Gay Adult Film Star Erik Rhodes Dead At 30

ErikRhodes

People within the porn industry and beyond are today mourning the death of 30-year old adult film star Erik Rhodes. Rhodes, known for flexing his enormous muscles for Falcon and then Raging Stallion studios, died of a heart attack that appears to have been caused by his regular steroid use.

According to FrontiersLA, Rhodes was in a dark place before his death, and posted the following message on his Tumblr:

ErikRhodesTumblr

Fans and friends are remembering Rhodes less for his private life and more for his public persona. "[We] were incredibly saddened to learn of the death of our friend, adult-film star Erik Rhodes," wrote PAPER magazine's Mickey Boardman. "The 30-year-old Long Island-native was a truly hilarious and larger-than-life character as well-known for his wicked sense of humor as he was for his enormous muscles."

Porn blogger Jason Sechrest said that if Rhodes had a heart attack "it was because his heart was just too damned big." "He saw every person as being far better than he and was gracious to every fan who approached him in a bar, at the airport or on the street," Sechrest wrote on his (work-unfriendly) website.

Falcon Studios also praised Rhodes' sparking personality, writing in a statement, "[Erik] was a genuine and caring man with extraordinary attractiveness and a massive muscled frame. Erik was an equally beautiful human being who lit up a room, and brought fun and joy to our studio and his fans that was unparalleled. He was a giving person with a special wit…"

Comments

  1. Paul R says

    Never heard of this guy, but it’s sad. Why anyone takes steroids is beyond me. He looks far older than 30 in that shot, and being remembered mainly for your muscles is awful.

  2. atomic says

    Some of the people who put out press releases and announcements mourning his death are probably also the very same people who facilitated his steroid abuse and who cared nothing about his well-being, or only cared so long as he was helping to make them money. Where were their concern when he was still alive? What good does their flowery memorializing do after he was chewed up and spit out by the porn industry?

  3. jason says

    He’s long been a tortured soul, unfortunately. For years now, seemed quite content on the path to destruction.

    I ache for James’ loved ones, and especially his twin brother.

  4. says

    I’m not feeling the genuine compassion in these statements from the industry. Erik was a very sad and sick man. His tumblr is one of the most depressing things online. He has been in a very dark place for years, one that he fed with steroid use and abuse as well as drug abuse and use. Of course that didn’t matter to anyone before because he was big and pretty and “nice”. Nothing about this story reflects well on the porn industry, porn consumers or that part of gay body and club culture. He’s of course not the first to die from all of that too young, but he’s maybe the first whose pain was so fully documented (and discussed) online.

  5. says

    I’m not feeling the genuine compassion in these statements from the industry. Erik was a very sad and sick man. His tumblr is one of the most depressing things online. He has been in a very dark place for years, one that he fed with steroid use and abuse as well as drug abuse and use. Of course that didn’t matter to anyone before because he was big and pretty and “nice”. Nothing about this story reflects well on the porn industry, porn consumers or that part of gay body and club culture. He’s of course not the first to die from all of that too young, but he’s maybe the first whose pain was so fully documented (and discussed) online.

  6. silvra says

    He was a fun one to watch, and I too checked out his blog and it was sad to see such self destruction as was written there. Yes the industry is a mess but society drives it. The BBC just had an article about a straight male porn star talking about how rough the industry is both emotionally and financially http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18352421 This is just another sign that men suffer for this “perfect body” image the same as women do.

  7. jim says

    Why is everyone always dogging the studios when a porn model dies, going on and on about them not caring/intervening in the person’s self-destructive behavior? Would any OTHER company behave otherwise? They come in, do their scenes, take the check and go live their lives, self-destructive or not. It’s not up to porn studios to babysit them, just as it’s not up to mainstream studios to babysite Lindsay Lohan, for example.

    Rhodes was extremely open about his issues and self-destruction–to the point that it was embarrassing to read his blog–it continued for years, and it was how he chose to live his life. He had other options and choices, as do we all.

  8. Guest says

    The guy was an admitted crystal meth user — look at his blog and tumblr. You omitted that from this blog post. It’s much more likely that meth induced this heart attack than the steroids.

