Comments

  1. peterparker says

    I’m confused. I thought Anderson Cooper ditched Ben Maisani after he was photographed making out with some other guy in Central Park late last year?

  2. Dan E says

    The press doesn’t understand how to deal with open relationships, so it was widely speculated that Anderson must have dumped Ben. Never happened.

  3. Art says

    I’m for one I’m tired of gay men and their open relationship… That is an oxymoron. I’m sorry a roomate with benefit is not something I want. Not to mension STDs and the emotional mess i’ve seen couse by it. someone is always more into this idea then the other. and it always end up a mess. And how do u know they had one?

  4. Steve says

    Glad Art’s here to tell us all how to live our lives. I’m certainly relieved to know that my relationship MUST conform to the specifications he’s laid out.

  5. UFFDA says

    These guys are all so adorable they’re just what the world needs. We all take too many things too seriously and gay male couples feel like a perfect antidote to me.

    Glad to see Anderson and Ben together, plus fun
    to see Neal and Dave learning from their kids.

  6. UFFDA says

    Play the tune: “Ehrenstein likes Anderson, Ehrenstein like Anderson, ah uh ah ah uh uh.”

    Hey I thought you were already married.

  7. Rey says

    I think it’s ok to challenge somebody like Art but to completely dismiss him is something else.

    This is purely anecdotal, but I have lived and socialized with folks in large and small cities and have met many men in open relationships. Some of them were deluded about themselves, but most of them were pretty adjusted decent guys. However, none of them is still together many years later. Two guys who I really adored had been in an open relationship for about 5 years before I knew them, and they had invited me to play with them. They were both so cool with one another and a lot of fun. A month or so later one of them called me on his own (which was against their rules) and asked if I wanted to get together without the other knowing. When I last talked to the one (about 4 years later) he said that they had just broken up.

    I’ve concluded an open relationship isn’t appropriate for me and my spouse and it isn’t my concern how people want to define their relationships, but I think an open conversation is important if not only to help those who pursue open relationships avoid the pitfalls that seem to commonly arise.

    Of course, YMMV.

  8. says

    to be fair, Rey, it’s not about being “open” – it’s about being honest.

    two people can want an open relationship, and yet for very different reasons. those distinctions make all the difference.

    same with monogamy, actually. two guys who are monogamous because they both suffer from jealousy and possessiveness issues? that aint healthy, either.

  9. Dan E says

    @Rey:

    Heavens knows that open relationships do sometimes fail. So, of course, do your standard, monogamous relationship. Tell me: when a monogamous relationship fails, do you say “it must be because they were monogamous?”

    I’ve seen open relationships fail and succeed. I’ve seen monogamous relationships fails and succeed.

  10. fedorajoe says

    ART: Like you, I have no interest in an open relationship, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t or doesn’t work for other people. You’re assuming that the worst elements of failed relationships are inherently present in open relationships, but that is just as false as assuming that all monogamous couples are jealous and possessive.

  11. Geoff says

    The divorce rate for so-called monogamous, straight marriages is around 50%. Something’s not working. Open relationships (straight and gay) are more practical for some. They can work. Makes real sense.

  12. Rey says

    Decent questions and more of them should be brought up on both sides without either feeling defensive or needing to justify their own decisions.

    My own spouse and I have communicated from day one and both agreed that we’d reevaluate at least every year whether or not we wanted to open it up. Almost 20 years later we still bring it up but have decided it’s not worth it to us. Interesting and fun to fantasize about, but I don’t think the reality would match up based on my experiences with more-than-one encounters in my single life.

    It is likely much like Dan Savage has alluded to in that people in open relationships may not tell others (who they aren’t interested in bringing into their sex life) so people automatically think that any successful relationship is monogamous. If they’re still together in 10 or 20 years, that will be helpful anecdotal information too. I just can’t resolve in my own head why I don’t know just one couple who is still in an open relationship. It’s not a judgment – just a genuine curiosity.

  13. says

    Rey – as far as anecdotal experiences go, i can try to answer your question of genuine curiosity.

    you don’t know one couple that is still in an open relationship. ok.
    i know several. very well. and they’ve been going for a long time.

    why do i know so many and you don’t know any? i think the answer to that is the circles we associate with.

    that’s why you don’t know any.

  14. Rey says

    Yep, Little Kiwi – that does make a bit of sense. We were definitely younger when we were out in the bars and meeting more guys in open relationships. And perhaps it’s a “which came first?” scenario. When those around us were more commonly in open relationships and we saw and experienced the break-ups and back-togethers and such, we may have just gravitated away from all of that sub-consciously. It may well have been too that we’ve spent our time in L.A. all of this time and honesty – in an open or monogamous relationship or in life itself – may just be a little harder to come by.

    There was one couple in particular that my spouse (bf at the time) and I spoke of emulating somewhat because we thought their open relationship was very natural (and hot) for them but after they fell out, it tamped down that desire for us. We thought of anybody, they’d be able to do it.

  15. says

    no offense, Rey, but that’s as asinine as saying “well, if halle berry gets cheated on then there’s no hope for any other women in the whole world.”

    here’s what i meant, that i don’t think you understood, when i talked about the circles we associate with: my circles don’t care what others think nor do we tend to care what others are doing.

    from what you’ve been writing it seems your spheres of social life consist of people who can’t, or won’t, make decisions for themselves unless someone else makes the decision first and then meets *your* version of success with it.

    and just because a couple stays together a long time, or never breaks up, doesn’t mean that relationship is a success.

    some people “settle”, and some people cling onto nothing because holding hard to nothing tricks them into thinking they’re holding onto something.

    when a couple “breaks up” it doesn’t mean the relationship failed, or even really “ended”. just changed.

    i’d never not enter into a form of relationship because of “other people’s experience and successes with that type of relationship” – that’s the difference between our social circles, Rey.

