Comments

  1. Derrick from Philly says

    It seems it’s always the most gentle and kind hearted that the cruel bastards go after. And the despair just becomes too much. Well, Carlos tried to make life better for others his age, and he probably did.

  2. Derrick from Philly says

    It seems it’s always the most gentle and kind hearted that the cruel bastards go after. And the despair just becomes too much. Well, Carlos tried to make life better for others his age, and he probably did.

  3. Francis #1 says

    His letter hit me like a ton of bricks. Wow. So unbelievably heartbreaking and tragic. Also a reminder that as much progress as we have made, that homophobia is still very very real, it’s still rampant, gay marriage successes haven’t changed that, and that includes with the youth, who we believe are going to save the day and change everything regarding LGBT acceptance and social relations. Just….I’m sorry Carlos. RIP.

  4. JY says

    Very sad, and I’d like to know more about this “far from hospitable” reception he got in North Carolina. I would really like to know what happened, where he was speaking and how they feel about their handiwork.

  5. Munro says

    RIP Carlos. Sending you love and acceptance as you continue your journey. My condolences to the loved ones who endured the bullying with him and are now facing this tragic loss.

  6. Sam says

    You’ll notice that this story is the same as almost every other gay bullying story: there is no identification of any bully.

    It is all described generically or in the passive voice. No perpetrators are ever named. There seems to be a convention that the press and the friends and families of the victims are all supposed to collude to protect the identities of the culprits. It is sick. The bullying didn’t descend from the clouds and afflict this young man as an abstraction. It was perpetrated by specific individuals, who all have names. They should be named.

  7. reader says

    We should be careful about this story. It’s dangerous to buy into the narrative that bullies cause suicide. Only those who kill themselves “cause” their own deaths. External forces can aggravate the mental states of those who are prone to suicide, but suicide is a much, much more complicated and difficult thing. It’s too easy to say his death was the result of bullying or just bullying.

  8. Rob says

    This courageous young man’s letter touched my heart and pissed me off! He was trying to make the world better for other gay kids, but no. The bigots in North Carolina won’t have it. What in the world is wrong with these people!!!! This is a child!!

  9. Mike says

    @MATT26 Neither happy or sad, I would imagine. A similar horrendous thing happened to a good friend in my class and the guilty ones just went on to their next victim as quickly as possible. Even though they HAD to have known what the had done, they could not even admit it to themselves. [sigh]

  10. ratbastard says

    How many people suffered bullying growing up? Many, actually. I was bullied off and on because I had a stutter and because this made me anxious and nervous I was quiet, which only made the bullying worse. And many of those people aren’t the people you’d stereo-typically expect. I knew one kid who was a fantastic jock, good looking, the whole nine yards, but he was bullied, primarily because he was ‘different’ in various ways [I’m not saying he was gay, I don’t know]. He was also generally quiet and didn’t have a lot of friends. He lived alone with his single mom, they weren’t comfortably middle class, had no car and so-on. We were friends and sometimes we’d just hang out and do stupid things young teenage boys do. I liked him. When I look at it now, I think he may have suffered from depression and anxiety, but I didn’t know what all that was back then. I didn’t dwell on his background and his family life, he was just a kid who was my friend and his mom seemed nice. They moved away and I never saw him again. I wonder occasionally what happened to him. I hope he’s had a good life.

  11. Derrick from Philly says

    @ Reader,

    I understand your view and you make a valid point, but when you read his final Twitter statement it’s clear outside forces gave him too much pain.

    When these tragic events happen you always ask why didn’t somebody help him? His parents? A family member? A teacher or a classmate? Sometimes I don’t think these hurting young folks ever tell anyone the pain they are going through before they make that final decision.

  12. Just_a_guy says

    Yeah, the cruelness of it is how much the perpetrators never own their error. To them, it was nothing. They were just having “fun” or “didn’t mean anything by it” or “never intended that” or “shouldn’t have been taken seriously” or “were just letting out their stress as kids/boys/teenagers/grad-students” or worst of all and probably most common: they “would never do/say such a thing” or “are such nice people if you’d give them a chance.”

