50 Cent | American Idol | Chris Evans | Crime | Dallas | Deepwater Horizon | Elton John | Iceland | Law Enforcement | News | Noah Mills | Palm Springs | Ryan Kwanten

News: 50 Cent, Grolar Bear, Ryan Kwanten, Morocco, Hung

Road New massive oil plume discovered under water in Gulf.

50cent RoadRapper 50 Cent lost a lot of weight.

RoadPolice say murder in Oak Lawn neighborhood of Dallas isn't a hate crime.

RoadChris Evans is offering free licks. Who's first?

RoadPalm Springs Police Department accused of bias against gays: "These allegations stem from a police operation that led to the arrest of 24 men in Warm Sands last summer...In response to the accusation of bias, the District Attorney in the case said, 'it doesn't matter to us whether it's one orientation or another. What we do is follow the law and the law prohibits sexual conduct in public.' The Palm Springs Police Department declined to comment."

RoadNoah Mills didn't have to show any skin for Sex and the City 2 audition.

RoadJean-Paul Gaultier stepping down at Hermes: "Christian Lemaire, the creative director of apparel company Lacoste, will replace the designer who earned rave reviews from the fashion world during seven years at Hermes. Lemaire has worked at Christian Lacroix, launched his own clothing line, and revitalised Lacoste since 2001."

RoadOnion: Kids to be taught about both hellfire Bibilical death and environmental extinction!

Smokering  RoadThe volcano in Iceland blew a smoke ring.

RoadThe 'Hung' season two trailer is skintastic.

RoadSecond-generation Grizzly-Polar bear hybrid shot and killed in Alaska.

RoadStephen Gately's widower Andy Cowles to receive large sum of money: "Stephen Gately's widower Andy Cowles will receive nearly £1 million from his husband’s estate. The Boyzone singer – who died in Majorca last October as a result of a congenital heart defect - didn't leave a will at the time of his death, but according to figures released yesterday (26.05.10) by the Probate Registry, Andy will still receive the huge sum. Although mystery had surrounded Stephen's lack of a will, including reports at the time of his death that a version of it had gone missing, his internet entrepreneur civil partner will inherit £450,000 outright, as well as half of the rest of Stephen's estate – worth £519,910 – and his personal possessions."

RoadArjan chats with BT.

Kwanten  RoadRyan Kwanten won't be dropping his drawers for Playgirl: "He did, however, have an idea for a couple of his costars in Playgirl. "Maybe Stephen [Moyer] and Alex [Skarsgård] can do a little tandem," he cracked."

RoadMariah Carey may have a bun in the oven.

RoadTrue Blood headed to the big screen.

RoadThousands welcome Elton John to Morocco: "Politicians from the opposition Islamist PJD party said the gay British star was not welcome in the conservative north African kingdom and that granting him such a profile would tarnish Morocco's image. Organisers said the singer's private life was irrelevant and went ahead with the show, the highlight of the week-long Mawazine World Rhythms festival that has become the cultural showpiece of Morocco's secular-leaning monarchy."

RoadMom's life ruined by American Idol result.

RoadThe real reason gay men are single? "I don't know how women do it, but if I'm not attracted to a guy physically I can't have sex with them no matter how emotionally attracted I am to them. I guess that's the main difference between men and women. For men, intimacy is a consequence of sex; for women it's a pre-requisite. Maybe that's why so many of us gay men are single for so long. If we could direct our sexual desire from physical to the emotional we'd lead more fulfilled lives."

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Comments

  1. The real reason gay men are single? Mike Alvear gets it wrong.

    It's not that, for men, sex leads to intimacy. It is that they mistake sex for intimacy. So, when they find someone who is physically attractive, there is a tendency to believe that physical attraction and sex complete the picture.

    Obviously it is important to find someone who you are emotionally, intellectually, and physically attracted to. However, there needs to be an honest conversation among gay men about actual intimacy, e.g. love, trust, support, and communication.

    We could, as a collective group, also start an honest dialogue on self-image. So much of what we see in the gay media is geared towards making us feel bad about ourselves. Didn't we torture ourselves enough before coming out? Maybe once such a conversation happens, we'll be able to connect with others on a more intimate level (read: not picking apart each others apparent imperfections).

