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NY MAG: Grindr Destroying Fire Island Social Life

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New York Magazine reports that many are upset that the social hook-up app Grindr is destroying the social scene on Fire Island:

Log in to Grindr on Fire Island, as you would anywhere else, and you’ll see a grid of 100 smiling faces and headless muscled torsos, a catalogue of men accessible from the comfort of your summer share’s living room. (Although cell-phone service on the island can be spotty, most houses are equipped with Wi-Fi.) The app has been called a “virtual bathhouse” and been pegged by some as a reason for the decline of the gay bar, but in a place like Fire Island, it may be especially destructive. Aside from the beach, a large part of the attraction of the Pines scene is the opportunity to rub shoulders, and maybe sleep, with attractive and powerful gay men. “Not long ago, you’d walk around here and everybody would be cruising each other, not anonymously, but face to face,” said Sal Occhipinti, a tanned 43-year-old, at a recent afternoon “high tea” dance party in the Pines harbor. A few feet away, on the largely empty patio of the Blue Whale, a group of three men were busily typing on their devices next to the bar. According to Occhipinti, even the Meat Rack, the notoriously cruisy wooded area between the Pines and Cherry Grove, has been taken over by glowing iPhone screens.

Fire Island's main social hub was also destroyed by fire last November, and has only been partially rebuilt.

UPDATE: Grindr sent us a response to the story.

Grindr makes it easier for gay guys to meet other gay guys. It’s a social ice-breaker, and we're confident it's having a positive impact on gay social life. Local businesses know and love Grindr. We partner with neighborhood bars and clubs around the world, and we receive great feedback from our partners. They tell us that our local promotions are driving local users to local bars. Everyone wins.
 
Even in a place like the Pines, it’s great to have the option to connect with just the kind of guy you're looking for rather than simply leaving it to chance. Like many gay destinations and resorts, the Pines isn't just all about meeting people but also about being with your community, being with your friends and going out to parties and attending events.
 
In most situations, technology has proven to be super-helpful. A guy might be too shy to approach someone at Blue Whale or another establishment. Grindr allows you to find guys you might not have encountered in your daily Pines life. It could be that neighbor you’ve never met -- the one you keep missing.
 
Grindr is never a replacement for real life, but it is a great tool to help you meet new people around the block, around the beach or around the world.

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Comments

  1. LITTLEKIWI is turning angry and hateful.
    Don't worry. It gets better.

    Posted by: JimmyD | Jul 23, 2012 11:32:59 AM


  2. Pardon me while I don't shed any tears for the "destruction" of the social life of Fire Island, that generally exclusive enclave of mostly rich, white, prick-@$$hole, gay men.

    Posted by: jamal49 | Jul 23, 2012 11:39:09 AM


  3. OMG a gay business that’s successful. First nothing will ever replace meeting someone in person. Don’t you still meet the person at the bar if your introduced via Grindr? This was a stupid article. Who wants to go to bar any way. This is just noise from where there is no news.

    Posted by: Jacques Rosas | Jul 23, 2012 11:45:02 AM


  4. Gay men can't form relationships with other gay men because they hate being men and wish they were women because they worship lady gaga.

    And I can't form relationships with other gay men because no other man will compare to my father who was the best lay I ever had. So I come here, everyday.

    Posted by: Rick | Jul 23, 2012 11:53:28 AM


  5. @kiwi, those of us who have grown into men have left places and situations like Fire Island behind long ago and are quite satisfied with our stable lives as they are now, owning businesses, owning homes, living full lives.

    The only delusion is the one you are creating for yourself, i.e. that you are a "man" because you're OUT with a URL to prove it. Wow. With the language you use and the attitude you give currently, you're at best a catty little 12-year-old girl.

    Posted by: johnny | Jul 23, 2012 11:56:34 AM


  6. Now we know why Rick is so bitter, he can't get any action, so he has to blame the "effeminate gay male" for everything. I'm surprised he didn't blame this on them!

    Posted by: DANNY | Jul 23, 2012 11:57:55 AM


  7. Geez, this place is like a gay bar. You have the old bitter man, Rick, sitting at the bar by himself moaning and grunting about how lame everyone and everything is yet he still comes to the bar every day, then there's the guy, Kiwi, who, depending on the phase of the moon is either fun and insightful or just kinda grumpy, then there's the guy, Jimmy, who is a blast to get drunk with....

    If u don't like Grindr then don't f'n go on it.

    Posted by: Michael | Jul 23, 2012 11:58:43 AM


  8. @Johnny, if that were true you'd be silently moving on and allowing the next generations to enjoy what you previously enjoyed.

    alas, we have a bunch of guys whose online-avatars are clearly venting about feeling left out of the party.

    go enjoy the homes you own that you paid for with the businesses you own. and remember to volunteer and donate to help all those who don't have the opportunity to own homes and businesses due to your own white-privilege.

    werk.