  9. Jack M says

    When you read his blog you will see that he was plagued with low self-esteem and mental health issues. Doing illegal drugs and steriods only contributed to his early death. 30 years old is way too young to die.

  10. Sam says

    It’s always a bit sad when a person dies but it is tough to solicit any sympathy when his path to admitted destruction is pretty well documented.

  11. Terry says

    I agree with Jim.

    What’s the take-away here? Living recklessly, abusing drugs and steroids, can lead to death. There will be more Erik Rhodes. Doesn’t mean that the industry needs to step in or that we all need to wring our hands. There are lots of ways to die or self-destruct. I don’t think Erik was under any illusions about what he was doing.

    When you get your adult card, you live by your own choices.

    (By the way, to all the steroid people, is it so terrible to admit that using MASSIVE amounts of roids can cause serious health probs?)

  12. TimF says

    Almost 6 grams of anabolic steroids a week is more than what most top amateurs and pro bodybuilders do (though he would not do well in a top amateur contest). But even so, that would not cause a heart attack in of itself. Recreational stimulants, on the other hand will cause heart failure.

  13. Matt26 says

    I also actually read his blog and he seemed lost soul with mental health issues. His blogs were so personal and self-destructive, too personal in some ways, I gave up reading.
    I hope he has found peace. RIP.

  14. Caliban says

    Yikes. I looked up his blog and those who said it’s sad and depressing are right. If there’s anything I’d want to get across to younger gays it’s that it’s fine to want to go out and have fun, look good, experience some of the stuff that maybe you didn’t get a chance to in your small town or wherever, but all that is temporary and ephemeral and it’s not where your true worth lies.

    Work on your insides too, your brain, and not just a shallow surface because interesting beats pretty every day of the week, at least for people you’d want to know.

    And stay the **** away from meth!

  15. Dan E says

    He wasn’t low-IQ though. I knew James (admittedly not well; we have a few friends in common). He wasn’t terribly well-educated, but he was (reasonably) smart, charming, and surprisingly self-aware. He was also deeply self-destructive. I feel for him and for his friends (many of whom tried helping him for years) and family.

  16. qj201 says

    We all love hot men, but let’s get over this idol worship of adult performers.

    They are NOT stars and many entered porn and sex work because the only “talent” they could trade on was their looks…and then being only valued for those looks begins to eat them from the inside out.

  17. jaragon says

    Sad news, he did have more personality than most of these porn actors. People never learn about mistreating their body- filling it up with poison just to look good. He was in an image driven business but this is also a problem of gay culture and it’s unrealistic obsession with youth and impossible body image.

  18. Francis says

    Putting aside the moral debate regarding porn, putting aside the persona of Erik Rhodes and the fact he had sex on camera, and the questions wondering where friends/family where and what they did to help Erik, at the end of the day, a young man is dead at 30 due to drug abuse and the emotional/psychological turmoil he was under daily. That alone is very sad. Just skimming through his tumblr and twitter, he did seem to be a distressed individual, seems he felt he was misunderstood, not respected, alone in the world. Some people simply do not feel as if they are cut out for this world, they feel out of place, and there isn’t much outside forces can do when someone’s mentality is as self-destructive and almost defeatist in some ways, as Erik’s was. It’s simply a shame, he was more than just a porn actor, he was a very troubled human being who was truly loved by many.

  19. Derek says

    Sorry but after reading this from him on his blog, “washing my face as this ugly NYC pigeon watched me…i briefly spoke to it, a quick ‘what are you looking at’ and then i turned away…” gave real insight into his character.

    He was a very unhappy person who was lost in so many ways. His constant use of GHB and even labeling one photograph of his “monster size” bottle with “Drink Up Kiddies” probably has as much to do with his death as steroids.

    And to those rambling about meth and his use, he says several times in his posts that he did not like meth and very rarely did it. Meth didn’t kill him.

    Ironically his blog included a photo of him from many years ago in a drawer at a morgue with the title DEAD – and even more ironic is that he gave himself an expiration date of age 30 (on his 27 birthday) when it would all be over for him.

    Boy was it ever. Hope he was happy with that amount of muscle mass his corpse had.

  20. James says

    Trainwreck sums this guy pretty well. I know hes dead and all, but he is the epitome of everything that is wrong with the gay community. Sorry. RIP though.