    Posted by: Christian | May 27, 2010 4:44:42 PM


  2. One reason why many get are single is because their relationships are deemed disposable, purely physical and unimportant compared to heterosexual relationships by the larger cultures in which they occur (e.g., united states, where same sex marriage is illegal). This colors the way they treat each other and have relationships. Given that there's no template on how gay relationships are supposed to progress as there is for heterosexual relationships, it's a lot like reinventing the wheel each time--and that's difficult, and acts as a further disincentive to pursue lasting relationships, or relationships that aren't extended dating cycles. But does this apply to lesbians, equally? That would rest on the claim that lesbians experience just as much discrimination as gay men in, say, the united states.

    Another reason is that many gay men come out after high school, and have no practical dating or fulfilling same sex sexual experience. Many get stuck in that "experimental" phase without encouragement, social safety nets and incentives, or, really, desire to move beyond it.

    Another reason is that there is very little incentive to "settle for" as a gay man in a culture that actively promotes the legal and social discrimination faced by gay men. If gay relationships are treated as unimportant, disposable, and regarded as "childish," of course that will be played out in many relationships had by the oppressed (many will start to believe it).

    And, sure...men are, on average, a lot more visually stimulated than women.

    I don't know if it's a matter of mistaking sex for intimacy, as many men (gay or straight) are guilty of that...also, many sexually abused people do that, too (and many gay men are victims of childhood sexual abuse because of the social vulnerability that they experience as a result of being both gay and a minor...even in childhood)...in people without sexual trauma that has impaired their ability to have sexual relationships, men often don't mistake those two (midlife crisis here or there taken into account.

    There's a lot of reasons...and christian you sound fat!

    Posted by: TANK | May 27, 2010 5:09:09 PM


  3. I think Christian's post is spot on.

    The mistaking sex for intimacy thing is something I've seen in myself and many others. And the self-image thing is super on the money as well. I'm very fit, but suffer from extreme body dysmorphia. I look at a gay bar rag and basically I just feel bad about myself. That some of the images are arousing or appealing to me while they perpetuate the negative image I have of my physical self is also really offputting. I have essentially learned to immediately feel unattractive the minute I am attracted to someone else. I've spoken to a lot of men who experience the same thing.

    As gay men we deal with a lot of shame around our sexual identity, so we go on to create a culture that basically runs on shaming ourselves--for not being fit enough, rich enough, hung enough, young enough, etc. etc. etc. etc.

    We also tend to meet other men in bars, which given the drinking going on skews our perceptions. Plus, I've also noticed hookup sites are more populated (esp. with those "not opposed to something more" ads) than legit dating sites.

    Posted by: Alejandro | May 27, 2010 5:38:58 PM


  4. "I'm very fit, but suffer from extreme body dysmorphia."

    Contradiction, anyone?

    Posted by: TANK | May 27, 2010 5:45:28 PM


  5. Tank, I don't think that's a contradiction.

    Posted by: Alejandro | May 27, 2010 5:50:32 PM


  6. If only people believed that being "very fit" were a defect...everyone would be truly hideous. Anyway, you better get that vomit finger primed for after dinner, alejandro.

    Posted by: TANK | May 27, 2010 5:55:13 PM


  7. Damn, I feel the need to clarify.

    Fit=# of times one exercises, type and quality of exercise, diet, results of yearly physicals, weight, BMI, etc.

    I don't mean to imply fit is synonymous with a particular look or being hot. I'm a Nazi with my fitness and I still don't like the way I look. Hence, the dysmorphia.

    Sorry if that was unclear.

    Posted by: Alejandro | May 27, 2010 5:58:37 PM


  8. well, Tank, we all have our issues. What can I say.

    Hope you have a nice night.

    Posted by: Alejandro | May 27, 2010 6:02:45 PM


  9. I wasn't being serious. I'm not being critical about your body dysmorphia.

    Posted by: TANK | May 27, 2010 6:07:51 PM


  10. Gay men are single because they believe the next guy is going to be hotter then the one they are sleeping with. If you are looking for a fantasy you are never going to find it.

