12/07/2004
The Queer Eye Script Scandal
A column by Joel Stein that appeared in the L.A. Times over the weekend savaged reality TV, pulling the curtain back on shows like The Simple Life, The Restaurant, The Osbornes, and in particular, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, revealing something that I think most educated people knew to some extent: "These shows purporting to be unadulterated documentaries are unreal in a more obvious way: They are secretly crafted in advance by writers."
As evidence, Stein presents a 19-page-script for Queer Eye (PDF here).
This hit the blogosphere in a big way yesterday so when I read that the script will "send you scrambling for the refuge of a warm tub and a box of razor blades" (which I thought the show already did for a lot of people) I expected to see actual lines printed out for Kressley and the cast to read. Now that would have been really damning.
However, the "reality" is that the so-called script is a 19-page mish-mash of talking points and sounds like an outline for a self-help seminar. Not that it isn't entertaining and a bit depressing to see the very conscious manipulation of something that's intended to appear very spontaneous.
Here's a sample:
EXT. PATRICK'S APARTMENT
JAI, CARSON, and Patrick run from the Denali into the house.
INT. PATRICK'S APARTMENT
TED, KYAN and THOM excitedly greet them.
TOUR AND LESSON 1.
THOM gives Patrick a tour of his new digs. The place is amazing. Patrick is speechless. while JAI and CARSON are also very impressed. The smell is gone and it now looks beautiful. The house is now clean, hip, and youthful. THOM shows him things he can do to reduce moisture, and surprise... no more shag carpet. THOM shows Patrick his new air conditioner and de-humidifier system. He explains that an oversized air conditioner can introduce too much moisture into an interior space and actually increase mildew. He will also explain the basics of how humidifiers extract water from the air while filtering and cleaning.
Mildew Lessons: Mildew is a mold that flourishes in spaces that are damp, warm, poorly lit, or where air is not well circulated. In other words, in places exactly like Patrick Mullare's apartment.
Etcetera, etcetera... Easy to see why the show looks, acts, and feels like a formula, and why most of its audience seems to be bored to crap by it this season.
Today, on Reality Blurred, a story editor on a reality show argues that the script might be one that was created for post-production rather than actual filming. "I shouldn't, I don't think, be sneered at for trying to make a living in a cutthroat industry by learning how to build a character arc from footage that was already shot, rather than filmed after I wrote dialogue. Indeed, it is just as hard as churning out an original plot -– we don't get multiple takes, we can't design things around our desires, we don't know what we got or what we missed until weeks after the fact, and yet we can't hide behind that."
In any case, I don't think many people actually think "reality TV" really represents reality. They just want to be entertained. Kressley and most of the cast can definitely entertain at times, but seem stuck running in circles on their Queer Eye Habitrail. And patience with hour-long infomercials appears to be on the wane.
Posted 12:34 PM EST by Andy Towle in Film & TV | Permalink
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Great posting, as usual. Like we all thought show that was captured impromtu. Jeez, that Carson Kressley is one ugly dude, who's in deperate need of an emergency extreme makeover. Total coke head, or so I've been told.
Posted by: newell | Dec 7, 2004 3:57:14 PM
It's all so incredibly aggravating--everyone in this country seems to have lost all of their facilities for critical thought. Who could watch any of these shows (and I do watch ANTM--religiously) and not get that they are scripted? In a world that sees millions of people who think that George Bush could be President. For pity's sake people--WAKE THE $%#* UP!!!!1
Posted by: Zach | Dec 7, 2004 6:14:55 PM
After I registered for the LA times, I couldn't find the PDF. Is it gone or just for paid subscribers?
Posted by: confused | Dec 8, 2004 12:12:59 AM
It appears they took the link from their site down - I replaced my PDF link with one directly to the source.
Posted by: andy | Dec 8, 2004 12:50:54 AM
First, no one's life is so interesting that it can be taped for three days to culminate in a 60-minute program that millions of people want to watch . . . unless, of course, it's been planned and scripted ahead of time, which is smart considering that the point of the programming is for the networks to make money.
Second, and speaking of money, the Fab 5 are virtually performing as a charity to Bravo, as they are only paid something like $3K per episode. That's not nearly enough money for 3 days of their lives AND time to do all of the research for the program, such as preparing detailed recipes, complete with the origins of all of the ingredients and utensils, coordinated by award-winning chefs.
Posted by: SPY | Dec 10, 2004 1:02:46 AM
It's not scripted. I used to work on the show. The 'script' is an editing script written after filming, not before. You'd have to be a moron to believe it was an actual shooting script. The 'script' mentions things in detail like the reactions at the end event, even details like body language and facial expressions, not just from the straight guy and his family (none of whom are actors) but even from random people who are in the place the final event is held. Yeah sure, I really believe they went in and gave every person there a script. And some of the parts make them look really bad, like the SGs mother "acting out of control." Why would a middle class suburban 50-something mom agree to perform that kind of script just so her son can get some free stuff?
Sorry, but it's pretty obvious it's an editing script. The script even says how much time is going to be devoted to each segment and what bit of what scene is going to be used for the teasers leading into commercial. Like that would be in a shooting script.
Obviously they work out all the details beforehand, like the recipes and the plan for the home, but when they alk through the doors there is no script telling them what to do or say and the straight guy is never coached in any way.
BTW, they get $8000 per ep, not $3000. That was the first season.
Posted by: yogibear | Dec 13, 2004 4:06:13 PM
Sorry Yogi, you made a boo-boo...
This could have just as easily been (and, in fact, IS) a Director's script. True, the dialog is not scripted, per se, but it is a rough shooting script nonetheless. And yes, just about ANY 50-something mom would play it up, not so much for the freebies her son gets, but for the fact that they all get to be ON TV...DUH! But then, if you had ever worked on ANY show, you would have known that...DUH.
Posted by: Reamer | Mar 22, 2005 3:55:37 PM
Wow, that was condescending. Anyone can say "You're so stupid blah blah fishcakes... DUH!"
The script looks like an editing script. But at this point, it's not the point of the article.
Posted by: Mark | Apr 28, 2005 9:58:10 PM