Russell Tovey Apologizes for Saying He’s Glad He Never Became ‘Really Effeminate’ or a ‘Tapdancing Freak’

(Photo by Christopher Turner – visit his website here.)

Looking actor Russell Tovey apologized earlier today on Twitter for heavily-criticized remarks he made in an interview with The Guardian earlier this week.

Tovey talked about growing up on stage and the role his father played in his coming out process:

"I was so envious of everyone who went to Sylvia Young Theatre School. I wanted to go but my dad flat-out refused. He thought I’d become some tapdancing freak without qualifications. And he was right in a way. I’m glad I didn’t go. That might have changed…I feel like I could have been really effeminate, if I hadn’t gone to the school I went to. Where I felt like I had to toughen up. If I’d have been able to relax, prance around, sing in the street, I might be a different person now. I thank my dad for that, for not allowing me to go down that path. Because it’s probably given me the unique quality that people think I have.”

Tovey's remarks set off a firestorm on social media by people who saw them as 'femmephobic'.

Tovey took to Twitter overnight and apologized, saying his remarks were misunderstood:

"I surrender. You got me. I'm sat baffled and saddened that a mis- fired inarticulate quote of mine, has branded me worst gay ever…If you feel I have personally let you down, I'm sorry, that was never my intention…I'm proud to be who I am and proud for others We're in this together, I want you to know whatever you think I meant, I didn't…I'm gonna ride this out, and one day we will all look back on this moment with a half smile of fascination and amusement…Until that day I'm gonna carry on being me #lowersflag x"


  1. me says

    Hey Towleroad, Why don’t you have an area on the site where you publish daily the hateful comments from d-bags and then the following day their apologies (that’s the way it always rolls). This way it’s condensed into one easy to ignore space.

  2. josi says

    Effing relax and leave him alone.

    The only tragedy here would be if he was as beautiful as he is and was a total queen. There’s nothing worse than when you see a hot guy and later meet him, only to hear a purse fall out of his mouth. Such a turn off.

  3. Paul Brownsey says

    Actually, he hasn’t apologised–look at what he said–and good for him.

    There are lots of reasons why someone may be glad he isn’t effeminate, and by no means all of them make you a Bad Person.

  4. Rick says

    How pathetic of him, he should stand by his father’s solid parenting, clearly he has not eliminated all of his effeminacy. Jason, any thoughts?

  5. ImNotNice says

    He doesn’t need to apologize. I’m glad he manly and not feminine or a tap dancing freak.

  6. johnny says

    Like many other gay men, I’m more familiar and more comfortable with masculine guys because that’s what I’m used to and that’s what I’ve been around most of my adult life. Frankly, (and if most men would tell the truth they’d also say this) I find overtly-feminine men tiresomely “old school gay” and think it’s refreshing to see younger gay men who don’t have (or need) the affectations of some 80s gay bar.

  7. Dback says

    Awww, kiddo. C’mere and let me give you a big, long hug (preferably in the shower). :)

  8. Crashops says

    Hahaha, these comments are so pathetic. Keep yearning for daddy’s love boys, maybe someday he’ll forgive you!

  9. Every Towleroad regular says

    When Tovey reads the comments here on Towleroad is he aware of all the ‘Rick’ personas? Hating out & proud, hating blacks, hating women. All that would-be he-man masculinity hiding behind 50 shades of pathetic.

  10. Kieran says

    “I’m so sorry I was honest about my true feelings. Please don’t burn me at the stake! I’ll be a fake, phony, fraud and march in lock-step like an obedient gay-bot from now on.”


  11. ct says

    Actually he did raise a valid point.

    A lot of gay men have tried to “butch up” and succeeded due to the prevailing homophobia and hurtful comments they received while growing up. And let’s not pretend this did not make them more desirable and socially well-adapted once past the awkward teenage stage.

    On the other hand it seems to me that there is no end to the swishiness and mannerisms of many a younger gay guy. I am all for “being who you are” but it is very easy to dig a hole for yourself and get stuck in it when you’re young, impressionable and immature. What looks like “stick it up to you queer fabulousness” might actually be a much more limiting social role for a grown man than a lot of them care to admit.

  12. T-Bob says

    A half-assed apology that doesn’t directly address the wrong-doing is not an apology. He apologized for letting people down, not for saying he’s glad he’s not effeminate (the implication being that effeminate is less than).

