Jodie Foster | News | The Onion

'The Onion' Mocks Jodie Foster's 'Kind of Coming Out' Speech: VIDEO

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Funny or Die is not the only outlet finding comedy in Jodie Foster's Golden Globes speech.

The Onion News Network reports that Foster's speech is inspiring a whole generation of LGBT youth to come out to their parents in riddle form by giving confusing speeches to their friends and family.

It has also spawned an awareness campaign called The We Are All...Single, Just Kidding, But Seriously, I Am...Together, In This Room Project.

Next stop, SNL?

Watch, AFTER THE JUMP...


Jodie Foster Inspires Teens To Come Out Using Vague, Rambling Riddles 

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Comments

  1. She came out 5 years ago. So the speech wasn't flawless; people need to get over it.

    Posted by: Butch | Jan 16, 2013 9:36:49 AM


  2. I was so annoyed by the Towleroad "survey" I just took. If it's an advertising ploy SAY SO. Don't waste my time and trick me into thinking the site wants feedback so that it can improve its content and coverage of LGBT issues.

    Posted by: Paul | Jan 16, 2013 10:00:38 AM


  3. This is the part where celebrities are paid in dirt. And it must be hard, very hard to live with. I would wish that Jody knows nothing of it, nothing of the mockery from the underbelly of people who have nothing better to do than shred, like jackles, another's reputation if they can. I would hate being a well-known public figure of any kind. I would hate a life among parasites.

    Posted by: UFFDA | Jan 16, 2013 10:04:20 AM


  4. "Wasn't flawless"? Wasn't ANYTHING. She sounds demented.

    Posted by: David Ehrenstein | Jan 16, 2013 10:07:11 AM


  5. It was an awful, confusing speech that didn't really say anything. I get being nervous, but if it's going to mess you up that much, come out via press release or something.

    Posted by: JD | Jan 16, 2013 10:11:29 AM


  6. Jodie's rambling speech reminded me of Ronee Blakely in "Nashville".

    Posted by: Dastius Krazitauc | Jan 16, 2013 10:18:44 AM


  7. Has there EVER been a celebrity coming-out that was deemed fully acceptable and satisfactory by the (gay) public? I would absolutely HATE to be a gay celebrity that has to come out. It is always too indirect, too in-your-face, too late, too soon, too obvious, too secretive...

    Jesus, can someone tell me how a celebrity should ideally come out, so they won't be ridiculed and critizised for it??

    Posted by: Lee | Jan 16, 2013 10:36:00 AM


  8. LOL. Thank the Gods for The Onion.

    Posted by: Isaiah | Jan 16, 2013 11:24:18 AM


  9. She came out as "Single"

    Posted by: KimKim | Jan 16, 2013 11:58:18 AM


  10. Of course Jodie's speech is being parodied. She was a complete and utter blabbering mess bringing new meaning to WTF?!? Jodie is a classic example of the damage internalized homophobia can do to one's mind.

    For those defending her "poignant" speech? Get help and fast.

    Posted by: MARCUS BACHMANN | Jan 16, 2013 12:04:46 PM


  11. Who didn't know she was gay? Why is this news. She didn't come out at the Golden Globes, she did that years ago.

    Like the speech or don't, who cares but don't act like this was a big revelation when she's been out for years.

    Posted by: Bart | Jan 16, 2013 12:11:54 PM


  12. @Dastius Krazitauc: Funniest line ever.

    @Lee: False argument. Plenty of celebrities have come out recently without the kind of reaction Foster's getting. Jim Parsons, Victor Garber, really even Anderson Cooper who I think most took as a decent if overdue way of coming out.

    In contrast, Foster seemed to create a self-fulfilling prophecy about how her coming out would be received. If you make a weird worldwide-televised spectacle of your coming out that seems to criticize the coming out process of other celebrities, it's then hard to then be seen as someone who's devoutly committed to privacy and believes methods of coming out should never be criticized.

    Posted by: bobbyjoe | Jan 16, 2013 12:12:29 PM


  13. Oh shut up EHRENSTEIN. Doesn't this mean that you're falling down on your job as a celebrity fluffer?

    Posted by: SOB | Jan 16, 2013 12:21:18 PM


  14. It was worthy of being mocked. And it is easy to mock, because it was such a mess. She began by saying she wasn't going to make a coming out speech, because she was already out to her friends, family, and co-workers. Then about 20 Million people all over the world learned that she was gay.....or not...depending on how much they could decipher.
    When 20 Million people are informed that you are gay, isn't that a coming out speech?
    So right away she contradicted herself and it just continued from there.
    She wants privacy but she wants to be seen and deeply understood. Okaaaay.
    She wants privacy but talked about her female partner, her children and her mother (and her mother's condition at the end of her life) at an awards show where she could have just talked about her work. Okaaaaaay.
    Mess.