    Posted by: jaragon | May 27, 2010 6:12:21 PM


  11. This is 100% spot on, in my opinion. Sad, but oh-so true:

    "Given that there's no template on how gay relationships are supposed to progress as there is for heterosexual relationships, it's a lot like reinventing the wheel each time--and that's difficult, and acts as a further disincentive to pursue lasting relationships, or relationships that aren't extended dating cycles."

    Posted by: Julian | May 27, 2010 6:14:18 PM


  12. interesting posts in here

    I sometimes think how society treats us manifests itself in the way we treat each other

    also think there are narrow standards of "beauty" which the gay community feeds itself & reinforces to its own detriment

    I'm not crazy about the article that sparked this conversation though - Alvear is not looking at the bigger picture - he's complaining about the symptoms in a cursory manner but not analyzing the deeper cause

    Posted by: neverstops | May 27, 2010 6:32:04 PM


  13. I've always wondered how anyone could just hook-up randomly and walk away, never wanting anything more than sex. I imagine they must feel incredibly empty when they have no one to talk to, share their dreams or lives with, etc.
    I may be old-fashioned (at 33), but I've only ever wanted to be with someone I was in love with, and luckily I found him and we've been together 13 years. Maybe I'm just driven by emotions and more of a romantic than I think. To me, there's nothing more fulfilling, satisfying, and fun than sharing your lives together.
    Maybe I'm a weirdo...

    Posted by: Morgan | May 27, 2010 7:43:59 PM


  14. Monogamy runs against male nature. Gay male relationships have only males in them. Ergo, temporary relationships that last only until the sex gets boring. (Or staying in the relationship and lying and cheating...like straight guys.) Sure, straight relationships last longer...but many of those are a sham.

    Posted by: Hank | May 27, 2010 7:58:41 PM


  15. Another gay person brutally murdered and the haterosexual police label it a robbery. Gay people in the Dallas area do nothing.

    Posted by: Bill | May 27, 2010 8:06:22 PM


  16. Also, if you're single and critical of this article, then go out and get in a relationship with an unattractive guy. There are plenty of them out there, just go out and pick one. Then see how long you stay in it. (Or forget that, the fact that you haven't done it before this proves the article is true.) There are plenty of "nice" guys out there...but if you're not attracted to them, your eye will start to wonder, then you'll be cheating before you know it...or you'll just bail altogether. But again, this doesn't make us "bad" and straight guys "good". It just means we don't get stuck with a ball and chain when it's clearly over.

    Posted by: Hank | May 27, 2010 8:15:15 PM


  17. You're not a weirdo, morgan. Some men are not happy in mogamous relationships and others are. Generalizing to "men aren't programmed for monogamy," may be true or may not be, but some men prefer it to "open" relationships, or a lifetime of tricking.

    And no, morgan...many men out there are quite comfortable with an entire lifetime of random hookups, and it's not "empty". I would find it empty, but whatever lifts your luggage.

    Posted by: TANK | May 27, 2010 8:23:11 PM


  18. "I've always wondered how anyone could just hook-up randomly and walk away, never wanting anything more than sex. I imagine they must feel incredibly empty when they have no one to talk to, share their dreams or lives with, etc."

    Some might, others are just fine. I think we should refrain where possible from projecting our own mentality on others. Personally, I get irritated when guys I know look down on me for wanting a long-term relationship, and to be monogamous in it. Being single and sleeping with a lot of guys or being in an open relationship works for them; it would never work for me.

    I think the most important thing is to understand what we want in others, and to be honest about it. It's when people bullshit or lie to themselves that others get hurt.

    Posted by: Zach | May 27, 2010 8:31:41 PM


  19. @Hank

    "Monogamy runs against male nature. Gay male relationships have only males in them."

    which is exactly why gays don't need civil equality - it's not natural*

    (* for sarcasm impaired)

    Posted by: neverstops | May 27, 2010 8:34:00 PM


  20. "Whatever lifts your luggage"

    LMAO. Love it Tank. Love it.

    Posted by: AM | May 28, 2010 10:07:34 AM


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