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Josh Weed Is Gay, And Loves His Wife Very Much

JoshAndLollyThis is, I promise, one of the most fascinating things you'll read this June: The blog post in which Josh Weed, full-time "marriage and family therapist" and part-time humorist, comes out of the closet.

Thing is, Josh Weed is a very devout Mormon, and he's married to a woman. He and his wife, Lolly, have three daughters. Lolly and Josh have been friends since they were kids, and Lolly's known Josh was gay since he was 16. They got married anyway, and they reportedly have a "robust" sex life. But Josh says he's not bisexual. From the blog:

Some might assume that because I’m married to a woman, I must be bisexual. This would be true if sexual orientation was defined by sexual experience. Heck, if sexual orientation were defined by sexual experience, I would be as straight as the day is long even though I’ve never been turned on by a Victoria’s Secret commercial in my entire life. Sexual orientation is defined by attraction, not by experience. In my case, I am attracted sexually to men. Period. Yet my marriage is wonderful, and Lolly and I have an extremely healthy and robust sex life. How can this be?

The truth is, what people are really asking with the above question is “how can you be gay if your primary sex partner is a girl?” I didn’t fully understand the answer to this question until I was doing research on sexuality in grad school even though I had been happily married for almost five years at that point. I knew that I was gay, and I also knew that sex with my wife was enjoyable. But I didn’t understand how that was happening. Here is the basic reality that I actually think many people could use a lesson in: sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing. Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection. And Lolly and I have had that from day one, mostly because we weren’t distracted by the powerful chemicals of infatuation and obsession that usually bring a couple together (which dwindle dramatically after the first few years of marriage anyway). So, in a weird way, the circumstances of our marriage allowed us to build a sexual relationship that is based on everything partners should want in their sex-life: intimacy, communication, genuine love and affection. This has resulted in us having a better sex life than most people I personally know. Most of whom are straight. Go fig.

So -- Josh's gayness somehow improved his het sex life. It's a crazy world.

Josh's blog post is a little bonkers -- less because of his love life (which, like most love lives, looks a little bonkers to those on the outside looking in) than because of his Mormonism (which is just bonkers, full-stop) -- but it's kind of sweet, too. If he's to be taken at his word, it seems he ignored the imperatives of his own natural attractions to settle down with the person he believed to be his soul-mate, and with whom he wanted to build a family. If he was an atheist or a Unitarian or a Buddhist who did that and wrote about it, he'd be proclaimed a bold sexual rebel. The fact that he just happens to be a member of a religion that condemns homosexuality makes the decision feel a lot less bold, and more like the result of brainwashing --

-- but he's so nice! So reasonable! From the blog:

About two years ago, I saw a psychologist to get medication for my ADHD-I.  She was a lesbian, and when I told her that I was a gay man in a heterosexual marriage, she spent an entire session hammering me with questions about my situation in a genuine effort to make sure I was happy. I didn’t love that she did this, but as a clinician myself, I understood where she was coming from.

During our conversation, she told me about her life with her partner. She spoke of a girl, whom she considered her daughter, who is the biological child of her ex-lover, with whom she lived for only three years. She told me of how much she loved her daughter, but how infrequently she got to see her. And eventually, when talking about my sex life, she said “well, that’s good you enjoy sex with your wife, but I think it’s sad that you have to settle for something that is counterfeit.”

I was a little taken aback by this idea—I don’t consider my sex-life to be counterfeit. In response, I jokingly said “and I’m sorry that you have to settle for a counterfeit family.” She immediately saw my point and apologized for that comment. Obviously, I don’t actually think a family with non-biological members is counterfeit in any way. I also don’t feel that my sex-life is counterfeit. They are both examples of something that is different than the ideal. I made that joke to illustrate a point. If you are gay, you will have to choose to fill in the gaps somewhere. She chose to have a family in a way that is different than the ideal. I choose to enjoy sex in a way that is different than the ideal for a gay man. It all comes down to what you choose and why, and knowing what you want for yourself and why you want it. That’s basically what life is all about.

True! And it would sound even truer coming from somebody who doesn't base his life decisions on a book that claims Native Americans first sailed to America from the Levant.