    Posted by: JUSTaThought | Jan 16, 2013 12:24:19 PM


  15. The terms "to come out" and "to out [someone]" have been co-opted from mostly gay people into a variety of other contexts. Straight people talk about coming out to co-workers as a lottery winner or as an epileptic, etc., and people talk about someone in the news being "outed" as a spy or of someone at work being outed as being an alcoholic or as being pregnant, or indeed, as being single in an environment where others are mostly partnered.
    Jodie said she was comin out as single (...no just joking, no not really joking, I'm single, etc.).
    My guess is that most gay kids across America watched that speech and learned that she is single and still don't have a clue that she is gay.
    When Ellen said, "Yup, I'm gay," there was no confusion.
    When Jane Lynch thanked "my wife Lara," sure, she could have been gay OR bi, but that didn't matter because the language she used was unashamedly unambiguous.
    Jodie seems to still be uncomfortable about being seen as gay in the public eye. If you already knew she was gay, you may have read between the lines into some vague code words in the speech, but if you didn't already know she was gay, chances are you still don't.

    That is not necessarily a criticism of Jodie. Most of us (including me) have spoken in "gay vague" at various times when we were only comfortable with maybe leaving the questions open but not really comfortable being as clear as straight people nearly always are. That is what Jodie did, both in the "beautiful Cydney" reference and with this "coming out as single" speech.
    It's no different than if I say to a conservative (and unknowing) person at work that "my special someone and I just got back from Vegas" and then continue to talk about the trip without using pronouns.

    It's not a horrible thing to do, but it's not "coming out" as gay. It's actually a rather unnatural pattern of speech that takes pains to be UNclear.



    Posted by: GregV | Jan 16, 2013 1:33:27 PM


  16. Do certain gay people really need other gay people's coming out speeches spelled with crayons and building blocks??
    grow a life already!!

    Posted by: Alan Brickman | Jan 16, 2013 5:48:25 PM


  17. Now I know why peoples privacy should be respected...

    Posted by: Alan Brickman | Jan 16, 2013 5:49:36 PM


  18. Poor Alan. He thinks being gay is an issue of privacy. Poor, sad, Alan. tsk tsk

    Posted by: MARCUS BACHMANN | Jan 16, 2013 5:53:53 PM


  19. Who cares about the rambling speech? Much ado about nothing. Who in the industry didn't know long ago? Who in the educated not brain dead part of America didn't know already? So what if "flyover land" doesn't know or care. Any woman not flashing her boobs or up skirt vagina in public is gay to the rednecks anyway. BTW, what is her infatuation with that anti-Semite (albeit very rich) drinker and far right-winger she gave the shout out to at the Globes?

    Posted by: Contrarian | Jan 16, 2013 6:31:14 PM


  20. "But you already know that, so there!"

    Posted by: anon | Jan 16, 2013 7:45:07 PM


  21. As talented as she is, her closeted-ness kinda pissed me off after a certain point. And no she didn't come out 5 years ago, although the tabloids very publicly busted her cheating on her partner. She was outed and kept her mouth shut about being gay. Which she shouldn't have, which is what annoys me the most about her NON-coming out now!! Now that it is safER, she still hedges the damn issue.
    My minor annoyance about her speech: the inherent narcissism. Acceptable in Hollywood, but a straw on a camel's back at this point.
    Either way, I'll forgive her if she starts making good movies again.

    Posted by: Lucas H | Jan 16, 2013 8:17:45 PM


  22. Lucas H. : Wasn't that a whole room full of narcissists though? All clapping for themselves? I don't know why they bothered to televise it. (So the peasants could watch??)

    Posted by: Yupp | Jan 16, 2013 10:23:04 PM


  23. (To Jodie's credit though...she looks awesome).

    Posted by: Yupp | Jan 16, 2013 10:25:25 PM


  24. Bear in mind that Jodie's plea for privacy was preceded by a shout out to her publicist. Girl seems to want it all ways.

    Posted by: Douglas | Jan 16, 2013 11:43:24 PM


  25. NIce to be here and see your post!

    Posted by: charmingdate | Jan 17, 2013 2:50:28 AM


  26. 1 2 »

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