    I call bs on the bigots/monsters that teachers, schools, and admistrators enable time and time again. Those who should be taking a stand as a condition of their very employment aren’t. Those who should be taking a stand as a condition of their employment are either unsupported by their bosses, looking for an easy way out by caving to the bullies, in sympathy with he bullies, or simply unconcerned and callous to the victims. I’ve seen all flavors. But there is no way to expect classmates to dependably stand up to this crap when teachers and schools and administrators refuse to show the leadership that everyone is looking to them for.

    The problem is at the top. There should be zero tolerance. This life was another one too many. We will never results until we start demanding accountability from those who are charged with and failing at leadership: schools, six-figure-paid administrators, and those who refuse to support teachers’ in the role to stamp out this bullying and keep the classroom focused on learning, not a place that inclulcates hate.

  13. Just_a_guy says

    Yeah, the cruelness of it is how much the perpetrators never own their error. To them, it was nothing. They were just having “fun” or “didn’t mean anything by it” or “never intended that” or “shouldn’t have been taken seriously” or “were just letting out their stress as kids/boys/teenagers/grad-students” or worst of all and probably most common: they “would never do/say such a thing” or “are such nice people if you’d give them a chance.”

    I call bs on the bigots/monsters that teachers, schools, and admistrators enable time and time again. Those who should be taking a stand as a condition of their very employment aren’t. Those who should be taking a stand as a condition of their employment are either unsupported by their bosses, looking for an easy way out by caving to the bullies, in sympathy with he bullies, or simply unconcerned and callous to the victims. I’ve seen all flavors. But there is no way to expect classmates to dependably stand up to this crap when teachers and schools and administrators refuse to show the leadership that everyone is looking to them for.

    The problem is at the top. There should be zero tolerance. This life was another one too many. We will never results until we start demanding accountability from those who are charged with and failing at leadership: schools, six-figure-paid administrators, and those who refuse to support teachers’ in the role to stamp out this bullying and keep the classroom focused on learning, not a place that inclulcates hate.

  14. truthteller says

    This is heartbreaking!
    Thoughts and prayers to his family and loved ones.

    Shouldn’t the gay orgs be involved in campaigns to end bullying that kills gay kids? They jump on political bandwagons and yet our kids die.

    How about a mentoring system where kids have resources to overcome the torture?

    Gay orgs have money; do something useful with it.

  15. A Friend says

    This article has inaccurate information. The conference in North Carolina was not “far from hospitiable.” That conference and the family we formed at the conference love Carlos. We supported him and what he stood for. Our Conference on National Affairs family has been bursting with love and support for Carlos’s family and the tragedy of his death. I’m sorry to inform you, but your “research” is complete nonsense. Thank you very much.

  16. tikko says

    I hate people and this makes me want to cry.

    I saw a kid tonight at the gym who was mildly retarded. He was smiling so broadly and looked so happy in his own little world. As I watched him, I said a prayer and prayed that no one will ever break his spirit and tear him down.

  17. A Friend says

    The Latin Post, which you quote, has made a redaction of erroneous statements regarding the conference in North Carolina. His time in North Carolina was spent with a loving and caring group of 600 of his peers who sought only to help Carlos and bolster his passion for helping those around him. He referred to them as his brothers and sisters, and each and every one of them, myself included, would be appalled at the notion that anybody in our family could cause such harm.

    A redaction of the phrase in question has already been made by the Latin Post and I would suggest you make the appropriate adjustments to your blog post before anybody else is falsely accused of having this blood on their hands.

  18. ratbastard says

    @Tikko,

    I think the same thing all the time when I see people like that mildly retarded boy and his big smile, lost in his own little world. I think what a rough world we live in, and how can people like him be protected from hurt they can’t fully understand.

    ============

    Carlos must have had serious, clinical depression. Did he abuse drugs/alcohol? If he was that upset he should literally never have been left alone. I’m not trying to place some kind of blame or point fingers at his family and friends, it isn’t possible in the real world many times to give people who need help the kind of attention and care they need.

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