Cockyboys performer Calvin Banks sat down with Davey Wavey and Himeros TV to share stories about his personal history, including a brave confession of sexual abuse by his father.
“I can now comfortably say my dad was my first blow job,” said Banks. “I’m not embarrassed…I gotta laugh about it. I have friends whose dads left when they were two years old. I joke with them, I say ‘well your dad didn’t love you enough, and my dad loved me too much.'”
Banks attended a tantric retreat for adult film performers we featured earlier this week in a video with Alex Mecum.
Banks began by talking about being comfortable in his sexuality.
“Everything you see on camera generally you see from me is authentic,” he said. .”I watched a lot of porn growing up and I started to have more sex growing up and I think it just came from trial and error.”
Added Banks: “I wasn’t always comfortable taking a step toward change – whether that change is eating an ass for the first time or f**king someone for the first time. Whatever it may have been, I may have been eager to do it but I wasn’t necessarily comfortable with taking that step but you have to, and it’s a trial and error process. I didn’t get to be the experienced sexual person I am today by looking at something and saying ‘no I can’t do that, I shouldn’t try it.’ There’s no words of comfort that I can give you to say ‘you can do it’ than other to say simply ‘you can do it, you just have to try.’ If you try it and don’t like it then let your partner know or see if they like it. Everything requires communication.”
Banks explained that his early sexual awakening came when he found a pink thong his mom had left in the dryer and took it under his covers to try it on.
“I didn’t even know I was gay I was just drawn to the femininity of it.”
Turning more serious, Banks talked about how a pattern of sexual abuse at seven or eight years old affected him. He said it began when his parents got divorced and he started visiting his father on weekends and his sister would leave to play gymnastics.
“We were alone for a few hours and it just led to a string of abuse. I think I became, because of the abuse I suffered, a very sexual child very early on and I often sought out sexual experiences for that reason.”
He went on: “Eventually at a young age I was actually caught in bed with one of my cousins. Not having sex or anything but nonetheless, that set off a red light to the family and my aunt pulled me aside and said, ‘why would you think that this is okay?'”
After telling Banks’ aunt what had happened with his father, she brought it to his mother, who sat him down for a talk.
“It was upon seeing the emotion [of] my mother…that I realized that what he did was wrong and absolutely not okay,” added Banks.
Banks said that he was able to get over much of the trauma that could have ensued because his mother put he and his sisters, who had also been sexually abused by their father, into counseling very quickly.
Asked if he thinks if by doing porn he’s trying to reclaim the sexuality that was taken from him by his father, Banks replied that isn’t the case.
“I think I’m more vain than anything else. I think I love the attention porn brings. I like the experiences, I like the trips, I like the people, I like the sex.”
Banks went on to talk about how long he plans on doing porn, and his work with Cockyboys studios. And much of the rest of the video focuses on the tantric retreat at which several videos were filmed for Himeros TV.