Comments

  1. says

    brass balls, kiddo.

    brass balls.

    they suspended him not just for being gay, but for being DEFIANT.

    many people are ok with “gay” as long as it’s submissive gay – nothing makes them more angry than a young gay person who has the courage to be who they are, and the WAY they are about it, with a fearlessness that they wish they could possess.

    of course, this thread will invite anger from grown-adult men who themselves are not Out yet.

    they’ll be wrong. a young black gay brother of ours, OURS, who is showing a kind of courage that most of us could only ever hope to hold.

    Asante, I stand by you.

  2. says

    Why on earth would you wear high heels to school unless your intent was to anger, irritate and defy authority – especially if you are male? Is he a transexual, is that what he is trying to say? Sometimes I can only shake my head in disbelief at what some of us will do for attention. If you are gay then be proud of yourself. Making a spectacle does not become you and it certainly doesn’t help the rest of us.

  3. cdubois says

    Let’s be real. Whether or not it is covered by the dress code, high heels on a man is going to be distracting in a school environment, especially in Virginia. Not everything is about an underlying discriminatory agenda. To a certain extent, being a teenager is about testing boundries and raging against authority. I think that is what this was, just with a wonderfully gay twist.

  4. Bart says

    He wants the attention. If they had “seen him in high heels” before, there wouldn’t be the problem. If the principal asked him to take them off, he should have taken them off. It’s called respect. And it’s not about him being gay – that’s a cop out – it’s about him being disrespectful. I have a five year old that is defiant who doesn’t want to listen, doesn’t want to do what he’s told — and it’s disrespectful. I’m sure there are other gay kids at the school who aren’t trying to be the center of attention by screaming “Look at me!” Where are this kid’s parents? He’s still in high school. Something tells me his mother didn’t let him out of the house is high heels.

  5. says

    just like those appalling women decades ago who DARED to wear pants to school, eh OS2?

    right? those awful attention-seeking women who opted not to wear skirts and chose instead to wear pants? or how about those sinful ladies who straddled a horse, rather than sit with both legs to one side like a lady is SUPPOSED to?

    RIGHT? 😉

    “girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short and wear shirts and boots because it’s ok to be a boy. but for a boy to look like a girl is ‘degrading’, because you think that being a girl is degrading.”

    you seem to be suggesting, OS2, that there’s something inherently wrong and harmful about what he’s done.

    newsflash – “because bigots don’t like something” doesn’t mean that their dislike it justified.

    thank GOD for the people who stand up by Standing Out to bring awareness to the double-standards and baseless prejudices that still mire global culture.

    you, OS2GUY, on your own webpage can’t even post a photo of yourself. you’re a grown adult man still living in fear. of course YOU don’t understand a much-younger man who has the courage to live freely despite what Bigots think.

  6. David in Houston says

    Public schools can prescribe uniforms if they deem them necessary. Students do not have the right to wear what ever they want in school. Girls are not permitted to show up wearing pasties and a string bikini. Boys are not permitted to go shirtless to class, or go without pants/shorts. Freedoms of expression can be limited at schools.

  7. Smokey says

    Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of us are confusing sexual orientation with gender identity.

    Having an attraction for men (sexual orientation) does not pre-determine how we dress or present ourselves in public (expression / presentation), so we have in our ‘gay’ spectrum men who are both normatively masculine (‘normatively’ because that is what is expected of men) and transgressively feminine (‘transgressive’ because that is NOT what is expected of men).

    Asante, then, is not being targeted because he is gay (because I’m sure the school couldn’t care less if he was gay if he dressed and behaved like all the other boys); rather, he is being targeted for transgressing the division between ‘appropriate’ boy attire and ‘appropriate’ gay attire. This is an attack on his expression / presentation, particularly his gender transgressions.

    This does not mean that he wants to be a woman. It just means that he is much happier and more comfortable wearing clothing that is traditionally — or stereotypically — prescribed for women / girls.

    Know the difference!

  8. RobWest says

    I had a Math teacher who wouldn’t let you in his classroom if saw your t-shirt under your shirt. You had to button your shirt higher. Don’t know how he felt about heels.
    Times change.