  21. James says

    Trainwreck sums this guy pretty well. I know hes dead and all, but he is the epitome of everything that is wrong with the gay community. Sorry. RIP though.

  22. Kevin B says

    Labeling his death as anything other than the result of drug use is morally reprehensible. He died because “his heart was just too big”? Great way to perpetuate his behavior.

  23. says

    I was never a fan of his, but regardless, it is sad when someone dies so needlessly.

    I do know that he has been a troubled soul for quite some time, and has been dragged into blog/twitter wars for some silly reason or another.

    I think Erik Rhodes suffered from extremely low self-esteem and the thing that probably made him feel somewhat good about himself is the very thing that killed him.

  24. VpO says

    I feel bad for him in a way. Was clearly depressed and dealing with internalized homophobia and self medicating with drugs all the time. Cocaine will kill you. Sad he was so young and a twin. It’s tough losing a identical twin brother.

  25. Asher says

    Wow, I’m sad.
    I wasn’t really a fan of his porn, but I used to read his blog on the reg and he really had some mental health issues.

    The take away from this isn’t about shaming sex workers. Because sex work is just as legit and any other industry.

    It’s that we have as a community need to make room for inner beauty as well. We need to let out people know (especially our younger people) that they have value outside of their physical shell.

    We need to let the LGBT community that we all have value and worth.

    RIP Eric, I hope your at peace now.

  26. dave says

    Does wilful destruction of your mind with recreational drugs count as “mental illness”? I’ll save sympathy for people who didn’t choose to lose their wits by sticking needles in their arms and butt cheeks, popping pills, or guzzling GHB. Oh, and taking a penis into your rectum on digital video doesn’t make any man a “star”.

  27. Nat says

    “Does wilful destruction of your mind with recreational drugs count as “mental illness”? I’ll save sympathy for people who didn’t choose to lose their wits by sticking needles in their arms and butt cheeks, popping pills, or guzzling GHB. Oh, and taking a penis into your rectum on digital video doesn’t make any man a “star”.

    Mental illness might have made him susceptible to drug abuse.

    Rhodes had a lot of problems. I’m sorry he’s dead, I’m sorry that he was unhappy throughout much of his life, and I’m sorry he never got the help he needed.

  28. Nat says

    “Does wilful destruction of your mind with recreational drugs count as “mental illness”? I’ll save sympathy for people who didn’t choose to lose their wits by sticking needles in their arms and butt cheeks, popping pills, or guzzling GHB. Oh, and taking a penis into your rectum on digital video doesn’t make any man a “star”.

    Mental illness might have made him susceptible to drug abuse.

    Rhodes had a lot of problems. I’m sorry he’s dead, I’m sorry that he was unhappy throughout much of his life, and I’m sorry he never got the help he needed.

  29. anthony says

    I feel sad for him that he felt he had to get so ‘roided out to look good. He is a good looking guy. When I see guys so overbuilt like that they look like “Muscle Mary” cartoon characters from the 1970’s. Not attractive. Also, I wish the porn industry would pay their “Actors” residuals like they do in real film and TV shows. They cut them a small, one-time check and then make money off of them for the next 30 years. The big straight porn companies really exploit the female actors which is why the industry attracts a lot of damaged people that the industry preys on.

  30. Fahd says

    So sad, a man without control over his compulsive behavior, like this steriod abuse, even if it’s not an addiction recognized as such by the psychiatric establishment.

    Seems like not speaking ill of the dead is no longer an accepted norm – at least among those who hide behind their screen names.

    RIP

  31. Fahd says

    So sad, a man without control over his compulsive behavior, like this steriod abuse, even if it’s not an addiction recognized as such by the psychiatric establishment.

    Seems like not speaking ill of the dead is no longer an accepted norm – at least among those who hide behind their screen names.

    RIP

  32. andrew says

    He was built like a magnificent building. Unfortunately built on steroids. Hopefully this will be a lesson to some of his musclebound friends in the gay porn industry.

  33. andrew says

    He was built like a magnificent building. Unfortunately built on steroids. Hopefully this will be a lesson to some of his musclebound friends in the gay porn industry.

  34. ratbastard says

    Christopher + Atomic couldn’t have said it better. Poor mental health, substance abuse … same old story.

