Rufus Wainwright on the Death of His Mother: 'I was Looking Right into Her Face...'
In a new interview with The Guardian, Rufus Wainwright talks about the death of his mother, folk singer Kate McGarrigle:
"The farewell became, as Rufus recalls, inevitably, an impromptu performance: 'We sang to her as she lay there… as we were having this jamboree, her breathing became more laboured and she made a moaning noise. One of the nurses said this could go on for four days and we had already exhausted the back catalogue. Then Kate breathed a little differently, it was like she was saying, 'Hold on, I'm going to end this show', and she died. I was looking right into her face, her eyes were open, and my aunt Jane was holding her hand. It was an amazing experience...'"
Posted Feb. 20,2010 at 7:41 PM EST by Andy Towle in News, Rufus Wainwright | Permalink
The compulsion so many performers indulge whereby they inflict the most intimate details of their lives on anyone at the other end of the media sewer pipe merely to gain more public attention is one of the nastier symptoms of the celebrity social disease.
By all means show us your genitals if you really need to, but could you at least feign some sort of dignified self possession when it comes to profound matters, even though you yourself are way too morally and spiritually bankrupt to perceive them as such?
Mr. Wainwright, did your mother agree before you cast her death as just one more act in the circus of your own self-promoting narcissism? Given that she too was a performer, I suppose it's not inconceivable that suggested it. "Honey, sing me a song - think of the press you can get out of it! Here Jane - hold my hand for the cameras and look solemn."
Really, no video of Mom's last shuddering gasp? I feel so cheated. If you're gonna sell your soul, I wanna to see the whole auction.
Perhaps this is the distinction between entertainment and art. Entertainers blather on and on about their anything-but-unique experience. Artists shut up and make art out of it.
Artists give our lives meaning; entertainers give interviews.
Posted by: Bryan | Feb 20, 2010 8:47:13 PM
Crikey, bryan...I can't say I disagree, but some things are best left unsaid...like that.
Posted by: TANK | Feb 20, 2010 9:10:50 PM
Bryan - I would agree with you 100% if it were not this particular artist. I honestly don't get the impression he is a media whore and to be fair his mother also had her own following. many fans who will be happy to hear that she left the world surrounded by her friends and family and the music that she loved.
Posted by: thedevlin | Feb 20, 2010 9:11:46 PM
yes dear, then again, YOU did read it.
Posted by: amA | Feb 20, 2010 9:26:58 PM
For Pete's sake, Bryan, one might think Rufus fucked your boyfriend or something. Such a reactionary attack only serves to inform subsequent readers about your character, not Mr. Wainwright's.
Posted by: Jimmy | Feb 20, 2010 9:35:54 PM
Hey Bryan, there's this thing called compassion that some people have. It allows people to do things like fully express who they are to those they love when the people they love need it the most.
Sometimes, when people describe what they do under the influence of "compassion" reads a lot like a press release. Other times, it's what they did out of human kindness and love.
You might want to learn the difference before commenting further.
Posted by: Mark in ATL | Feb 20, 2010 10:13:55 PM
Very long time fan of Kate and Anna, very sad about the news.
Posted by: Steve M | Feb 20, 2010 10:19:36 PM
Bryan you're a shit. Honestly.
Posted by: David Ehrenstein | Feb 20, 2010 10:27:35 PM
I think the woman who wrote "I Eat Dinner" and "I Know I'm Losing You" (to say nothing of how publicly supprtive she was of Rufus and Martha's songwriting and performing endeavors) would be OK with her son discussing his grief in a tasteful manner. It's not like he was on ET for crying out loud. They're a family full of big feelings and talent. Art is how they work things out and good for them - and us, frankly.
Posted by: Jay | Feb 20, 2010 10:45:53 PM
Fan of both him and his mother and didn't even consider that he was delving into TMI. They are a family that did a lot of things in the public, watching them perform was like getting a glimpse into their family dynamics and disfunctions and added to the admiration I had for them as artists. I have also been with loved ones as they have died and know how profound that can be. I feel better knowing that Kate had her family and music around her as she slipped away.
Posted by: jcloud | Feb 20, 2010 10:53:02 PM
I enjoyed reading about his last moments with his mother. I felt the same way when my father left and it was such an amazing and beautful experience. I felt honored to be with him when he left this world after 72 years...It never occured to me that if I told others about the experience it would be TMI. Rufus is an artist who expresses his life through words and was just being honest and his memory was heartfelt....I guess I'm just not hardened and bitter enough to see it any other way.
Posted by: Grant | Feb 20, 2010 11:06:02 PM
He was answering a question. This is what entertainers and artists do. They don't always compartmentalize, because there isn't always a distinction between private and public. Art is always a public representation of a private impulse. Being angry and upset at the mindless mass production of celebrity without purpose is understandable, but being catty and angry at an artist who "overshares" in your opinion - just because you wouldn't have shared that particular information, is completely reactionary and unwarranted. You are reading a blog that covers the wide spectrum of entertainment and political news related to LGBTQ people. Be a generous person for fuck's sake. There's enough judgement and shit in the world already without trying to dictate what is right and wrong for an artist to share. Who are you to dictate what someone should talk about? Be decent. I am a Canadian who has grown up listening to Rufus and his family, and even though I like thousands of kilometres (hundreds of miles, for the American readers) away from where Rufus is from, I feel connected to them through their art. I am an artist and a performer, and I have a musical family. I was touched to hear about their last moments, because it seems very much like something my family would do, and has done in the past. We are all trying to connect with eachother.
