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Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Dies in Steamy Blaze


"He even had his helmet on his head instead of coyly covering his private parts."

A breaking news report from The Onion, AFTER THE JUMP...

(via omg blog)

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  1. I hear the family is accepting bottles of body oil in lieu of flowers. Mine's on the way there now.

    Posted by: Chris | Jun 3, 2010 2:12:19 PM

  2. Chris, I heard he was wearing so much body oil that day he caused a flash fire and luckily, died quickly.

    Posted by: RONTEX | Jun 3, 2010 2:23:54 PM

  3. I realize this is a joke--though didn't from the headline. Wish I wouldn't have wasted my time on such crap. Not a prude at all but this is in surprisingly bad taste considering the good firefighters do and the risk they place themselves at for others.

    Posted by: brian | Jun 3, 2010 2:34:05 PM

  4. Not funny in any way

    Posted by: Lee Keels | Jun 3, 2010 2:42:47 PM

  5. This was fuckin' hilarious. Not as funny as some of their other segments, but funny. I heard he caught his reflection in a damaged mirror, and couldn't break away in time...

    Posted by: TANK | Jun 3, 2010 2:47:47 PM

  6. Maybe I'm not keen on satirical humor, but I swear, 9 times out of 10, the Onion flies right over my head.

    Posted by: Austin | Jun 3, 2010 2:49:38 PM

  7. "His shirtless ghost will always be by my side"

    LMFAO! If you don't find that funny, we can't be friends.

    Posted by: crispy | Jun 3, 2010 2:58:09 PM

  8. That is very funny! Loved it!

    Posted by: Rad | Jun 3, 2010 2:59:24 PM

  9. This is incredibly disturbing.

    Posted by: countervail | Jun 3, 2010 3:05:57 PM

  10. Funny stuff! Yeah, whoever doesn't laugh a bit needs to be rescued from their dull life by a sexy, oiled-up fireman.

    Posted by: Drew | Jun 3, 2010 3:10:49 PM

  11. I must be gay; when I saw that "4% body fat" line, I immediately thought "4%, eh? I don't think so!"

    Posted by: Terrance | Jun 3, 2010 3:13:26 PM

  12. So, can we say he was just a flash in the pan?

    Posted by: Jack M | Jun 3, 2010 3:14:59 PM

  13. Finding something hilarious and distasteful/offensive are not mutually exclusive reactions. Hence the success of the Farrelly brothers movies, South Park, and the Onion.

    Posted by: Hank | Jun 3, 2010 3:18:00 PM

  14. Well, I for one will continue not spreading the word that the Onion exists. That was bad.

    Posted by: Garst | Jun 3, 2010 4:29:35 PM

  15. This is really bad and not even disappoint me

    Posted by: DRShorey | Jun 3, 2010 5:06:00 PM

  16. God, what a bunch of humorless queens. Welcome to Towleroad!

    Posted by: Gregoire | Jun 3, 2010 5:25:22 PM

  17. LOL! This is hilarious! I'm so sick of PC gay prudes, you are so paradoxical, oxymoronic and hypocritical!

    Posted by: Reno | Jun 3, 2010 5:31:47 PM

  18. To me this is brilliantly hilarious cultural satire - but I appreciate those of you who don't get it for saying so. Now I'll resist the strong urge to immediately post on FB. God knows the majority of the "friends" who've oozed back into my life on there would be mortified.

    Posted by: David | Jun 3, 2010 5:39:51 PM

  19. Actually Reno, this was low-brow, sophomoric, and cheap. I actually felt my IQ sinking in the 10 second I bothered to watch. But I guess you could the same about most things in the Onion.

    Posted by: brian | Jun 3, 2010 5:46:46 PM

  20. Seriously, if you take offense at the satirized death of a fictional person, you must be a real barrel of laughs yourself.

    "I wish someone had been there to see him...but all the survivors had already gotten out! [bursts into tears]"

    Posted by: Paul R | Jun 3, 2010 5:47:19 PM

  21. I know I've posted this one before, but it's still one of the funniest ones they've ever done. Had me in tears...esp. the kid's expression at the very end...

    Also..."was shakespeare gay? After the break we're going to talk with a seven year old who says he DEFINITELY was..." ROTFLMAO!

    Posted by: TANK | Jun 3, 2010 5:56:10 PM

  22. Some of you need to lighten the f*ck up. That was brilliant!

    Posted by: Derek Pearce | Jun 3, 2010 6:03:32 PM

  23. The Onion is just about the only thing in the media that makes me laugh out loud, and I've been grateful for it's existence for a very long time. "Our Dumb Century" is genius-level hilarious from cover to cover. Anyone who finds it unfunny has some sort of serious mental deficiency. Keep the Onion posts coming Towleroad.

    Posted by: paul | Jun 3, 2010 7:04:20 PM

  24. LAME,no taste

    Posted by: sal | Jun 3, 2010 9:44:27 PM

  25. I usually find the Onion to be hilarious but this disturbed me. I can see the ridiculousness of annual shirtless fireman calendar's but adding the role of the widow and dragging it out just seemed demeaning. Everyone has a right to laugh at whatever they want as much as others can object to it. Objecting isn't always the same as trying to be PC, sometimes humor can actually strike an emotional chord.

    Posted by: Toto | Jun 4, 2010 12:02:24 AM

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