  9. says

    what’s INHERENTLY HARMFUL about his wearing heels? what, ignorant insecure bigots don’t like it? SO WHAT?

    like those awful Jewish kids who disrespect Christians by wearing star of david necklaces?

    like those awful black kids who don’t try to “pass for white”?

    how many of you guys on here criticizing this kid are able to live lives as OPENLY as he is? none of you, from the looks of it.

    what’s the deal? it’s ok to be gay as long as you’re gay in a way that “doesn’t bother straight people?” what nonsense.

    Equality is not just for “Gays Who Pass for White” – if you catch my drift.

    heaven help any of the trans children at this school, who are no doubt seeing this and feeling terrified by it.

    how is wearing heels “disrespectful”? there has to be an inherent issue. Insecure Bigots choosing not to like something, with no intellectual back up, does not freakin’ count.

  10. GregV says

    Asante provides no evidence that the way he was treated was because he is gay. To do that, he would need to show that heterosexual males are permitted to wear similar shoes with no criticism from administrators and/or that gay people who wear conventional shoes are being mistreated.

    He could instead have argued that the administrators are sexist, but then again there would need to be evidence that females are permitted to wear stiletto heels and males are not.

    His argument as it is presented in this report suggests he may not understand what “gay” means.
    I would wonder if, instead, he may realize ten years from now that the real issue was one of sexism and/or transphobia and that maybe he is actually transgendered or a cross-dresser.

    Those shoes look ridiculously uncomfortable and unhealthy (every time I see a girl stumbling to balance on her tippie-toes in stilettos, I wonder why anyone would destroy her back just to look fashionable), and really I don’t think any parent should be buying them for a teenager.

    But unless those are the kinds of concerns that administrators have (and they apply to all students equally), I don’t see why they make it their business what he wears. His argument here just sounds too much like prematurely jumping to conclusions.

  11. says

    GREGV, he’s also 17. and finding himself. and is now being told, by administrators, that who he is, or feels like he is right now, cannot be externalized.

    this is, indeed, related to him being gay in the sense that they’re punishing him for “not being what is expected of a man” – the cowardice on display in these comments is sad, but expected.

    i’m frankly stunned that the grown-up adults on this site who are criticizing this boy don’t see him for what he is – more brave than themselves, and certainly me.

    he’s a gay black teenager in VIRGINIA. and he’s daring to find and express himself in a way that make him a visible target to insecure bigots who hold prejudices that they don’t themselves truly understand.

    we should all be as fearless.

    we see this over and over again – insecure semi-closeted homosexuals blaming gender-nonconformists for the baseless bigotry still plaguing our collective cultures.

    the problem is not that he wore heels. the problem is that people choose to take issue with it, despite the card hold reality that there are no intellectually sound arguments that would explain the inherent harm or wrongdoing on his behalf.

  12. Paul R says

    @GregV: Sorry, but I disagree. It’s possible to be gay and transgender. And at his age, I’m guessing that he knows that he’s at least one.

    No one was bugging him and he wasn’t causing problems. But it’s VA, so it comes as no surprise.

  13. Jeff says

    WTF? As in WTF does being a gay male have to do with wearing female attire? Outside of Halloween/costume parties. I don’t care what he wears, but if he is cross-dressing then he is cross-dressing, which is something that many heterosexuals engage in – i.e., it has nothing to do with being gay. And I don’t think that cross-dressers should be targeted either. Just call a spade a spade and don’t automatically equate being gay with cross-dressing.

  14. Steve says

    How sad that when given a choice between attacking or supporting queer youth, too many adults will choose the former over the latter. And they speak in exactly the same voice as the people who oppress us.

  15. Francis says

    And not surprisingly, we have a chorus of posters here defending this action. Right, because, you know, Asante MUST have done this for attention. That’s the only reason why he has/did wear the high heels. I mean, he’s a guy, guys aren’t supposed to wear heels, we don’t identify with girly things like that! He wants sympathy and attention. He’s an embarrassment to gays around the world because he’s “too fem”.

  16. jason says

    Note how women can wear either trousers or dresses in public. However, if a man were to wear a dress, he’d be laughed at by society, including by women.

    Point is that women exploit double standards in order to obtain preferential treatment. This sort of behavior by women causes homophobia towards men.

  17. Rance says

    These stories crop up occasionally, usually involving youth who are influenced to believe that cross-dressing is what being gay is all about. They usually come from cultures that force male homosexuals to feminize themselves as a way to stigmatize them and separate them from “real” men.