NEWS: Monarchs, Mormonism, Sci-Fi, And 'Jan Pehchan Ho'

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Towleroad-roadicon Vids and pics from the Diamond Jubilee.

Towleroad-roadicon The New Yorker's 60 years of sassy queen coverage.

Towleroad-roadicon Grey's Anatomy, Days of Our Lives among winners at last nights GLAAD Media Awards, in Frisco.

Obamanote Towleroad-roadicon Remember the fellow who's challenging Jonah Goldberg to a boxing match? He's Jamie Kilstein, a comedian, and here's his gay marriage rant. Be aware that the language is a little coarse. (Thanks to FilmTurtle for the link.)

Towleroad-roadicon An ideal European getaway for the supervillain in your life.

Towleroad-roadicon A fifth grader cuts class; gets pretty awesome exculpatory note.

Towleroad-roadicon For these married Mormons, love conquered faith:

“I don’t believe in God,” my husband whispered in the darkness of our bedroom.

... his confession hung over our nuptial bed. And though I’d known this was coming — he’d been struggling with his faith for at least two years — I’d never considered what I’d say. Sean had always been the rational one, a brilliant computer scientist who spoke sense when I was in the throes of clinical depression. Now, my thoughts went still as I groped for his hand. Before I could process what I was saying, forbidden words slipped off my tongue. “You are more important to me than the Church,” I said.

Towleroad-roadicon Sci-fi as mental oxygen, from William Gibson:

... When I was five, I was chastised for disagreeing with an Air Force man, a visitor to our home, who made mock of my Willy Ley book. I knew he was wrong when he said that space travel would never happen. And I was right, at least in the relatively short term, just a few years off from Sputnik. I was a native, I felt unquestioningly, of Tomorrow.

But somewhere along the way, during the decade after my argument with the Air Force man, Tomorrow went lowercase. By 1964, when I was negotiating puberty in the chill deeps of the Cold War, history itself had become the Atomic Disintegrator. In those years, I was drawn to science fiction (and mainly to its prose forms) for the evidence it offered of manifold possibilities of otherness. To a curious, anxious, white male child coming of age in an incurious and paranoid white monoculture, there was literally nothing like it—though a great deal of science fiction, possibly the majority of it, I was starting to notice, depicted futuristic monocultures that were dominated by white males. The rest, however, had as much to do with making me the person I am today as anything else did. Things might be different, science fiction told me, and different in literally any way you could imagine, however radical. Simply to know that people who thought that way existed was a game changer for me. Being able to directly access their minds, as a reader, was like discovering an abundant, perpetually replenished, and freely available source of mental oxygen. You bought it from a wire rack in the bus terminal, less than a dollar a shot, and took home Alfred Bester, Fritz Leiber, Theodore Sturgeon, Robert Sheckley, and many others—and then you saw things differently ...

Towleroad-roadicon It's Jefferson Davis Day in Florida -- because that actually is a holiday there -- and to celebrate, the governor's purging the voter rolls. Or would be, if the Department of Justice hadn't stopped him.

Towleroad-roadicon You know that hideously catchy song from that Heineken commercial? See it in its proper context -- in the 1965 Indian hit Gumnaan, given voice by the legendary Mohammed Rafi -- AFTER THE JUMP. Seriously, hideously catchy.

Continue reading "NEWS: Monarchs, Mormonism, Sci-Fi, And 'Jan Pehchan Ho'" »


NEWS: Daring Feats, Public Proposals, Politics, Athletics, And Lard (VIDEO)

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Towleroad-roadicon Images of a Navy Academy tradition which somehow predates the repeal of DADT.

Towleroad-roadicon What will Maine's churches be up to on June 17th?

Scores of Maine churches will pass the collection plate a second time at Sunday services on Father's Day to kick off a fundraising campaign for the lead opposition group to November's ballot question asking voters to legalize same-sex marriages.

Between 150 and 200 churches are expected to raise money for the Protect Marriage Maine political action committee, said Carroll Conley Jr., executive director of the Christian Civic League of Maine evangelical organization and a member of the PAC. Conley is also trying to drum up support for the Maine campaign from religious leaders from around the country.

