NO EMERGENCY SESSION. Senate trial on Trump's impeachment will likely have to wait: “If the House impeaches President Donald Trump, a Senate trial on whether to convict him of inciting insurrection seems all but certain to have to wait until President-elect Joe Biden is inaugurated. That's the word from a spokesman for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.”
ERIC TRUMP. Eric Trump blames businesses severing ties with Trump over attack on U.S. Capitol part of cancel culture: “We live in the age of cancel culture, but this isn't something that started this week. It is something that they have been doing to us and others for years. If you disagree with them, if they don't like you, they try and cancel you.”
STOP THE STEAL. Organizer Ali Alexander says three GOP congressmen – Reps. Andy Biggs (Ariz.), Mo Brooks (Ala.) and Paul A. Gosar (Ariz.) – helped plan D.C. rally. “We four schemed up of putting maximum pressure on Congress while they were voting,” Alexander said in a since-deleted video on Periscope highlighted by the Project on Government Oversight, an investigative nonprofit. The plan, he said, was to “change the hearts and the minds of Republicans who were in that body, hearing our loud roar from outside.”
NO TOLERANCE. Acting Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen says there will be “no tolerance whatsoever for any attempts to disrupt” the Biden inauguration: “I want to send a clear message to anyone contemplating violence, threats of violence or other criminal conduct: We will have no tolerance whatsoever for any attempts to disrupt the peaceful transfer of power on Jan. 20 that our Constitution calls for. We will have no tolerance for any attempts to forcefully occupy government buildings. There will be no excuse for violence, vandalism or any other form of lawlessness.”
DONALD JR. Now under criminal investigation… “Jeffries, a Democrat, made the announcement in a tweet but provided no further details.”
TERRORISM BARBIE. Ivanka abandoned her unhinged father to go have her hair done in NYC.
CHICAGO. Man arrested for threatening Biden inauguration: “Officials say that Capriotti left a voicemail for an unnamed House lawmaker from New Jersey on Dec. 29 stating that if certain individuals ‘think that Joe Biden is going to put his hand on the Bible and walk into that [expletive] White House on January 20th, they're sadly [expletive] mistaken.' Capriotti also allegedly said, ‘We will surround the [expletive] White House and we will kill any [expletive] Democrat that steps on the [expletive] lawn.'”
QANON CONGRESSWOMAN. GOP Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene insists Trump will remain in office.
ELLEN DEGENERES. The moment she learned she had COVID: “I was inn hair and makeup, getting my face powdered and my extensions put in, and my assistant Craig walked in and said, ‘You tested positive for COVID,' And then everyone around me ran away.”
GINGER PONYTAIL RUMORS. Talk of Prince Harry's new hair-do sparked by Rob Lowe sighting.
MAGA SIEGE. Chuck Norris wasn't there, but Olympic gold medalist swimmer Klete Keller was.
ADAM NEWBOLD. Retired U.S. Navy Seal under investigation by FBI after bragging in Facebook video about breaching the Capitol: “The video shows Adam Newbold, 45, from Lisbon, Ohio, who the Navy confirmed is a retired reserve SEAL special warfare operator, in a car on his return home from Washington, telling his Facebook followers that he was ‘proud' of the assault on the U.S. Capitol building earlier that day.”
BOBBY CHRISTINE. Trump's pick for U.S. Attorney in Georgia finds nothing to claims of election fraud: “The acting U.S. attorney for Northern Georgia, who was named after his predecessor reportedly angered President Trump for not finding election fraud, told staffers in a conference call Monday that he dismissed two election fraud cases on his first day.”
HUMP DAY HAIRY. Carlos Eduardo Folly.
