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1. The bad news is I cannot wed my partner in the State of Maine. The good news is that I can now legally get stoned on pot.

   Volumes, babe. Speaks volumes.

   Posted by: Rad | Nov 4, 2009 7:33:10 AM

   
   

2. The deeper shame about what happened in Maine is that it should become a de facto rejection of the state of gay politics and the so-called “gay rights establishment” in America, but it won’t. It won’t because we’ll be too busy pointing our fingers at the usual straw-man suspects (churches, money from churches, Pat Roberston, faceless “right-wingers”, blah blah blah) to wake the hell up and see that our real enemy is ourselves and the inability we seem to have with the greatest of public relations projects: selling our cause to the public.

   It won’t happen because of the comments of many (including some here) that we shouldn’t even BOTHER with the voting process, that we should just go right to the courts and wait for grand court decisions to instantly change our lives, as though even a Constitutional Amendment allowing same-sex marriage will become a blanket panacea for the hatred we see in votes like the Maine vote and elsewhere. Apparently those who feel we should just forget about the ballot don’t have much confidence that we can more assertively sell our cause to those whose hearts and minds we seek.

   It won’t happen because we have no leadership, let alone GOOD leadership, to be our mouthpiece to a larger, global community, and to make aggressive decisions about how we’re going to successfully sell our cause to the rest of the world to combat the lies and distortions pushed by the haters. Without the SCLC and SNCC, the civil rights movement would have disintegrated into a mass of infinitesimal, local fights for abstract “rights” with no center and no voice, which is exactly what we are.

   It won’t happen because we can’t figure out why, even in this age of electronic media that goes global in an instant, that no one has ever heard of Robbie Kirkland, or that Ryan Skipper’s name isn’t mentioned in the same breath as Emmitt Till’s, or that no one talks about Barry Winchell anymore, or that there isn’t a single memorial (virtual or otherwise) to the hatred that shows itself in violence, or that we don’t have organized efforts to protect each other in communities, or safety patrols, or self-defense classes, or efforts to educate ourselves about conceal and carry laws, or even an inkling of a belief that no one will ever lay their hands on us or any of our friends, for any reason, ever. Let’s talk about Lady Gaga instead, it’s so much more entertaining!

   It won’t happen because we do have people who WANT to support us, but when they show up to our pride rallies with their children in tow, we proudly show the worst we have to offer so we can preen for the media cameras and then shout down anyone who dares suggest we dial back the displays of sexual freedom at the expense of showing gay teachers, cops, firemen, businesspeople, and the kind of images that would garner support from people who voted “yes on 1” in Maine. We shove everything and the kitchen sink down everybody’s throat in a demand for rights, yet we forget that Rosa Parks was SELECTED out of hundreds of people who broke the Montgomery, Alabama segregation laws because the SCLC wanted her to be the public face of discrimination and knew that she SPECIFICALLY could act as a conscience-changer for the cause. We don’t think that way, instead we think that if you don’t support my right to puppy play on Main Street, then you must be some teabagging hater! Up with my sexual liberation, down with everybody else’s rights!

   It won’t happen because the real cause of gay rights is self-promotion of the cause of freedom and not the tokenism of “a gay character on such-and-such a sitcom”, which excites us to no end, so much so that we squeal with excitement when we see a gay kiss on a soap opera, like it means “something”, like the cheesecake-housewife demographic will all rush out to vote “no on 1” as soon as they are exposed to two cartoonish representations of who we are making out on a fucking sitcom. Wow, that’s an achievement!

   It won’t happen because we are not filled with RAGE about what has happened to us, we are not filled with the passion and downright anger about people beating the hell out of us with one hand and casting votes against us with the other, and we can’t figure out how to turn that rage into something positive like a voice for change beyond the empty-suit tokens who we don’t hold accountable. We used to have radical activism and ACT-UP rage, now we have Jared Polis on Huffpo.

   Want to know why we lost Maine? Here’s Mary Conroy, spokeswoman for Yes on 1/Stand for Marriage Maine, in the Boston Globe last night: “No one’s antigay. It’s just whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… not so fast.” The reason Ms. Conroy and her fellow voters don’t have the pedal to the metal about our rights and our lives is that no one has taken the time to show her, and her friends, and her neighbors, and her pastor, who we really are, what we really want, what we want to become, and why our struggle is in their interest, and in the interest of all Americans. That’s not Pat Robertson’s fault.
   