  16. Rey says

    Thanks for the “no offense” bitchy response, Little Kiwi. I had hoped for actual sharing of ideas instead of judgment, but hey – I’ve gotten it from much better.

  17. scooternva says

    I think there’s something that everyone speculating about the Anderson/Ben picture is overlooking:

    That is NOT a recent picture.

    This photo was snapped at the **2012** Vanity Fair Oscar Party. The photos of Ben with another guy were taken several months AFTER this photo was taken. So… that possibly puts a different spin on things.

  18. my2cents says

    interesting contrast in the photos:
    1: couple are expressing playfulness together
    2: one person looks to be eclipsing the other

  19. Jack says

    I agree with Art. And the hypocrisy of the gay community is not lost on me.

    Speaking of hypocrisy…I guess tolerance only goes one way, eh? (And it ain’t Art’s way.)

  20. Diogenes Arktos says

    This has been an interesting conversation on open relationships. When Dan Savages’s open relationship comes up, there is not infrequently a fair amount of negative feedback.

    FWIW: I don’r rhink rhere’s been enough public info about Cooper and Maisani to make any determination.

    @Jon: Perhaps because the right hand was the traditional gay marriage hand.

  21. Lee says

    I can’t help it, I find NPH and his partner (I don’t think they are married yet?) terribly adorable. They seem like such normal, fun guys, who don’t take themselves too seriously. I wish them all the best!

  22. T.J says

    Gay men can be in any type of relationship they want. You older, biter, conservative (and probably religious) types need to join your ex gay conversion program already. We don’t want you part of our community, much less schooling us on it. Eff off.

  23. Cali Greg says

    Same sex couples don’t need to model a heteronormative pattern for their relationships. Most hetero monogamous marriages end in nasty, ugly divorce anyways. Same sex couples are entitled to work out their relationships as they desire. Keep your judgment to yourself and figure out what’s boring you in your existence to comment on someone else’s life.

  24. Duration & Convexity says

    @ Jack
    Yes, when dealing with you bigoted conservative trolls with your cliche “tolerance only goes one way” yes, while yes indeed it does. We’ll never be tolerant of the intolerant like yourself. Please do get comfortable with that fact.

  25. ArtsyFartsy says

    If an open relationship works for some people, who the hell is anyone else outside that relationship to comment on it? Some gay men just lie to comment on other gay men’s morality because it makes them feel more superior and hetero approved. Focus on your own livelihood Art/Rick.

  26. Que78 says

    Focus on your own miserable life and lack of love instead of worrying about the dynamic of how and why someone is in an open relationship or any kind of relationship that works for them. If you were getting laid frequently, you wouldn’t care so much. Go do something.

  27. Vincent says

    @ Rey
    Open conversations about why other people are perfectly happy and content in their open relationships as grown adults? In 2013? No. Learn to respect that what works for you doesn’t work for others. No open conversation necessary.

  28. DrMikey says

    My partner/common-law husband/best friend/not legally married in any state yet & I will be celebrating our 34th anniversary in about a week. Some people have asked us to divulge the secret to the longevity of our relationship. That answer has changed about as often as the rules of our home. We have been monogamous and we have also been non-monogamous. We have allowed our union to change in order to accommodate the changes in ourselves. If you enter into a relationship with such hard and fast rules that don’t permit flexibility, you are likely doomed to be still booking gay cruises when you’re 60 hoping to find Prince Charming in heels. The only firm rules we’ve ever had is to always keep honest communication lines open between us, and to never tell each other any important lies (little ones like the answer to ‘do these pants make my butt look good?’ don’t count).

  29. geb says

    I’m overdosing on egomaniac Neil and his “Plastic Pat” husband. That talk show gay has proven herself to be a breast hungry cliche with those Katy Perry pictures. Unfortunately Anderson waited too long to come out, so I only see an overexposed coward. Violet sends her one liner love!

  30. Film Fanatic says

    Love Niel Patrick Harris and his husband. They are so enjoyable, real, and seem genuine. Huge fans of theirs.

  31. Max says

    I’m loving seeing Niel Patrick Harris consistently working and being so talented. Loved seeing him at the Grammys, and think he’s such a natural on camera. Thankful we have people like him in our community.

  32. Klien says

    Anderson, and NPH are so freakin adorable.

    Really appreciate how open and honest they are about themselves.

  33. Steve-ATL says

    I love both these couples, but then again, I find virtually all gay male couples really cute and charming in a sense.

  34. GB says

    I liked Truman Capote and that guy in jail for murder who was later executed from “In Cold Blood”.

  35. Patrick says

    Art I agree with u for the most part, others go ahead be open relationshiped but don’t come crying to me when you figure out you can’t handle the heart ache…

  36. Patrick says

    Art I agree with u for the most part, others go ahead be open relationshiped but don’t come crying to me when you figure out you can’t handle the heart ache…

  37. Patrick says

    Art I agree with u for the most part, others go ahead be open relationshiped but don’t come crying to me when you figure out you can’t handle the heart ache…