  13. Dave says

    OMG, don’t hate on Rick, by all means let him continue to live in his small world, and speak his his hateful thoughts. There is no better voice for that “unworthiness” that many gay men have. But when it is spelled out with such dramatic misogynism, transphobia, and self-loathing (and occasionally a touch of racism), it is exposed for its ridiculousness. “Rick-Jason-MaryM,” and the many other aliases you like to throw into the conversation to give your lunacy credibility, please carry on. No one, me included, can make an argument against you better than you can.

  14. Despicable Me says

    ‘Honest about my true feelings’

    Like being racist? Like hating women? Works for you right Rick?

  15. Jonnycakes says

    I would just leave him alone.

    I learned years ago “drag” comes in all forms. His drag is a tight tee-shirt and muscles, along with a lot of acting and coaching to teach him to be butch.

    Real truth is usually painful. I feel bad for him. Peel off the drag and inside he knows he’s still, in reality, not the person his father wanted.

  16. Walter H says

    I was unhappy with how Russell dealt with the situation, but he just made it worse. How? Because he chose the “I’m sorry if you were offended” mantra. That’s just bullcrap.

  17. Jus sayin says

    Use your position to advocate for better protections for gay kids that are victimized by their parents. Homelessness. Conversion. They need all the help you can give.

  18. Malcolm says

    He could have made his point without being so insulting toward male effiminates. A lot of masculine men feel the same way, but most don’t say it like that. Good he apologized.

  19. ImNotNice says

    @Walter H….”I was unhappy with how Russell dealt with the situation, but he just made it worse. How? Because he chose the “I’m sorry if you were offended” mantra. That’s just bullcrap.” Why? It’s your choice to be offended.

  20. Mike in the Tundra says

    If we all act like butch, straight men, we will lose our identity. I really do not want to be assimilated into the straight world. We can live along side of the straight folk. We can work with them. We can be friends with them. I don’t want to be one of them.

  21. Malcolm says

    T-Bob, why would he lie about his feelings? Most men are glad they are not effeminate. He was stupid enough to say it, but he shouldn’t lie to make effeminate men feel beter. He apologized. Let it go, dude.

  22. M. Scott Hernandez says

    With gay teen suicides at high levels (Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24. SOUCRE: CDC, NCIPC. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) [online]. (2010) {2013 Aug. 1}. Available,how can a good looking man say in an interview something so ignorant?

  23. Sean says

    He’s just saying what many of us think. Leave him alone. He’s too pretty to be mad at.

  24. Why we fight says

    Effeminate men have just as much value as humans as anyone else be they gay or straight. If you are somehow offended by non masculine men you need to ask yourself why that is. It’s really about growing your own humanity.

  25. fraught says

    He’s going to be fine. He has a perfect right to be ambivalent about the decisions he made in acclimating to his orientation as he grew older. Everyone does it. Some are more successful than others. But the idea that effeminate gays are in any way more authentic than masculine gays is absurd. The vitriol from effeminate gays here is misplaced anger which belongs to their abusers. His point is: Masculine gays are hassled less. It’s really a truth.

  26. Anony6 says

    Sorry Tovey, I’m not going to look back on this with a “half smile and amusement”. His non-apology only confirmed the homophobia of his original comment. Keep having fun playing a he-man to make Daddy feel less ashamed.

  27. Stop. Just. stop. says

    ‘His point is: Masculine gays are hassled less. It’s really a truth.’

    The fact that any gays are hassled at all is what he should have been tackling. He’s happy he escaped it but what about the ones that didn’t? Why make excuses for ANY hassling? Why make excuses for a social structure where effeminate guys are throwaways? Where ANYONE is a throwaway?

  28. Stop. Just. stop. says

    ‘His point is: Masculine gays are hassled less. It’s really a truth.’

    The fact that any gays are hassled at all is what he should have been tackling. He’s happy he escaped it but what about the ones that didn’t? Why make excuses for ANY hassling? Why make excuses for a social structure where effeminate guys are throwaways? Where ANYONE is a throwaway?

  29. iban4yesu says

    first, thank you Andy for having the greatest photo of him looking sexy as heck!
    I love you, Mr. Tobey, you are my forever forever doll!
    We will stand by you forever and ever, enjoying your manliness and the, um , fruit (lol) of your father’s solid parenting as someone just said.
    And thank you for bringing your mother to Folsom Street Fair. That damned evil Jew Zuckerberg will be damned forever for censoring your mother’s ‘racy’ photos. only a real dolly like your mom could raise a real doll like yourself, darling!

