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Christian Wants 'Buckeye' Removed as Ohio State Symbol Because it's a Bisexual Tree

One Ohio Christian wingnut is not happy at all that Ohioans are nicknamed 'Buckeyes' or that Ohio State has a team by that name, and believes the state's tree is unfit to represent him.

Why? Because it's bisexual.

Writes Jim Flechtner to The Courier:

BuckeyeSO WHAT ABOUT CARNATIONS?

Something in the "Just Ask" column (Page A3, May 29) disturbed me. According to the column, "the Ohio buckeye, Aesculus glabra, bears flowers with both male and female organs on the same tree. It is a monoecious species."

I couldn't believe this, so I did some research and, sure enough, a science website (forestry.about.com) states that "the Ohio buckeye is polygamo-monoecious, bearing both bisexual and male flowers."

The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, "buckeyes." But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!

I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term "buckeye" as a nickname for residents of Ohio.

Does anyone know if carnations are bisexual?

Jim Flechtner, Findlay

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Comments

  1. Obviously, it's a joke. He cited about.com as his source.

    Posted by: Richard | Jun 18, 2012 10:42:10 AM


  2. Decades ago, when state employees in Columbus OH were mostly men and men wore flowers in their suit lapels, the Republican Party raised money (and got a kick back) by charging the employees twice what the party paid retail for red carnations. The flower shop won, the party won and it's how guys kept their jobs.

    Posted by: Gus | Jun 18, 2012 10:44:43 AM


  3. ...considering Orange John Boner Bonner Boehner is a Buckeye, this is a riot! I hope to hell this is some Tea Party wing-nut and PLEASE oh PLEASE, this one needs the traction!

    Posted by: 99% | Jun 18, 2012 10:52:20 AM


  4. Without Buckeyes what would us poor Wolverine fans DO?

    Who do we hate?

    Posted by: Chitown Kev | Jun 18, 2012 10:54:33 AM


  5. Funny, off the top of my head the only non-bisexual trees that come to mind are Hollies. I think Ginkos are either male or female too.

    Posted by: Jersey | Jun 18, 2012 11:00:02 AM


  6. I don't really want to know how trees have sex. As long as they keep their sex juices off of me, they can do as they please.

    Posted by: james | Jun 18, 2012 11:08:04 AM


  7. Genesis 1:11-12 says:

    11 Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds. ” And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

    So God created bisexual trees and called them "good." Bisexuality is good, dummkopf.

    Posted by: voet | Jun 18, 2012 11:11:03 AM


  8. These trees should be ashamed of themselves.

    Posted by: UFFDA | Jun 18, 2012 11:11:16 AM


  9. I have to join the others calling this satire. If for nothing else than to preserve some minimal basic faith in humanity.

    Posted by: Glenn | Jun 18, 2012 11:11:56 AM


  10. As usual, the fundies didn't pay attention during biology class. I guess they were afraid that someone might mention evolution.

    Posted by: Houndentenor | Jun 18, 2012 11:27:02 AM


  11. If you do a little homework on this I think you might start considering the guy was being ironic.

    He is the Supervisor for Social Services in Findlay, Ohio, after all. He even does the DJing at the local senior center.

    No FB page. He's probably too busy, he's a public servant after all.

    I say we find him and ask.

    Posted by: Joe B. | Jun 18, 2012 11:30:21 AM


  12. joke or not...

    I'm sure Mr. Flechtner is a man of God, but I'm not sure how "we are
    flaunting The Holy Bible" when it was God who made the flipping tree
    in the first place-- you know, assuming there is a God.

    This is the problem with ultra-religious conservatives who are on
    hyperalert. In regards to the "bisexual and male flowers" on the
    buckeye tree, they posess both staminate (male, pollen-producing) and
    carpellate (female, ovule-producing) parts. This condition is seen in
    many common garden plants....the tree's blooms aren't "doing it" with
    each other!!

    What's next? Boycotting snails and earthworms? Heck, what would Mr.
    Flechtner think if he knew that non-reproductive male clownfish will
    actualy CHANGE THEIR GENDER if the need arises?

    It won't be long before these types of people realize they've been
    standing on the WRONG side of history...and perhaps sanity.

    Posted by: KDNA | Jun 18, 2012 11:33:10 AM


  13. That's it, baby -- when ya got it, flout it! FLOUT IT! ;-)

    Posted by: Max Bialystock | Jun 18, 2012 11:51:16 AM


  14. I am pretty certain most plants are bisexual, I detect a troll here.

    Posted by: Paul | Jun 18, 2012 12:37:56 PM


  15. He is from Findlay, say no more.

    Posted by: Guest | Jun 18, 2012 12:54:36 PM


  16. I was born and raised in Findlay and this guy probably isn't joking. There are fewer crazies in San Francisco where I live now!

    Posted by: Jesse | Jun 18, 2012 1:08:57 PM


  17. Me John, big tree!

    Posted by: Jay | Jun 18, 2012 1:24:03 PM


  18. Is this person for real? I think he may have too much time on his hands or not a life. Go get a life and leave the tree that God created alone!!!!!!!

    Posted by: Tina | Jun 18, 2012 1:47:18 PM


  19. As his son I can ASSURE you that he is not a Christian, but an agnostic. And this letter was satire.

    Posted by: His Son | Jun 18, 2012 2:37:57 PM


  20. Maybe they could have poison oak declared the state tree!

    Posted by: chuck | Jun 18, 2012 2:45:09 PM


  21. Someone named Jim Flechtner left a response to this SPLC blog post last year. http://www.splcenter.org/blog/2011/09/21/islamophobe-geller-in-new-book-outs-splc-as-communist-front/

    If they're the same person, it's pretty clear that this person is using hyperbolic sarcasm for comedic political effect.

    Posted by: Veronica | Jun 18, 2012 3:46:42 PM


  22. too funny LOL

    Posted by: Grover Underwood | Jun 18, 2012 3:53:29 PM


  23. I'm sure most people don't want to know what pollen really is. Most trees are monoecious, simply because they don't know who their neighbors are. It's a love-the-one-you're-with attitude. Very nice crank letter, though. Editors love those.

    Posted by: anon | Jun 18, 2012 4:14:47 PM


  24. Multitudes of fools there be/But only God can make a tree.

    Posted by: gregory brown | Jun 18, 2012 4:55:34 PM


  25. Silly rabid Christian, most plants are bisexual. Must be intelligent design.

    Posted by: Max the Communist | Jun 18, 2012 8:01:50 PM


  26. « | 1 2 3 »

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