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Martha Stewart Delivered the Funniest, Dirtiest Jokes at the Justin #BieberRoast: WATCH

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Martha Stewart is many things. She’s a grandmother, an ex-con, and the owner of multi-million dollar empire built out of blueberry scones and scented potpourri. Last night at Justin Bieber’s roast, though, she proved to be something else that few people were expecting: a deliciously blue comedian.

“I know you’re all wondering why I’m here tonight,” The 73-year old interior design guru began. “It’s because Martha Stewart Changes peoples’ lives for the better.”

“I believe the bedroom is the most important room in the house but I don’t have to tell you that, Ludacris. You have three kids with three different women. May I suggest pulling out some time and finishing on some fine, highly-absorbent Martha Stewart bed linens?”

Stewart saved all of her best and most self-deprecating material for a bit of prison advice directed at Bieber. Check out her set in full AFTER THE JUMP...

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DoonanRoadBarney's Creative Director Simon Doonan categorizes gay and straight foods: “Gay foods are more decorative; they’re more frivolous. The macaron craze is the ne plus ultra of gay fooderie. I can’t believe any red-blooded straight guy can even walk into a macaron shop. If you wanted to ruin a politician’s career, just publish a picture of him shopping for macarons.”

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On a gay adoption: "We are often asked what Scott calls his two fathers. Before the adoption, we asked ourselves the same question. Some gay couples we know who had adopted let their child use their first names, but that seemed to deny Scott the chance to use a word used by most of his friends. Others, where one partner is from a different country, used something like 'Daddy' and 'Papa' to differentiate. In the end, we settled on 'Daddy' (for Michael) and 'Dad' (me), uncertain whether Scott would be able to make sense of the distinction. We needn’t have worried. He gets it right all the time."


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