1. Quicksilver says

    I’d like to see Jesus try. I’ve seen enough zombie movies to know how to handle the undead. I’ll kick him in the Holy Ghosts – then a sawed-off shotgun right to his rotting crown of thrones. Judo hip-check him into a wood chipper. Then I finish off the messy messiah chunks with an acid bath and the kerosene flambé treatment. Pwned.

  2. john patrick says

    Of course Klingenschmitt’s white Jesus sits on the great “white” throne of judgement. Klingenschmitt does look a bit like Colonel Klink, though a bit more fey.

  3. Just_a_guy says

    Klingenschmitt is off: those two men kissing in a wedding photo are beautiful and good.

    Moreover, the verse he cites in no way supports judgment of gay men. Why does Klingenschmitt think he has been ordained to judge?! Yuck.

  4. ben in oakland says

    I would hope that his democratic opponent makes a case out of his religious nuthood. If it doesn’t work, then nothing will work for the voters of this district. and if it does work, maybe democrats will start calling out religious cray-cray for what it is.

  5. JackFknTwist says

    Let me recap :

    jesus, the god, will throw us into hell.

    God, his father, and also a god , will … maybe, throw us into hell.

    i just don’e get any of this religion thing.
    I genuinely cannot even get beyond how many gods these Christians have. Is it one god or three ?

    They give me this ‘god from god, light from light, true god from true god, begotten of the father’
    and god the father and god the son and god the ghost……..and I have no idea what they are talking about.

    And don’t get me started on ghosts, or Holy Ghosts, is that a special god/special ghost…….and what the ***k is an ‘unholy ghost’ ???
    Did you say he is a Republican candidate ?
    Oh ! That explains it.

  6. JackFknTwist says

    God throws them into hell, for kissing ?

    That’s a bit severe for two guys who care about each other.

    And why is Jesus wearing a crown ?
    I thought Jesus drove all these money changers from the Temple and spoke regularly about giving to the poor and refused to say he was King of the Jews when asked by Puntius Pilot.
    What’s going on here Klingvurstaffen ?

  7. Deth says

    Is this an indication that Christians have finally started giving up in a “Jesus-Take-The-Wheel” kind of way? Great Christians, stop your radical anti-gay activism, end your anti-gay agenda, stop looking for special Christian rights, stop recruiting children into homophobia; JUST STOP AND WAIT FOR JESUS.

  8. Kit says

    Anyone want to take bets on how long it will be until he is caught with a rent boy “carrying his luggage”? I’ll put down five bucks for earlier October.

  9. andover1 says

    I still don’t get it: If indeed, gays are going to hell why is it any of his business?
    Let me worry if I’m going to hell or not – not you.

    Take care of your own B.S. and let others live their lives.

  10. woodroad34 says

    Oh, boy! Is he going to be surprised when he finds out Heaven was gentrified by teh gays and his sorry ass will be on the elevator that only goes down.

  11. Kit says

    Fun fact: Klingenshit was the minister who performed Ted Haggard’s wedding — the same mega-church Pastor Ted Haggard who got caught doing meth and having a long term affair with a man while also being virulently anti-gay. Klingenshit and Haggard are tight, tight friends. Tight.

  12. Bill says

    @Gary: It is obvious how “his sci-fi leader [could] have created something so ugly” – by hiring the guy who came up with Darth Vader without the mask.

    The real scandal is that the Navy ever had Klingenschmitt as a chaplain as he is plainly incompetent (or is willfully lying), not even understanding the ‘scriptures’ for his own religion. The Biblical passage he cited has Jesus quoting Genesis. What was translated as “for this reason” (“therefore” in the King James version) was intended to relate a contemporary custom (from the standpoint of the writer) to a previous event (part of the creation myth). It was saying, “this is the reason we do things this way” and was not saying that what we do is right or wrong or good or bad.

    See!bible/Genesis+2:15 , scroll to Genesis 2:24 and then click on footnote 71, which contains an explanation of the translation as related to the grammatical structure of the original Hebrew text. Specifically, “a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife” describes what “typically happens, not what will or should happen.” (the second quote is a copy from the translator’s notes.)

    As to Jesus quoting it in the passage Klingenschmitt cites, the people listening to Jesus would presumably know Hebrew and would not need an explanation from a translator to get the subtleties right.

    So, the real question should be, “Why doesn’t Klingenschmitt understand his own theology?”

  13. FortitudeLA says

    I always find it funny when religious gays come out to pretend their religion is perfect when on an HOURLY basis, members of their religion are trying to destroy society. And you can’t claim “no, they aren’t TRUE Christians”…cut that BS out and take ownership for your institution ruining humanity, and society in a multitude of ways.

  14. Marcus says

    I agree. Religion has done more to damage human race than any other factor. I got out of the church and it was the best decision I ever made. To this day, I don’t feel comfortable around very Christian folks. They almost always reveal themselves to be phonies.

  15. Erick says

    Just remember God is Coming back and boy is She pissed at the people who have done stupid things in Her name. If I was him I would be stocking up on ice and get a really good AC, because where he is going it will be really, really hot.

  16. Bill says

    @FortitudeLA : would you point to a comment on this thread by a “religious gay” as I didn’t find any when I scrolled through it (my comment was not about religion, but about expecting a chaplain to at least know what is actually in his own ‘sacred text’).

    @Erick: he’d need a better air conditioner if he was going to Heaven – some wise guy once pointed out, using the laws of physics, that Heaven is hotter than Hell, citing Biblical passages that allowed an estimate of the temperature of both.

    Hell supposedly has a ‘lake of fire’ containing molten sulfur (Revelations 8:21) and the intensity of light in Heaven is given as well (Isiah 30:26). The boiling point of sulfur sets the upper limit for the temperature of Hell
    at 444.6 degrees C and the intensity of light in Heaven versus that on the earth, using the Stefan-Boltzmann law, puts the temperature of Heaven at 525 degrees C.


  17. arch says

    These types anger me.

    I get angry as a gay man because they dare to lecture me about my life, which is none of their f******g business.

    I also get angry for my friends who are Christians who follow a religion of love and fellowship with their fellow men and who often do a lot of very practical good work in the community.

  18. McMike says

    Please Mary, no one is buying anything besides you’re another closet case who knew it would be better for you to reject gay men fort before they could reject you.

  19. Chrislam says

    Anybody else find it kinda ironic that it seems like everyday there is a post about a glutton telling a homosexual he is going to hell?

    Fat people are going to hell too Gordon. Work on your own sins first you abomination…per the BIble.

  20. Bill says

    Honey, this big old girl needs to throw herself into hell. Talk about calling the kettle black! Just another self-loathing, closet-case here. Get help, sweetie.

  21. David Jarretrt says

    Has anyone ever wondered why all of these “straight” christian nut cases only focus on gay sex, gay sex, gay marriage, gay marriage. All genuine heterosexual guys I know (I am gay) are really into sex with females and think about attractive females, NOT gay sex or gay guys or gay marriage. These nut cases are suppressing or, more likely, covering up their same-sex attraction and activities. With such a compulsion, no wonder they have become nut cases.

  22. anon says

    He is, as they say, all in. No measured language or self-restraint. Wait ’til he says something off the wall about blacks, Jews, Muslims or other politicians.

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