Comments

  1. David Hearne says

    I’m still learning to accept myself and I’m old. Kudos to this young man and his mother. They have a journey ahead of them and I wish them the very best.

  2. Tim M. says

    It’s sad that these parents, when hit with this issue personally, start thinking more clearly. If only they could think of others, too — because isn’t that a “christ-like” way of thinking?

  3. Not that Rob says

    @Tim

    It’s easy to say that as an outsider looking in. But when you’re trapped inside the box, how can you see things differently unless you’re pulled out of it.

  4. says

    its’ funny – faith can be something that makes a person look up and question the world. organized religion, instead, becomes a force that makes people look down in subservience and question nothing.

    in the “best possible” sense – a religious congregation can be like a good yoga class: you take off the stresses of the week, you relax, you clear your mind, you charge yourself up with positive energy to tackle the upcoming week. faith being something to remind you of the Bigger Picture, to keep things in perspective.

    as we all know, that simply doesn’t happen too much with religion. religion is tearing more families apart than it is keeping them together, and this perfectly illustrates why.

    you want to prepare your children for the world they’ll be living in – not for the world that didn’t even actually exist thousands of years ago.

    and TIM, your point needs repeating: think of Senator Rob Portman: mr “i voted against gay stuff until i found out my own son is gay, now two years after finding out i decided i should support gay marriage, but not protections from anti-gay discrimination.

    some folks championed him. i thought he sounded like a complete idiot.

    and what will his uphill battle be? to get Republican parents to do what he was never able to do as a republican parent, and polician Care About Someone Else’s Kid

  5. UFFDA says

    Just imagine her horror had he killed himself. The Mormon Church is wrong. Now she can spend her time more profitably by readjusting to that. Then to readjusting to a whole lot of other things as well, along with everyone else who thinks that being gay is chosen or that it matters to any real God.

  6. Maguitac says

    “Jordan, this changes nothing. … You are perfect in our eyes.”

    Beautifully done mom. And don’t you worry, we are fighting, and will be, until every American has the right to marry and become a parent if they so choose to. I hope parents like these will be joining the fight as well.

  7. andy says

    It’s hard to find these stories heart-warming. To me it shows how selfish and what a lack of empathy religious people have. Did this woman not realize the gay men and women she wanted to discriminate against were someone’s little boy or girl at one time?

  8. says

    @andy – she didnt’ care. they weren’t Mormon’s kids so they were going to be slaves in the afterlife, anyway.

    along with all non-Mormons. because Mormons can’t have gay kids. Magical underwear protects you. because when you come from a family line where a “small” family has 6 children, there’s no WAY the Law Of Numbers will affect you, right?

    you have to remember that when dealing with Mormons you need to lower your standard of expectations for human intelligence and compassion: Mormons don’t care about other people. They care only about what other Mormon people think about THEM.

  9. Robert says

    Why is this woman being featured? She did nothing remarkable and is only another example of ‘enlightened self-interest’ She’s not really reformed, they never are. Later in life, she’ll still be ‘finding a way to accept my son’, like being gay is wrong and she just has to learn to live with it.

  10. Caliban says

    I absolutely believe these parents were wrong to support Prop 8, as andy says, to not see that the people they were discriminating against were someone’s children too.

    But to me there is an important fact that separates them from Rob Portman, of whom I was critical. Portman is an elected official there to represent his constituency, not only HIS family. It should be his DUTY to consider others, not just himself and his own children. When you’re elected it’s not all about YOU!

  11. StevyD says

    It’s a conversion to the rightful way and I’ll take it, even if it came about because of a self centered view. Self centered because the parents were more worried about their own rather than all GLBT people. It’s a well known fact that if you love someone that is family or friend, you’re much more likely to be supportive of equality, if that person is GLBT. Which is why we all need to be brave by being who we are, living our lives openly, being honest to those who love us, and risking that they will still love us, by coming out.

  12. Brad says

    I agree with Little Kiwi. I have very little sympathy for these parents or for Senator Rob Portman when they discover their children are gay. It’s okay to vote away the rights of others but when suddenly it’s your own child then they suddenly change position. It’s not okay for other people, but gee when it comes to me and mine it’s a different story. That attitude is seriously messed up!

    Good for the kid though to stand up to his parents and the evil church he belongs to.

    It took me years to get over the damage the LDS church did to me in growing up.

  13. Jack M says

    What remains to be seen is how the boy’s parents will “figure it out,” and how they will act on their conclusions. I wouldn’t breathe a sigh of relief yet.

  14. Francis #1 says

    Good story. Not great, but good. The great aspect is, of course, Wendy and Tom Montgomery accepting their son for who he is. The bad part is that they’re still immersed in the Mormon church. Jordan is in a Mormon-sponsored BSA troop. The Mormon church is homophobic. This attempt to try to whitewash over that is pathetic. Jordan still has “rocky times” at his school, which is because he goes to a conservative Biblical school.