    Dan Savage, you slutty sk@nk, he was only quoting his father who is now proud of him. A good son is entitled to just do that. Leave Russell alone alone! why don’t you just go back to writing about slutty, skanky, pervy breeders’ sex probs instead?

    Un-sizzling Rice, of course a woman who simply can’t make up her damn mind had to raise a son as bitchy as you, dear. make her call Russel’s mom and
    and mrs. Toby will tell her, how she could have been a better mother if she had not spend her life harping about those damn vampires! yuck!

  30. says

    What a bunch of BS that people have made a ginormous mountain of self-righteous faux indignation over the little molehill of an inelegant, not really thought-out comment Tovey made when relating a past experience of his own in response to a reporter’s questioning. Keep things in perspective people. He’s not a hater, he’s not an enemy, he’s one of us. Why do we feel the need to tear down our allies? Look at his Instagram or Twitter feed (or even the comments in Towleroad) to see just how ridiculous and overblown people’s comments about this have been. Get a grip, like for real! Focus our ire and disdain on those who really deserve it, our enemies and not one of our own who unartfully expressed himself in an interview. Seriously, that’s truly the extent to his ‘crime’ against the effeminate.

  31. Rafael says

    Rusell’s initial comments were truthful and relevant. I’m also very fortunate to my father for having brought me up in a male culture and allowing me to be the man I’m today. Something that is completely disregarded in our culture these days.

  32. 2Amor says

    So I am going to assume that Rick has posted 98% of the comments here. One of the comments that made the most sense comes from Scott Hernandez. We are all fighting for equality of some sort, why is it ok for Mr. Tovey to look down on effeminate men? Young or old!!!

  33. jamal49 says

    It doesn’t take much for gay people to get their panties in a bunch anymore, does it? To get on this guy’s case–out, proud–because of inelegant or inarticulate comments? Nah. It’s OK, Russell. Some of us got what you meant. As for the rest of them: get a grip and get a life. Nothing worse than a PC queen. Nothing.

  34. Russ says

    for way too long we gays have been believing that our brothers and sisters that are in the spotlight will speak positively about homosexuality. Many of us have been actively fighting and lobbying for equal rights and this progress has moved forward smoothly. Then comes someone (admittedly I have no idea who he is) comes along and with one short quote throws “effeminate” and dancing gays under the bus. I’m sure he didn’t mean it but in Light of the short supply of common sense that this person appears to have, I think it would be best if he just continues to do whatever it is he does and keep his mouth shut. His negativity is not helpful.

  35. jake john says

    he just tap-danced around an apology while jabbing a little passive aggressiveness in there too. moron

  36. Rick says

    No gay man wants to be effeminate.

    No gay man finds effeminacy attractive in another man.

    Being effeminate is therefore bad–but it is also bad because it is artificial behavior, a choice based on the internalization of the idea that one’s sexuality makes one less than truly masculine.

    Every effort should therefore be made to eradicate effeminate behavior from gay culture and I hope Mr. Tovey’s comment in some small way helps to speed that process along.

  37. DJSauvage says

    Masculine men who aren’t threatened or afraid of effeminacy in themselves or others are far more sexy. It’s a confidence thing. Guys who are repelled by effeminate men just seem insecure to me. In a way it undermines their apparent masculinity.

  38. Jay says

    Just look at all the effeminate Youtube vlogers and you’ll get Tovey’s point. There is a push for the normalization of the emasculation of men and it is pretty damn sad to see.

  39. Jay says

    Case in point, the feminization of one’s identity isn’t exclusive to homosexuals. It doesn’t have anything to do with being gay and everything to do with how you were raised and with how you were taught how your assumed gender is supposed to behave.

  40. Nuff said says

    Biggest pussy hound I ever met was also the most effeminate. A straight accountant in NYC. Non-masculine personality has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

    See who defends anything & everything that can be even remotely perceived as anti-effeminate? Rick & all his multiple personalities. That alone is the DANGER. KEEP OUT. TURN THE OTHER DIRECTION AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN warning sign.

    Talk about bad drama queens.
    No one is calling for Russell’s head (no pun intended). Though a few are volunteering to comfort him in any way he deems helpful.

  41. Wilberforce says

    Tovey was talking about playing it butch in Hollywood, a necessary skill to play 99% of the roles. The town has always been about the dollar. That’s not hard to understand.
    But I love the self-righteous outrage. Once again, it’s all about you, misreading his comment in order to your exercise your delicate feelings.

