Marlo Thomas Declares 'Free to Be' Dead Due to Anti-Gay Bullying
Marlo Thomas, author of the beloved, groundbreaking classic 1972 record album and illustrated book Free to Be...You and Me, has declared the concept she espoused nearly 40 years ago dead to children because of bullying.
Writes Thomas in a Huffington Post piece:
Just how many dead teenagers, driven to end their own lives, is it going to take for adults to stand up and say,What the hell is going on? There was a time when the words "Free to Be" embodied a hope that whatever a kid was, was good enough. But "freedom" doesn't describe the world of this generation. Or of their parents.
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For all the walls we thought we'd broken down with Free to Be -- and all the stereotypes we thought we'd shattered -- children today are not free to be anything they want to be, nor anything they are, and they are dying for it. And no beautiful lyric can fix that.
Thomas notes the recent suicides due to bullying and urges parents to get involved in their children's lives so that they can be saved.
If there's one thing I've learned over the years about tackling problems, it's that the first thing you need to do is spark the conversation. So let's start talking about bullying. With our neighbors. With our friends and family. With fellow parents at PTA meetings. And with each other -- right here. Let me hear what you think. It's time to take bullying down.
In the meantime, if you're worried that a child in your life might be a victim -- or is, in fact, the bully -- there are some helpful thoughts at such websites as stopbullying.gov. I'm sure there are countless other sites, and I'd like to know about those, as well. We don't have the time -- or any more kids' lives -- to waste.
Watch the opening to the 1974 TV special based on the book and album, AFTER THE JUMP...
Free to Be...Not Anymore [huffington post]
wow...
just this past holiday weekend, i was wondering about Free To Be and talking about it with my friends who have kids. I wondered if FTB was still used in schools. Apparently not.
Posted by: Kevin | May 25, 2011 5:37:11 PM
Marlo, some parents DO NOT want their children to be free, they want them to conform to religious standards. And should the child kill themselves the parents often conclude that God has solved the problem. Just saying, ya know the Radical Religious Extremists are alive and well in America and killing young people every day.
Posted by: Sargon Bighorn | May 25, 2011 5:49:36 PM
Throughout my life there have been people, men and women, of whom I have greatly admired. Audry Hepburn and Princess Diana quickly come to mind. When they died a bit of goodness died with them. I hope Marlo never dies because she has always been one of those people we all should admire and emulate. Plain and simple, I love her and thank her for speaking out like this.
Posted by: Os2guy | May 25, 2011 5:54:50 PM
She thinks there was no bullying when Free to Be came out? I have some stories. At least now there is a conversation about it and most people agree it's a horrible thing. In the 1970s, the answer was to learn how to fight to deal with bullies.
I think fREE to BE is great. I think she has no perspective on it.
Posted by: Steve Sando | May 25, 2011 6:04:55 PM
There is no way that bullying will ever disappear. Bullies may do a better job of hiding it, but there are always going to be reasons for them to exist---crappy parents come first to mind. Behind them are teachers and school administrators who ignore or even tacitly support bullying, because the victims are different in some way. We've all read stories where kids suffered at the hands of practically their entire schools, and complaints from parents did nothing to stop it. In many cases it's taken lawsuits to create change.
That said, I obviously support this effort. But a lot of minds in this country need to be changed to realize that different is not bad. Just think of all the things a kid might get bullied for: being gay, fat, too tall, too short, talking with an accent, not speaking English well, being too smart, being too dumb, wearing unusual clothes, having a disability (yes it's true--I remember deaf kids being teased)...the list goes on and on. Though it's funny how things change; kids in my high school were shocked when I pierced both my ears, but that seems to be a non-issue in most places today.
Posted by: Paul R | May 25, 2011 6:08:05 PM
Yeah, ironic that she thought she acheived this objective in 1974.
But she's right, too: The rethugs and the Christianists have MAJORLY backlashed against gay people's right to exist (after some gay people started being honest about who they are and to stop hiding). So, she's believably correct that THIS generation's PARENT's are the most homophobic and gender-paranied of any generation yet.
I mean, during my teens and early twenties, I would see straight friends or acquaintances marry and have kids--and then become beholden in new full force to EVERYTHING their Christianist churches told them. Repulsive. Ugly. Vile. Not Christian, not even spiritual. Just ugly hate.