  18. says

    trolljason, this isn’t women’s fault. it’s the fault of insecure men.

    and rance, what cultures “force homosexuals to feminize” themselves?
    are you talking about the cultures that have “forced” you to remain Closeted?

    how about you influence culture in the way YOU deem more appropriate? you can always show us your own youtube video where you show us all the kind of gay man you are ……

  19. benwick says

    Every human being wearing high heels wants attention – and deforms his body. But that’s just my personal opinion…

    If the school has a zero tolerance for those kinds of clothing, which applies to boys and girl alike, I see no discrimination here.

  20. says

    This student seems transsexual to me, not Gay. Cross-dressing is costuming, and no, that’s not appropriate for school. However, if a Transperson is expressing gender identity, that’s something altogether different. The adults involved need to get to the bottom of this behavior, in as sensitive and responsible a manner as they can.

  21. Rick says

    He got just what he deserved. The courts have upheld school dress codes as Constitutional–even public schools can require students to wear uniforms…..and the purpose of them is to prevent the kind of attire that creates disruption. I got sent home from school in high school myself back in the 70’s for having “wild” hair (even by 70’s standards)–I didn’t like it, but there was nothing I could do about it.

    And yes, Francis, any gay man who wears women’s clothing or otherwise chooses to behave effeminately is an embarrassment and does not deserve any sympathy when they experience problems because of it–as they invariably will. It is their choice to act that way and they can live with the consequences.

  22. gunnar says

    First, bravo to the kid for standing up for himself. If he’s not violating dress codes, then who cares? What’s disturbing is that he was repeatedly pulled from classes in which no one was concerned about his footwear.

    Second,

    I just don’t understand why men or women would want to expose themselves to wearing such tortuous devices as high heels! They look painful! LOL!

    Finally…

    Jason..

    You are a misogynist. You repeat the same anti-woman crap day after day. No matter how many times you spout your bigotry, no one is buying it, especially since you continue to confirm your own ignorance.

    Women fought (and, in some circumstances, still fight) for the right to wear pants. There are countries where women can be murdered for daring to dress in non-gender conforming styles. Why? Because men in their countries enforce gender stereotypes.

  23. says

    before anyone bothers getting into dialogue with RICK, just remember this about him: his own father hated him because his father was an anti-gay (and RACIST) piece of s**t. Rick blames “femme gays” for the fact that his dad didn’t love him, and Rick himself is STILL CLOSETED.

    so what we have is a grown white man who is angry that a young black man is stronger than he is.

    don’t engage RICK in discussion. Ask him to prove that he’s the big strong manly masculine “role model” he claims to be by providing the link to his own page or youtube video.

    you’ll be met with silence. not only is he not Out, he’s not the man he wishes he was. don’t worry, folks. RICK will die the closet his father refused to let him out of. don’t talk to him. just pity him.

  24. gunnar says

    Rance,

    The kid is 17 years old. Maybe his choice of expressing his queerness includes high heels. It’s his choice. If there isn’t a general prohibition on high heels, then the principal is being an ass. She pulled the kid out of his classes and didn’t bother to give him is homework. He’s missing valuable class time and will fall behind as a result of bigotry.

    Why didn’t the school supply him with his assignments & homework? This is a destructive punishment.

  25. says

    how many of YOU were fully Out in high school, let alone brave enough to live in a such a way that defied expectations?

    yeah, didn’t think so.

    heck, most of the guys on here railing against this kid aren’t even Out NOW.

    amazingly, this brave young man is being the vanguard for YOUR cowardly @sses.

  26. jaragon says

    They did not suspend him for being gay – they suspended him because he wore high heels One can be gay and proud and out and also use common sense-now I’m not against this boys right to be who he is- but he obviously lacks gay adult role models.

  27. says

    jaragon, explain that statement with logic and reason.

    i dare say he has indeed found the RIGHT gay male role models – those that encourage you to be who you are, regardless of what intolerant and ignorant bigots think.

    would you prefer his role-models were the Closet Case Trolls that pollute this *and other* websites with their self-loathing cowardice and cowering fear of What Bullies Think?

    and unless this school has a history of suspending GIRLS who wore heels (let’s see if school records show this….) then your statement will indeed be incorrect.

    he’s 17 years old and openly gay in VIRGINIA. clearly he has better role-models than any of you had when you were in high school, or you even have NOW – he’s living Out and without fear.

    what are you doing? saying that he’s in the wrong, from your own online Closet?