  42. Kissyfur says

    Gay men hate women. Still it’s weird to see all of you “butch” guys on here talking about femme dudes but you’re the first ones on your knees and back. I know many a femme dude who’d kick any of your str8 acting masculine asses any day.

  43. Rick says

    “Masculine men who aren’t threatened or afraid of effeminacy in themselves or others are far more sexy. It’s a confidence thing.”

    No, it’s not a “confidence thing” at all. Being repulsed by unnatural behavior is a natural phenomenon and it has nothing to do with being “threatened” or “afraid”. Which, of course, is why effeminate men themselves generally find effeminate behavior a turn-off in other men.

    I hardly think that pro football players who find effeminate behavior repulsive are “threatened” in any way by effeminate men–quite the contrary.

    Nice try, but, as usual, the emotive word games of the Left have no substance to support them.

  44. Will says

    I suppose it is smart to apologize and genuflect to avoid losing even a small number of fans. A tweet costs nothing. But the truth is he has nothing for which he needs to apologize. Some effeminate men want to believe that all gay men are inherently unmasculine, because if effeminacy is inherent in all gays, they will feel better about their own deficiencies. That belief is false, and it isn’t Tovey’s obligation to silence himself or to pretend to be effeminate in order to placate these people.

  45. Calling BS says

    Fred Astaire was one of the biggest earners in Hollywood for decades. And what exactly was he? A tap-dancing-freak. As was Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Ann Miller, Mickey Rooney. Pretty selective company unless you like reality to only fit your narrative.

  46. will says

    Can we please stop dogpiling on anyone who steps outside of the line of approved orthodox responses??

    We can’t even be honest or spontaneous anymore. Unless it’s politically correct speech. F— y’all.

  47. Calling BS says

    Misdirect much?
    No one is asking for Tovey to be effeminate. There’s just no excuse for him to throw shade at men who are effeminate.

  48. Jonnycakes says

    Wow! This is getting a bit over-the-top. So let’s go all the way!

    Rick’s comment about the need to “eradicate effeminate behavior” is a bit too Germanic circa 1936 for me.

    I hate to pull the Nazi card, but I think he deserves it here. After all, one must always reserve that card for the worst of the worst.

    His thoughts so remind me of the SA and SS designing butch uniforms and marching around in the Nazi Party trying to cover their self-loathing as gay men. Just another form of drag, even back then.

  49. oncemorewithfeeling says

    He surrendered and didn’t take responsibility for his own words just like a real man.

  50. Will says

    F— y’all.

    For calling out my ignorance and inability to understand dialogue or speak intelligently about the unintended consequences of public statements made by celebrities.

    Furthermore. Stop calling out Republicans and hate groups when they make these same exact non-orthodox responses.

  51. Jay says

    Hate it when anyone uses language that makes me feel out of touch or identifies me as culturally illiterate.

  52. Billy says

    I grow up around a group of feminine guys that were about 10 years older than me. I remember thinking at the age of 7 “I’m gay, but not that kind of gay”, so I kind of understand the point he made.

  53. Fill in the blank with whomever you want to run down says

    I grow up around a group of (_______) guys that were about 10 years older than me. I remember thinking at the age of 7 “I’m (______), but not that kind of (______)”, so I kind of understand the point he made.

  54. david from Edmonton says

    This is ridiculous – he had no reason to apologize. I read his comments and thought he was right on – he was telling you what it meant to him and by complaining about what his personal experience was all those haters have diminished him as a human. He say nothing hateful or hurtful and was stating a fact – he likes to be a masculine gay man. if there are those out there who are not masculine but feminine then too bad – ther are both kinds of gay men and some in the middle. I am happy that I am not effeminite as it works for me and i don’t apologize and I don’t judge other men who are effeminite, they are who they are. leave the poor man alone and stop taking away his right to live his life the best way he can to make him happy. That doesn mean he’s a self hater or a gay hater, it means he is happy he turned out masculine and by the way that is exactly what I love about his performances, i find it attractive and sexy and perfect. i would think that thise who may be effeminite and take offense at what he said maybe are just a little jealous he is as manly and masculine as he is and he is content with it. now hate me for telling you how happy I am having turned out more masculine than feminine.