It's unusual, but not unheard of, for churches to take up collections for political causes. Maine's Catholic diocese says it raised about $80,000 with a designated collection in 2009 in its effort to overturn Maine's same-sex marriage law, which was passed by the Legislature that year and later rejected by voters ...

Towleroad-roadicon Mitt Romney's running for the presidency because he's no good at sports.

Towleroad-roadicon UConn lets LGBT hockey player know: If you can play, you can play.

Towleroad-roadicon Lots of straight footballers agree:

... when Outsports attended the NFLPA Rookie Premiere events in Los Angeles last week, we were met with a gay-positive attitude from every player we talked to; And some warmly welcomed us with open arms. A dozen different men from various teams, both rookies and recently retired, each expressed support for gay athletes. Many shared personal experiences involving gay friends, family members, and even a gay former teammate. These aren’t third-stringers we talked to. These men are NFL stats leaders, national champions and high draft picks. They are the past, present and future leaders of the NFL.

Towleroad-roadicon "My bully, my best friend."

Towleroad-roadicon "... brother of the blind activist Chen Guangcheng has gone missing after fleeing his village in north-eastern China to seek help for his son who is facing an attempted murder charge ...":

Chen Guangfu, the eldest brother of Chen Guangcheng, disappeared two days after he arrived in Beijing to support his son, Chen Kegui, who has been detained in a case that has become a rallying point among rights activists.

The Shandong-based lawyer Liu Weiguo said Chen Guangfu, a 55-year-old farmer and labourer, did not return to his hotel room in Beijing on Friday night.

... As of now, there’s still no news on Brother Guangfu,” Liu said. “We’re not optimistic. Guangcheng is also very worried. He’s contacting friends to look [for him].”

WTC2view Towleroad-roadicon Britney's new job: Show up, walk off in a huff, don't come back 'til you feel like it, and make millions.

Towleroad-roadicon 35 years ago today, George Willis climbed all 110 stories of WTC 2. Wow!

Towleroad-roadicon AFTER THE JUMP, see the best public proposal ever. These guys have awesome friends.

Continue reading "NEWS: Daring Feats, Public Proposals, Politics, Athletics, And Lard (VIDEO)" »


Grandma Offers Gay Sex Advice: VIDEO

Grandma

Vlogger Robbie Joe Banfitch's grandma, who came out to him last month, joins him for a new series on relationship and dating advice. The first query.

"When is the right time in a relationship to make love?"

Watch, AFTER THE JUMP...

What do you think of grandma's advice?

Continue reading "Grandma Offers Gay Sex Advice: VIDEO" »


NEWS: Television Is Gay, GLAAD Goes Scouting, Geraldo Was Defiled, And Obama, And Obama, And Obama

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Towleroad-roadicon We really do need each other

Towleroad-roadicon NPR on the gayification of TV.

Towleroad-roadicon Facebook "hate" page exposes gayfolk in the Australian military.

Towleroad-roadicon Ricky Martin, Julianne Moore, and a whole bunch of others team up with GLAAD to get a Mother's Day message to Boy Scouts of America.

Towleroad-roadicon Geraldo "raped" by TSA worker:

“The last time I flew to Afghanistan I got manually raped by a guy who – the scanner wasn’t working,” said Rivera, before adding that his “junk was junked” by a TSA screener.

“This guy, it seemed to me, was getting off on it…And the more and the tighter I got and the angrier I got,” said Rivera. “You know, he just wanted to be a little more intimate.”

Rivera explained how his trouble with the TSA began when he got put on a ‘no fly list’ and was continually subjected to “enhanced interrogation and search” every time he took a flight.

“And I was so frustrated. I called the TSA, and I called and I called. I went on television. I exposed them, I embarrassed them. I said, ‘can’t ya?’ And they just could not remove my name from the computer that had the no-fly list.”

Towleroad-roadicon "Trayvon Martin"-styled gun-range targets prove wildly popular:

WKMG’s Mike DeForest reported on Friday that the unidentified seller told him that the targets “sold out in 2 days.”