  28. Rick says

    “but he obviously lacks gay adult role models”

    Which I believe is how effeminacy originated among gay men in the first place. Until very recently (the last few decades), being gay meant being socially isolated–and lacking any role model for how to be attracted to men AND BE a man at the same time, I think many simply took women as role models (the only people they knew who were allowed to be attracted to men sexually) in the belief (driven down their throats by society to such an extent that they internalized it) that being attracted to men necessarily meant giving up any claims to masculinity.

    Hopefully, as this idea fades and as more and more masculine gay men appear in the media (as we have seen recently with many military men since the demise of DADT)–and as the larger male culture changes in such a way that ALL men are freer with each other emotionally and sexually….then the base causes of effeminacy will fade away and the embarrassing (and self-destructive) behavior that results from it will fade away with them…..

  29. says

    prove that you’re the “masculine gay male role model you claim to be, RICK.

    post the URL to your own website or youtube video so we can all this incredible example of Gay Manliness.

    you cowards are overlooking the most inspiring this about this story:

    a black teenage boy in Virginia was fully Out in highschool, and had the courage to do as he pleased knowing full well that it would make him a possible target for hateful insecure bullies.

    no wonder you’re so angry at young men like Asante – at 17, and in a pair of heels, he’s more man than you’ll ever be.

    RICK will post how much he hates “femme guys” – but RICK will never show himself. Why? He’s a Closeted grown adult. Pathetic.

    that none of the guys criticizing Asante have the orbs to show themselves on the internet speaks volumes.

    You guys aren’t “men” at al – you’re a bunch of wimpy little boys.

  30. Chicklets says

    If woman can wear pants and suits, then this boy should be able to wear heels. Fair is fair (BTW…heels are NOT comfortable–just sayin!).
    @ Rick – “Masculine” and “Feminine” were created by man and taught to us. Clothing has no gender hon. Oppps–too effeminate?

  31. jamesintoronto says

    @ Little Kiwi. I applaud your stamina. All of your posts have been right on the money but I fear you’re pissing in the wind with most of this crowd (especially Jason). This kid should be celebrated for standing up for what he believes in and showing other kids that it’s alright to be different.

  32. MarcosD says

    I am sorry but unless you have gender identity issues you are in the wrong. You are making a mockery of those that really struggle with their gender. Being gay is not about wearing heels. The school has a dress code… abide by it like everyone else.

  33. says

    Well, I guess my point is this: There are an awful lot of stupid people in this world – stupid people who will look for any excuse to hurt someone and being a gay black male wearing a pair of taupe high heels to school is putting yourself in a precarious position, not only walking-wise but safety-wise. He should care more about his education than a pair of high heels. It is an obvious distraction and more-than-likely (hello suspension?) against school policy. Kids are kids and trying to teach them NOT to react in an immature, harmful way toward another when you, the parent, are not in attendance yourself, creates a serious safety problem.

    Hey, if the kid wants to change shoes when he gets home and trot off to the 7/11 in his heels, a Vera Wang scraf and his knock-off Gucci handbag I say go for it. Wearing high heeled shoes to school is a distraction.

    Where are his parents? I have a 4YO who can be defiant as hell, stomp and scream his head off to wear a dirty Nimo t-shirt to school day after day. Do you think I let him do that? No. He can wear it every day if he wants to but I make sure it is clean before he puts it on. And the reason I wash it is to make sure the school doesn’t turn me into Social Services for failing to take proper care of my child. I would think this kid’s parents would also be just as concerned about his safety and well-being by wearing a pair of heels, which we have to assume are against the school policy, because the ACLU has not stepped in thus far.

    The way some of you are pontificating I guess it would be no surprise if you arrived at your job in just a thong and a pair of flip-flops and whine because your boss had the audicity to ask you to go home and change into appropriate work attire. Your gay! How dare he? Hello?

  34. sara says

    If they don’t have a prohibition against wearing heels (which they should) then he probably shouldn’t have been harassed about it. But I think they’re a safety hazard-have you ever seen the way kids stampede down the stairs trying to get to their next class? Plus they cause a lot of permanent foot damage. Stay away.