    And if anybody thinks drug abuse isn’t one of the top if not the top drivers of the porn industry, they’re naive. Most ‘performers’ do it because of their drug problem and the need for quick $. Same with prostitution and hustling. I’m not looking down my nose at the men and woman who perform and hustle, but it’s a sad profession filled with sad and unstable folks.

  35. andrew says

    I couldn’t disagree wth Ratbastard more. The Porn industry he talks about was of decades or more ago. Today sites like Corbin Fisher and many others are filled with healthy, physically fit young men who do it for the money and excitement. They are far from being drug addicts. Most of them are physical fitness and health nuts. Check them out and you will see my point.

  36. B-rod says

    Yawn. Am I supposed to be shocked and saddened when they find Lindsay Lohan dead too? Not likely.

    I’ll save my sadness for someone who actually made a difference in this world. A has-been porn “actor” with a substance abuse problem and mental problems isn’t someone to get worked up over.

  37. says

    Screw all of you… I knew Erik and to read your comments about him disgust me. Do you not realize he was a son, a brother, and a friend to people alive and who are grieving… I hope some day all of your mothers die and somebody walks up to the casket and says something like, “serves her right she raised that troll of a child who has no tact and she deserved to die bec she allowed that thing into this world” in reference to your lame asses

  38. says

    Screw all of you… I knew Erik and to read your comments about him disgust me. Do you not realize he was a son, a brother, and a friend to people alive and who are grieving… I hope some day all of your mothers die and somebody walks up to the casket and says something like, “serves her right she raised that troll of a child who has no tact and she deserved to die bec she allowed that thing into this world” in reference to your lame asses

  39. Rohn says

    It doesn’t matter how he lived his life or what choices he made, it’s still sad. All of you commenting didn’t know him. He was a tortured soul with many demons but he was also a great friend and he had family and friends that loved him. Yes, he needed help and his blog was a direct cry for that, but he didn’t deserve this. No one does. Show some respect.

  40. says

    under the comments portion when somebody dies you right things like… We will miss you or Rest in Peace if you have any other comments to make keep them to your fucking self!

  41. says

    under the comments portion when somebody dies you right things like… We will miss you or Rest in Peace if you have any other comments to make keep them to your fucking self!

  42. andrew says

    @Hey Brad: Why don’t you read all the comments instead of the few cold hearted assholes. “Screw all of you” was totally out of line. Many of the comments were sympathetic.

  43. Raul in Miami says

    I first heard about this on the Derek & Romaine radio show (Sirius-XM), where I had heard him guest host on a few occasions. While my condolences go out his family, partner and friends; it’s not hard to feel that many of his so called friends were enablers. Admiring Erik for being so open about his drug use is tantamount to giving him permission for the destructive behaviour that eventually killed him at a young age. Now I get tweets from the studios he worked for to not make malicious comments; so let’s enable all the other drug users in our community that think they’ll be fine and/or have it “under control”. Sad.

  44. Bans Gender says

    Yes, Raul. Yes! I’m also unsure why any rational person would read the comments section on the Internet when it’s connected to anyone they care about. It’s not like nasty, evil, and crazy comments aren’t the norm.

  45. dms says

    Wow. I’m appalled at the lack of sympathy. Sure, he did it to himself, but clearly he was going to extremes to get positive attention the only way he knew how. I’m no psychologist and I certainly know almost nothing about him, but it seems he had some sort of body dysmorphia (is that the right term?) similar to anorexia I would imagine. Trying to control your body to fill a void in your life. He was net well psychologically, emotionally, and found an industry where he could profit off of the symptoms of his illness. My sympathies to his family. And god help any of you cynics if there ever comes a day when you have an illness mental or otherwise.

  46. michael says

    His blog is an apocalyptic ode to a generation of lost men. I found myself terribly moved by the on-going tragedy of this man’s life. He knew what he was doing to himself and kept a meticulous record of his own demise. It was as fascinating as it was terrifying.

  47. michael says

    His blog is an apocalyptic ode to a generation of lost men. I found myself terribly moved by the on-going tragedy of this man’s life. He knew what he was doing to himself and kept a meticulous record of his own demise. It was as fascinating as it was terrifying.

