Jamie Kuntz, North Dakota Football Player Kicked Off Team for Being Gay, Talks About Life Since Being Outed: VIDEO
Earlier this week I posted about Jamie Kuntz, a North Dakota college football player who was kicked off his team after teammates saw him kissing his boyfriend in a press box at an away game.
Kuntz sits down with SB Nation's Amy K. Nelson for his first on-camera interview to talk about the incident and what his life has been like since he was outed. Nelson also talks to his mom, the school's athletic director Stu Engen, people in Jamie's town, and some of his teammates.
Many of them are frustrated, upset with what they perceive as an attack on the school, and an unfair labeling of it as a homophobic place.
'I'm friends with Jamie,' said Trevon Money, a defensive end, "but you came here to play football. You didn't come here to do other things in the crowd." Spending 48 hours in the middle of a political, emotional and media firestorm, I got a glimpse into what happens when an athlete is outed in small-town North Dakota, and how not only the community reacts, but how the world watches.
Watch Nelson's excellent piece, AFTER THE JUMP...
At 15 years old, I fell in love with a 35 year old even though he didn't know it. At 29, I love him more now than I did then. I've never felt taken advantage of and I certainly don't consider myself psychologically damaged. He's my best friend -- I talk to him every day, vent to him when I'm angry, seek reassurance when I'm upset or scared, and I share every aspect of my life with him. To suggest that a college-aged guy isn't old enough to know what he's looking for and why, and make those decisions for himself, is absurd and ignorant.
You also have to realize that there are plenty of people his own age who would probably also take advantage of him. I see it with friends everyday. There are plenty of people with partners of the same age who use them for a variety of reasons. Are we really suggesting that he's somehow better off with someone else just because of their age?
Besides, this is all a distraction from the real issue. Being kicked off the team for kissing this guy is homophobia, plain and simple. I played football in high school and plenty of my teammates sucked face with their girlfriends at games. No one ever blinked an eye -- they were just boys being boys. I have a feeling there are plenty of straight kids on this team whose girlfriends come to games and hug or kiss them. I'd love to ask all of them how many times the coach has approached them about being a distraction. My guess is none.
Posted by: Ryan | Sep 15, 2012 7:28:09 PM
Yes, it's wrong that the kid has had to suffer because the homophobia around him, but ... c'mon, his manfriend is old enough to be his grandfather! Is it wrong? Oh no, not at all. If he were at least in his 20s, but he's 18-freaking years old! A 47-year age difference where the younger one is 18 is not much different from a teacher or coach or anyone in a position of trust and authority taking advantage of a teenager.
The kid should be supported and shouldn't be kicked off the team and shouldn't be held to double standards because he's gay, but ... the old man should know better, at best, and shouldn't mess with the boy's mind at worst, because that's certainly what's going on there.
Posted by: james | Sep 15, 2012 7:46:42 PM
I am actually flabbergasted everyone is dumping on the old guy.. come on gays you know how we are... The young guy is usually an opportunistic, gold digging parasite. He closed his eyes and did what he had to because grandpa was his ticket out of hooterville.
Posted by: Homo Genius | Sep 15, 2012 7:56:46 PM
It was good to see an honest interview like that, his family loving and accepting him even though his mother is upset and wondering if she's some to blame. It's also good that she's being honest about her feelings about the age difference rather than hiding them.
The athletic director and the other players are obviously hiding their homophobia with excuses, "distractions" and whatever else. You can't tell me that if his partner had been a woman the reaction would have been the same. And EVERY member of that team has lied to the coach about something, alcohol or drug use, study time, grades, whatever. (According to the linked article some claim that kissing wasn't all that happened, but I take that with a grain of salt.)
Regarding the age difference itself, yeah I'm a little bothered by it. Not that I think the 65 year old is necessarily a "dirty old man" or an abuser but you kind of have to wonder what they have in common. I don't remember any of them being in their 60s, but when I was younger than Jamie I "dated" *cough cough* men who were considerably older than me, in their 40s and maybe 50s. I even saw some of them for months. What we had in common was sex and my main appeal to them was that I was young. I'm sure there are exceptions, but Harold & Maude was a MOVIE, and sex is not a particularly good basis for a real relationship. Now that I'm in my 40s I can't imagine being interested in someone the age I was then or even Jamie's age. Not that he doesn't seem like a nice, handsome, intelligent guy, but I'd feel icky about it. Maybe that's just me, but I don't think so.
Posted by: Caliban | Sep 15, 2012 7:57:11 PM
On the whole I thought the story was well crafted (especially visually), but I wish there'd been some follow up with the school administrator over the appropriateness of the punishment for "distraction." Did the reporter ask after other examples of "distraction" that led to a player being tossed off a team and stripped of his or her scholarship? Were there any? If so, what were these serious distractions? What were other transgressions that got players ejected? Were the incidents comparable? Such questions seem to me more relevant than asking the administrator to speculate about a hypothetical other athlete coming out.