    Also I believe the kid is gay because he told people he’s gay. People weren’t assuming it because of how he dressed so I’m not sure why all this argument about how he’s confused about what it means to be gay.

    My third point is this has happened before with a New York student. See http://www.cbs19.tv/story/16384680/student-protest-over-high-heels

    So schools need to decide how to deal with this issue. Schools always make you sign papers about dress code & code of conduct anyways so just put something in there addressing this or it’s bound to happen again.

    Fourthly, I have my doubts he was suspended for being gay. It’s more likely he just was defiant & refused to do what the Principal said. Principals tend to suspend you for that.

  35. MarkUs says

    I’d bet the kid has issues and being gay is about #7 on the top ten. Anti-social behavior and anger comes in all genders, colors, races, sizes and ages.

  36. Mark F. says

    I don’t care if he wears heels or not, but he is in a public school setting and in a public school he has to abide by school policy. He doesn’t make the rules there and he can’t do whatever he wants.

    In this case, I agree with Sara. I think he was just suspended for not listening to the principal. Whether he likes it or not, the principal makes the rules and if you ignore the rules, you get suspended.

  37. Grover Underwood says

    from reading the comments, I think I’ve stumbled upon some hateful right wing site instead of Towleroad. I wonder if the administrators realize their site has been hijacked.

  38. jim says

    Every time one of these stories comes along it’s the same debate all over again. Why don’t all schools just go to uniforms and be done with it?

    When I was in Jr High I once wore shorts to school. Turns out they weren’t allowed & my mother was called and told to bring me a pair of long pants. She was not happy, thought the whole thing was ridiculous. But that’s what the administration decreed. So did I defy the principal and get suspended & whine about it? No. I put together a petition to change the dress code, got a ton of fellow students to sign it, and guess what–the administration changed the dresscode. There are more productive ways of handling things

  39. Hollywood, CA says

    @ OS2Guy – Fish, this is not about YOU! This is about Asante, and what he wants to wear to class?! You must be ancient not to understand that. “it certainly doesn’t help the rest of us.” – It actually does just that! Educate yourself, queen…

  40. Jay says

    Count me on the side of Asante. I hope that the Superintendent comes to his aid. She at least sounds sympathetic. The Principal sounds vindictive and unconcerned about his education.

  41. says

    I’m not taking sides but I’m with the OS2 on this one. As a gay man I’m embarassed by guys like Rupaul who claim to represent the gay community and I think this kid doesn’t help our cause for equality. It gives the right-wingers amunnition to say we all whacked.

  42. MarkUs says

    The kid is 17 and is not representative of the gay community or an advocate of the gay community. Jesus, I am a pediatrician for 27 years and I recognize “acting out” for one reason or another (usually it’s a situation at home). He’s 17!

    Reminds me of “Miracle Worker” and the entire Helen Keller family dismissing the blind mute and deaf child’s behavior as that of a blind and mute and deaf person period and Anne Sullivan screaming “I recognize a temper tantrum from a badly spoiled child when I see it!”

  43. RD says

    I’m apalled that so many of you equate being gay with cross dressing…. I happen to be a man who makes his living as a drag queen and I came out back in the 70’s , so I feel I have a bit of a handle on both issues… This young man dressed in a provacative manner and was called out for it, his response was ” I’m being discriminated against because I’m gay..” I have to admit that I find his response offensive… There are still places in this world where people are (legally) killed for being gay…

  44. says

    i’ve noticed something, all of you guys who are “embarrassed” by this young man don’t have the balls to show YOURSELVES on the internet.

    interesting. so you wimps complain that he doesn’t represent you, yet you’re not man enough to represent yourselves?

    call me when you stop being such pathetic little cowards.

  45. jaragon says

    Mr Kiwi- I do support the right for the kid to be openly gay- but he is choosing to wear high heals which I’m sure it’s not considered proper attire for a boy in high school unless he is auditioning for the annual drag show. And no I’m not judging him from any closet.

  46. jack says

    I am a lifelong liberal democrat. It often seems to me that some of the “ultra” liberals who post on this site defend everything LGBT folks do. I was a high school teacher for 35 years and know that schools have to have dress codes for good order in the school. A boy wearing high heels around the halls and in the classrooms is definitely disruptive. He should get back to school wearing clothes that conform to the dress code and get himself a good education.