    ;-)

    *elegant curtsy as only a 12yo girl can do*

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Jul 23, 2012 12:01:36 PM


  9. You're close, Danny. Rick IS an effeminate gay male, and he hates himself.

    Posted by: endo | Jul 23, 2012 12:02:20 PM


  10. @Little Canadian,

    You are one funny dude.

    How many gay and bi men live the part circuit, fire island lifestyle? How many percentage wise of the total gay and bi population? How many gay and bi NY'ers cruise Fire Island?

    This is a non-issue for most gay and bi men who don't cruise [or troll] Fire Island, Provincetown, etc. or troll the gay party circuit.

    Posted by: ratbastard | Jul 23, 2012 12:02:38 PM


  11. @Jamal49,

    +1

    You got that right, Jamal. Although in fairness, there are pr*ck, a**hole guppie-type black, Hispanic and Asian homos there too.

    Posted by: ratbastard | Jul 23, 2012 12:05:08 PM


  12. i don't do the party circuit. i do, however, enjoy a nice lil vacation with beaches, gays, lesbians, good food, camaraderie and magical mists off the ocean. just because you're on fire island doesn't mean you're doing any of the things these miserable trolls just listed - and ten bucks says y'all aint never even been.

    stop being upset that other people are out enjoying the sun and surf and life and you're at home on your computer making up stories about how "blacks" killed your father.

    hating FI and the people who go there won't make your own life better. but if venting about it online stops you from pulling a sylvia plath in your own oven, then hey, by all means keep it up.

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Jul 23, 2012 12:11:43 PM


  13. @Michael Actually, the anger my observations tend to provoke are a reflection of the bitterness of the people expressing that anger. And what they are angry about is that I am exposing the truths about their lives, truths that are painful and that they will go to great lengths to avoid having to face.....and one of their means of avoiding having to face them is to attack those such as myself when we hold the mirror up to them.

    That they, themselves, are profoundly unhappy people is evident from the vitriol that they spew at me.

    The funny thing is that the only way they will ever find happiness is to acknowledge the truth of my observations and change themselves and gay male culture (and the male culture generally) accordingly.

    Even funnier is that the impetus for this change is coming--quite amazingly--from straight men, while gay men continue for the most part to languish in the tired old culture of the past.....

    Posted by: Rick | Jul 23, 2012 12:11:48 PM


  14. The internet took out the leather social scene first and now is killing the gay social scene in SF.

    The one group that seems to be embracing the technology but still has an active social scene are the 'Bears'.

    But I couldn't tell you why.

    Posted by: badlydrawnbear | Jul 23, 2012 12:13:34 PM


  15. I like to lie online about being masculine because I never really felt like a real man. Especially because my father made me dress up in blackface drag whenever we'd have sex, and that's because stereotypical effeminate queens made him think that just because I wanted to fellate him it meant that I wanted to be a woman. I hate you femmes for making my dad think he had to dress me up like a girl when we had sex. It ruined the experiences for me!
    He would never hug me or say anything loving or affectionate, and our times together when he'd have sex with me were ruined by having to dress in frilly dresses. And I HATE frills!

    Posted by: Rick | Jul 23, 2012 12:19:15 PM


  16. Andrew Sullivan recently profiles how social apps are killing the NYC gay scene as well. The overall number and relative sizes of the gay bars in NYC has declined dramatically.

    Gay clubs in NYC used to be able to hold thousands of men, now they hold hundreds as more and more men cruise from the comfort of home, or even while out at dinner or small parties and make arrangements to meet up at someone's home, after the meal.

    Posted by: badlydrawnbear | Jul 23, 2012 12:21:39 PM


  17. Would you kindly stop insulting my father Little Impostor? He was a great man and the best lover I ever had. You are mocking what was a very satisfying relationship between us. It was like Deliverance, only with fewer teeth.

    Posted by: Rick | Jul 23, 2012 12:25:37 PM


  18. Rick's little diatribes he likes to post here are eerily reminiscent of the types of manifestos written by people like James Holmes, Ted Kaczynski, and Anders Breivik.

    He fancies himself a misunderstood genius railing about truths only he knows in direct contrast to a vast majority, but the real truth is he's just another psychopath.

    We will never know Rick's real name because he's too afraid that if he posts it, it will become quite clear he doesn't live up to his own standards. But you can be certain that one day when an angry gay psychopath goes on a violent rampage involving women and effeminate men, Rick's postings here will stop.

    Posted by: endo | Jul 23, 2012 12:35:37 PM


  19. And yet, regardless of the availability of Grindr, I much prefer meeting guys (for hooking up, friendships, or any other reason) in person first, completely unaided by technology.