  55. realitybitten says

    I would have jumped at the chance to go to theater school; and at the same time I would have been better off with a Dad like his. I had neither, so I understand his feelings.
    As I look around, the general rule for both sexes is: if one is overly feminine, one will have to bring stronger talents to the table to be taken seriously. Although there are exceptions in individuals that can shine as alternative and unique roads – in general our idols and models tend not to be overly feminine – this includes women. I don’t think he had any reason to apologize. Similar or related sentiments are said all the time by both gays and straights despite the fact that tap-dancing freaks can be amusing.

  56. Artie says

    I read the interview, and Tovey is doing nothing more than telling his own personal story. As long as he’s not presuming to give advice or instruction to other people (which he is not), there’s nothing wrong with telling your individual story. I have an answer for the paranoid commenters who insist that Tovey was “implying” that femme is “less than.” What if someone tells their personal story and they happen to be straight. Are they automatically implying that being gay is “less than”? What if someone who decides to be a mathematician or a professional athlete or an actor tells their story. Does that mean that anyone who does not follow their life trajectory is “less than”? Stop with the paranoid conclusions, OK?

  57. johnny says

    It’s pretty obvious that any comments here that are standing up for fem guys are from fem guys.

    Any gay man that actually has an understanding of just being a man without the affectations of cliché gay behavior probably gets what most likely 90 percent of us already know.

    And for the record, fem guys do get on my nerves, either gay or straight. It has nothing to do with sexuality, it has everything to do with ANNOYING!

    And as for fem guys kicking my ass, that may be true but I’m totally confused as how that makes their outward persona any more correct than mine. Fighting ability does not necessarily mean you don’t have gay affectations, but if you want to go all violent on me, does that make you right? Isn’t that more like some bully that normally picks on gays?

  58. EJ says

    No need to apologize at all. It is a sad day when Tovey (or anyone for that matter)is not allowed to speak of their own experience and critique his own life without getting slammed by strangers who frame his words and his life from their outside perspective.

    It’s his life, not yours. He can be proud or ashamed of any traits he has. He knows what choices and life events helped and hindered him. Tovey did not condemn effeminate men or proclaim to be superior because he is more masculine. That’s when we should question him and his words. Right now, I don’t see anything truly objectionable.

  59. Jerry says

    I was hoping that the manufactured outrage would be kept to a minimum. No such luck.

  60. Gaiboi66 says

    I believe in a world filled with wonderful variety. There is a wide range of men and women. I have always attempted to approach masculinity and femininity from a logical point of view. Each of us is a part of a man and woman, which I feel is important to remember, as they are both, of course, contributors from the start.

    After we are born, we are influenced by either parent to maintain certain patterns during developmental stages. I don’t believe its necessary for a father to force a persuasive nature, in order to develop a persona of masculinity. I feel that masculinity and femininity is open for interpretation and once we reach a certain age, in which we have developed into the individual we’re intended to be, no amount of persuasion will redefine our unique mannerisms.

    If a father grew up in the John Wayne era, it may infuence how he views masculinity and therefore might be persuaded to make certain “corrections” when he observes ranges of effeminant behavior in his son. The conditioning his son receives, might only result in the way he portrays certain aspects of specific mannerisms, in which he has learned is acceptable. His innate expression isn’t something that can be changed, only controlled within certain enviornments. Some men choose not to go through the exaustion of having to mask what is most natural to him.

    I would never make an observation that might offend someone’s interpretation of masculinity or femininity. I’ve had a wide spectrum of male and female’s in my life and I find each of them unique. I cannot disuade them from being their authentic selves, as I might be under a scruitinizing eye from someone, who might feel that I, don’t measure up to their ideal of what is masculine.

  61. Frank says

    Mr. Tovey’s comments aside, there is nothing wrong with being feminine. Point blank. Full stop. If someone is being a respectful productive member of society, what difference how they behave personally? Yes, I can understand that some people can be overly dramatic, and over the top, but that’s not behavior only limited to fem men. I have met several “str8 acting” gay men or straight guys who were totally obnoxious and basically caricatures of masculinity.

  62. iban4yesu says

    Dearest Nuffsaid,
    Your beloved Big Time Pussyhound still has the hetero-normative privilege, even with his/her flaming effiminacy, darling. It is just not the same, dear doll!