Posted by: Stewart Legere | Feb 20, 2010 11:09:54 PM
Wow, Stewart Legere... that was beautiful man. Sad, you'd think that we would be the most loving and compassionate people on the planet... Anyway, enjoyed your post..Go Canada!
Posted by: Grant | Feb 20, 2010 11:26:37 PM
I thought Rufus' story of his mother's last moments was at once sweet and also so intimate that many people will likely be uncomfortable hearing it. However, I have a hard time casting too many stones at him for this. For one thing, the offense is incredibly minor and for another thing, people deal with grief in all sorts of different ways.
Posted by: peterparker | Feb 21, 2010 12:04:50 AM
Geez, Bryan, I didn't feel offended when Susan Sontag's son, David Rieff, an accomplished writer and social critic in his own right, wrote an entire BOOK about his mother's death (and, moreover, didn't mince words when addressing how macabre Annie Liebowitz's detailed photographic documentation of Sontag's death was), why should I be bothered now?
Posted by: Jerry | Feb 21, 2010 5:17:12 AM
Anyone who can write a song as beautiful and intimate as "Dinner at Eight" is fine by me.
Posted by: Grant | Feb 21, 2010 8:42:55 AM
I enjoyed Brian's post at the top of this comment list more than any article on the topic.
Posted by: Charles Roland | Feb 21, 2010 8:58:17 AM
Good for you Charles Roland! You must be a real kill joy!
But since you're just as reactionary as Bryan it's best to ignore you.
I'm glad Bryan wrote that, although I didn't read it all because it was so uncomfortable and mean because it got people on Towleroad to actually be civil and nice in the comments!
Lol, I disagree with TANK 100% of the time but he's right.
I can see what Bryan is saying but wrong post and time. And as someone else mentioned, wrong dude.
Bryan, the whole Michael Jackson thing? Yeah that. I hope you were posting what you just wrote around on the internet because that was what happened. And you know Haiti? This whole 'We are the world' crap? I hope you've been posting similar sentiments because those situations have been great in showing how vapid, attention seeking and parasite behaving are celebrities.
Posted by: Rowan | Feb 21, 2010 9:31:37 AM
Did I miss something? Did Rufus hold a news conference about his mom's death?? Opps, no that was Tiger Woods and every move his pecker takes. If you like Rufus and care a bit, read it...otherwise go eat your Cheerios and just behave.
Posted by: BILL MYERS | Feb 21, 2010 9:34:39 AM
Those of us who know Rufus and his mother, no he is just merely relating a profound experience that he had, si that his fans may relate to him and not feel alone if they have been through a smimilar sutation. Sometimes after a substantial loss, it helps to talk about it.
Posted by: Derek | Feb 21, 2010 9:36:08 AM
Bryan, your judgmental disgust towards someone who's honestly expressing grief is far more offensive--to me, at least--than anything he said. We all go through the deaths of loved ones. If you're in the public eye, why not talk about it? Having watched my father die, I could relate. I'm sure many people could.
As for the idea that his mother and aunt--being performers themselves--might have put on a diva death performance: anyone who knows the McGarrigles and their music would find this beyond absurd. Kate and Anna are 2 of the most humble and non-publicity seeking performers on earth. Even Rufus, who would surely admit to being a diva, has hardly made a career of pimping himself out for publicity's sake.
Anna's public words (on the McGarrigles website) about Kate's death were some of the most moving I've ever read:
"Sadly our sweet Kate had to leave us last night. She departed in a haze of song and love surrounded by family and good friends. She is irreplaceable and we are broken-hearted. Til we meet again dear sister." I don't see that as inflicting anything on the public except common humanity.
Posted by: Ernie | Feb 21, 2010 11:01:22 AM
Bryan you are the reason I am embarrassed to be gay. Judgmental, bitchy, cold, and non caring. I cringe whenever I meet new gay people, knowing that there is a 30% chance they will be scrutinizing my eyebrows and skin texture.
What I took away from the article was that Rufus was caring and a good son. Kate was an amazing musician, her genes were passed down to Rufus, who is a very modern soul. If you don't understand musicians, shut the fuck up!
Posted by: ty | Feb 21, 2010 11:33:33 AM
Bryan, God is on the phone, he says you are an asshole.
Posted by: patrick nyc | Feb 21, 2010 12:27:28 PM
I have been a fan of Kate and Anna since their second album, Dancer with Bruised Knees was released and have remained one ever since. I was moved by Anna's comments when I read them the day after Kate's death. I was also moved reading Rufus' comments quoted here. As a fan I was happy to hear how her death was gentle and surrounded by her family and by music.
I lost a niece to cancer just over three years ago. She had always loved music and it was my pleasure to sing to her as she lay dying and would appreciate it if someone were to do the same for me when I go. If it isn't TMI I also intend to leave a big shwack of money in my will for a damn good wake.
Posted by: Chris | Feb 21, 2010 3:34:37 PM
On this weekend's Vinyl Cafe on CBC Radio, Stuart McLean (sort of a Garrison Keilor storyteller) played his top 10 Canadian Singles. In typical Canadian fashion, there were only 8 - to allow for two more to be added in the future - and a Kate and Anna song was included in those 8. Not an Alanis, Avril or Celine chart topper but a reminder of their distinctive sound which entertained us all these decades. I read Rufus' comments as honouring his mother's life and her passing.
Posted by: Hue-Man | Feb 21, 2010 6:36:53 PM