   Posted by: Mitch Shea | Nov 4, 2009 7:38:40 AM

   
   

3. Very, very disappointing result in Maine. We still have a lot of work to do. But we know how this story is going to end. It will just take time. We need to battle on in NY and NJ.

   Visibility is key here. We have to show the country that our families are just as important and valuable; that we are no different and we deserve to be first-class citizens.

   Posted by: Anonymous | Nov 4, 2009 7:44:08 AM

   
   

4. Thanks to everyone who fought so hard for Maine. Today’s news is heartbreaking, but we just have to fight on until we all finally have the equal rights we deserve. It’s just a matter of time and the sick souls of NOM and the Catholic Church (and others) are merely postponing the inevitable. A fact even they know all too well.

   Posted by: ichabod | Nov 4, 2009 8:05:35 AM

   
   

5. I think it is just about time to leave the US for Europe or Canada. This probably sounds like a disgruntled liberal's usual lament. But with the economic cronyism, unjustified militarism, and civil rights backsliding, all of which will likely worsen in 2010 and 2012 as the Far Right gets voted back into office in increasing numbers, have made this country highly unpalatable for me. I would trade my passport with some poor European or Canadian. That's how much I want to leave.

   Sure, no one is stopping me, but it's not that straightforward. It's hard to get a job over there just like that. And I don't know any Europeans to sham marry.

   Posted by: Dave | Nov 4, 2009 8:06:27 AM

   
   

6. It's the morning after in Maine and even though I am 1000 miles away in Atlanta I mournfully feel the pain and loss of my brothers and sisters up North. I commend them for all their hard work and know they will take a deep breath, regroup and continue the fight for what is right. What other choice is there? While I acknowledge that there has been great progress, and that we will continue to win the hearts and minds of good logical sane people ... I do have to admit that emotionally these marriage battles take their toll. The losses are dehumanizing. There is a sense of powerlessness at first that makes me angry and depressed at the same time. How can we live in this country in this century and be subjected to the humiliation and oppression of having our civil rights put to a vote? I just keep reminding myself that this is exactly how our enemies and hatemongers want us to feel, and that's a victory we can't allow them to have. They may have won a battle in Maine but we can never let them win our soul. And we won't.

   Posted by: Anthony Veneziano | Nov 4, 2009 8:17:09 AM

   
   

7. Being from Detroit, I think we should also mention that not only did Detroit elect openly gay Charles Pugh to the City Council, but he also received the most votes, which makes him the new Council President :)

   Posted by: Mike | Nov 4, 2009 8:18:39 AM

   
   

8. Chapel Hill, NC has a newly elected, openly gay mayor! Kudos to my home state and alma mater's town.

   Posted by: jjasonham | Nov 4, 2009 8:22:22 AM

   
   

9. Maine appears to be a rerun with what happened in California. Apparently the "Save The Children" message resonates with alot of voters. Unfortunately these same voters are forgetting that children are the victims in this... there remain gay kids who are being given the message they are second class citizens and not worthy of equal rights because of their sexual orientation.

   I don't think our softball campaigns work. I think we need to get in peoples faces and force them to see the truth in all this.

   I also don't think this is the cause of folks who march in gay pride parades, or are who flamboyant. There is exactly the same if not more in the straight community. When we see commercials showing this we should put up our own commercials showing Mardi Gras or Spring Break in Daytona.

   The fact is we are political scape goats being used by the right wing to manipulate elections - and we fall into the trap by being Mr. Nice Gay. Just like the Democrats in general, we haven't quite learned yet how to call these bigots out.

   Alan Grayson has stepped up to the plate and started to tell it like it is. We should do the same. We need to just start telling the truth and not back down. We need to use terms such as liar and bigot. Of course they'll whine and continue to lie and change the subject.

   The Daily Show recently had a segment about the "WAR" on Fox News. It is obvious to ANYONE with half a brain that Fox News IS a wing of the republican party. And as if anyone needed proof, the Daily Show clearly laid it out for all to see. At the end of the segment, someone from CNN was interviewing an Obama representative, and asked was Fox News biased - they first said of course, but then when asked a follow-up question, they waffled. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. We waffle! The republicans will insist the moon is made of cheese (and they KNOW they are lying, they don't care.) We have the truth on our side and we back down. How ridiculous is that!