“The response is overwhelming,” the seller said.

While the item appears to have been removed from GunBroker.com, a cached version of the page was still available at the time of publication.

Photos of the item, which was titled “10 Pack Trayvon Martin Targets,” showed crosshairs over a hoodie similar to the one Trayvon Martin was wearing when he was shot by neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman in February. The figure has a bag of Skittle in his pocket and is holding what appears to be a can of iced tea...

Towleroad-roadicon Around the world, disappointment with Obama. He failed to close Guantanamo or acknowledge American responsibility for the financial crisis, and:

... Obama has been the U.S. president "least involved in the Palestinian issue," said Mohammed Ishtayeh, an aide to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas.

"We were very optimistic when Obama was elected. He talked in his meeting with us without looking into his notes; that tells how much he knows about our issue," he said.

But since Obama made his Cairo speech, Ishtayeh added, "he found his hands tied and couldn't make much progress."

Towleroad-roadicon ... but angriest of all are Kenyan clerics, who really disliked Obama's announcement this week:

Speaking to the Nation in Mombasa, Council of Imams and Preachers Organising Secretary Sheikh Mohammed Khalifa accused President Obama of playing god by legalizing what "God Himself objects".

“Simply because he has risen to be the President of a super power does not mean he can now start acting as God. He is nothing in the eyes of God and his plans will not succeed just like those who preceded him in such plans,” said Sheikh Khalifa ...

“God created man and woman so that we can procreate. How come we now want to behave worse than dogs who do not go for their own gender but know the difference between the two?” asked Sheikh Khalifa. [Ed. note: Actually, several of my dogs have been confused on this point.]

Towleroad-roadicon Can somebody please explain this joke from Sen. Rand Paul?

"The president, you know, recently weighed in on marriage. And, you know, he said his views were evolving on marriage," the first-term senator said Friday evening. "Call me cynical, but I wasn't sure that his views on marriage could get any gayer."

Towleroad-roadicon The Los Angeles Times asks: "Will black voters follow Obama on gay marriage?"

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... historically, homosexuality was a nonissue. Then, in the 2004 presidential election, anti-civil union and marriage equality laws were put on ballots in key states to draw "values voters" to the polls. Part of the Republican strategy was to have white evangelical leaders actively recruit black clergy to the anti-gay movement. For example, the Promise Keepers, the Traditional Values Coalition and other evangelical groups organized meetings of black clergy from Washington to Texas to California to oppose gay marriage.

As important as the church's role is, this fact remains: A gay rights movement never really happened among African Americans. The fight for civil rights took up almost all of the justice oxygen. For a black person to be "out," he or she was most likely also out of the black community ...

Towleroad-roadicon Finally: After President Obama made his announcement last week, I saw trolls on no fewer than three internet forums begin pointing to this site as evidence of the POTUS's perversion. If they want people to visit it so much, I figure: Why not give 'em a hand?


Gay New York Couple of 60+ Years Who Married Last Year Die Just Two Weeks Apart

Alexander Obrien

Couples in their golden years who have been together for a long time often can't survive the death of their spouse, and often dies within days, weeks, or months of each other. What's unusual about this case is that the couple was gay, both were noted and acclaimed entertainers, and they were also married.

Shaun O'Brien (right), a dancer of four decades with the New York City Ballet, died at the age of 86 on February 23. His husband (left) Cris Alexander, a Broadway actor and photographer, died on March 7, just two weeks later.

The NYT noted the cause of death most accurately:

When same-sex marriage became legal in New York last year, he married Shaun O’Brien, the celebrated character dancer with the New York City Ballet. They had been together for more than 60 years and died less than two weeks apart — Mr. Alexander on March 7 in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., at age 92; Mr. O’Brien on Feb. 23 at 86. They shared a Victorian house in Saratoga Springs.

“If there is a cause of death, it’s a broken heart,” his friend Jane Klain said in confirming Mr. Alexander’s death. “It’s as simple as that.”

Hopefully we'll all get to lead such fulfilled and long lives. And those long-term couples around the country will have the chance to dignify their relationship in law like O'Brien and Alexander did.


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