White Smoke Emerges from Vatican Chimney, Indicating New Pope Has Been Elected


White smoke has begun emerging from the Sistine Chapel chimney in the ceiling of the Vatican, indicating that a new Pope has been chosen.

The new leader of the Catholic church will be announced within the hour.

Watch a live stream, AFTER THE JUMP...

UPDATE: And the Pope has been chosen.

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  1. The chose American Sean O'Malley.

    Posted by: TY | Mar 13, 2013 2:21:31 PM

  2. Hide your altar boys! The foreign leader of a foreign cult has slithered up to pass judgment on us all. Thank you, founding fathers, for making him irrelevent.

    Posted by: Tony | Mar 13, 2013 2:25:03 PM

  3. Congratulations to the new Grand Wizard. May he have all the red Prada shoes, gold lamé gowns and alter boys he desires, along with a key to the big gay sauna, all while he tells us how immoral WE are. Can we just incite a revolution and abolish this plague on society?

    Organized religion is the biggest threat to society and to sanity. Why are dead religions "myths" and new religions "cults" when they are as equally illogical as established religions and none have been proven to be true? If people want to believe in a magic sky fairy, that's their business, but it doesn't give them a pass to tell others how to live, nor does it excuse organized religions causing war (crusades), genocide (Inquistion), illegal executions (death by burning), hindering public health (statements that claim condoms cause AIDS and should never be used), subjugation of women (pro-lifers, inequality of nuns vs. priests), racism (KKK, Nazis), and homophobia. Athiests UNITE!

    Posted by: graphicjack | Mar 13, 2013 2:30:22 PM

  4. I suspect that a quick decision has little to do with guidance from the Holy Bird and more with the unwillingness of all those old nances to hang around cooped up too closely with each other.

    Posted by: gregorybrown | Mar 13, 2013 2:35:30 PM

  5. Oh, what a wonderful Kiki!

    Posted by: beef and fur | Mar 13, 2013 2:38:19 PM

  6. It's Jeremy Irons.

    Posted by: bobbyjoe | Mar 13, 2013 2:40:48 PM

  7. Not Jeremy Irons - it's Richard Chamberlain ...

    Posted by: Leroy Laflamme | Mar 13, 2013 2:48:29 PM

  8. LMAO @ Beef and Fur

    Posted by: Steven | Mar 13, 2013 2:48:46 PM

  9. Aside from saving a few of the cultural artifacts inside, it's too bad that smoke emerging means they're choosing a new BS leader and not OH MY GOD THE PLACE IS BURNING DOWN AND THERE'S NO ONE TO HELP US.

    Posted by: Paul R | Mar 13, 2013 2:48:54 PM

  10. We are watching smoke signals on the internet.

    Posted by: melvin | Mar 13, 2013 2:49:40 PM

  11. as always, it came down to the swim suit competition...

    Posted by: V-8 | Mar 13, 2013 2:55:21 PM

  12. I though that meant orgy was over.

    Posted by: KP | Mar 13, 2013 3:01:30 PM

  13. @GraphicJack — as one atheist to another, I could not agree more with your essay.

    Thank Dog they've decided on someone, I am so tired of this being on every TV channel I change to. Paganism is not my cup of tea (although a Brazilian Papa in a samba-school costume COULD make my day…).

    Posted by: tinkerbell | Mar 13, 2013 3:03:27 PM

  14. I haven't been this excited since Sir Topham Hatt was promoted to Head of the Island of Sodor Railway.

    Posted by: beef and fur | Mar 13, 2013 3:07:03 PM

  15. Can't wait to see the Pope after-show where all the cardinals who lost go into the Interior Illusions Lounge have Absolute cocktails and kiki about "Miss Thing

    Posted by: Hoss | Mar 13, 2013 3:07:11 PM

  16. @Hoss

    Do you mean Conclave Untucked?

    Posted by: beef and fur | Mar 13, 2013 3:09:49 PM

  17. @Beef Exactly

    Posted by: Hoss | Mar 13, 2013 3:11:36 PM

  18. In honor of new Sir Popetastic Beauteous Corpus I offer this riddle:

    Q: How do you get a Nun pregnant?

    A: Dress her up like an Altar Boy.

    Posted by: beef and fur | Mar 13, 2013 3:18:16 PM

  19. cardinal begolio

    Italian descent, Born and raised in Argentina, against gay marriage but has spoken on respecting gay people

    will take name Francis

    thus the prophecy ...this pope who was supposed to be the black pope /last pope pre anti-christ and end of the world would take forbiden name PETER which no pope has ever taken since peter

    malachy prophecy thus proven false

    Posted by: Moz's | Mar 13, 2013 3:18:30 PM

  20. So ncie grest spotso nice great!

    Posted by: buyresearchpaper.org | Mar 13, 2013 4:50:15 PM

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