Posted by: Glenn I | Sep 15, 2012 8:14:24 PM
I have been in a 22 year monogamous relationship with someone 14 years younger than I. There are real problems planning for my 50-year-old's retirement and mine at the same time. We have worked together and enjoyed it. But there are real problems with that age difference...much less 40 years age difference. I didn't meet my love until he was 28 and had experienced some of what life had to offer. I personally think older men approaching people younger than their mid-20s, at the earliest, are taking advantage of potential immaturaty. I agree that this may be inappropriate, but the school system has no business approaching this situation in a punitive way.
Posted by: candideinnc | Sep 15, 2012 8:25:07 PM
I have quite a lot of issues with this whole topic. I was a gay athlete at a southern baptist christian school for 5 years, and I was able to date and be myself throughout it all. I had to make sure that not many people knew about me but I was out to friends, family, and even a teacher at my school. Where I could have been expelled for being gay. You have to pick your battles, folks. I think this was so filled with poor judgement on both sides that I feel like the actions taken by Jamie, were inappropriate, you went to another teams field, invited your boyfriend (who gives a F**k about his age its a red herring) and in the middle of the game you took time from what your job was (and if you have ever played football its a job) to go and kiss your boyfriend in the middle of the game. The school might have overreacted but this isn't about homophobia its about a bad decision that has now been so blown out of proportion, and I don't think this guy is a hero, I think the community has turned him into a hero, and he made a bad stupid decision. The men and women who lost their jobs in the Armed Forces because of DADT those are heroes, Stonewall rioters those are heroes. This is a kid who kissed his boyfriend in the middle of a game (and to go all the way up into the press box to do it just screams LOOK AT ME)
Posted by: Evan | Sep 15, 2012 9:09:05 PM
I have quite a lot of issues with this whole topic. I was a gay athlete at a southern baptist christian school for 5 years, and I was able to date and be myself throughout it all. I had to make sure that not many people knew about me but I was out to friends, family, and even a teacher at my school. Where I could have been expelled for being gay. You have to pick your battles, folks. I think this was so filled with poor judgement on both sides that I feel like the actions taken by Jamie, were inappropriate, you went to another teams field, invited your boyfriend (who gives a F**k about his age its a red herring) and in the middle of the game you took time from what your job was (and if you have ever played football its a job) to go and kiss your boyfriend in the middle of the game. The school might have overreacted but this isn't about homophobia its about a bad decision that has now been so blown out of proportion, and I don't think this guy is a hero, I think the community has turned him into a hero, and he made a bad stupid decision. The men and women who lost their jobs in the Armed Forces because of DADT those are heroes, Stonewall rioters those are heroes. This is a kid who kissed his boyfriend in the middle of a game (and to go all the way up into the press box to do it just screams LOOK AT ME)
Posted by: Evan | Sep 15, 2012 9:09:07 PM
Yeah! I wanna get a look at this silver fox boyfriend of Jamie's.
Posted by: Andy | Sep 15, 2012 9:37:53 PM
I don't think anyone has not said Jamie didn't make some mistakes. But there is a difference between making a mistake and then being a bad kid. And Jamie has been made out to be a bad kid by the coach and many of his ex-teammates because he's gay and kissed an old man. Let's keep it real, because that's all it comes down to. Especially given the fact he was kicked off the school for "lying/distraction" and not what he actually did wrong during the game. You either buy what those homophobes are selling or you don't. And millions of people aren't.
The age difference is not something I've even focused on. I don't care. Jamie can date who he wants to date, he's 18, his choice. What people need to stop doing is allow their discomfort with the age difference prevent them from being rational and having some empathy and basic understanding of the situation here------that Jamie was kicked off the team and basically run out of school for being gay.
Posted by: Francis | Sep 15, 2012 9:38:34 PM
Yeah, the age thing is a side-issue. As a society we've set 18 as the age of consent, Jamie is older than 18 so what he does is up to him. Relationships with such a large age difference might be an interesting discussion in itself but it's beside the point in this case.
FWIW, he wasn't in the press booth to say "look at me!" It's because he was in the press booth that he thought he had privacy enough to kiss his BF without being seen, which turned out not to be the case.
In the interviews with the school head coach and the other players it's clear they're making excuses. He was kicked out because he kissed a man. Not for lying or being a distraction, whatever that's supposed to mean.
Posted by: Caliban | Sep 15, 2012 10:08:01 PM
NAUGHTYLOLA - Whoa your phrase "if that's the hill you want to die on" was brilliant. It's now in my phrase book ready to be used.
Posted by: UFFDA | Sep 15, 2012 10:50:56 PM
Jamie's Title IX rights were violated. He needs to directly contact Arne Duncan Secretary of Department of Education and demand that his rights are upheld.
Posted by: Jessica Naomi | Sep 16, 2012 1:33:13 AM
I love how a lot of people keep calling the 18 year old man a kid. He is not a kid, he is legally a man.
The school administrator and the players reek of homophobia.
The young man pursued his older boyfriend, so what's your problem? It's his decision. You who criticize him and project your own prejudices are the ones who need help! Back off and let him live his life and learn from his journey.
