08/22/2008
GQ Looks at the Condom Quandary
As HIV/AIDS infection rates see a new increase among gay men, an article in GQ looks at condom usage, sero-sorting, pre- and post-exposure prophylaxis as prevention methods:
"Gay men say they feel cheated out of the full pleasure and intimacy of sex, and many have come to perceive condoms as emblems of a still hostile world, imposed on them by a culture that continues to stigmatize gay sex. 'To use a condom every time you have sex, for the rest of your life?' says Daniel Siconolfi, of New York University’s HIV-prevention think tank, the Center for Health, Identity, Behavior, and Prevention Studies. 'That’s a very, very big burden. That’s a lot to ask of somebody. And it’s not being asked of anybody other than gay men.' Hearing young gay men talk this way confuses and even angers, to say the least, gay men of my generation, who watched AIDS decimate the people we loved. It’s true that for the new patients who get diagnosed early and who faithfully take their medications, life with HIV can seem nearly normal now. But AIDS is still a killer. Around 15,000 Americans die every year of the disease, and every new death is a preventable tragedy, every new transmission an inexcusable failure, especially to those for whom the bad old days are not yet ancient history."
Posted 2:17 PM EST by Andy Towle in AIDS/HIV, Magazines, News | Permalink
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What a bunch of pathetic whiners. If you don't want to use condoms, the solution is simple: Be in a monogamous relationship. If you can't or don't want to do that, then wear a condom and shut the f*uck up. Otherwise you are part of the problem.
Posted by: Me | Aug 22, 2008 2:25:54 PM
"And it’s not being asked of anybody other than gay men."
Excuse me please, that is pretty much wrong, isn't it? All the safe-sex adds are directed at homosexuals and heterosexuals alike, aren't they? And at school you learn how to use a condom etc. At least that's how it's been done at my school. And speaking as a woman, I have never done it without (and probably wouldn't without a health certificate).
Posted by: Jeanne | Aug 22, 2008 2:31:43 PM
For centuries, humans have put their instinctual desires ahead of their rational thinking usually to disastrous results. Learning to control our urges both safe and otherwise is a desired part of our evolution. No one's asking any one group of people to wear a condom - that's ludicrous. Condoms help prevent disease. Only an idiot would allow the temporary pursuit of pleasure to endanger their health which is much more valuable.
Posted by: DeanP | Aug 22, 2008 2:33:03 PM
I completely agree with ME [don't I always!?!]
Anyway, I want to wear a condom or have my partner wear one, even in a committed relationship. I literally don't want shit on my dick, or my shit on his. Call me a prude....
Posted by: Ted | Aug 22, 2008 2:34:17 PM
Correction: Ms. Siconolfi takes the "think" out of "New York University’s HIV-prevention think tank." Fuck her...and not in the good way so she won't have to worry or feel "victimized" by a condom.
Solipsistic, self-justifying retards like Siconolfi are the main reason there still IS an AIDS problem.
Posted by: Michael Bedwell | Aug 22, 2008 2:38:29 PM
That's right, Michael. Bad mouth the experts, the ones who are out in the field actually doing research about different prevention strategies and messages and talking to young gay men, seeing what works and what doesn't.
They couldn't possibly know as much about HIV prevention as you do in your infinite wisdom.
Posted by: 24play | Aug 22, 2008 2:54:32 PM
Condom use is not demanded exclusively of gay men.
It is the norm among all the straight guys I know who are not in monogamous relationships. It was that way when I was in college, and it's that way among the polyamorous circle I know now.
Of course, many may not follow the rule -- but it is the socially assumed rule, just as it is for gay men.
And this is WITHOUT a significant risk of HIV infection. Resistance to condoms among gay men is incredibly dumb and whiny.
Also, it's not imposed on gay men "for the rest of their lives" -- it is the practical cost of choosing to have multiple partners. Multiple partners are fine, but they come with health risks. No one is imposing those risks on you.
Posted by: Distingué Traces | Aug 22, 2008 2:56:11 PM
Condom first! Be safe! No PnP! Its simple.
I've had the experience of working at an HIV ward at a research hospital when I was 15. It's a dose of reality that I will never forget.
Posted by: Landis | Aug 22, 2008 2:57:09 PM
Ted, I am in agreement with you as I possess over 9 "real not porn star" inches; I tend to go deeper than most and do not want to have any messy residue on my bare dick.
