Conchita Wurst | Eurovision | Russia

Russia To Create Their Own Drag Queen-Free Eurovision

Conchita Wurst wins Eurovision

After Conchita Wurst's decisive victory at this year's Eurovision, Russian lawmakers decided to take their ball and go home and form their own talent competition, free from the corrupting influences of Austrian drag queens. Said Communist Party deputy Valery Rashkin,

The last Eurovision contest's results exhausted our patience. We must leave this competition. We cannot tolerate this endless madness.

Meanwhile the country's advisory Slavic Committee said in a statement,

Conchita Wurst's Eurovision victory symbolises the complete collapse of the European Union's moral values. We do not need Europe!

Because when everyone else disagrees with you, the problem is obviously with everyone else. Rashkin is pushing for a competition called "Voice of Eurasia" which would primarly consist of nations from the former Soviet Union. It will no doubt be precious to behold.

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  1. the top prize will be a spool of thread, a thimble, a small "compliments of hotel"-sized bar of soap, and a picture of Vladimir Putin to hang on your wall. YAY RUSSIA!

    Posted by: Little Kiwi | May 14, 2014 10:56:04 AM

  2. Womp womp. Not to mention that Conchita's single is selling higher than Russia's *in* Russia! Love it.

    Posted by: Mikey | May 14, 2014 11:01:35 AM

  3. Actually the old Warsaw pact did have a rival song competition during the cold war; it was pretty dreadful apparently, although I should think that "Puppet on a string would go down well with Putin.

    Posted by: arch | May 14, 2014 11:11:38 AM

  4. Just when you thought the whack-jobs in Russia couldn't get any worse.........

    Posted by: David From Canada | May 14, 2014 11:14:22 AM

  5. Let them. Eurovision had been going on since 1956, most of that time without the "creative" input of former Soviet republics. I think the competition can survive this bit of petulance. However, I did like the Tomalchevsky Sisters, who represented Russia this year. Too bad they got caught in the political quicksand.

    Posted by: Albert | May 14, 2014 11:20:26 AM

  6. They should check in with N. Korea on how to run a proper state sponsored talent event/ show/ circus.

    Posted by: spg | May 14, 2014 11:25:04 AM

  7. Russia is officially becoming a cartoon version of itself.

    Posted by: Dan E | May 14, 2014 11:25:26 AM

  8. that will be pretty. the real women from those countries actually do have mustaches.

    Posted by: lu | May 14, 2014 11:30:27 AM

  9. My money would be on Russia to SWEEP the competition!!!! :)

    Posted by: Todd B | May 14, 2014 12:29:15 PM

  10. The only thing Europe needs from Russia is natural gas.

    Posted by: sjorgl | May 14, 2014 12:33:30 PM

  11. Buh bye! Good luck trying to make it a viable competition that anyone would care to watch outside the dictatorship.

    Posted by: woodroad34 | May 14, 2014 1:09:34 PM

  12. If the govt of Russia wants to boycott the rest of the world, well, they have a fine role model in North Korea.

    Posted by: Glenn I | May 14, 2014 2:02:33 PM

  13. Bye Felicia, I mean Russia.


    Posted by: brandon h | May 14, 2014 2:19:34 PM

  14. This is not going to happen. Eurovision is not a cheap show, and Russia is not even among the countries that put more money (UK, Germany, France, Spain and Italy).

    This is nothing more than some pearl clutching reaction.

    Unfortunately they will continue in eurovision, but if they left it will be a celebration in a lot of countries

    Posted by: jjose712 | May 14, 2014 2:32:41 PM

  15. I'm surprised I've never seen a bearded drag queen in America. That Conchita really is an original!

    "Voice of Eurasia" sounds like some sort of parody where all of the contestants sing the praises of Mother Russia and their "hero" Putin!

    Posted by: SpaceCadet | May 14, 2014 3:11:59 PM

  16. Bye Bye Russia! Don't forget to close the door when you leave! Don't call us we'll call you

    Posted by: Mark | May 14, 2014 3:12:05 PM

  17. See ya Russia! Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!

    Posted by: John | May 14, 2014 3:42:54 PM

  18. Maybe I am showing my age...but I immediately thought of an old Wendy's ad. I suspect this will end up looking very similar to the Soviet fashion show ad that the fastfood chain used in the 1980s.

    Posted by: JW | May 14, 2014 5:34:58 PM

  19. Oops, here is link to that Wendy's ad video...

    Posted by: JW | May 14, 2014 5:36:38 PM

  20. My friend from Russia reminded me of the fake lesbians from Russia, Tatu who won Eurovision back in the day.

    Posted by: toyotoabedzrock | May 14, 2014 7:54:37 PM

  21. Yeah, Russia is going to create an "American Idol" but, in Russia...We have reached Defcon 5.

    Posted by: Todd | May 14, 2014 8:43:27 PM

  22. They forgot that people in Russia can now probably watch the real Eurovision so they won't watch Putinvision instead.

    Posted by: emjayay | May 15, 2014 1:46:05 AM

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