Anybody thinking about becoming a parent might want to read this lengthy article from the NYT magazine this weekend, detailing the agreements, legal and otherwise, made between gay men and lesbians who decide to bring a child into the world together. Gay men are attractive sperm donors, for many reasons:
“As for why lesbians often choose donor fathers who are gay, Judith Stacey and others told me that many prefer gay men for reasons of ‘solidarity.’ ‘They think that gay men will be more sympathetic, more amenable to agreements they might create and stick by,’ Stacey says. And finally they — along with the straight women who choose to use gay donors — say they feel that gay men simply come with less baggage. Heterosexual sperm donors are more liable to marry and father children of their own, which has the potential of causing jealousy and competition among the children and their mothers.”
The article details many of the potential emotional and legal potholes the “re-designed” families might experience. It also heads into the various methods of conception, and at least one set of parents rejected any and all Thanksgiving-related utensils:
“When I asked David whether he and his partners had gone to a doctor or used the ‘turkey baster’ method to become pregnant, his answer surprised me. He looked at me with a big, devilish grin. ‘We did it,’ he answered. David had never been with a woman, but he and Vicki decided that they didn’t want the process to be impeded by technology. Using syringes and cups seemed inorganic and inefficient. Sperm would lose potency during each transfer. ‘I wanted the numbers,’ David said. The first attempt resulted in an uneventful two hours of awkward huffing and puffing. As David remembers: ‘We were sort of like, O.K., then! Let’s get breakfast!’ But within a month, after another try, Vicki became pregnant. ‘Thank God for videos,’ David said.”
Is that stuffing done yet?
Gay Donor or Gay Dad? [nyt]