  48. Jason says

    Look, the man WANTED to die. He was not happy here on this plane. So he got his wish. I do not feel sorry for him in the least – call me uncompassionate, but when you make stupid choices, stupid things happen. The real travesty? This won’t do a single thing to move the porn industry to take a stronger stance on drug use. If you’re hot, pretty, and know how to spread your legs, that’s all that matters.

  49. JP says

    As a victim dealing with depression myself, I know better what it feels to struggle in overcoming hardships. Some survived, while some simply fell apart. It is sad to see a man this young to be dead and gone. However, I hope he will find peace in heaven as his woes and depression can no longet haunt him. RIP Erik Rhodes.

  50. bALAN says

    as much as selling your self to porn,
    and risking your body to steroids,
    and losing your will to live…

    in the end, Meth will indeed be what kills you.

    r.i.p. James Naughtin

  51. jamal49 says

    So, all of his “friends” knew he was doing steroids, etc. and did nothing, it seems. This is very, very sad when a vital, young man dies much too early. Condolences to his family.

  52. Eric26 says

    So this man died trying to achieve what he thought was an ideal, muscular physique and Falcon Studios is complimenting him on his muscular frame after his death? Why don’t you just poison your porn stars yourself Falcon and save some time?

  53. Bill T. says

    Very sad cautionary tale.

    I’m surprised by how much hate people write on this site. Guess it’s because you can hide behind a false profile or such. For those that do write such things I have a question?

    Why so mean-spirited? Why not find the baseline compassion within yourself and raise it up a few levels. Seriously.

    We’ve all dealt with some type of discrimination over the course of our lives. I challenge you to break the cycle and be the person you dreamt others would/should be.

    Be good men, you’ll live longer and look younger without the need to botox, fillers, face lifts and photoshop.

    Bill

  54. Steerpike66 says

    Good call on Matthew Rush: he’ll be next. He’s completely bloated with steroids and looks tired, with veins pulsing in his temples.

  55. Joe Lester says

    Wow some these comments just makes me sad. I just went over to another blog that specifically dealt with gay porn and their comments are way more sympathetic than a lot these are. This guy is dead and you all can do nothing but judge him.

    R.I.P. James

  56. MaddM@ says

    Well, he was a mess but even messes deserve respect and human decency, which he apparently was not able to provide to himself. I guess the best thing we can take from this is try to not enable any of this in our peers/friends and help out if you can. Mental illness is real and just as destructive as cancer.

  57. Derrick Kardos says

    I don’t know erik, I never heard of him. but the cruel circus surrounding his death irks me.

    for those people who insist upon blaming erik and his lifestyle for his death, understand first that most porn stars do not die from drug-related heart attacks; and that very few of those who die from drug-related heart attacks are porn stars.
    drugs claim people from all walks of life – porn stars but also wall street execs, doctors, priests, students, mothers, fathers, christians, muslims, gays, etc. and so forth.
    lifestyle is only ever correlated to drug death; it is never a essential outcome of it.

    drug addiction ultimately is not a consequence of lifestyle or a failure of willpower, and nor is it “self”-destruction.
    addiction is a form of mind control wrought by brain damage.
    some people’s brains are wired sensitive for certain drugs and all it takes is one or two hits and they will crave that drug for life. the drugs have altered the brain’s chemistry and biology. every time the drug is taken, the brain is altered more, and they’re able to control themselves less and less.
    you can have all the willpower in the world.. it ain’t going to matter. if your brain is wired for that drug, you will NOT be able to resist it. and the more of the drug you take, the more the drug wins; and the more of an emotional wreck you become.
    which comes first? the wreck or the drugs? at this point it doesn’t matter. youre not in control anymore, and neither are your drug-exacerbated emotions.
    every hit of the drug damages your brain and erases a part of you, until you’re completely gone.
    mind control to death.
    that’s how brutal and unfair addiction is.
    the reality is that erik rhodes died a long, slow, painful death inside a mind he could no longer control, haunted by drug-amplified emotions, in a world that in great part blames and mocks him for it.

    addiction is hell.

    for those people who still insist upon blaming erik, , especially those who proceed to use that blame as an excuse for cruelty or moral grandstanding, understand this:
    however you feel about the choices or what you perceive as erik’s mistakes..

    it is true, some mistakes are simply self-destructive and stupid.
    but some mistakes are innocent. some are even accidents. some are big, some are small. sometimes big mistakes have little to no repercussions. sometimes small mistakes, even innocent or accidental ones, end up being devastating – even deadly.
    but no one is perfect. No one lives in a vacuum-sealed bag of harmless mistakes and smart decisions in a perfect world.
    regardless of the size, cause or reason for mistakes, we all make them.
    the decision not to blame people for the repercussions of theirs is called compassion.
    and some day, YOU may need it.

    so learn it. learn it well.

