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Android Marriage, Gay Pirates And Other Ways To Poke Fun At Anti-Gay Activists

Jack-sparrow-pirates-of-the-caribbean-1 Rarely are the gay-related culture wars a laughing matter.

The amount of vitriol and spite lobbed in our direction can be frightful, distressing and all around depressing. Sometimes, however, socially conservative arguments against equality cross the line from worrisome to absurd, and actually give us a way to knock down their arguments.

Consider a rambling argument made by Robert Broadus, head of Protect Marriage Maryland, at a hearing on a proposed same-sex marriage bill.

If you pass this bill, you will set the groundwork that one day, when artificial intelligence is that advanced, we'll be considering whether or not people can marry their Androids.

If anyone has watched Star Trek, and you've seen the character Data, he was able to generate a tear, because he could feel emotion. If you knock down marriage between a man and a woman now, if you say any two people who love each other can get married, then you set that precedent.

The crowd couldn't suppress their giggles, of course.

Watch and read all about it, AFTER THE JUMP...

Or then there's a letter from Virginia Republican official Eugene Delgaudio, the man who claimed gay TSA agents would grope male passengers, in which he warns of a gay "invasion" at the Gasparilla Pirate Fest in Tampa, Florida:

Word is that Radical Homosexuals have infiltrated as event organizers to promote homosexual events that are designed to prey upon unsuspecting college students by enticing them to join their “krewes” and help build parade floats in exchange for free alcohol.

When the young men are sufficiently intoxicated, homosexuals dressed as pirates whisk them away to God knows where to take advantage of them sexually.

And these are only two of the more recent ridiculous arguments against LGBT people.

We have in the past been called demons, Bolivian president Evo Morales once said chicken consumption causes homosexuality, and one right winger named Herb Grossman claims something called "false evolution" played a "supernatural" trick on humanity by casting the gays into the world.

It's all absurd, of course, and guarantees a great laugh. But these assertions also provide us with plenty of material for counter-attacks.

I've argued before that ridicule and satire can be effective routes to taking down an ideological nemesis. As British Think Tank Demos noted in their study, A Radical Approach to Extremism, "Satire has long been recognized as a powerful tool to undermine the popularity of social movements: both the Ku Klux Klan and the British Fascist party in the 1930s were seriously harmed by sustained satire."

While surely we must continue our legislative and social actions, a little comedy never hurt anyone, and taking some light-hearted pokes at our opponents could may just help laugh them out of town.

To help get the ball rolling, here's video of Broadus' Android speech, via Good As You:


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  1. One should get one's facts right about fictional television characters before one uses them to support one's arguments.

    I own all episodes of Star Trek: Next Generation. I've watched them many times. I do not recall a single instance, not a single instance in which Commander Data shed a tear. If Mr. Broadus can be wrong about that, he can be wrong about so many other things too. Yes, I know the impression this leaves about me.

    Posted by: james | Feb 10, 2011 11:10:51 AM

  2. Good article. Couldn't agree more. We need to get off our asses and start ripping them with humour to shreds. The comic con drress up against the Wesboro Church was a good start!

    Gay groups take themselves either so seriously and stiffly or are just aggressively agenda obsessed like Get Equal.

    Posted by: Rowan | Feb 10, 2011 11:12:18 AM

  3. It says a lot that the person holding up the Bible is also calling a fictional, crying android, "true".

    Posted by: Dastius Krazitauc | Feb 10, 2011 11:14:03 AM

  4. This is the kind of argument one must rely upon when he/she doesn't have a valid, reasonable and/or sane argument to make.

    The longer this debate goes on, the more insane the arguments will be.

    Posted by: TampaZeke | Feb 10, 2011 11:15:57 AM

  5. I wasn't sure about Data crying, either. A quick google image search of "Star Trek Data Crying" yielded a pic of him holding a cat, and now I vaguely remember him growing attached to a sick kitty, or something like that. A little hazy on the details...

    Posted by: Andrew Belonsky | Feb 10, 2011 11:16:58 AM

  6. Well, he is right. If we have true AIs one day and we put them into human-like bodies, they probably deserve equal rights. Including human-android marriage.

    Posted by: Steve | Feb 10, 2011 11:25:24 AM

  7. OK, well if he knew ANYTHING about tv and film, he'd already have known that they have allowed android marriage... and what's worse, an android married a HUMAN! Shock horror! I won't ever watch Bicentennial Man the same way again!

    btw, Data owned a cat aboard the Enterprise called Spot, and he did indeed shed a tear in Generations, when he found Spot amongst the wreckage of the ship at the end of the film.