Posted by: truthteller | Sep 16, 2012 1:47:39 AM
Bottom Line: Nobody's Business. I highly recommend legal action for violation of Jamie's Constitutional rights. The school won't change its attitude or policies unless it is forced.
Posted by: Bill Michael | Sep 16, 2012 3:31:06 AM
This is homophobia and the fact that Jamie's boyfriend is 65 had everything to do with it. How do you think the Coach, Principal and all those older men feel? Jamie at the very least must make them feel uneasy after all they know they themselves are Jamie's target (at least in age).
Posted by: Gast | Sep 16, 2012 3:35:39 AM
Society is none too kind to relationships with wide age disparity -- see "Harold and Maude". And inappropriate behavior by 18 year olds? Not all that strange, and from what we now know about brain chemistry, not all that surprising.
Jamie's interview projects a fundamental decency. I hope he can parlay that into a lifepath that may be different from what he's imagined but incomparably better.
Posted by: Rich | Sep 16, 2012 5:16:18 AM
So this Jamie guy is 18? Well, that means he is ten years younger than Tank, who normally dates guys who are close to his own age. But I'll make an exception for Jamie. So, yes, I'll come right out and admit, I'd bang this guy till the cows came home. I know a lot of other middle aged queens here feel the same way but they won't admit it like Tank just did. Hey, I've gotta keep it real, folks!
Posted by: TANK | Sep 16, 2012 7:32:03 AM
Sorry, this is a silly attention-grabbing story. And some posters need to lay off ridiculing anyplace that isn't NYC or SF. I know there are many older posters on here, and they need to realize the world really has changed since they were kids and young adults, everywhere, not just Manhattan,NYC. Many things that once made NY unique are no longer unique to NY or other major cities.
And there's so much wrong with this story IMO, but at the end of the day it's this young man's business.
Posted by: ratbastard | Sep 16, 2012 9:04:12 AM
Some people should see the documentary "Chris and Don: A Love Story," about Christopher Isherwood and Don Bachardy.
Posted by: DG | Sep 16, 2012 9:56:46 AM
I think this would be a HUGE distraction for the team. And I don't necessarily mean the fact that Jamie was gay. I think the one kid put it best when he said what the response would have been if another player brought his much, much older sugar mama to the game. My point is not that Jamie's BF is a sugar-daddy. My point is that that statement represents the extent to which the exact nature of this relationship would have been a distraction to the team.
Should Jamie have been kicked off because of it? Not sure. But if he's going to out himself as an athlete, he probably could have picked a better way to do it and most assuredly could have chosen a partner who would have made that easier. And, no, I'm not saying the school or the team properly have a veto over who Jamie chooses to date/love. But I am saying that the type of person he chose would inevitably have an impact upon the school's determination re the extent of the distraction it would create. If Jamie had chosen a flamboyant drag-queen as his relationship partner, this would have been an enormous distraction. If a straight player chose a super Goth chick or a 65 y/o woman to cuddle with in the stands, that would also have been an enormous distraction for the team. So, while I'm not saying that the sexual orientation had no impact (I'm not naive), I'm not as convinced as most on here that it represents the lion's share of the response of the coaching staff and the team.
Posted by: George | Sep 16, 2012 11:15:17 AM
This is an EXCELLENT piece of video journalism. It's rare to get a journalist who can show up with cameras *immediately* as something is still unfolding and achieve such human, genuine human emotion on camera. Outside the impact this story will have, bravo to the SB Nation team for capturing and promoting this story the way they have.
Posted by: GMB | Sep 16, 2012 11:47:27 AM
Jamie Kuntz is 18 years old. No matter what you or I might think about the age of his partner, he is a consenting adult so it's his business, not ours.
Was this the best way for his team to learn that he's gay? Not only no, but hell no. But if you support the school's right to kick him off the team because he's "a distraction" then you're basically saying it's OK for coaches everywhere to kick gay athletes off their team because it might upset other players.
Like it or not, neither Jamie or his BF did anything illegal and you can't tell me the punishment would have been the same if he'd been seen kissing a woman, whatever her age.
Posted by: Caliban | Sep 16, 2012 12:14:21 PM
No one has addressed the issue that this kid is just 18 NOW. How long has this relationship with the 65 year old bf been going on? What is the age of consent in this state? i'm now in my 60's and I find this a little disturbing. How long have they been "dating"?
However, this kid should never have been kicked off the team for being gay. I wonder just how explicit their display of affection was. But then again if it was a girl he would not have been kicked off.
Posted by: I wont grow up | Sep 16, 2012 1:19:29 PM
Tim Tebow wasn't kicked off the University of Florida's football team when he publicly kissed his teammate Tony Joiner. After the game a reporter asked Joiner if he kisses other men. He replied, "Just my father and Tim Tebow." That wasn't a passing fade because Tebow planted a wet one on his Denver Broncos teammate Demaryius Thomas, too.
Posted by: Ninong | Sep 16, 2012 1:40:57 PM