    The anxiety of "the big reveal" -- when you open the door on the stranger you've just invited to your apt/hotel room -- is far worse to me than the "hassle" of getting my ass dressed and out to the bar where I can have a natural conversation with someone first.

    I've only ever done random Grindr hookups once or twice, and in both cases I was extremely drunk and, in retrospect, exhibiting terrible judgment.

    It doesn't replace the traditional methods, is all I'm saying.

    Posted by: Kevin | Jul 23, 2012 1:22:40 PM


  20. I actually agree that Grindr is too much of a good thing. Like most things, it has good points and bad. Yes, it can make things somewhat easier in terms of hooking up with someone. However, by putting ourselves in an online virtual environment versus a real one, we turn dating and cruising into online shopping, where we become products to consume, and we judge ourselves by our "covers". We also, as has been noted, destroy our bar scene, Villages and communities, that we built up and created against a hostile society. Yes, society is changing and sure, bars can suck and be depressing at times, but we also lose a sense of comradery and community, and miss out on mixing with all sorts of people who could become friends, lovers or partners. I'm not saying we all need to ban Grindr, but I think we do need to shut it off sometimes and engage in the real world. This applies in Fire Island, SF or NYC, or whatever small town you may live in. Ironically, these apps that can bring us together can also make us more isolated and lonely than we ever thought.

    Posted by: Graphicjack | Jul 23, 2012 1:38:09 PM


  21. @Little Kiki

    You're totally wrong about me not going to FI. My father used to take me there when I was a teen. He would dress me up as Little Orphan Annie, take me to the hardcore sex clubs, then tie me up and give me oatmeal enemas. The lumpier, the better.

    Posted by: Rick | Jul 23, 2012 1:43:56 PM


  22. I read the article this morning and it struck me as one more instance of NY Mag trying to sound in-touch with the NYC gay scene wi which it is hopelessly out of touch. The Pines pick-up scene is relatively vapid and shallow to begin with - not judgin', just sayin' - but I don't see Grindr as much of a threat towards making it more so.

    Speaking of vapid and shallow, checkout my new novel!
    Man*hattan: a fairy tale
    http://amzn.com/B008IXE5DO

    Posted by: Phiggs | Jul 23, 2012 1:46:05 PM


  23. Love Fire Island. Think all cell phones should be put in a lock box upon entry of your share and not given back until you leave. I remember a time before cell phones (yes, I'm OLD!!). It was all about trading what little information you heard from main land (most, didn't have TV's and radio listening had already died out). We've moved into an era of wide-open isolation.

    Posted by: Bradley Simon | Jul 23, 2012 2:17:47 PM


  24. @Little Canadian,

    He was jumped and shot by a group of young black males. Sorry Little Canadian, but it's true. And yes, he died from it.

    Grow the F up. You are so lucky to be talking trash 600 miles from me. I can't believe you haven't had your share of well deserved beatings.

    Posted by: ratbastard | Jul 23, 2012 4:05:26 PM


  25. "At 54, I am too old for any of this to matter to me personally, but what prominent person is going to post their pics, especially semi-nude pics, on a public app?"

    Have you ever used Grindr? There are some shirtless pics, but the vast majority of them are simply face pics. Grindr screens all photos before posting them and deletes anything lewd. And what do you mean by prominent exactly? Are you looking for Donald Trump on an app? Then no. But respectful, successful gay men? Yes. I live in Pittsburgh, and all of the high power gays are on there.

    "As with the meet-by-Internet sites, it seems to me that most of the people who are willing to post their photos are relatively low-status."

    What world are you living in, haha? Do you know the large percentage, both gay and straight, of relationships formed online these days? Online dating isn't looked at as taboo by the younger generations. It's par for the course for a lot of us.

    "And no, this is not about being closeted vs. being out......I cannot imagine that even an "out" individual who has a prominent position in society (i.e. a successful professional career) would want to participate in any of this, due to the cheesiness of it all......because of the embarrassment factor, convenience issues aside."

    Again, what world are you living in, haha. Every gay person and most of the straight people I know have an online profile somewhere. The intentions are all different, hookups vs. dating, but again, the online taboo is not there for younger people.

    "Also, as a practical matter, is this really an efficient way to meet people? For those who use it, what percentage of the time does it actually result in meetings between two people? Is it not plagued by the same issues that the meet-by-phone options in the 90's were?"

    Very effective. At least for me its been. I've actually met some of my best friends through Grindr and also dated some very nice guys. Who were not "low status" as you put it. It can definitely be used as a hookup device, and it's incredibly effective as that, but it's not what all of us use it for.

    Posted by: BEAHBEAH | Jul 23, 2012 4:47:42 PM


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