2012 Election | 99 Percent Movement | Herman Cain | Iowa | Michelle Bachmann | Newt Gingrich | Religion | Rick Santorum | Ron Paul

Thanksgiving Family Forum In Des Moines: VIDEO

Last night, in a little-watched debate, all of the non-Mormon, non-gay, non-Louisianian Republican presidential candidates gathered in an Iowan chuch to talk about "Faith" and "Family."

The debate was about as big a panderfest as you think. The historian Tim Stanley, blogging for the Telegraph, gave it a punchier, pithier summary than his American peers:

Road On Michele Bachmann: "Her entire philosophy seems to revolve around self-reliance mandated, or perhaps made bearable, by her belief in a loving God. She also told us that she was 'saved at 16,' which happens to be the exact same age I started actively sinning."

Road On Herman Cain: "That guy can really turn on the taps. Herman wept not just once but twice during this debate ... when asked what his biggest failing in life was, Cain broke down ... when he said that he hadn’t spent enough time with his young daughters. The camera fell on Gingrich, whose eyes seemed to say, 'Buddy, I’m sure you’ve done a lot worse than that.'"

Road On Rick Perry: "Perry offered as his 'greatest challenge' growing up in rural Texas. He recalled going to a school with just ten students: 'And I graduated in the top ten of my class.'"

Road On Newt Gingrich: " ... he argued that the contemporary 'crisis of values' stems from the anti-clericalism of the French Revolution. It’s a subtle reminder that Gingrich sounds like an evangelical but is actually a Catholic convert. In sectarian terms, Newt plays for both teams and does it very well."

Road On Ron Paul: "The evening offered Paul the chance to explain the contradiction at the heart of his philosophy: he is both socially conservative and a libertarian. Paul stressed that just because he wants freedom of choice doesn't mean that he condones all the moral choices on the table ... The idea is that if Christianity goes up against humanism in a free marketplace of ideas, its self-evident superiority will make it a consumer hit. Ergo, Ron Paul is just as uptight as Rick Santorum – but he trusts in the people’s ability to choose good over evil."

Road On Rick Santorum: "Santorum earned a lot of applause by attacking homosexuality and promised, if elected, to tour the country fighting it. “Our country is based on a moral enterprise,” he concluded. “Gay marriage is wrong!” Rick also says that he hates the Iranian theocracy, but I suspect that if it were Lutheran he’d absolutely love it."

Most reports agree that Newt Gingrich had the best night. He was articulate and mean. Big applause line:

All the Occupy movements start with the premise that we all owe them everything. They take over a public park they didn't pay for, to go nearby to use bathrooms they didn't pay for, to beg for food from places they don't want to pay for, to instruct those who are going to work to paying their taxes to sustain the bathrooms and sustain the park, so they can self-righteously explain that they are the paragons of virtue to which we owe everything. Now, that is a pretty good symptom of how much the left has collapsed as a moral system in this country, and why you need to reassert something as simple as: 'Go get a job, right after you take a bath.'

Please note that that doesn't actually make any sense. The second and longest sentence in that graf is meaningless -- it's just strung together, invective-flavored words. But watch the video AFTER THE JUMP, and see how reasonable Newt makes it all sound, and how much the crowd loves him.

... or you can catch the entire two-hour debate here. Click that link and you can also hear the debate's sweet theme song. It's called "More Than Ever," and begins with this rhyme-reaching quatrain: "A land without a conscience/A world without a soul/Can never hope to prosper/Can only pay a toll." The chorus contains the lines: "Jesus, we need you more than ever/Today/Come be our king."

Her entire philosophy seems to revolve around self-reliance mandated, or perhaps made bearable, by her belief in a loving God. She also told us that she was “saved at 16”, which happens to be the exact same age I started actively sinning.That guy can really turn on the taps. Herman wept not just once but twice during this debate. Responding to a question about personal challenges, he cited his greatest trial as the moment when he was diagnosed with cancer. With tears in his eyes, he delivered this killer line: “I said to my wife, ‘I can get through this.’ She replied, ‘We can get through this.’” Later, when asked what his biggest failing in life was, Cain broke down again when he said that he hadn’t spent enough time with his young daughters. The camera fell on Gingrich, whose eyes seemed to say, “Buddy, I’m sure you’ve done a lot worse than that.”

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  1. When the 99% revolution starts, patterned on the French Revolution, they will have to find a XXXL pike for Gingrich (and his ego)!

    Posted by: Hue-Man | Nov 20, 2011 2:21:10 PM

  2. When the 99% revolution starts, the percentage will quickly drop as the true majority in the country wipe them out. Go ahead......start your revolution near my home. It'll be a short revolution.

    Posted by: Tazmar | Nov 20, 2011 2:32:20 PM

  3. Goo NEWT! AWESOME! I agree! Stop Bitchin' get cleaned up,and Get a Job!

    And the jobs ARE out there!

    My 25 year old nephew didn't complain!

    He's a clean cut young man, put his resume' on monster.com and instantly got 8 high paying job interviews.

    Failure is when you do nothing and depend on The government and banks to give you free handouts.
    That's Not Life! That's a disillusionment.

    Posted by: Tom | Nov 20, 2011 2:35:24 PM

  4. Santorum said, “Our country is based on a moral enterprise...” Meanwhile, two seats over, thrice married, two-time adulterer, Newt Gingrich applauds with tears streaming down his bigoted homophobic hypocritical face.