Posted by: CRD | Aug 22, 2008 2:58:16 PM
I think that one of the main reasons why this "condom fatigue" is happening is the very real fact that the sensory feedback during sex with condoms is greatly diminished. Let's be frank... it really doesn't feel as good with a condom on, whether you're the top or the bottom. Sometimes the difference is so stark that the top has a hard time (pardon the pun) keeping an erection. Yes, it's vitally important that we use condoms to protect our health, regardless of sexual orientation. But if the thing that's good for you diminishes one of the great joys of being alive (sex, food, love, learning, etc), then it's gonna be a hard sell unless there's a very obvious and imminent threat. That threat was there in the 80s and 90s (when I was coming up), but with the better medical management of the disease these days (thank God), that immediate danger sometimes doesn't appear as immediate. Sex is an extremely powerful function in our species, and is a mind-bogglingly effective motivational factor. Someone who's not using a condom is making a poor choice, but isn't necessarily a stupid or terrible person. I've always thought that it was pathetic that modern science can't seem to come up with a condom that allows for more sensitivity. Polyurethane condoms come close, but if we can put a man on the moon we can certainly "build a better condom". I bet if AIDS had hit the straight community in the USA first, then we'd have a plethora of options, all of which would facilitate more sensitivity than our current marketplace offers us.
Don't get me wrong. I fully support safer sex practices, and am on the bandwagon 100%. But I can't but think of all those friends who were cut down by this fucking disease. If condom use were just a little bit more effective at allowing the wearer to enjoy the act more, then it wouldn't be such a hard sell for some folks. (And maybe my friends would still be around.)
Posted by: The Milkman | Aug 22, 2008 2:58:21 PM
"...have come to perceive condoms as emblems of a still hostile world, imposed on them by a culture that continues to stigmatize gay sex."
What a load of crap. Gay organizations were the ones doing community outreach, testing and condom programs in attempts to keep (both gay and straight) people ALIVE while being able to enjoy sex.
Unfortunately, being in a monogamous relationship or certificates of health aren't sure bets either, trust me. The only person you can be certain of is yourself.
Posted by: Mark in NYC | Aug 22, 2008 2:59:57 PM
Something I think a lot of people in the gay community seem to forget is that there *are* other ways to have sex besides anal. There's frottage, intercrural, and obviously oral and mutual masturbation. Part of the solution is helping men who do want to have penetrative sex be safe, but that shouldn't be at the cost of implying anal sex is the only and ultimate act of sex between men.
Posted by: D. | Aug 22, 2008 3:01:11 PM
Can all you scientists please invent an instant HIV test?
Pretty please?
Posted by: Tim | Aug 22, 2008 3:02:00 PM
I haven't commented on here in a long time but I feel it necessary to express my viewpoint on this issue.
I've got plenty of friends who are positive. For some they used condoms when it was convenient and now they feel like they can bareback america because they are positive. I've got others who were always safe but entered monogamous relationships that unfortunately were not so monogamous. Now they deal with a stigma in the gay community.
Either way, this has frightened me so badly that I would worry and panic about sex even though I have always been safe. I have now moved to the point where I don't have sex with anyone. I might on occasion make out and jack off with some guy but I'm really just too afraid.
I feel for those who are positive. They are definitely strong people. I know I couldn't deal with it.
Posted by: Matt | Aug 22, 2008 3:02:25 PM
I must agree with the commentor identifying themself as "me" Aug. 22, 2008 2:25pm. As a gay man with HIV, I can tell you that living with the INFECTION may be managable, in the short term, but over time it is a burden. Potential partners reject you. Don't expect all nurses, doctors and dentist to be friendly - in fact some will change their tone very quickly upon learning your status. The same routes of infection can and will lead to other infections, possibly worse. Your healthcare costs to your employer are not as hidden as you would think and you can be discriminated against and not even know it. Eventually, HIV catches up and complicates other health problems that may arise. Disablity is no cake-walk, especially explaining to people what you "do." Wear a condom. Dont't get fucked without one.
Posted by: Geeba Monkey | Aug 22, 2008 3:04:19 PM
@24Play: "Experts," lol.
A few years ago, I volunteered for a while with the Stop AIDS project in SF. Nice people. Probably do a lot of good. Nothing bad to say about them.
But "experts" they were not -- unless a B.A. in psych or soc makes you an "expert." They were for the most part recent college graduates with no real-world experience in public health, doing their best to sex up their message for a jaded audience.
