Cynthia Nixon Won't Call Herself Bisexual Because 'Nobody Likes The Bisexuals'
Kevin Sessums follows up with Cynthia Nixon, who made headlines recently for telling the NYT's Alex Witchel that, for her, being gay "is a choice". Sessums asks about Nixon's previous 15-year relationship with a man, and her current relationship with Christine Marinoni:
I’m a bit confused. Were you a lesbian in a heterosexual relationship? Or are you now a heterosexual in a lesbian relationship? That quote seemed like you were fudging a bit.
It’s so not fudging. It’s so not. I think for gay people who feel 100 percent gay, it doesn’t make any sense. And for straight people who feel 100 percent straight, it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t pull out the “bisexual” word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals.
But it is the “B” in LGBT.
I know. But we get no respect.
You just said “we,” so you must self-identify as one.
I just don’t like to pull out that word. But I do completely feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and in lust with those men. And then I met Christine and I fell in love and lust with her. I am completely the same person and I was not walking around in some kind of fog. I just responded to the people in front of me the way I truly felt.
Nixon then repeats the assertion that it's fine to say homosexuality is her choice, because to say it's not a choice would be "caving to the bigots":
I understand for political reasons why some people want to kind of squelch this idea that being gay might be a choice, because a lot of the rights we want are posited on the supposition that why are you denying me my rights any more than if I were created a different color? But I don’t feel the need to cede the definition of what a gay person is to the bigots. They don’t get to define who I am.
Check out more of Sessums' interview over at The Daily Beast.
Francis,
I've just reeled off a number of facts. Facts are facts. Here they are again.
Women DO fake orgasms. Women DO use their sexuality as a marketing ploy. Women DO prostitute their sexuality if there is a reward involved. How else do you explain the women who perform lesbian acts for the benefit of a straight-identifying male?
As I said, facts are facts. They are indisputable. I"ve just put out a number of them. Female sexuality is framed by fakeness. Based on these facts, females have no right to be spokespeople for human sexuality.
Posted by: jason | Jan 24, 2012 3:51:46 PM
Jason, your comment isn't worth a lengthy response, but if you think that men aren't sellers when it comes to sexuality and that they don't use their sexuality as a marketing ploy, well, you don't know any more about men than you do about women.
P.S. Gay men with no sexual interest in women can easily have sex with a woman. Many of us here have actually done it, imagine that!
Posted by: Ernie | Jan 24, 2012 3:52:35 PM
Ernie,
I don't agree with you. I think those "gay" men who have had sex with women are at least marginally bisexual in their orientation. They just call themselves gay because it's politically convenient.
Posted by: jason | Jan 24, 2012 3:55:12 PM
what we're seeing is an angry reaction from far too many males who, clearly, have only been able to get their own conservative families off their backs by saying "I didn't choose to be gay!!" and now they're afraid that their families are gonna say "NO! YOU DID! SEE!? CYNTHIA NIXON SAID SO!"
the problem, boys, has nothing to do with with Ms. Nixon said. The problem is that your families are intellectually-stunted and have bought the conservative non-argument that "choice" = "justifiable to be hated against."
buck up and address the real issue.
Posted by: Little Kiwi | Jan 24, 2012 3:56:49 PM
What about those who call themseleves gay bewcause they've had more sex with me than they've had with women -- enjoy it more and identify with gay issues?
Posted by: David Ehrenstein | Jan 24, 2012 3:57:00 PM
When JASON posted earlier in the thread and stated, "Nuff said," I was going to post that we should hold him to that, i.e., he's said enough. Forever. Alas, reading through the rest of the posts allowed him more than enough time to go back on his word. But that's just the kind of "man" he is.
Posted by: TJ | Jan 24, 2012 3:57:59 PM
Sexist troll is sexist.
Don't feed the troll, people.
Posted by: endo | Jan 24, 2012 3:58:53 PM
ignore JASON/RICK. same dude, same issues, same nonsense. his anti-woman stance is borne of his father's detesting having a gay son.
fact. every time a gay suicide is reported Jason's father sighs and says "that should have been jason"
thats' why he's so angry at women and other gay men and liberals. he blames them for his father not loving him. ignore JASON/RICK. he's not worth it. as his father well knows.
Posted by: Little Kiwi | Jan 24, 2012 4:00:37 PM
Little Kiwi...well said. How is it that people who say they value celebrities' opinions so little seem to obsess over them.