  47. says

    well, i call your bluff Jaragon.

    truly. you said he didn’t have the “right role models”…well, he’s Out in highschool at age 17.

    you weren’t Out in high school. so it seems he’s already leaps and bounds ahead of you.

    yes, “proper attire”…right. and those horrid young women from before who dared to wear slacks and not skirts, what were they “auditioning” for?

    so, what specific role models do you think he’s lacking? he clearly has more courage than pretty much every naysayer that came onto this thread to comment against him today. none of you little boys have been able to show YOURSELVES, and none of you were Out in high school like he is.

    so, who’s the one who’s lacking the proper role models? the kid who is not only Out but living out loud and unafraid of what bigots think, or you wusses who came on here today to criticize and mock him from behind your cowardly Internet Burqas?

    none of you can make any intelligent argument against the heels thing other than “it’s against school policy” (doubtful, unless the school has a history of suspending females for wearing heels….) or “it’s making us look bad” (speak for yourself, wimps. some of us don’t give a flying f**k what ignorant bigots think – you could learn a thing or twenty from us).

    so yeah. all this talk of Gay Role Models from a collection of guys on here, none of whom can show themselves and live by greater example.

    you all could learn a lot from Asante.

  48. says

    hey jack, are girls who refuse to conform and wear “men’s shoes” also disruptive?

    i’m just wondering. are their limits of what “men’s attire” women are supposed to wear, or does this rule only apply to men wearing women’s accessories or shoes?

  49. MarkUs says

    Little Kiwi, like I said I think I can be a little biased here as a pediatrician but I’m not “embarrassed” by him but have seen enough teens acting out at school to see there probably is something deeper going on than him as a mature gay rights advocate. Shame on the media for exploiting him. I’d ask him “why high heels?” and that would last 5 minutes and “tell me about school and home” and I’d predict that would last hours if not days.

    You live in some world where he’s “all together”, and SO STRONG, and there he is, saying (crying) on camera he almost KILLED HIMSELF. You go, kid! Such an example! Woo hoo!

  50. MarkUs says

    When you have a child who says he considered suicide as an option, you had better jump into hyperdrive and treat their depression, or they’ll commit suicide.

  51. Leonard says

    Well I support this kid’s right to wear high heels to school. The principal’s response was bigotry plain and simple. I’m also not surprised by the comments here. This kid is exactly what the gay community hates:

    1. He’s black.
    2. He’s “femme.”
    3. He’s outspoken and not cowering but taking his story to the media.

    If it says in the dress code policy that guys cannot wear high heels to class, then please someone point that out to me. I’ve seen that claim many times over in this thread and no proof at all.

    I also don’t see how him making this a “gay” issue is wrong. Queerness comes in many different flavors. I don’t dress in feminine clothing or drag, but some gay men do, and doing so is a part of their queer identity.

    A lot of the commenters here are just bitter old queens.

  52. MarkUs says

    He’s “not cowering”?

    He said he considered suicide as an out. A solution here.

    I hope for these kids sakes some of the people here are as far removed from gay and straight depressed teens as possible, because they can’t see their hand in front of their face.

  53. nikko says

    oh, please people, the kid has no right to wear high heels in school. He’s to conform to the dress code-this is not a fashion show. And yes, a man in heels looks ridiculous and repulsive. It’s intent is to disrupt, and not in a good way. There’s no gay rights issue here.

  54. Eric says

    Why is he wearing heels to school?

    Little Kiwi, your coercion will not work, give it up already dude. Not everyone has to have a vlog/blog whatever. No one has to give into your demands. Always the same crap, different day, “…show your self, put up a pic, prove your masculinty…” Give it a rest. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, we got it…you’re here, you’re queer, good for you haha not everyone is exactly like you.

  55. jack says

    The young man would do well to listen to the Pediatrician and not the nonsense of Little Kiwi.She is a left wing ideologue who has the same knee jerk reaction to every situation. At least we have the joy in knowing that she/he is not a US citizen. I would say ‘Praise the lord’, if I were a believer.

