Manhunt: Bitch Fest


Here's a new drinking game: Whenever Manhunt mentions Nair for Men, take a drink. You should be blitzed by the end of the show, because they mention Nair for Men almost as often as George W Bush says "war on terror".

AdexecsThis week the boys' first task was to audition for a group of improv actors posing as advertising executives who humiliated the models to see how they'd stand up to the stress of a real-life audition. This little exercise revealed a few interesting facts:

Jason confesses using bar soap to wash his hair rather than shampoo. "That would be why you had frizz," he's told by a knowledgeable female exec. Interesting fact #1: Jason is obviously a het.

South African Paulo is brought in to stand before a display of Nair for Men bottles (okay everybody, drink!). When asked to explain to the execs the advantages of using a depilatory, Paulo replies, "I'm not sure what that word means." Interesting fact #2: Paulo not ready for Mensa.

Kevin Osborne is called in and asked to sell an Aston Martin while pretending to drive it down a road. When asked to provide dialog, he says: "You know, when I'm driving this Aston Martin, ya know, I can't keep the girls off me cause I kinda feel like a superhero." Interesting fact #3: Kevin O. still in 3rd grade.

HuntertableFinally, when Hunter is called in and told to show them how he'd sell something, his first instinct is to jump up on top of the table. Interesting fact #4: Hunter already knows how to sell product on a table.

Later, the models chortle upon discovering they've been had, and are shown products that they are going to sell for this episode's photo shoot. While Rob chooses toilet paper and Tate gets the unfortunate pick of pretzel rods, Kevin O's pick of a bicycle inspires the first language-challenged subtitle of the show. Spandexhelmet

Here's part two of our drinking game: when a model becomes so incomprehensible that they get subtitled, everybody drink!

Kevin O's outburst about his shoot ("I don't know how to f---ing pull off spandex and a helmet") allows embedded model Kevin Peake to get a bit of sage advice in: "You can rock anything you want to!"

DiureticsIn preparation for the shoots, Paulo’s drug habit (diuretics!) is brought out into the open. In order to lose water weight and sharpen his abs, he takes water pills. While scolded by Kevin Peake that taking things like water pills can just go too far, we’re sure that this is really secret product placement, because who wouldn’t want to lose a quick ten pounds by rapidly pissing the contents of your body in a quick couple of hours? Take a laxative too while you’re at it — fun night!

TateshaveNext come the modeling shoots. Tate has his chest shaved so that he can properly sell pretzel rods, which, they make perfectly clear, are really salty, crunchy representations of cock. To make this clear, they have Tate suck, lick, and massage the pretzel rod with his lips, finally taking a whole bunch of them and shoving them all down his throat at once, causing the photographer to exclaim, “If you can shove that many rods in your mouth!” Yeah, we got it.

HunterwetThe other models are given various products to whore out, all shirtless of course. Not complaining here. Jon Jonsson is given Nair for Men (drink!), Hunter is doused with Evian water in his Levi’s, Kevin O looks pained with his bicycle (definitely not “rockin’ it”), Rob poses naked with rolls of toilet paper (god I love Rob more and more each show), Paulo shows that water pills really do work, and Maurice manages to look severely constipated with an iPod.

Later, drinking escapades bring out the fact that Rob is gay when the models are relaxed later back at the hotel. This seems to disturb model Hunter, who goes off about people’s “points of views” and says he “had never even heard someone say they were gay before.” Does this mean the Backstreet Dance Club in Little Rock has a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy?

HuntertearsHunter gets a piece of advice on elimination day when the photographer critiques his photo. “The only thing is I think you could add a little more masculinity. Not so feminine. More masculine, you know, like ‘Rarrr’.” Hunter looks surprised. I actually think he knows “Rarrr!”

RobtpJon Jonson receives a helpful piece of advice from judge #1, former model Bruce Hulse. “Is that a zit I see? Get rid of it.” Hulse then admits to toilet paper Rob, “Thats an obscene photograph to me but I like it.” Rob also gets critiqued for being “too feminine” by a skanked-up Stuff Magazine photo editor, whom I think was just a bit jealous of Rob’s pretty looks.

Carmen Electra delivers the best line of the show (other than the already classic “That was your last shot.”) when she looks at Tate’s pretzel rod photo and feels moved to demonstrate her phat rapping abilities: “Work that pretzel, work it out, work that pretzel, work it work it.”

This show just gets better and better.

HunterbitchsAs the models wait nervously for the elimination, alcoholic Tate boozes it up with his own personal bottle of wine and antagonizes Hunter by calling him Seth. This incenses Hunter, who demands he be called “Hunter”, and the ugly spectre of homosexuality is raised again, in another flurry of cursing and more subtitles (everybody drink!).

KevinocryFour models are eliminated this episode, and in a shocker, South African hair diva, water pill-ingester Paulo is tossed, as is another of our favorites, Matt, who is sure to turn up in the WB’s next teen-angst drama. Good-bye Jason, Matt, Paulo, and Kevin O. And thank you Kevin O., for giving us the obligatory Manhunt sob session.

Past updates:
[Big Boys Don’t Cry]
[Anyone Want Some Wood?]
[Attack of the Clones]
[A Rope to Hang Me With]

Posted November 3, 2004 at 6:37pm ETC by Andy Towle
in Fashion Men, Film and TV