But it's not just the religionists. Look at Hollywood and it's persistent gender conformity obsession. NOT HEALTHY. Not even pretty. Please.
At least she's figuring it out.
Posted by: just_a_guy | May 25, 2011 6:52:43 PM
"She thinks there was no bullying when Free to Be came out?"
1) There was no internet in the 70s.
2) "Gay" wasn't the all-purpose put-down it has become.
3) The news, when it mentioned gay people at all, tended to be about our expanding rights at the time (pre-Anita Byrant).
4) Yes, we were taunted -- I certainly was -- and the pressure to lie and hide was much, much higher. But, as a result, more kids lied and hid and, therefore, did not face the relentless bullying some do today.
All in all, there were probably more suicides, but there was probably a lot less overt bullying.
Posted by: BobN | May 25, 2011 7:15:52 PM
Add to Paul R's list: skin color, family poverty, "foreign-sounding" name, fat/skinny. I blame the schools and teachers but they too are often bullied - the only word for it - by the hate-filled parents they have to deal with. From the headlines this week:
http://www.vancouversun.com/life/Foes+Burnaby+schools+homophobia+policy+plan+Tuesday+rally/4827852/story.html
Posted by: Hue-Man | May 25, 2011 7:42:33 PM
Honestly I credit Jim Henson with his influence through public television and Sesame Street with the incredible increase in tolerance and acceptance we see in young people today- Focus on the Family would never have been saying that fighting against gay marriage is a lost cause if it weren't for the work of some muppets and some people that desired to bring the world together instead of tearing it apart for profit.
No wonder republicans want to give public broadcasting the axe. Why would they want an empathetic, literate, free-thinking group of people to exist?
I'm glad that I get to see many of the "that's just how it is" truisms like homophobia and bullying starting to be questioned and torn down- I don't think the battle is lost because while there is much gay bullying and gay suicide there are also many queer kids that would have been much worse off had it not been for things like this and what I mentioned previously.
Posted by: MadM@ | May 25, 2011 7:51:06 PM
It's alright to cry. It's o.k. if William wants a doll. And don't dress your whale in galoshes when he'd really prefer overshoes. Sure, we don't live in that world, but hoping that we could and talking about it is actually more helpful than giving up on it.
Posted by: Suffern ACE | May 25, 2011 8:33:03 PM
My facebook page is reserved for such indignation/humanity errors. Odd that OPRAH made this her last day.
Posted by: mark | May 25, 2011 8:37:23 PM
"Free to be me" was just another well meaning attempt to promote self acceptance in, and among, children that, by it's vagueness and generic message, let gay kids fall through the cracks. It's like how people say, "I don't support ANY kind of discrimination, but I don't believe in gay marriage or gay rights". If gays are not clearly and specifically mentioned in these promotions they will not be affected by them.
Posted by: TampaZeke | May 25, 2011 8:49:24 PM
A beautiful and compassionate lady.
Posted by: Justin L Werner | May 25, 2011 9:24:35 PM
There have always been countless suicides by gay teens and gay adults. It was simply never reported. I knew a gay teen in Georgia who committed suicide in 1992 and to this day his parents have no clue he did it because of homophobia. He was a popular jock, so they could not wrap their brains around their son being gay. It was never spoken of. There are so many thousands of stories like this every year STILL.
Posted by: hephaestion | May 25, 2011 10:43:31 PM
I think she means well. That said, how can a person with the kind of privilege she has led and lives, understand and appreciate the 'real' world most people live in? And it's not just Marlo Thomas, but many other people in our society, in politics, pro sports, business, entertainment, etc., who don't live in the same world most people live in. They don't have to deal with many of the issues 'average' people must deal with. Such people can't really properly relate to the 'average' person, adult, teen, or child.
Posted by: ratbastard | May 25, 2011 11:02:36 PM
Wow, you learn something every day. I never made the connection between the song and Marlo Thomas, though she was ubiquitous during that time. It's not clear she has a good handle on these issues.