    The only way any of that will change is with the family removing themselves from the Mormon culture. The thing is with Mormons is, they “love” you for who you are but still see you as a sinner and deviant. The Montgomery family do not see their son Jordan in that way but they’re around people who do, and people who don’t but will not say that publicly b/c they’re in fear.

    I don’t think LGBT folk who are religious should simply renounce their religion but there’s a schism between most mainstream religions and being LGBT. That’s just how it is. So if you’re a family with an LGBT child, and you’re heavily into the religious world as well, you have to make some tough choices and compromises.

  15. Mike. says

    You all have to read the whole story linked on the ABC website. I applaud these parents. They were believing what they’re church told them to believe, and now they are able to see how wrong they were. And they’re coming out publicly on film to share their story and hopefully help change other minds. I think they’re great and I think their son Jordan is very lucky to have such loving parents.

    A great quote from the ABC website:

    “I am a better person for having a gay son,” she said. “I love differently, and I love more openly. I didn’t realize the judgment I had before I realized that having a gay son was a great blessing and not a burden.”

  16. Douglas says

    I’m inclined to see the beauty of redemption in this. Whatever came before, for whatever reasons, this family is changing–and changing for the better. We as a community aren’t going to achieve what we want unless we’re willing to forgive those who, though admittedly wrong in the past, now seek to make things right.

  17. SFRowGuy says

    Surprising they didn’t whip him, then shove him into reparative therapy. Tolerance?! Understanding!? Acceptance?! How christian is that?

  18. says

    the true meaning of the Mormon slogan… “Families Are Forever” – and how far we’ve come. What beautiful parents. Their son is lucky to have them. And the LDS church is even luckier to have such a loving family reach out and try to heal all the hurt and pain the Mormon church has caused families with gay kids over the years.

  19. Caliban says

    I’m inclined to agree with Douglas. “We as a community aren’t going to achieve what we want unless we’re willing to forgive those who, though admittedly wrong in the past, now seek to make things right. ”

    There’s a big caveat to this though. There are some Mormons who claim they “accept” gays but also expect, even demand celibacy from them. So long as the Montgomerys truly accept their son as a full human being, able to form sexual and intimate bonds with another male then I welcome their change of heart.

  20. ND says

    The level of bitterness and hate that fills the comment section is sad. The bitterness and hate says more about the commenter than it does the subjects of the article

    Regardless of how these people got “there”, they arrived. And with one more set of parents “here”, we’re closer to universal acceptance than we were before. There is no other way to achieve this goal at this point then live good lives, be happy and welcome those that wake up, learn from their past and join the right side of history.

  21. Will says

    It’s kind of ironic… some of parents’ fears included what their son will come up against regarding discrimination and lack of acceptance, while their former attitudes helped build those obstacles. Its’ great that they’re accepting – support at home will do wonders for the kid. I had a similar experience, parents vocal against gays, then they find out their only son is one (followed, thankfully by eventual acceptance). We’re lucky now that there are so many places where we can live ‘normal’ lives, and those places are getting larger and becoming more abundant. Progress.

  22. says

    Troll, just remember – when you post your own bigoted ideologies under my name, and then link them to my blog, a simple click on my blog – revealing its content – proves you wrong. so thanks :-)

    feel free to post your own blog with your own racist ramblings. oh wait, you can’t. oh well :-)

  23. Soren456 says

    I hope that these parents have begun to see that the answer is to leave the church. Their departure will be the most difficult thing they’ve ever done, but it will also prove to be the most freeing.

    They want a full life for Jordan, but if they (and he) remain in the church, he will never have it. The Mormons have a theological glass ceiling through which Jordan my look, but may never pass. That’s not going to change. Any belief otherwise is futile.

  24. says

    to your point, Soren – there is no one “religious group” in the entire world that does a very specific form of GOOD, exclusively.

    all have their “Good” parts, and doings. however, a great many come saddled with a boatload of dogmatic bigotry and intolerance and prejudice.

    you can leave a church or religious group that has those Bigoted Issues and find one that, lo and behold, has NONE.

    all the good, none of the bad. and it’s time parents, and parents to be, started recognizing this: bringing up your child in certain faith groups is nothing more or less than child abuse.

  25. ScooterJ says

    These people had their long and tightly held religious tradition rocked and unlike many, they took a brave step in trying to understand rather than simply to disown their son. This was not a sudden revelation on their part, but one that they obviously struggled with.