    Posted by: Richard | Feb 10, 2011 11:33:30 AM

  8. Sorry to be a pedant, but Data DID cry. However it was in one of the films and not the TV series.

    In "Star Trek: Generations"; Data cried when he found his cat, Spot, in the wreckage of Enterprise-D.

    That said, this Broadus man is still an idiot and so is anyone else who has to rely on Sci-Fi and/or pseudo-science as "proof" of their "argument".

    Posted by: Joe | Feb 10, 2011 11:38:24 AM

  9. They're here. They're queer. They're dressed as pirates. Watch out.

    Posted by: Natira | Feb 10, 2011 11:44:26 AM

  10. DON'T - DATE - ROBOTS!

    Fry: Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.
    Hermes: My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film.

    And here's the film from middle school hygiene:
    (sorry for the hulu link, non-US folks)

    Posted by: tjc | Feb 10, 2011 11:53:09 AM

  11. This idea of Humans marrying robots predates Star Trek by about 20 years. I recall from my ancient history class (ahem) that there was a Twilight Zone or Out Limits episode (I slept through half the class so I don't remember which) that address a future of robots so like humans that they were able to have sex and pro create (as God intended).

    Posted by: Sargon Bighorn | Feb 10, 2011 11:56:37 AM

  12. I for one support all forms of Android marriage. It's not a bad idea to make nice with our future robot overlords now!
    And you can't blame the pirates because I am pretty sure that pirate code demands that they look for booty...erm...I mean they must follow the treasure trail.

    Posted by: David | Feb 10, 2011 12:29:48 PM

  13. "You're laughing, but it's true!" IT'S TRUE!! Robots really can feel! Time to stock up on that Old Glory Insurance after all, Sam Waterson was right!

    Posted by: Mike C. | Feb 10, 2011 12:30:11 PM

  14. Asimov's little known "fourth" Law of Robotics: A robot can't marry a human, was retroactively re-inserted into the novel I, Robot today after stupidity broke out at a hearing in Maryland today.

    Posted by: Nanny McBone | Feb 10, 2011 12:33:51 PM

  15. I guess it's a good thing Broadus hasn't seen Battlestar: Galactica with all the human/cylon sex going on there.

    Posted by: Tom | Feb 10, 2011 12:39:35 PM

  16. Hahaha, he is confused, He is talking about the android The Vision from The Avengers comic book. There was an iconic issue where he cried.

    Posted by: Fenrox | Feb 10, 2011 12:49:34 PM

  17. Maggie Gallagher is a Cylon.

    Posted by: homer | Feb 10, 2011 12:52:35 PM

  18. @ Tom: Woo! Funky glowing spines!

    Posted by: Rich F. | Feb 10, 2011 12:53:19 PM

  19. But will Eugene Delgaudo have to step in before all the robots get intoxicated and the homo pirates try to take advantage? Will he have the fortitude to stop this march down the Tampa treasure trail in search of booty? Do robots have treasure trails? And, if so, can I get an Alex Pettyfer model sent right over?

    Posted by: Jamie | Feb 10, 2011 12:54:20 PM

  20. James -- Data wept upon recovering his cat, Spot, at the end of ST: Generations.

    Posted by: bob | Feb 10, 2011 1:56:42 PM

  21. forget androids, let's talk plastic dolls. barbie dumped ken in 2004. and he came running to me, ben collins. let the truth come out. vote now!

    Posted by: ben collins | Feb 10, 2011 2:37:24 PM

  22. "whether or not people can marry their Androids"

    The man is obviously clueless. In the future the question will be whether or not Androids can marry their people.

    Posted by: BobN | Feb 10, 2011 3:02:13 PM

  23. Steve, I agree with you. He is right. AI will someday reach that level, at which point they should be given civil liberties and should be allowed marriages. But that is beside the point. We still deserve them now.

    Posted by: Wren | Feb 10, 2011 3:05:55 PM

  24. I wondered what that tall, pointy thing was in Washington DC! It's an olebisk!

    Posted by: jamal49 | Feb 10, 2011 3:25:52 PM

  25. Don't discriminate against the artificially sentient:

    Posted by: Steve | Feb 10, 2011 4:00:50 PM

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