  63. iban4yesu says

    I don’t think that the not yet reformed Mr. Tovey particularly had Gene Kelly in mind when harping about tap-dancing-freaks, dear callingbs.
    Are you trying to say Russel’s now doting dad is all about “Death to Tap Dancing!” or something?! 😛

  64. John in Iowa says

    So, “Johnny,” you find “overtly feminine men tiresomely “old school gay.” Something tells me you are unaware that the Stonewall rebellion that really jump-started the movement that has resulted in the then-unimaginable freedoms gay men and Lesbians now enjoy, and many –et tu, Johnny?–now take for granted, was started not by overtly masculine men or gym rats or leathermen, but by “overtly feminine” drag queens. Johnny, you are completely within your rights to disdain “overtly feminine men”–there’s no accounting for taste–but please remember that when you disparage “overtly feminine men” you reveal yourself as someone either unaware or indifferent to the brave struggle waged by these “old-school” gay men. Like it or not, you are standing on the boa-draped shoulders of “overtly feminine men.”

  65. Nuff said says

    Point was about the uselessness of stereotypes. Only a man not secure in his own self worth would measure the value of another human being by a self-perceived notion of ‘masculine’ (Rick’s disease). Darling.

  66. Karma says

    Russell Tovey
    You ever show up in anything other than muscle boy drag and the same cretins here defending you will rip you to shreds. Try it and see. They like their perceived superiority over anyone deemed less masculine than themselves unchallenged. These are the same one that hate on your Looking castmates that they’ve deemed as not butch enough or handsome enough.

  67. TM says

    Have none of you ever bothered to question the fact that “masculine” and “feminine” ARE NOT natural categories??? They are made up inventions, collections of traits that have been boxed up and packaged culturally. And, btw, they tend to vary culturally too. Christ, just think about how in southern Europe men can hug and hold hands in public without being gaybashed; that’s only just now becoming publicly acceptable in US today… and I am only referring to hetero men!

    Tovey, like most celebrities, needs to get off Twitter, or just stick to using it to promote his projects instead of his own propaganda/fauxpology.

  68. PDX Tim says

    For those of you upset that he apologized, be happy, he didn’t. That is not an apology.

  69. kyle says

    This really f**king pisses me off. He said nothing wrong, and that a bunch of queens got their panties in a bunch over it is no excuse for him to be criticized. I used to be effeminate but I decided I wanted to be different, so I’m now a guy who’s not identifiable as gay or straight or anything, and I’m damn proud of it. I don’t carry my sexual orientation on my sleeve so people can label me a fag; I’m just another human being, as it should be.

    Russell, you were wrongly attacked by bullies who have decided that everyone has to think, be, and believe in the same damned way as them. It’s disgraceful, and I’m sorry this happened to you — especially considering how you’ve been an out gay man working non-stop as an actor since the age of 18. Ignore the a-holes, dude; they’re nothings.

  70. Anthony says

    Wow! reading some of the comments posted on here brings back my days at junior and high school where I was always attacked or made fun of because I wasn’t manly enough. I love my all my gays, macho, fem or whatever they are.

  71. Craig David says

    Dumb B**ch a** fem f*gg**s acting all righteous and arrogant! Gotta love their hypocrisy because all they are proving is that they have more hatred toward masculine gays than masculine gays have toward fems! F**king Freaks!

  72. Paul B. says

    Never assume that a cute boy with nice biceps, great ass and sweet balls has anything upstairs to offer. I say…shut up Russell and just take it like the big MAN you are!
    That’s what you were built for.

  73. EchtKultig says

    this has largely been made a moutain out of a molehill…people need to get out of their politically correct bubbles of being offended by everything

    overall I’m reminded of the media’s misplaced focus on Edward Snowden…instead of attacking and/or focusing the messenger, we should be asking, realistically, how should parents be expected to deal with a gay seeming child? That’s what some straight people are going to asking in response to the Guardian piece…”would I have said what his father said”, etc. etc. Tovey claims he is thankful for his father’s imposition of a heteronormative standard. So instead of dismissing him as damaged or “femmephobic”, we should be a little more analytical about what that could mean.

  74. EchtKultig says

    Or maybe in the thinly slice semantics of queer politics, I should have said “cisnormative”.

  75. arrow says

    Just a dumb actor. It’s a shame so many people look to them as role models or paragons of wisdom.

  76. Calling BS says

    What it means is that Tovey bought into the effeminate is lass than bias. He’s not a gay tap dancing freak thanks to his fathers channeling. He admits that had he been younger they might well have insisted on chemicals like hormones to remake him to their satisfaction. Nothing like lending credence to the idea that parents who are unhappy with a gay child that is not masculine enough are entitled to ‘change’ him. Hormones. Conversion. Isolation. Punishment. And on occasion beating him to death like the parents of a little 8yr old boy in Claif did.