    I don’t question the parents motives, I dont care of they figure it out, ( who among us has?) I don’t care about how their feelings will manifest themselves in the future. I know this. . . This young man is in a safe and clearly loving family and their epiphany may just have prevented another teen suicide.

    I celebrate this family and am confident that their very public “outing” will touch parents who are in similar situations.

  26. says

    Friends, we can talk ourselves into a cocked hat with the back and forth on this. But let’s remember a few unassailable home truths :
    1. The Catachism of the Catholic Church states definitively as doctrine that we gays are “intrinsically defective”.
    2. All who persist in their sin of homosexual sex are excommunicated – they make that much worse if they defy the Church and take Communion.
    3. We are not allowed equal rights to straights.
    4. We are still demonized in Russia- through the malign influence of medieval religion.
    5. Gays are being tortured and executed in Zimbabwe, Uganda, Iran.
    6.Politicians abuse their office by continuing to deny equal rights and they are aided and abetted by the fascists who call themselves the Tea Party.

    Just because a Mormon woman half awakes to realize she is about to lose her gay and brave son is hardly the beacon of hope and promised land which is being peddled.

  27. trees says

    If religious parents believe that being gay is a choice, why don’t they blame themselves for raising a son who is gay? Why is it always the son’s or the devil’s “fault” and not theirs?

  28. woodroad34d says

    @Little Kiwi

    “Mormons don’t care about other people” — neither do Southern Baptists, or Methodists (having grown up with family members of both sects and my brother belonged to MIA-Michigan Indian Association–and they’re not very tolerant of gays, either despite the berdache history). You made an excellent statement about the difference between faith and “religion”. Religion is a shadow government seeking to rule through fear and intimidation (just look at the Moldavian Russian Orthodox church in today’s news). If you want to believe, believe…but I think ‘Religion’, per se, needs to be outlawed or at the very least have their government sponsored tax relief suspended or deemed a hate group. I just find Religion (with a capital ‘R’) just a vile institution.

  29. DannyEastVillage says

    Some of the people posting here are as merciless and unkind as some of the horrible Mormon leadership. Believe me, being gay doesn’t make you better. And most of us had to go through a process of simply accepting OURSELVES – so is there really anything untoward about this woman’s admitting she has a process to go through? It’s a process for every one of us. Get OVER it, my self-righteous, priggish gay brothers..

  30. reality says

    Good for this family telling their story and being willing to help other families deal with the same circumstance. We’d like to think all families should accept their gay children right away, but that’s not the case. Films like this need to be shared.

  31. DanteDraper says

    For “balance” the documentary should profile Mormon Danya Martell-Smart – recently of the Cornell University chemistry department – who donated $1000 to support Prop 8 AFTER her father committed suicide due to his public struggle with coming out and his ex-communication from the Mormon Church for being gay. I discovered this on the site that used to be called “Lavender Lounge”, I think, which had a database of Prop 8 donors with a comments section. Someone who knew him recognized that Danya was the daughter of the man who killed himself and was disgusted she’d donate money to an anti-gay cause. I think, sadly, that’s much more representative of the “Mormon way.”

  32. Jolie says

    I’m tired of these self-righteous ignorant bigots changing their minds ONLY when it affects them and their family. This woman campaigned against my civil human rights. No more breaks for ignorant religious right-wingers. I forgive them, but I do not forget!

  33. pedro says

    I watch those lds missionary letter opening videos on youtube…my cousins are LDS…and I would say that more that 50 percent of them set off my gaydar. They are going to slave for a church for 2 years that will turn around and disown them if they are their authentic selves. I prefer to go to college where I am working on a degree that benefits me…instead of slaving to find new recruits for a multi-billion dollar corporation.

  34. jimstoic says

    One of the painful things about being gay is also one of the gifts of being gay: we are in many ways forced to find our own way. It hurts when we and others try to force the square pegs we are into the round holes our families and communities expect us to fill. When we accept that we will never fit them and give up trying, we have a freedom that the people who DO fit never get to experience.

  35. emjayay says

    Not that every gay guy is stereotypically gay or anything. And this kid is pretty young – apparently not much past the 13 years old the mother mentions. But seriously – he’s gay. Like she said, they were rationalizing a lot along the way.

    I’d like to see the doc. You’ld think the PBS station in NYC would show a bunch of Frameline stuff. But they don’t. Oh well, I guess opera is pretty gay. And Lawrence Fox is amazing.

  36. emjayay says

    But wait…isn’t the kid getting in the minivan with the family to go to some Mormon service? Obviously, he has a ways to go as well. Maybe it will dawn on him soon that being gay and Mormon isn’t a workable combination.

  37. Joseph Singer says

    Why is gay only OK if your son or daughter is caught to be that way? Sounds a bit selfish to me that you’re only valuable as gay because you’re my son or daughter. Otherwise I could care less about you and even be nasty to you.

