating gays are Republican it is safe to say.

    What struck me about the first quote above is that the prayer seems to have been answered!

    Here is another fact from an article this morning:

    Nearly 22 years after that first service, the church has a congregation of 14,000 and a huge complex on the edge of Colorado Springs. Each Easter, the sanctuary is transformed into a theater for an extravagant passion play with a cast of hundreds, live animals, Cirque du Soleil-style acrobats portraying angels — and special effects worthy of Broadway.

    Now, could a gay preacher do any better! Oh, make that “out” gay preacher. Ha!

  33. Jeff Foote says

    Man of the Year status for Mike Jones.

    let’s watch his defense develop: the meth made me gay…

  34. RB says

    bananafanafoboombam…I have never been to rehab, not into stopping free speach, not “born again”, NOT CLOSETED, etc, etc, etc. But you would never know that as all I said was that I was not a “self hating republican homophobe”. Your assumptions are mind boggling. Your lack of acceptance appalling and your inability to accept diversity is a travesty. Again, I AM A GAY REPUB AND I AM NOT SELF LOATHING OR CLOSETED! Please look beyond your own prejudice and listen to me!!!!! Unless you are no less the enemy and are just as judgemental as you say the “republicans” are? Just a thought.

  35. Anon says

    Here is part of Haggard’s amazing “confession”:

    “For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom,” Haggard wrote. “Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.”

    So, he’s a gay man trapped in a religion and marriage for which he was clearly never intended to join. It occurs to me now that we can argue that homosexuality is not a sin, per se, because a str8 man or women would never be tempted by such a “sin”. They would never have any desire for gay relations, in contrast to Haggard, who has been “struggling” all his adult life. There is no commonality among all humans with this temptation, unlike greed or lust or sloth, etc. It’s sort of like tempting the blind with pictoral pornography. For a preacher to stand up and yell at str8 men to not sleep with other men is almost bizarre since they would never do it anyway. It does however, give everyone the rush of moral rectitude. Str8 men everywhere can say to themselves, “See, I don’t sleep with men! Aren’t I so wonderful! I’ve managed to avoid this temptation all my life!” And I think clever preachers are aware of this problem, so the whole issue of demon possession comes up. Why, if you are not possessed, you have nothing to worry about, but watch out if you are!

    Now, the replacement preacher they’ve got, Ross Parsley, I will confess, does also come across as a bit gay too, so perhaps this story is not over.

    Finally, I think we need to press good ol’ Jim McGreevey on this story and get his reaction. Does he have any advice for the Rev. Haggard? Does he think the Rev. should admit his orientation and “go over to the other side” as JMcG finally managed to do under somewhat similar circumstances?

  36. bananafanafobamboom says

    My goodness, Anon, there goes another helping of, ummm…gay Republican self-loathing! Always goes back to that, there’s just no escaping it. It comes out of their mouths.

    Here’s more of the bullshit that Republicans are trying to float over the whole Haggard – Mehlman – Dreier – Schrock – Foley exposures…now they claim that HYPOCRISY is GOOD FOR YOU!!!

    Consider the hypothetical case of two men. Both are inclined toward homosexuality. Both from time to time hire the services of male prostitutes. Both have occasionally succumbed to drug abuse.

    One of them marries, raises a family, preaches Christian principles, and tries generally to encourage people to lead stable lives.

    The other publicly reveals his homosexuality, vilifies traditional moral principles, and urges the legalization of drugs and prostitution…

    …the first man may well see his family and church life as his “real” life; and regard his other life as an occasional uncontrollable deviation, sin, and error, which he condemns in his judgment and for which he sincerely seeks to atone by his prayer, preaching, and Christian works.

    Yet it is the first man who will if exposed be held up to the execration of the media, while the second can become a noted public character – and can even hope to get away with presenting himself as an exemplar of ethics and morality.

    How does this make moral sense?


    I’ve had it with Republican criminals and adulterers demonizing gay people. Gingrich is already cheating on his third wife and spreads hate against gay people. No. Not ever again.

    Gay republicans are the only proof in this world that rape victims really want it.

  37. Wayne says

    So the Hypocrisy continues. “Forgive me”. Now where have I heard that before. Was it form the bastards that shafted me when I was young? Was it the priests that taught at my boarding school, or the local church? Was it those who stole, cheated, me and then went to confession for protection and forgiveness? or was it those who hide behind the cloak and dagger society of the religious faternity that have raped, pilaged, stole, bashed, murdered, decieved, lied, bred greed, divorced, over the centuries? Religion is the greatest evil known. They say we will go to hell, but I think hell is here on Earth, and the door is marked with a giant crusifix outside.