Gay Comic Panic Strip: American Idol

SIMON: You kissed me!

RYAN: Relax, it didn't mean anything.

SIMON: Well, I can't!

And yes, this is the authentic transcript.

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An update on yesterday's post. Defense Secretary Robert Gates reversed decision and allowed Tammy Baldwin's partner Lauren Azar to travel on congressional trip after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi intervened.

Soul departed: "Life Before Death" photographic portrait project shows in London.

Like Ryan Seacrest, Madonna and Guy Ritchie sleep with their BlackBerries.

Thailand Public Health Ministry bans castration: "The Medical Council of Thailand last week also warned that castration is a health risk. Providing the operation for young boys was unethical and could damage hormone growth and physical development, it said. The warning came after Natee Teerarojjanapongs, the leader of the Gay Political Group of Thailand, called on the council to take action against clinics performing castrations on young ladyboys. Castration is a step towards a sex-change but is also a standard treatment for some kinds of cancer. Mr Natee said many parents of young boys keen to have their testes removed had complained about the influence of advertisements on the internet that say the surgery is inexpensive and the result similar to a sex-change operation."

ALADYGMA: Viral campaign suspected to be sequel to Cloverfield begins.

NYT on gay surf romance Shelter: "Coming out has rarely looked so pretty."

Arts Council England asks applicants for grants about their sexuality: "Individuals and arts bodies applying for money are invited to state if they or their board members are bisexual, gay, straight, lesbian or 'unknown'. Arts Council England insisted last night that the voluntary request would never be used to decide whether an artist or organisation should receive money for projects. A spokesman also denied reports that artists would have to answer the question for the rest of the grant application form to be valid." Sir Ian McKellen: "It sounds extraordinary, It shouldn't be on a form. It's quite inappropriate."

Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List: Heroes star Hayden Panettiere to star in movie about gay boy love triangle.

Still recovering from cancer-related surgery, film critic Roger Ebert will begin writing reviews again. Ebert cannot currently speak: "But I still have all my other abilities, including the love of viewing movies and writing about them."

American Idol contestant David Cook hospitalized and released after heart palpitations.

Lab tests warn one form of botulinum toxin can move from the face to the brain: "Scientists injected rats' whisker muscles with botulism toxin. Tests of the rodents' brain tissue found that botulism had been transported to the brain stems, the researchers said in the Journal of Neuroscience published April 2." Human issues unknown.

The Collin County Commissioners Court scraps plans to discuss "job status" of City Council candidate Justin Nichol's employment as coordinator of the county’s teen court that were scheduled after revelations that he is openly gay: "Mr. Nichols, who is running for council against Pat Miner, said he hoped the matter would soon be resolved. 'I look forward to getting back to teen court and bringing my message back to the voters of Plano,' said Mr. Nichols, 23. The brouhaha started last month after the Dallas Voice, a weekly gay and lesbian newspaper, ran a story about Mr. Nichols’s candidacy that mentioned his sexual orientation. Though Mr. Nichols was openly gay before the article’s publication, he said the story and subsequent attention it drew spurred the request to discuss his job."

Gay-themed children's books pulled from British school concerned over "lack of consultation" with parents: "One of the library books was a fairytale about a king who couldn’t find a woman to love and eventually married a prince. This was for children aged five to read. The issue should have been, how do we stop bullying in general, and teaching about homosexuality can be a part of that. This was completely one-sided. Homosexuality is not a priority to parents, but academic achievement is. This just makes parents think 'What the heck is my child being taught at school?’"

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China closes off media access, shuts down YouTube, CNN, and Google amid violent crackdown in Tibet. China has also begun parading Tibetan prisoners on military trucks in Lhasa. Dalai Lama threatens to step down...

Michael Stipe comes out? "It was super complicated for me in the ’80s. I was totally open with the band and my family and my friends and certainly the people I was sleeping with. I thought it was pretty obvious. Now I recognize that to have public figures be very open about their sexuality helps some kid somewhere out there."

GLAAD hands out media awards in New York; Barbara Walters, Judy Shepard, Brian Graden and films The Bubble and For the Bible Tells Me So all honored. Who was there?

