A new study by David Ley, Justin Lehmiller and activist and writer Dan Savage on cuckolding fantasies (the idea of a romantic partner engaging in sexual activity with someone else) reveals that gay men have the fantasy too, but it hasn’t really been looked at in serious studies until now.
Savage, who has written the sex column “Savage Love” for years, told CNN that he has long heard from straight couples about cuckolding, but once marriage equality was passed he began hearing more from gay couples as well.
Lehmiller, Ley, and Savage studied 580 gay men and shared their findings.
They found that the elements and the motivations behind the fantasy were different, with heterosexual men incorporating interracial and BDSM themes in their fantasies, while gay men’s fantasies involved voyeurism and group sex more often. For straight people, the fantasy has a more “taboo” element, they found, while “for gay men, cuckolding isn’t quite as taboo because the norm of lifelong monogamy isn’t so strong in the LGBT community.”
Added Savage: “It’s not cuckolding if there isn’t an element of humiliation, degradation or denial. Our erotic imaginations have the ability to turn shame lemons into delicious kink lemonade.”
They also found things that couples should be cautious about:
“We found several personality factors that predict more positive experiences acting on cuckolding fantasies. For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren’t careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience,” [Lehmiller] said. “In other words, not everyone who has a cuckolding fantasy should think about acting on it.”