Posted by: anon | May 25, 2011 11:08:07 PM
"Free to Be..." was a milestone for Gen X-ers, and has been cited by many, many young women (including Gwyneth Paltrow) as a major reason they never thought they were limited as to what they could do in life. It was shown a couple years ago in SF as part of the SF Gay and Lesbian Film Fest, and was enthusiastically received (aside from the tragic, ironic bit with Michael Jackson--in early adolescence--singing "I like what I look like/We don't have to change at all"). It was, and remains, a HUGE marker in feminism. Those who discount it or diss Thomas are completely missing its impact and her integrity and vision.
Having said that, society moved the goalposts after the feminist movement began having its successes--it is now OK for girls to be anything they want (as long as they're thin), including any and all "masculine" professions. However, a virulent backlash has occurred regarding boys and young men--they did not become "free" to be more sensitive, nurturing, etc. Instead, they were encouraged to become HYPER-masculine, HYPER-aggressive, MORE violent, etc. as a response to girls intruding on their "turf." Shortly after the brief "glam rock" 70's came the "disco sucks" backlash, the inflating of G.I. Joe, the rise of Rambo, Ultimate Fighting, etc. Now anything that did not gender-conform was "queer" or "gay" and under suspicion. Even if William (of William's Doll) wasn't gay, the fact that he was sensitive and nurturing and wanted a doll would be enough for him to not just be verbally harassed today--he'd have the stuffings beaten out of him. And as some posters commented, lots of conservative and religious parents and communities are just fine with that.
No, Thomas and "Free to Be You and Me" were not wrong, and they're not invalid. But they now stand as markers of how much work we still need to do, especially regarding our young men. Jane Fonda gave a speech a few years ago where she mentioned that young women start "pruning" and censoring "inappropriate" pieces of themselves at age 12; boys, however, start at age 5--exactly when "Free to Be" would've, could've, had its most impact. Tragic.
Posted by: Dback | May 26, 2011 12:32:12 AM
I love Marlo but she should've specifically mentioned gay kids in their somewhere.
Posted by: CRISPY | May 26, 2011 12:43:43 AM
Yes, there was bullying and there still is but the difference is that when FTB came out, it sought to teach kids and adults understanding to prevent the bullying. These days, they just say "stop doing it" without any effort to teach these kids WHY they should stop bullying. Her approach was far more organic.
And to what Ratbastard says, being privileged doesn't mean you live in a golden castle. No matter your wealthy or address, you can still be part of the real world. If they are the people that are looked up to, then good for them using their voice to attempt change. You think someone walking down the street randomly can try to change people's minds succesfully? No, they'd probably be considered mentally ill and ignored. Give her credit, she is doing her best to contribute to our society and should be applauded.
Posted by: Tim | May 26, 2011 3:08:44 AM
I performed in a touring show version of "Free to Be" back in the early '80's and it was one of the most galvanizing experiences of my young life. The energy and catharsis coming from the audience during each show was extraordinary. It's not that I long for that performance experience anymore, I long for the compassion. Where is that? Indeed, where is that anymore?
Posted by: michael | May 26, 2011 5:04:08 AM
That's quite a cynical and gloomy note. I LOVED Free To Be You and Me when I was small, I listened to it constantly (my poor parents!)
She sounds like someone who is burning out on trying to make a better world and seeing all her efforts be for naught. I get that way sometimes to and think "let it all end in fire, who cares?" I hope she can grit her teeth and see that there is a small but growing section of the population that has had enough of the incivility and meanness (and that is what so much of this is, particularly the institutional "bullying" in the form of legislation keeping people away from their loves ones, looking at you WI -- its meanness with the only goal of being mean) and are trying trying trying to improve the world.
The above posters have it right, this isn't the 70s and the mood has changed pretty dramatically, but that just means you shift tactics, not that you give up and declare all efforts dead. All that does is resign good people to a bad fate.
Posted by: NaughtyLola | May 26, 2011 8:22:36 AM
I seem to remember a LOT more unisex toys in the 70's than there are now. As a young girl back then, most of my friends had pixie haircuts, wore overalls and played with Lego's. Now, any store with a toy section has aisles that are pure pink, and others that are totally blue...nothing in between. Same thing with the clothes: there is nothing unisex for kids anymore.
Posted by: The Perfessor | May 26, 2011 3:26:02 PM