Oscar-winning director Anthony Minghella dies at 54: "Minghella's publicist, Jonathan Rutter, said the filmmaker died at London's Charing Cross Hospital. He said Minghella was operated on last week for a growth in his neck, 'and the operation seemed to have gone well. At 5 a.m. today he had a fatal hemorrhage.'"

Pennsylvania senate proposes amendment banning gay marriage: "Constitutional amendment legislation failed in the last legislative session but is being considered anew in the current session. During a Senate committee hearing, Maggie Gallagher, President of the National Organization for Marriage, said an amendment to the state constitution would protect against a judge’s ruling that could strike down state law defining marriage as between a man and woman…'It’s not a fantasy that this could happen. It is happening – it’s happened in New Jersey, it’s happened in Connecticut' Gallagher was speaking to Republican Senator Jane Earll of Erie, skeptical of the need for a constitutional amendment: 'We are going to hold our constitution hostage to the wackiest judge in some other state. I just think that amending the constitution is a very drastic measure.'"

Janet Jackson opens wide for Black Book.

Tel Aviv hoping to attract more gay tourists.

Richard I slept in the same bed with French King Phillip II but it wasn't a gay thing: "It was an accepted political act, nothing sexual about it; just two politicians literally getting into bed together, a bit like a modern-day photo opportunity."

Chad Allen, Janeane Garofalo, Rebecca Gayheart, Soleil Moon Frye, Patrick Muldoon and Brad Rowe team up for gay indie screwball comedy For Better or For Worse: "Frye will play the lesbian minister presiding over the ceremony at the home of one groom's mother (Ruta Lee). The guests include the jilted ex of one of the grooms and his new beau (Muldoon and Allen), a closeted neighbor (Stanley Kamel), a wallflower sister (Gayheart), a family-man brother (Rowe) and his nanny (Garofalo), who has a bombshell to drop."

Ch-ch-ch-changes. Spot the differences in Ryan Seacrest 2.0.

Brazil gets another new gay magazine.

Hugh Jackman spends more time naked than dressed.

Anti-gay graffiti causes stir in Northern California town of Fortuna: "A Fortuna resident noticed anti-homosexual words painted on several mailboxes on her street and filed a police report Thursday. The derogatory words, 'fag' and 'gay,' made her so irate, it took her more than an hour to stop shaking, she said. The Fortuna Police Department is treating the vandalism as a hate crime because the intent was likely to express hate, FPD Sgt. Jack Bernstein said. 'It’s concerning for us to have something like this.'"

Police officers punished in Austin, Texas after remarks: "Cmdr. Calvin Smith, who has worked for the department for 34 years and supervises the Austin police training academy, told the fellow commander that he was worried about the 'kind of message' the potential transfer of a gay female officer would send at the academy, which already had two lesbians working there, according to a disciplinary memo. Cmdr. Larry Oliver was fired for failing to report the comments, even though he later confirmed to investigators that he thought Smith was referring to 'their being lesbians,' a disciplinary memo said. He was fired after refusing Acevedo's offer of a 30-day suspension."

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Ryan Seacrest Could Potentially be a Heterosexual

Says Ryan Seacrest about a girlfriend he once had: "I completely fell into [a] relationship, and I didn’t want to. I remember having conversations like 'This is so weird for me, because I’m not supposed to like anyone until I’ve achieved what I want to achieve.'"

No discussion of the gay jibes he endures from the tongue of Simon Cowell, though there is plenty of talk about his potential female mates. It's revealed that the "husky" adolescent Seacrest once had a cute blond "surrender" after he persisted for days on a diet of grapefruit and oranges.

Also offered up is a quote about his potential heterosexuality from real-life gay Ellen DeGeneres: "I’d love to see him meet a nice girl and settle down."

But that won't be happening soon, according to the article: "Seacrest is in bed, at home in the Hollywood Hills, by eight o’clock almost every night. He sleeps spooning a BlackBerry, his dating life is in suspended animation."

Ryan Seacrest Knows What You Think of Him [details]

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Oscar Red Carpet: When Gary Busey Attacks

Perhaps the most random red carpet moment last night occurred when a possibly inebriated Gary Busey decided to partake of Ryan Seacrest's interview with Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner, eventually helping himself to Garner's neck. The funniest part is that Garner didn't even know who Busey was, referring to her attacker as "this man."

