An American Family…Redesigned

DonordadAnybody thinking about becoming a parent might want to read this lengthy article from the NYT magazine this weekend, detailing the agreements, legal and otherwise, made between gay men and lesbians who decide to bring a child into the world together. Gay men are attractive sperm donors, for many reasons:

“As for why lesbians often choose donor fathers who are gay, Judith Stacey and others told me that many prefer gay men for reasons of ‘solidarity.’ ‘They think that gay men will be more sympathetic, more amenable to agreements they might create and stick by,’ Stacey says. And finally they — along with the straight women who choose to use gay donors — say they feel that gay men simply come with less baggage. Heterosexual sperm donors are more liable to marry and father children of their own, which has the potential of causing jealousy and competition among the children and their mothers.”

The article details many of the potential emotional and legal potholes the “re-designed” families might experience. It also heads into the various methods of conception, and at least one set of parents rejected any and all Thanksgiving-related utensils:

“When I asked David whether he and his partners had gone to a doctor or used the ‘turkey baster’ method to become pregnant, his answer surprised me. He looked at me with a big, devilish grin. ‘We did it,’ he answered. David had never been with a woman, but he and Vicki decided that they didn’t want the process to be impeded by technology. Using syringes and cups seemed inorganic and inefficient. Sperm would lose potency during each transfer. ‘I wanted the numbers,’ David said. The first attempt resulted in an uneventful two hours of awkward huffing and puffing. As David remembers: ‘We were sort of like, O.K., then! Let’s get breakfast!’ But within a month, after another try, Vicki became pregnant. ‘Thank God for videos,’ David said.”

Is that stuffing done yet?

Gay Donor or Gay Dad? [nyt]


  1. ricardo says

    the realm of working around those pentagon definitions, kentuckian verbiage regarding baptists’ feelings, spinsters hitting betrothal to the brothel in vegas, laws in practice and down the pipes….it makes one wonder what laws have actually been passed that are in opposition….if they want to raise a family in “love” in their “own” manner — then let them!!

    thank god for bonhoeffer….while krishnamurti and so many others would be rolling in their graves or blowing in the wind….well, you know, secular acceptance (especially in an overpopulated world with far more on our plates) — confessional booths certainly took a beating (or a blowjob) through the last decade….yes, slip, trip, or falter in particular moments in a day or a week, yet, the hypocritical oversights that i’ve seen mounting are really disgusting in relation to a somewhat vapid realm of acceptance.

    such as, one can be putting in multiple hours and no expense account with less than 5 hours of sleep a night….while the current whitehouse official will be on vacation forever, as if news stories haven’t convinced us of a 6-year hiatus on mars….someone can pass by and ask the former, if they’re still alive and offer nothing — meanwhile, today’s man in the mumu is eating non-stop to contain his swelling on the brain….the atmosphere on mars is different!! as is the mythological character!!

    ciao — richard

  2. says

    I think there are so many problems with those kinds of relationships; I could never do one. I’d never agree to become a parent with a lesbian couple – at least without full parental rights.

    As much as I’d love to have my own biological children (and with the price of surrogacy being so high, that’s unlikely), I’d rather adopt than agree to give up parental rights. That just wouldn’t work for me at all (and I dare say it won’t work for a lot of people who think they’d be okay with it).

  3. says

    It makes you wonder, how ARE we supposed to have kids? Sure, there are options but not every option is viable for every person. Like, I know I can’t afford none of that in vitro or surrogacy whatever.

    Yet I just read in the local news about a 5 year old child murdered in cold blood by a member of his own family. All these kids out there who, accident or not, their parents don’t want them and here we gays and lesbians are bending over backwards just to get the one that we’re dying to have. Life is just painfully wierd sometimes.

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