What a relief! For a second, it seemed like Republican presidential frontrunner Herman Cain actually wanted to send thousands of volts of electricity ripping through the bodies of the men, women, and children illegally crossing the United States' southern border in search of better lives.
That's what he said last night at two different rallies in Tennessee. "We have a crisis of illegal immigration," said Cain, before proposing the building of a fence to span the length of the Mexican-American border. The fence, Cain said,
... [is] going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, "It will kill you -- warning!"
Cain elaborated on the philosophy behind this fence:
This nation has always been a nation with wide open doors. We want to make it easy for people to come through the front door. And we're going to shut off the back door so you can't sneak into America.
... and he explained the fence's living accoutrements, which would include an unspecified number of soldiers armed with "real guns and real bullets."
The New York Times reports that these remarks were greeted with enthusiastic cheers. But don't worry. That wasn't the sound of savage, mob-amped bloodlust. Rather, it was the sound of sophisticated ladies and gentlemen showing their appreciation for Mr. Cain's subtle sense of humor. As Cain explained this morning on Meet The Press, it's all a big joke.
That's a joke, David. That's a joke. That's not a serious plan, no it's not. That's a joke. I've also said 'America needs to get a sense of humor.' That's a joke.
Haha! Death by electrocution! You're such a card, Herman.
Watch Cain's full explanation, as well as a fascinating exegesis of his 9-9-9 plan, AFTER THE JUMP...