  38. TonyJazz says

    Isn’t it sad that the Cheneys and many Mormons in the world hate gay people (contribute campaign money against our basic rights) until they have a core gay relationship in their family?

    Why couldn’t they care about equal rights without that tie?

  39. Bob says

    ALWAYS SKEPTICAL ABOUT MORMONS — they have taught me that their word is all about looking good.
    1–This stuff is popping up here and there just when the morhole church needs to look better on the Gay issue.
    2–Present mormon doctrine: “BE Gay, but don’t leave the church and God and your family, so marry a woman”
    3– Very little sympathy or admiration for the parents — they overlooked the VERY OBVIOUS SIGNS THE BOY IS GAY until he finally told them. Others kill themselves and do not end up in lovely videos. 4– At least the kid will feel more accepted. Unless that church makes a big change he will have to leave it, or do what mormon Gays have done for decades: marry, then fail at it after having kids (if they can pass), or be tossed out onto the streets of Salt Lake as sex workers

  40. Robert says

    I know this family personally. They now know that they were wrong about Prop 8. Everything they are doing today is to repair the damage they have done in the past. They are reaching out to other gay kids in their church. They are trying to be examples in their church. They are standing up to their church elders and doing all they can to change the direction of their church. The Montgomery’s are on a mission to make their church, this country and this world a better place for ALL their kids, even Jordan.

    They are realistic, they don’t expect Jordan to be celibate his entire life. They want Jordan to date, fall in love, and eventually marry who he wants to marry.

    Also, Jordan goes to a public school. The family just happens to live in a very conservative part of California and the school administration could be considered “conservative.”

    To the people who are having a hard time trusting or giving sympathy to these parents: We need as many people as we can get to our side. It doesn’t matter how late they got to the party, or how they got here; they are here, and we should welcome them to our side. Let’s be better than the Mormon church, and actually welcome this family.

  41. says

    The only positive comment I can make is that at least she and her husband could see their sons struggle and know he wasn’t a sinner because he was gay but why couldn’t they make the same revelation about other gay people, when it hits home they were able to see.

  42. Zach says

    After reading the story, watching the video, and reading the comments. Half of the comentors are vile and I feel sympathy that you have to live with yourselves, it must be tough.

  43. JONES says

    Most of the anger expressed in comments here is directed at the Mormon Church and I believe rightfully so. They are LBGT oppressors and destroyers of lives of many of the young in our community. The vile comments are just that, vile and inexcusable.

    The anger directed at the Montgomerys is mostly over their seemingly total disconnect to the effects of the hate and discrimination their religion espouses and that they willfully participated in UNTIL it affected their own loved ones. Once Jordan came out as gay they immediately saw some of the terrible consequences of what their religion endorses. Where was their empathy? As parents, as fellow human beings, how was it possible that they could live in a vacuum so closed as to not ever have considered the results that Mormon LBGT hatred would bring to other peoples children?
    It’s that very disconnect, a blind non questioning obedience that allows organized religions the power base they have that angers those who have suffered because of it.

    It’s still not clear to me that the Montgomerys have realized the bigger picture of how destructive on a national & international scale their religion is. They have yet to grasp that their church structure has endorsed lies, hatred, and discrimination against kids just like Jordan that make their daily existence a nightmare of abuse, bullying, and oftentimes homelessness and even death.

    They want Jordan to have a happy life and we do to, that’s why we’ve been waging war against the hatemongers of the world, their church included.

    We raise our voices against hate loud enough and continually so that every little gay kid in the world will hear us and know that they are not alone and should never give up.

    Mrs Montgomery, Jordan is perfect. He is your gift and it was a blessing for your family that your eyes were opened to his hurt before he lost hope. Your decision to fight for your perfect gift is the greatest gift you can give him back. Make it a gift worthy of him. Take up the fight for equality not just for Mormon gay kids but for all gay kids. Add your voice to ours.

  44. Bob says

    @JONES – I think most mormons do not mean to hate or cause hurt and unhappiness, but if they think that mormonity is under threat, they will rip your throat out.
    PROP 8 WAS ABOUT FEAR THAT THEY WOULD BE FORCED TO PERFORM GAY TEMPLE WEDDINGS — everything with them is about paranoia and the soldiers in 1890 forcing them to end polygamy, or the infidels laughing at their “mission” calls.

    They mostly do not hate Gays — they are so caught up in their silly religion that they did a lot of collateral damage, thinking they were under attack.

  45. EchtKultig says

    “PROP 8 WAS ABOUT FEAR THAT THEY WOULD BE FORCED TO PERFORM GAY TEMPLE WEDDINGS”

    No. It wasn’t. That’s an absolutely ridiculous lie.

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