Posted by: Jon Mitchell | Jan 24, 2012 4:09:47 PM
My problem with people who "hate labels" or say that we should be able to define for ourselves what other people see us as is that it isn't realistic. Labels are how human beings make sense of the world. You may prefer to be labelled a platypus, that doesn't mean that other people will, or should, agree with you. Ms. Nixon may label herself as a lesbian, I label her as a bisexual. Period. She can call herself whatever the hell she wants, and it won't change my mind. The issue people are having is that she is taking her own experience and trying to make it fit everybody else. She may say that's not what she's doing, but it is. So I'm going to add my voice to those telling her to shut her mouth.
Posted by: Zell | Jan 24, 2012 4:10:12 PM
Why the Frakkin hell does anyone give a flying poo in a rolling donut,what a mediocre at best, TV actor thinks about the basis of same sex attraction?
Posted by: Mark | Jan 24, 2012 4:15:17 PM
She's a totally dishonest person. She's a bisexual but doesn't want to be known as that because it gets no respect. To me that's similar to people who look totally white but are really hispanic but don't want to admit that because some people don't respect that & may think you're an illegal alien. It's called passing & she's trying to pass for gay. To me her comments & answers have descended to ridiculous heights.
Also her answers does add merit to those parents who think their kids are going through a phrase & they're only choosing to be gay & they could choose to be not gay with a little prodding. She's like a spokesperson for EX Gay camps.
Posted by: sara | Jan 24, 2012 4:17:23 PM
She needs to accept that she's bisexual or stfu.
Posted by: JS | Jan 24, 2012 4:25:02 PM
she's nothing like a spokesperson for ex-gay groups. she's not saying there's anything wrong with being gay.
those parents don't want gay kids because those parents are bigots, not because "a choice" means something negative.
people CHOOSE to be religious.
wake up people.
Posted by: Little Kiwi | Jan 24, 2012 4:26:10 PM
@littlekiwi: I don't doubt that there are some people out there who actually are heterosexuals in terms of their physical attractions but that they choose to be gay for other reasons and I would say that's a "choose to be gay" situation.
I think even that her point "That it shouldn't matter if someone chose it or not" is valid... But what bugs me about this is that it doesn't apply to her at all. She didn't choose to be gay. She chose to be in a gay relationship but is a bisexual woman who hates the word "bisexual."
The distinction is fairly important, not just because it's true but also because she's stating something that in nearly all cases is false. She's stating that people can choose to be gay who are not. While an extreme minority of people can, the vast majority, including miss Nixon, do themselves extreme harm by trying to go against their sexuality for one reason or another.
It's very disappointing that she seems incapable of understanding that.
Posted by: RandySF | Jan 24, 2012 4:26:39 PM
The only point she has that makes much sense is that bisexuals are often hated. Bisexuals often hurt people because they cheat on them with the other sex. I know tons of hetero-flexible people, but I've learned not to sleep with them. It would be great if everyone were bisexual but it can make for complicated situations, which is why I avoid it.
Posted by: Paul R | Jan 24, 2012 4:36:26 PM
It does make me a little uncomfortable about the ammo she's giving the right wing nut jobs but the bigger part of me says good for her and good for anyone that doesn't let someone else define them.
She is allowed to feel any way she wants to feel and we should be encouraging that, not ridiculing.
Posted by: Bobby | Jan 24, 2012 4:36:55 PM
no, she's stating that SHE, with her attractions to both males and females, has chosen a gay relationship and identity.
she's in a gay relationship. she chooses to identify as gay.
she didn't choose to be bisexual. she IS bisexual. or, throwing labels aside, experiences attractions to both sexes/genders.
but she's chosen Gay as her identity.
Posted by: Little Kiwi | Jan 24, 2012 4:37:20 PM
For those who don't understand why Cynthia is being "badgered" for saying what she said.
GET A CLUE. She set us and all the young queerlings back DECADES when she spouts the nonsense of "my homosexuality was a choice". Her idiocy is just another excuse for the far right..the evangelicals and the homophobes everywhere to say "gay is bad", "You chose it"...change back. Stop being so F@#%ing PC and realize her words are dangerous!
Posted by: Geoff M | Jan 24, 2012 4:40:29 PM
Let's face it: Most bisexuals live straight lives, and call themselves straight. That usually works out just fine for them if they are bisexual and prefer the opposite sex, which is most common.
