Cruises and Beckhams to be ‘Married’ in Strange Ceremony

Cruise_beckham

This is really off the creepy deep end:

“Tom Cruise is to merge his family with Victoria and David Beckham’s in a special ceremony. The ‘Valkyrie’ actor will hold the bizarre service – during which the families vow to be brothers and sisters and exchange heartfelt speeches – at his wife Katie Holmes’ New York town house. The gesture serves as a Thanksgiving present from Tom – who has two adopted teenage children, Isabella and Connor, with ex-wife Nicole Kidman and a two-year-old daughter, Suri, with Katie – to the showbiz couple. A source said: ‘Tom and David have been friends for years and they and their families spend a lot of time together. This year Tom wanted to make a special gesture that would show how much he appreciates their friendship and he thought this would be the perfect way.'”

The couples shared carriage rides and pizza this weekend.

Does L. Ron Hubbard join them on the honeymoon?

Comments

  1. Derrick from Philly says

    Money and fame and peculiar ways. Did movie stars used to be this crazy in old Hollywood?

  2. David D. says

    I have no idea why these other three are humouring Mr. Wingnut–he must be paying them millions, because I know that’s what I’d demand.

  3. B-rod says

    Would someone please stick a feeding tube into Ms. Beckham. She looks seriously undernourished (and crabby because she’s undoubtedly hungry). Having sex with her must be like screwing a bathrobe. There’s nothing there.

  4. Ben says

    I’m convinced this is all an elaborate charade on Tom’s part to convince David to sleep with him. Good luck, mr.crazy.

  5. Kuhnsy says

    We know TC totally got this idea into his head after Becks’ Armani ads. And I have to say, genius move. Who wouldn’t want to marry into that bedroom?

  6. says

    in an unexpected way, maybe it might foster diversity in the concept of marriage and communal bonding which inadvertently may help our situation in gaining support for marriage equality. I also think these particular stars are all desperate for all the press they can get to stay relevant.

  7. qjersey says

    Well I worked with someone ages and ages ago who said Tom was an oddball in high school. Obviously things haven’t changed.

    I never understood his “appeal” in fact, if Tom Cruise is in a movie… I won’t watch it.

    I don’t get the “Becks” appeal either, him or her.

    I would usually not even read a post about Tom Cruise or the Becks, but i’m avoiding work, lol.

  8. paul c says

    Four lonely, desperate, needy people looking for constant attention and affirmation. The whole lot is truly pathetic.

  9. Todd says

    So Heidi and Spencer can have a shame publicity elopement and now hollyweird couples can get, what, some sort of domestic partnership. And they say same-sex marriage makes a sham of the institution. Where are James Dobson and his new mormon friends. This will only lead to John Travolta entering into a relationship with one of his jets or Kirsty Alley marrying a chocolate cake.

  10. says

    So a foursome for the honeymoon to “share the brotherly love”? Will TC finally get to legally handle, let alone ride Becks “Boing”? Are matching tattoo’s in their future?

  11. says

    Tom Cruise is an overrated asshole. Katie Holmes has the personality of burnt toast. David Beckham hasn’t won the World Cup or a European Championship, and yet people think he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Groan. And Victoria Beckham has to be the least talented woman of all time. Clearly, these motherfuckers deserve each other.

  12. A Little Brittle says

    ‘Screwing a bathrobe’ would indicate that there is possibly some softness to be found on Posh ‘Shoehorn’ Beckham. It’s all a bit sad. None of them seems happy, confident, or the least bit relaxed. Each person looks as though they planned separate poses for solo photo ops: they also look as though they’re not even aware of one another’s presence, and they want to further their bond? Start by smiling when you’re together, then maybe dinner, a weekend trip together, meet each other’s parents… baby steps.

  13. crispy says

    Actually, Alex, David Beckham did win the European championship in 1999 when he was playing for Manchester United.

    Have to agree with you about the other 3.

  14. Bryan says

    Children, children… It doesn’t seem to have occurred to any of you to respect an unconventional family structure.

    Queers used to be known for such, but now that we’re all marriage wannabees shrilly demanding respectability, I guess we’re scheduled to become just as smug, incurious, and bourgeois as straights.

  15. Rick (OH) says

    @Bryan: You are absolutely correct. So what if they want to merge their families? They are lucky to feel that much love among themselves.

    @Johnny: Great video – we all need to watch it and forward it.

  16. The Insider says

    From what I understand, Tom just wants official and direct access to David’s 9+” piston-pumper!

    David goes both ways-with friends

  17. stolidog says

    As a gay who had a 10 year affair with a married straight guy with kids, it seems very plausable indeed that these two guys have screwed around at least a few times over the years.

  18. DairyQueen says

    First of All it must be nice to get remarried ( I would like to just get married once). Second of all, Who the FUCK cares about these Losers? Two of them get paid millions to pretend to be someone else, the other can’t sing or dress for shit and makes tons of money off it, and the last one can’t win a world cup. What a waste of space.

  19. hotrod says

    I agree with several of the above comments: if they are all married, then they can all sleep together, right? Tom is clearly trying to get David in bed!! (I would too!) It is clearly bizarre, but maybe it will work! (jeje)

  20. So Left I'm Right says

    Can you imagine the batshit crazy conversations that must take place between these four? Ugh.

  21. my2cents says

    6 months after the “ceremony”… the girls suffer an untimely death after an unfortunate shoe-shopping accident. the men console each other until the spaceship comes back to “pick them up” and take them back to the mothership. movie magic in the making.