    Posted by: David in Houston | Nov 20, 2011 2:39:33 PM

  5. Tom:

    Just wanna mention -- most of the people I know at OWS do have jobs -- low paying ones, but jobs -- and the rest are students. Not sure when OWS became synonymous with the unemployment line.

    - BKT

    Posted by: Brandon K. Thorp | Nov 20, 2011 3:11:09 PM

  6. They shoulda chained and padlocked the doors b4 settin the buildin ablaze

    Posted by: zo | Nov 20, 2011 3:17:59 PM

  7. Tom, thanks for showing us all that you have no idea whatsoever what the OWS movement is about. at all. like, AT ALL.

    seriously. thanks. you prove the rest of us right.

    Posted by: Little Kiwi | Nov 20, 2011 3:41:01 PM

  8. You contrast Newt's hypocritical and pandering rant with Elizabeth Warren's reasoned discussions about corporate and social responsibility and you begin to get to the root of the problem.

    Posted by: bluedogJ | Nov 20, 2011 3:56:39 PM

  9. Tom, you think the protesters want free hand-outs from the banks? What are you talking about? The banks got free hand-outs from taxpayers. Why don't you denigrate the banks as well as the protesters? Are you a banker?

    Posted by: trees | Nov 20, 2011 4:15:22 PM

  10. (pats Tazmar on the head)

    it is ok little child the nice men with a straight jacket will be along any moment now

    They have some wonderful meds to make you feel all warm and fuzy

    Posted by: say what | Nov 20, 2011 5:32:44 PM

  11. The protestors are protesting the very people that support them by earning money and payng taxes which go to their welfare govt aid food stamps and to their govt freebies. What are the protestors doing to the people that own companies in the area ? They can't get customers in the front door.
    The protestors for the most part are left wing revoluntionaries that don't like the USA or capitailism and are socialists and communists by their own admissions.
    They want a revolution ? go ahead start one .. and let's see what happens... the protestors have the wrong targets they shou dbe surrounding the wihtehouse where the real problem exists...but he is one of them ..

    Posted by: Jon | Nov 20, 2011 7:28:59 PM

  12. The protestors want a job ? Well after sitting around for weeks in a park doing nothing isn't going to help them get one.
    Go to monster.com , fed jobs, or any local newpaper the JOBS ARE THERE to be filled only those that don't want to work are the ones NOT working ..Our govt has developed a welfare state of lazy people. These protestors are a perfect example of people who live on govt aid and don't want to work..

    Posted by: Jon | Nov 20, 2011 7:32:19 PM

  13. Jon

    You don't watch the news?


    Bloomberg Buisnessweek at that reported the top 30 profit making companies in america paid NO taxes and many of their profits were in the billions

    come on now, wake up

    Posted by: say what | Nov 20, 2011 8:54:16 PM

  14. Oh and Newt is now saying get rid of child labor laws and let poor 10 year olds clean schools


    Posted by: say what | Nov 20, 2011 9:16:13 PM

  15. Tom: I, too, think it is stunning that one of America’s highest paid political prostitutes is telling others to take a bath.

    Posted by: Gus | Nov 21, 2011 6:39:35 AM

  16. EVERYONE I know who has participated in Occupy Wall Street has a job. They are worried for their children. Their children who have high school and college degrees who are employed by employers who pay just enough for them to survive. No new cars, no new clothes, no new furniture in their homes. Just enough to pay (rent)for a roof over their heads and barely enough food, and just enough to pay for transportation to their jobs. Many people earn enough JUST for that. There are millions in the same predicament. The rich, like Newt, just don't get it. Wall Street was bailed out by taxpayers, not companies and corporations who don't pay any taxes at all.

    Posted by: JT | Nov 21, 2011 9:22:41 AM

  17. I don't think anyone can generalize about the character of OWS protesters. All these code words used by the candidates were designed to undermine Romney more than anything. No one needs Iowa to win the election, but everyone thinks it helps.

    Posted by: anon | Nov 21, 2011 12:07:39 PM

  18. If no gay candidates were invited to attend, how did Rick Perry get there?

    Gayte Crash?

    Posted by: Southern Comfort | Nov 21, 2011 1:10:41 PM

  19. @Tom:

    By handouts do you mean when the big banks got a big tax payer bailout when they f*cked up the economy?

    The OWS protest is not anti-capitalist, being rich, or spending money. It's protesting the large banks, fraud, and how the 1% continue to get richer even after we had to bail them out. It's about the lack of regulation and accountability. And unless you're making around $350K a year, then you're part of the 99%, too.

    Posted by: TyN | Nov 21, 2011 4:07:21 PM

  20. Newt Gringrich, the man who is unemployed, making millions off scamming people and dirty with ethics charges while he was Speaker of the House? Yeah he's the one who should be talking. Also judging from these comments its not surprising people are jaded from reality. Those that DO have a job are suffering with stagnant wages that just isn't enough to cover expenses. OWS is the response that the top 1% continue to get richer, while the rest of the 99% country suffers heavily from the recession and are told there isn't enough money to go around when there clearly is. judging OWS with such a big brush that they are "lazy, unemployed" ignores the fundamental problems that our economic system has and needs to be addressed.

    Posted by: Redebbm | Nov 22, 2011 12:26:59 AM

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