  56. jack says

    This young man needs help. HE is crying out for attention. Where is his father? To the left wing ideologues who insist on making him the poster boy of gay liberation , I say : shame on you. This is an example of why a boy needs a loving father. Not one who will automatically condemn his femine side, but one who will help him navigate the difficult paths to adulthood.

  57. jack says

    There is nothing funny about this story. We have here a young man who needs serious counseling. His main focus, as a high school student, should be getting a good education and not flitting around in cross dressing outfits.

  58. Rob says

    We really need to DIFFERENTIATE between gay men and transgendered men. Wanting to wear ladies high heels isn’t something most gay men can relate to. It is something transgendered men can relate to. Let’s not pretend being gay is the same as being transgendered—-it’s not. They are two different things.

  59. Stuart says

    Lol Jack, funny how you are now bringing tired conservative arguments that a “nuclear family is the way to go” by saying that he NEEDS a father.

    Keep on trolling.

  60. Paul in Charleston says

    “from reading the comments, I think I’ve stumbled upon some hateful right wing site instead of Towleroad. I wonder if the administrators realize their site has been hijacked.”
    Posted by: Grover Underwood
    I hear you loud and clear Grover! This is the sound of the (mythical) gay “community” in action.
    Around the world and back snaps to Asante – even though he is a bit confused about his suspension, it was not about being gay but more about being in semi-drag and a lot about being a queen. Any regular to this blog knows that being a queen (or femme or whatever you want to call us these days) is a huge NO NO, an effront, an embarrassment to all those hyper-masculine men gay and straight who still believe that the world belongs to the John Waynes and nobody else.
    I too can throw out some armchair psychology. I posit that all you butch guys who passed as straight while teenagers (and as adults) have been seriously harmed by homophobes spewing their hate for “fags”. This was the genesis of your misogynistic antipathy towards males who are “obviously gay”, the fear that you too would be labeled “fag” and that you too would be the object of that scorn and derision.
    I too am all for differentiating between “gay” and “queen”, just not for the same reasons, not from embarrassment but because I know that “gay” comes in all shapes, shades, sizes, submissive and dominant, fur suit lovers and jumpsuit lovers, goths, geeks,jocks and divas. The world is big enough for all of us. And if a junior queen wants to carry a pocketbook and wear heels to school think of these words:
    I am what I am
    I am my own special creation.
    So come take a look,
    Give me the hook or the ovation.
    It’s my world that I want to take a little pride in,
    My world, and it’s not a place I have to hide in.
    Life’s not worth a damn,
    ‘Til you can say, “Hey world, I am what I am.”
    I am what I am,
    I don’t want praise, I don’t want pity.
    I bang my own drum,
    Some think it’s noise, I think it’s pretty.
    And so what, if I love each feather and each spangle,
    Why not try to see things from a diff’rent angle?
    Your life is a sham ’til you can shout out loud
    I am what I am!
    I am what I am
    And what I am needs no excuses.
    I deal my own deck
    Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces.
    There’s one life, and there’s no return and no deposit;
    One life, so it’s time to open up your closet.
    Life’s not worth a damn ’til you can say,
    “Hey world, I am what I am!”

    So you keep shouting Asante!

  61. says

    a seventeen year old, black, openly-gay, gender-nonconformist in VIRGINIA.

    no wonder this story has elicited such predictable responses. black. 17. Out. gender-nonconformist. and more man than most of you will ever be.

    and yeah, it’s worth noting that none of you naysayers can post links to your own profiles or youtube videos. what’s that? not everyone has one? duh. but you could make one. it’s easy. represent yourselves.
    but that, alas, would be too much work. it’s much easier to be a critical little brat from the Anonymous Online Closet.

    you can ramble at me all you like, as long as it keeps coming from a place of Anonymity you’re only proving me right.

  62. RWG says

    “we see this over and over again – insecure semi-closeted homosexuals blaming gender-nonconformists for the baseless bigotry still plaguing our collective cultures.” -Little Kiwi

    Hear! Hear!

  63. says

    I went to a highschool that allowed me to do several things over and over again, and one day decided against it. It happens. And what about Rosa parks, should she have simply sat at the back of the bus, because thats the way things went? Women wear heels, and trans-sexuals wear heels, so gay men can’t? Why do women and transsexuals wear heels? As a fashion statement. It is simply about the fashion. He wasn’t hurting anyone. And to say that someone is “insubordinate” simply because they dont follow a mundane, outdated rule is absurd. There are many absurd outdated rules that end up being broken as they become outdated. it happens. I am not going to “sit there and take it” or in your words “respect authority or my elders” if they are just plain WRONG!