  58. Guy says

    Please let’s not say someone is too young to die. If someone were too young to die, then someone else must be the right age. And what’s that? Is 45 old enough to die? Or 75?

    Death happens to people of all ages.

  59. Rick says

    Having listened to him on the DNR Show on Sirius for years, and watched his home videos, followed the blog, this is a sad ending he himself predicted several times… even down to the age at which he would go.

    Steroids are not what killed him…. though admittedly this is a very large stack…. GHB, Coke and Meth killed him almost certainly. Having said that, he had a decent physique but not even remotely good enough to even place a local bodybuilding show…. which is a shame given all those drugs… problem is likely he was missing the hard work, disclipline, diet and clean living he couldn’t muster

    All the nasty gay boys on here need to learn just a LITTLE about both the truth, and what hormones do (and dont do.. er, ignore the media). Having said that, a 3g stack of test and deca MIXED with coke, Meth and God knows what else is a time bomb waiting to happen.

    No matter the circumstance, is never, ever, ever fails to reinforce the horrible stereotypes the gay ‘community’ has to the outside world by the words and actions of the majority of comments on this site.

    Pathetic, queeny bitchyness at its finest, and per the norm. Very sad.

  60. Jerry6 says

    When I first saw Erik’s picture at the lead of this article I realized that I had seen several of his movies, and was distressed to read the cause of his early demise. I recognize that being a Porn Star is not exactly a high class part of the film industry, but it is a living for some. Be that as it may, I was really disgusted by some of the comments. For those that appeared to be from people who actually knew Erik, I was disgusted not to read where any of them tried to help him. That is what is sad for me; That those who knew him did not care.

  61. Matthew says

    Its really sad. I never heard of him and dont know a thing about him other than he did porn. I listen to Derek and Romaine on Xm radio in the car and thats how I heard. Im just not into porn. Its boring to me. He might have been nice to people that were fans but he thought nothing of his family or close friends that really cared about him. Maybe his family didnt want anything to do with him. I am gay but not into porn in any way shape or form. I just dont care about it. If it floats your boat go ahead and watch! What I dont get is that you would have thought he might haave been scared. Death scares me soo much Most people thaat do drugs whether gay or sttraight have inner demons and are trying to put themselves in another place. Mentally. Its just really sad. I do hope he is at peace. Im so sorry to his family.

  62. Johnathan says

    My prayers are with James’ family.
    May he rest in peace.

    As for the comments, wow, gay guys bitchin’ about the guy they with they could look like or have…what a concept.

    As an openly bisexual man, I steer clear of associating with you. You’re just too miserable, as a group.

  63. Michael says

    If someone is blogging about their self-destructive behavior and how they are in a dark place, that person is screaming for help. It is very sad that NO one recognized Erik’s cries for help. Maybe we will ALL listen a bit harder when the next person who is screaming out loud comes along.

  64. Markt says

    My guess is many did reach out to Rhodes. It’s clear from his blog that some did at least. He was caught in a long downward spiral that only he could reverse and he apparently knew that. Sometimes we just can’t find the road out – I know what that is like. It’s sometimes just dumb luck, rather than personal insight that sets us on a better course. Maybe if he lasted one more day.

  65. inevertell says

    He really did not want to live, according to his blog, so I guess now this is the moment that he has been waiting for. I’m not trying to be rude, but he was clearly very unhappy and from the sound of those blogs, he would have welcomed death if it had come earlier.

  66. DavidW says

    Just can NOT feel sympathy, pity, or ANYTHING for this guy. Perhaps he’ll find that life IS about loving yourself, and others; AND having REAL self-confidence!