  77. SHANNON says


  78. andrew says

    People should stop worrying about every word they say or statement they make. The PC Police will never be satisfied until we all march in lock step with their version of proper speak.

  79. Pete says

    If this guy was straight and ugly, there wouldn’t be so many apologists for him in these comments.

  80. JoePuck says

    I’ts why some people never want to be activists (the firing squad is awake at all hours of the day or night scanning for bluntness or innuendo no matter and always ready to shoot)
    It was that way in GAA in the 70’s it’s changed little!

  81. Corey M says

    This is NOT an apology, this is, “gee, could you all stop yelling at me.” What a NON-apology. We can’t let him get away with not actually saying he did something wrong and he’s sorry for it.

  82. Mick says

    Non apology! Self loathing gays are always looking for approval, and not realizing that the best approval comes from within and being true to yourself. I feel sorry for him, but I will stop watching “Looking” because every time I see him, I will be thinking ‘what a self loathing, tap-dancing, insecure, butch queen!’

  83. Craig David says

    @ KNOCK:

    That’s the reason why the gay male “community” is so f**king pathetic! If we don’t kowtow to these ridiculous and degrading stereotypes for these uppity effeminate Pusc*nt b**tches,we are self-loathing and not allowed in their pathetic little b**ch club! F**k them and their teenage b**ch attitudes!

  84. Craig David says

    @ Mick

    F**k you too! You have no f**king clue what you’re talking about! Genuinely masculine gay men don’t have to do what you tell us to do! Let’s just make that clear! Because if we did,we wouldn’t be true to ourselves (as you put it),we’d be working to seek the approval of a bunch of uppity fems who live in an alternate universe where all gay men are effeminate b**ches with bad attitudes! Again,go f**k yourself!

  85. mikeflower says

    Muscle-Mary Rusty is alluding to the fact that he is a very big Brit T.V. sit-com star, cast in unambiguously straight roles. In fact, tho he has been “out” for many years ,there are still ppl in the UK who are suprised to learn he is gay. He wisely limits his “Looking” to the US market so as to not damage his “straight acting” day job.
    He’s a greatly talented actor, but a self-hating fraud.

  86. Mick says

    In the words of Chris Crocker, “Gay guys who hate on feminine gay guys give gays a bad name. Not the other way around. The rainbow is our symbol to represent all shades of the our community. Not just the most masculine shade. Until you accept all those shades, you don’t have gay pride. You have self pride.”

  87. Craig David says

    @ Mick

    You actually think quoting some flaming fa**ot who went from dressing like some blonde bimbo out of Beverly Hills 90210 to dressing like a regular dude and doing bareback porn gives you any credibility? Get the f**k outta here! And yes,I do have gay pride! You and other fem freaks don’t get to dictate the definition of being gay and gay pride! F**kin’ prick!

  88. jake john says

    not really an apology if he can’t concede he said anything offensive. jackass

  89. ChrisM says


    He played gay in Dr Who, which at the time had top 3 viwing figures in the UK, and more than 80% of first runs shows in the US.

    Everyone has preferences, if he is glad he didnt turn out camp then good for him. As soon as anyone mentions ‘self hate’ or call hims ‘she’ they lose. There is no self hate here and calling other men ‘she’ as an insult is far more homophobic, full of self hate and misogyny than anything he ever said.

  90. Craig David says

    You know you’ve won when some effeminate b*tch queen calls you “self-loathing”.

  91. GAYS ARE RACIST says

    Why does he have to apologize for NOT being effeminate and PROUD!!!! I say GO man GO!!!! I’m tired of these gay nazi queers always trying to regulate what’s the gay way!!! Sod off!!!!

  92. menstrueat says

    To Anthony who feels this brings him back to Jr. HS days when he was made fun of. Although you’re not made fun of in the same way, you’re not free of your second class citizenship. I have been out for 40 years and am presently in my 3rd working situation since then where it is clear that I inhabit a 2nd class position because I’m gay. In one of those instances I felt my safety was in danger. It’s clear to me that if I acted gayer my personal statistics would be worse. So wake up and smell the coffee. It will never change that a good percentage (if not a majority) of those around you are not going to accept your gender spectrum confusion without letting you know they are superior.