Yet I still see the agency's press statements quoted in the newspapers as if they were authoritative and, however affectionately, I have to laugh.
(I should emphasize that I don't mean to sound superior. I'm no more qualified myself, that's part of my point. Much of their work -- particularly the collection of "data" on sexual practices -- is done by half-trained volunteers like I was.)
Posted by: Distingué Traces | Aug 22, 2008 3:06:08 PM
Tim: "Can all you scientists please invent an instant HIV test?
Pretty please?"
There is one, but like all hiv test, it only works 6 month after exposure. They prick your finger for a drop of blood, and you get the response within 1 minute.
Posted by: Landis | Aug 22, 2008 3:09:14 PM
If someone could invent a vaccine then it wouldn't be for the rest of anyone's life. Medical science in this area has ground to a halt.
Posted by: anon | Aug 22, 2008 3:13:36 PM
Daniel Siconolfi sounds like a whining idiot. Are those his own quotes or is he paraphrasing retards he deals with in his think tank?
These are the same sort of people who cried when their mommy made them brush their teeth or take a bath.
Waaaaah...it's not fair that I have to wear a condom! It's so much to ask of me!
Buddy, no one is making you wear a condom. It's your choice. As far as I'm concerned, you can go without. You can also cross the street without looking, leave your doors unlocked at night and lay out in the sun all day every day smoking cigarettes.
Posted by: paul | Aug 22, 2008 3:13:47 PM
@ MATT: although I can understand your fear, it's very sad to read. It seems you might benefit from counseling.
Posted by: Mark in NYC | Aug 22, 2008 3:16:41 PM
Distingué,
The Stop Aids Project in SF is a community organization (which, nonetheless, after years of work in the field has a certain undeniable expertise).
CHIBPS (in the article) is an arm of NYU. Socolfi has a masters in public health. And the whole program is run by Perry Halkitis, PhD.
Here's the first third of Halkitis' bio, from the CHIBPS site:
"Perry N Halkitis, Ph.D., M.S., is Associate Dean for Research & Doctoral Studies, Professor of Applied Psychology and Public Health, and Director of the Center for Health, Identity, Behavior & Prevention Studies at the Steinhardt School, New York University. Dr. Halkitis is also a research affiliate of the Center for AIDS Research at New York University Medical School. Prior to his current positions, Dr. Halkitis was Director of Research at GMHC. Dr. Halkitis earned his degree in Quantitative Methods in Educational and Psychological Research from the Graduate Center of The City University of New York. He is internationally recognized for his work examining the intersection between the HIV, drug abuse, and mental health syndemics, and is well known as one of the nation’s leading experts on methamphetamine addiction."
You'd be hard-presssed to find anyone in the world who knows more about HIV prevention than Dr. Halkitis.
Posted by: 24play | Aug 22, 2008 3:20:05 PM
@MATT: counseling ... or a steady boyfriend!
Posted by: Distingué Traces | Aug 22, 2008 3:21:23 PM
Question -- Regarding the instant test that won't detect infections from the past 6 months, does this mean that no virus is present in the body to be detected, and therefore it's ok to have unprotected sex?
If so, why doesn't everyone use this test and sero-sort?
Posted by: Tim | Aug 22, 2008 3:22:08 PM
"Hearing young gay men talk this way confuses and even angers, to say the least, gay men of my generation, who watched AIDS decimate the people we loved."
Right on. One insidious aspect of the youth-obsessed pop culture we now live in is how freely young people in their 20's mock Gen X-ers as "old", that we the first to come to sexual maturity at the height of the AIDS crisis are already laughable geezers with our "safe sex" ideas.
Clearly, AIDS hasn't gone away. Thank God for the new drugs of course, but someone ought to tell these young folk they had better also have very good health insurance to pay for them, if they think a chronic illness is a small price to pay for sexual "freedom" from safe sex, condoms, and basic wisdom about protecting yourself and your partner.
I'm not even 40- almost!- but the lessons of the generation of gay men before me, and the price they paid, is pretty much seared into my person. It makes me v sad to see all that pain and sacrifice mocked by the folly of youth today, that eternal sense of youthful invulnerability.
Posted by: desch | Aug 22, 2008 3:22:23 PM
"'That’s a lot to ask of somebody. And it’s not being asked of anybody other than gay men.'"
Out of all the ignorant quotes, I've had the displeasure of hearing, this is Top 3 worthy.
Posted by: Appalled | Aug 22, 2008 3:25:55 PM