Where was Garner's husband Ben Affleck? He was f**king Jimmy Kimmel.

See the full clip AFTER THE JUMP...

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A Very Gay New Year's Eve Preview

Over at Gawker, Sam Champion and Ryan Seacrest discuss Ikea furniture, patterns, balls, power-lifting, tools, and screwing on Good Morning America.

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Brian Dunkleman Wishes AIDS on Ryan Seacrest

You likely barely remember Brian Dunkleman, the rather unfunny sidekick to Ryan Seacrest on the first season of American Idol. Dunkleman's contract was not renewed for the second season, leaving Seacrest to rise alone to fame on the ratings juggernaut. It appears Dunkleman is still bitter over his rival's success.

TMZ reports on a sour rant from Dunkleman at the Laugh Factory in L.A. last week:

"During his set, Dunkleman, now an alleged comedian, poked fun at his stint on 'Idol,' but when he began making inappropriate comments like, 'If wishes came true Ryan Seacrest would have AIDS,' the laughter stopped faster than it does at a screening of 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.' We're told the sad sap went on to spew that Seacrest 'probably already has AIDS.' Because, really, what's funnier than incurable life-threatening epidemics?! Luckily, once Dunkleman was done with his vicious diatribe, other comics like Godfrey brought life back into the room by actually being funny!"

Sounds like the Idol producers knew what they were doing.

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Ryan Seacrest is neither gay nor bisexual, according to an old flame.

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The National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association (NLGJA) has posted a gallery of shots from their recent New York benefit at ABC studios in Times Square.

Chile's first gay football team prepares to head to IGLF World Cup in Buenos Aires. Player: "There are a lot of spaces for the development of sports for heterosexuals, but we gays don’t have that. This is our space, and when we play, there’s nobody shouting abuse at us from the sidelines."

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Simon Cowell Urges Ryan Seacrest: Come Out of the Closet

A joke about Ryan Seacrest's sexuality sparked a minor uproar on American Idol last night, as Simon Cowell urged host Seacrest to come out of the closet.

Seacrest: "We have a question from Georgia. What do you consider the hardest part of this contest?"

Melinda Doolittle: "Wow. I would have to say the high heels and these dresses. I like my tennis shoes and my sweat pants. I'm sorry."

Seacrest: "Simon, any advice on the high heels?"

Cowell: "You should know, Ryan."

Seacrest: "Stay out of my closet, Simon."

Cowell: "Well, come out."

Seacrest: "This is about the top twelve. Okay? Not your wishes...We're friends."

Of course the whole thing was a joke. Really.

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ELLEN DEGENERES: Behind the scenes at the Academy Awards.

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Michael J. Fox will attend George W. Bush's upcoming "State of the Union" address at the invitation of Rhode Island Rep. Jim Langevin, who has been confined to a wheelchair for most of his adult life.

Meet Mr. Brazil 2007.

Heidi Cullen, the Weather Channel's foremost climatologist, says AMS should not approve meteorologists who disagree with scientific theories on global warming: "Meteorologists are among the few people trained in the sciences who are permitted regular access to our living rooms. And in that sense, they owe it to their audience to distinguish between solid, peer-reviewed science and junk political controversy. If a meteorologist can't speak to the fundamental science of climate change, then maybe the AMS shouldn't give them a Seal of Approval. Clearly, the AMS doesn't agree that global warming can be blamed on cyclical weather patterns. It's like allowing a meteorologist to go on-air and say that hurricanes rotate clockwise and tsunamis are caused by the weather. It's not a political statement...it's just an incorrect statement."

While David Beckham bides his time in Spain taking phone calls from Tom Cruise, Victoria Beckham says she wants nothing to with Scientology. "Tom spoke to David for hours about Scientology. He feels it could help to lift him out of the blues over his football career. But Victoria is having none of it. She can’t see the point of joining something like that where you have to donate money."

Diana Ross to be American Idol mentor this season.

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Focus on the Family has its sights set on Key West Gay Spring Break. (via fundie watch)

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