  64. kirst says

    When I was in high school and middle school, we were allowed to wear heels, and I believe a few boys wore them as well. I don’t See what’s wrong with letting a boy find himself, and if that means wearing heels then so be it!

  65. TJ says

    I couldn’t read this post on the iPad; for some reason, it kept crashing. So I’m on the real computer now. It has been very interesting to read the comments here. So what the heck! Why not add to the fray!

    Of all the comments, I’d say that I think MARCUS may be on to something. Dress codes, unequal treatment, even the lyrics to “I Am What I Am” (which I love; used a recording of it during a case presentation about an out and proud kid who would seem to the outside world the poster child for fearless, in your face activism, yet was a mass of insecurity behind closed doors) aside, the kid did say he thought about killing himself.

    It’s one thing to flame brightly, quite another to flame out. There is a WHOLE lot of “look at me” going on; what he wants you to see might not be what he needs you to see. For all of the show, there are the tears of the clown when there’s no one around.

    Don’t be so quick to make him your poster child. It’s an awesome responsibility. He may not be up to it. And I don’t want him to become a martyr for anyone’s ideology. He is in Virginia, for pete’s sake! Talk about a hostile environment! Yes, it shouldn’t matter. Yes, he’s just expressing himself. But actions have consequences. Someone who threatens suicide is not in a position to face consequences and laugh them off.

  66. lookyloo says

    The only thing we need to know is if a straight boy wearing high-heels would’ve received the same treatment from the principal

    I’m guessing he would have — But it’s something we’ll never know because this has been turned into a sexual orientation issue instead of a ‘societal expectations’ issue.

    I’m also guessing that any student who dressed or appeared in a way that caused some kind of distraction (whether to the students or the faculty) would be asked to change.

  67. Rin says

    1) Raise a hand if you’ve worn 3 inch heels. Everyone else please stand down for a moment.
    2) Of those who’ve worn 3 inch heels…would you wear them in slick, sloped floors? Everyone else please stand down.
    3) Of those who have worn them on slick, sloped floors…have you had to run in them to make it to class on time?

    The school handbook has requirements about heels and “safety”. Look at the picture of the heels he’s wearing. I’d kill myself in those.

    At my daughter’s school (yes, yes, I know…I’m droning again) but they are not allowed to wear heels, their hair must be a normal color, skirts cannot be above the knee, pants cannot have holes in them, belts must be worn (to prevent underwear from showing)…

    If a girl wore those hooker heels she would be causing a distraction. In fact, the whole purpose of wearing heels is to say: Look at me! I’m stylin’!

    This young man is probably picked on, isolated and in desperate need of someone to talk to him, ask what’s wrong, and be his friend. I’m with the pediatrician who believes this is a cry for help.

    If I knew him I would ask the teens that I coach in debate to befriend him. I’d also buy him a pair of heels that conform to dress codes (1.5 inches) and I mean that.

    We all need to feel pretty every once in a while, and heck, the Founding Fathers wore them.

  68. Hephaestion says

    I admire this kid for his spunk and his seriousness.

    That said, I am still shocked to hear that girls can wear high heels to school. That seems ridiculous to me, but if girls can wear them to school, then by God this fine young man should be able to wear them to school. And God bless him for his spunk.

    However, it’ll still take some of us oldsters a while to get over the shock that ANYONE can wear high heels to SCHOOL today. Is this true everywhere???

  69. Rin says

    From the Richmond 12 and a classmate named “Wendy” (its a long poorly written, grammatically incorrect post, but…):

    i went to charles city high school from 2002-2004 and the gay during that time dressed as females every day and there was nothing said to them they wasn’t bothering anyone so why say something to them .

    ***

    So 6 years ago, according to Wendy gay kids were allowed to dress like “females” and no one said anything. How do we know this is about “dressing like a girl” instead of wearing high heels? And, again, did you see the size of the heel?

    Do you feel it is a safe heel?

  70. says

    I like the poster’s advertising products of the high heels shoes by using this article. They also putting its images for informing to the users about the look of the high heels shoes….

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