   If we and the Democratic party as a whole don't wake the f&ck up, we're doomed.

   Posted by: Mike | Nov 4, 2009 8:28:09 AM

   
   

10. Just like the CA vote, HRC should have done more, instead, they're still busy admiring Obama.

    Posted by: Hyacinth | Nov 4, 2009 8:29:19 AM

    
    

11. Another piece of good news - St Petersburg elected it's first gay councilman

    Posted by: John Dolwick | Nov 4, 2009 8:33:17 AM

    
    

12. Its a tough morning here in Maine, but I am also very aware that it took us 30 years for us to get our non-discrimination bill passed here, and just 4 years later we came within 3% of marriage equality.

    I know it hurts, but we are making amazing progress and will continue the fight.

    25 years from now, there will be people that voted Yes on 1 yesterday that will have to look their grown grandchildren in the eye and attempt to defend what they will see as an indefensible vote. When they see the confusion and sadness in their grandchild's eyes for having a grandparent that is that lost, that will be their pennance for their vote yesterday.

    And to the nice person that is all about the courts, thats fine to think that way, but I happen to believe that, win or lose, it is important that we force ourselves to talk about who we are and why we deserve these rights, and the courts don't force us to do that. Just a thought.

    Posted by: Al | Nov 4, 2009 8:35:49 AM

    
    

13. Very sad day. I hope one day these children that they think they are protecting, grow up one day to be ashamed of their parents and grandparents...

    Posted by: WPM | Nov 4, 2009 8:44:22 AM

    
    

14. discrimination is alive and well..Mormons on the left coast Catholics on the right coast I'll bet Jesus would be ashamed. Shouldn't all the "2nd collections" for yes on one be taxed?...

    Posted by: John Normile | Nov 4, 2009 8:54:19 AM

    
    

15. So NOW are we ready to admit that this stupid State by State/Hearts and Minds Strategy is just BAD and NOT WORKING? You cannot change the mind or fight homophobes who back thier horrid beliefs with organized religion that has endless funds.

    We need to admit that this doesn't work and its an redundant circle of ballots.

    http://www.back2stonewall.com/?p=10364

    Who are we going to blame this time? The African Americans? Lets blame ourselves and this lame strategy.

    Posted by: Wolfie | Nov 4, 2009 8:59:26 AM

    
    

16. Hey Anonymous,

    Visibility starts with signing your blog comments.

    Posted by: Hank | Nov 4, 2009 9:03:03 AM

    
    

17. It is hard not to be discouraged when we lose what appear to be major battles. However I am more excited than I have ever been because it is abundantly clear we are winning the war.

    As a queer of a certain age, I remember the 70's and what it was like to merely be out in larger Southern cities in the mid 70's. In 2009 people actually have conversations about whether or not same sex couples should have the right to marry. This topic would have never been seriously discussed 35 years ago. We are winning the war.

    I am not arguing that we should be satisfied with the state of things nor should we become complacent. We should continue to inform, educate, live our lives openly and proudly, and continue to let the world know we fully expect to have what is rightfully ours. We should recognize how close we are to full equal rights and never give up, never back down, never accept the second class status we are offered. The only reason it's being offered is the Conservatives know they have lost the war and we have won. Now is the time to claim our prize.

    Posted by: rayrayj | Nov 4, 2009 9:04:49 AM

    
    

18. Another sad day.

    The campaign did a good job mobilizing people but was constantly on the defense with its ads. We need to show families being broken apart: a partner dying in the hospital while his other half can't see him; a child whose two moms don't have the same rights taring the family apart; a maniacal religious machine plotting to take rights away from loving couples; straight people from Massachusetts saying that gay marriage hasn't affected them besides to realize that we are all in loving relationships.

    Instead, we were constantly on the defense trying to show that gays are not child molesters who want to brainwash school children into thinking that they are part of our cult.

    If need be, let's put an ad of a predatory catholic priest on the air - ok, a bit much, but we need to get creative!

    This was also another example where the democratic party AND HRC did not step up to the plate.