For those bisexuals who fall in love with someone of the same sex, the problem isn't the gay community that they fall back on for identity. The problem is the bisexuals who live straight lives who HATE gay people and who consider "bisexuality" to just mean that someone like them wants to be heterosexualy married but to fool around from time to time with the same sex. Why can't people be honest about their myriad attractions and ok that they won't be acting on them because they will be forever loyal to their life's love because that's who they care about and are committed to? Probably because bigotry, the Republican party, and "Christian" hate still has too heavy an influence on everyone's everyday lives.
What's more, falling back on "we would be straight if we could" as some in the gay community too quickly do---even if if it IS true for the majority in the gay community, and it is---IS ceding the argument to the far right haters. The far right haters see gay as less-than and an unfortunate immoral existence, to be poopooed, shat upon, and discounted and avoided at every cost.
Ms. Nixon is not the enemy. She's one of us lgbta folk. The enemy is the Republican party, and the "religious" fundamentalists. Oh, and those straight people out there who hate lgbts, even if their hate is only subtly expressed through opposing marriage equality. It's still hate, folks.
(And never mind that some lgbt folk claim to oppose marriage equality, when in reality that stance just illustrates that they've been so erotically or otherwise beaten down that they see their own dignity reliant on them considering themselves somehow properly third-class semi-humans.)
Posted by: just_a_guy | Jan 24, 2012 4:43:05 PM
@littlekiwi: "...she's chosen Gay as her identity." But isn't this just because she's caved to the bigotry against bisexuals?
Posted by: Linda | Jan 24, 2012 4:46:49 PM
@Little Kiwi: Fine, then I choose Dolphin as my identity. From now on, I will only be posting comments using dolphin song as my language.
Snark aside, I'm usually on the same side of arguments as you are but I find myself disagreeing with you this time. I look forward to future posts on subjects on which we can agree again!
Posted by: RyanInSacto | Jan 24, 2012 4:46:57 PM
My initial thoughts after reading her original statement yesterday were along the lines of: "I understand where you're coming from, but I wish you had kept it to yourself", and that is where I continue to stand today.
I understand that the far right will make any excuse to hurt our cause, regardless of what Ms. Nixon says, but we won't win those people over to our side anyway. The people we should care about are the 1% who are sitting somewhere in the middle, balancing the pros and cons of GLBT rights.
Right now, our "approval ratings" across the country are dancing somewhere around 50%. If something like marriage equality were put up to a popular vote in a state like New Jersey, as Gov. Christie has intimated, then a victory there could rest on a very fine margin of voters.
Many would argue that such situations are dictated by the chaos theory, leaving the outcome to the whims of fate. However, when a public figure comes out and says something along the lines of "my homosexuality is a choice", it can change capricious minds and ultimately bend the outcome against us.
Just to make my point clear, I can say I'd be cheering Ms. Nixon's statement if our "approval ratings" were closer to 60%. That, however, is not the case, and I cringe at the thought that what she said may have lost us some hesitant quasi-allies. It could ultimately hurt us more than we know.
Posted by: E | Jan 24, 2012 4:49:52 PM
@little kiwi: "but she's chosen Gay as her identity."
For now. And good for her. I could not care less which orientation she chose (this week, this year, this decade).
The point is she's free to choose one BECAUSE she IS bisexual.
I am not. I AM gay. I was BORN that way.
It is EXACTLY as if some ambidextrous person was saying, "Write with whichever hand you want! Don't label yourself! Be free!" It's fine and dandy for someone who can write with both hands, but it doesn't apply and doesn't work for the VAST majority of us.
Posted by: Jeff | Jan 24, 2012 4:50:01 PM
@littlekiwi: That's not what she's saying at all or else the whole "Don't let the conservatives have the last say" argument makes no sense. If she's separating gay identity from gay sexuality then there's no reason to bring up the c-word into the conversation. There are very few conservatives who are trying to say that bisexuals can't choose to have gay relationships.
If she had said "I'm bisexual and I choose to be in a gay relationship" not a single person would have a problem with it. She instead is adamantly saying "I chose to be gay." That's clearly not the same thing at all but she clearly means the former when she's saying the latter.
Hell, if she had said "I choose to identify as gay" it would have been an accurate statement. What she is instead saying is provably false and validates a psychologically unlikely and harmful common belief that being gay is a choice.
It is disappointing and she should know better.
Posted by: RandySF | Jan 24, 2012 4:54:34 PM