  67. Brent says

    So, I just watched an Erik Rhodes porn the other day and it was so hot that I decided to see if I could find more information about him and this is what I get. Can I still jack off while watching his videos knowing that he’s dead? Probably, but I don’t want to get too much into some kinky death fetish. Or maybe I do. Whatever.

    Rest in peace, Erik Rhodes! I would still watch you and jack off even if you didn’t have all those muscles.

  68. Peter Hall says

    I knew Eric when he was 20 and just starting out in the porn industry. He was working as a stripper at the time. While he was a genuinely nice, wonderful and giving person, even then he had his share of demons and was a very conflicted person. He was a great friend, but even then it was hard to be around him for long, because so much of his behavior was self destructive. I do miss him though.

  69. jake says

    yes he seemed to be quite kind and caring…like when on the out q show with derek hartley…he stated that he hated when baby carriages got in his way..and wanted kick them over..what a sweet guy…..

  70. Ed says

    Beautiful man on the outside. Just too damn bad he did not feel that way on the inside. And from the comments it also does sound like he had a great personality.

  71. Ed says

    Beautiful man on the outside. Just too damn bad he did not feel that way on the inside. And from the comments it also does sound like he had a great personality.

  72. David Hearne says

    Thankfully the pendulum appears to be swinging back towards more natural bodies. To which the grand dames of beach junkies, Dolce and Gabanna say “Amen!”

    Speaking of which, shy doesn’t Kiwi ever call Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein self-hating for their worship of all things WASP?

  73. says

    I’m doing research on James for something I’m writing and I have to admit, even doing my best to be as open as I can to differing viewpoints, I am stunned by to brutal nature of the attacks on him and his life. 

    His 2 blogs ring through out with the tolls of deep pain complicated by obvious mental health issues. Self-medicating with drugs or alcohol or hyper-sexual behavior are well know hallmarks of bi-polar disorder, for example. When added to a poisonous combination of youth, beauty, fame and his work, it’s a toxic brew few could hold up under. 

    The blog posts that cry for help, yet refuse it are the digital age version of sitting on the shrink’s couch talking about suicide. The shrink, friends, family, or lovers can only do so much until someone involuntary commits you as a hazard. The hospital can stabilize you but at a certain point you get out. 

    The steroids only made things worse. When your looks are the coin of the realm in the kingdom you live in, you either stay beautiful to hold on to the benefits that come with it (fame & fortune) or get out. 

    Getting out means giving up everything that makes you feel good about yourself, and perhaps the only thing, since he started in the business at 22, no matter how bad they are for you. 

    No matter which way you feel about steroid use, the documented and verified effects include both rage and deep depression. Combine that with mental health issues. Well, you do the math. 

    What I see here and hundreds of other places in print, web, video etc is a glaring lack of mercy for someone’s troubled life. He cried for help, yet did not take it. He took instead the drugs that kept him trapped in the body that became his jail. These are not unforgivable sins. 

    I remember sitting in the 20th doctor’s office having once more sung my sad song of attempted suicide, drug use, acting out and soul crushing depression where my toughest decision was to go to work or kill myself. I’d go to work and say “I can always kill myself tomorrow.” 

    The doctor was making some sort of list and said at the end “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you aren’t depressed or crazy. The bad news is you are bipolar. You can never take any recreational drugs ever again. You will have to be on meds the rest of your life. You are going to miss out on the manic highs, but you escape the crushing lows.and you need intense therapy to deal with the rest of your life when you get stabilized. 

    It was like a cancer disgnosis, but worse. When you have cancer, everyone wants to hug you. When you are ass-out crazy, nobody wants to touch you. 

    He summed it up with a single fact that brought the only note of hope into the conversation. “You are one of the strongest patients I’ve had with this diagnosis. 90% of the people with this disorder are either dead or in jail at your age” This was supposed to make me feel better how? 

    I was lucky. I was not rich or famous or beautiful, and could trust that the people around me who said they loved me had no ulterior motives. These, the diagnosis, the meds and the people were links in a chain that saved my life. Take any of them away and I would have died. 

    When James cried out for help, he had but one. His twin brother Jon loved him unconditionally. Without the other two, it was only a matter of time. 

    In the end this is the sad tale of the downfall of the beautiful prince with a tragic flaw. That story deserves both your sympathy and mercy. 

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