    Posted by: David | Nov 4, 2009 9:05:22 AM

    
    

19. I honestly believe that gay marriage is just the kind of issue that just cannot be decided on by the average person. They are not intelligent enough to understand what the constitution stands for. They consider gay marriage special rights. They don't realize that gay people are legal citizens...there is nothing special about marriage. I mean, if people can get married as a joke in Vegas then you cannot exactly called it "sacred" at least in the public veiw.
    No, I believe this issue will have to be taken to the Supreme court and it is just a matter of time until it is. At the Supreme Court level, you have to realize those justices do not answer anyone...they cannot be voted out, so they don't have a constituency to appease. And if the facts are presented on our side correctly...but the only argument against gay marriage is whats in the bible...well, they won't have a choice but to pass gay marriage...because at the end of the day, they determine it based on fact and who would be affected by it...not by another person's comfort level. I mean, the Surpeme Court passed Roe-v-Wade, so gay marriage is a drop in the bucket!! thats what I think!!

    Posted by: Paul | Nov 4, 2009 9:17:22 AM

    
    

20. Mitch,

    I AM filled with rage about this shit. Fucking junkies have more rights than us.

    I AM ready to get in people's faces about this issue.

    I AM ready for militancy.

    This is a family:
    http://lolabrigada.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/gay-family.jpg

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9e/Lesbian_family.jpg

    This is not:
    http://www.psychographicmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/White-Polygamy.jpg

    That message needs to be sent to the voters.

    Posted by: Attmay | Nov 4, 2009 9:19:15 AM

    
    

21. First, thanks to this blog for such great coverage last night. I was glued to the screen. And yes, this is deeply disappointing. But time, youth, and justice are on our side. Even five years ago, the idea that almost 50% of state would vote for same-sex marriage was unthinkable. I don't mean to sound naive, and I don't mean to deny the pain of last night's loss, but we must look ahead.

    Posted by: Ken Harvey | Nov 4, 2009 9:23:04 AM

    
    

22. One step forward, two steps back. One step forward, two steps back.

    Don’t give up hope. Someday America will enter the 20th Century. In the meantime, you can have your bit of revenge by modifying the manner in which you speak to heterosexuals about marriage. Instead of using terms like husband, wife, or spouse, call them fuck-buddies. Substitute “barnyard values” for “family values”, and “special right to serial polygamy” for marriage. Refer to marriage licenses as temporary breeding permits, the divorce stats will back you up. Start calling people who have been divorced and remarried adulterers, for that’s what Jesus called them. When someone shows you pictures of their kids, ask how often they sexually molest them. If they take umbrage at this, and some might, just say, “Well that’s the reason you people always give for denying me a family. I assumed you were speaking from experience.” Then repeat the question.

    More seriously, any so-called right permitted to us by legislative act, plebiscite, or executive order can be just as efficiently rescinded, and is, therefore, no right at all. Human Rights are unalienable rights we possess by mere virtue of being human, the right to having a family being among these. Only the Constitution protects our rights from encroachment by the State, either on its own or at the direction of the Church. That is where we should focus our attention.
    

    Posted by: Gary | Nov 4, 2009 9:24:32 AM

    
    

23. Paul is right. That's exactly why it's so important to ensure fair-minded supreme court justices. I have my problems with Obama (not the least of which is his bigoted stance on marriage equality), but I think that the effect of a 2012 Republican presidency on the judiciary would be catastrophic for anyone who cares about equal rights.

    Bigots. Pure and simple.

    Posted by: The Milkman | Nov 4, 2009 9:24:49 AM

    
    

24. I'm beginning to feel that the Democratic Party has turned it's back on us as a community. We have lots of disposable income which they covet......and it would appear that's about it. I too am beginning to feel that HRC is doing too much basking in Obama's reflected glory.

    If I remember correctly it wasn't until the NAACP took it's gloves off and started marching through the South that real change came in their fight for equality. Do you suppose that the "black" churches which counted so heavily on us "bleeding heart" liberals for support would chose to march with us.......silly me of course they would. Just ask the head of the NAACP in the Iowa/Nebraska area....such an upstanding citizen.

    Posted by: Mark | Nov 4, 2009 9:29:18 AM

    
    

25. Our greatest power is economic, not political CLEARLY.

    So I simply say -- don't go to Maine. Don't spend your money there. You can get perfectly fine lobster in Massachusetts.

    Posted by: Gregoire | Nov 4, 2009 9:37:01 AM

    
    
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