1. Ian says

    Heh, in the gay community we are old simply past 40. And God forbid if you are that old and don’t look like George Clooney or Hugh Jackman, then you truly are dead to the gay community as far as most are concerned.

    We don’t like to admit it but know it to be true that if a guy is older than 40 and he isn’t deemed hot enough to fuck (who cares about any accumulated wisdom right?), then he’s treated like an unseen Dicken’s-like spirit.

  2. Eric26 says

    Yes yes, we’re all going to become “gay old” which is thousands of times worse than being regular old blah blah.
    If you’re an older gay man maybe you can find some company with another older gay man? Why the hell is that not possible? Oh wait, it is, people are just paranoid and terrified of getting old apparently so we choose to keep talking about how aging is the Worst Thing Ever.

  3. Marty says

    Exactly Eric. It’s not like there are a shortage of older single gay guys, quite the opposite! But most older gay guys still think they’re going to get a 20 something (you know, the 20 somethings that love older gay men…without money)

  4. TANK says

    Old predatory men (gay or straight, but my experience hasn’t been with straight), are just disgusting. They’re extremely common, too. I don’t care how good your body is…if you’re old enough to be my dad, get lost. And most of the time, the body isn’t good at all on a man past forty (it’s vomitous)…but that’s aided by their negligence, too. Ewwwwww…and they have that body coldness! When life’s ebbing away, and they just want some young guy to suck the life out of (LOL!) to stay warm because their bodies can’t produce it on their own. RUN, CHILDREN! RUN! And it’s not like they ever score with younger guys (unless they pay for it), anyway…they just turn toxically bitter and alcoholic, dying with no one attending their funeral (but who cares, at that point…you’re dead).

    Then again, there are non-predatory older people, too…nice people that just want a conversation. If only they wouldn’t refer to black people as “coloreds,” though…I’d care a lot more about their accumulated “wisdom”.

  5. Glynn Beck says

    I concur. Date each other if it’s a problem and stop scamming on twinks. Meanwhile, most cultures on Earth don’t throw their elders away in nursing homes so that is something to consider.

  6. Ian says

    Marty answered your point Eric26, sadly (and embarrassingly) too many of the gay men over 40 instead of trying to find either friendship or relationships in their own age range far too often try to go out with men 20 yrs their junior. They believe that gay self-worth is having a 20-something hottie who looks like an underwear model on their arms. It’s the same syndrome as straight men and sports cars I suppose.

    On the same token however, getting “older” (past 40) in the gay community shouldn’t be underscored and dismissed. Why is it that these older men feel they have to go out trolling for younger gays? It’s very true that far too many over 40 gays feel very isolated in their communities as gay bars are centered around usually young-somethings or daddies looking for young-somethings, and gay community centers have most of their groups centered around teens and 20-somethings. A lot of these men “fade away” and then have nothing to do with the gay community. I remember when I was in my 20’s and wondering just where so many of the older gays were, it’s because they are often dismissed by gay culture.

    Of course that could be layed to blame on the feet of American culture also I suppose. It’s well known that American culture dismisses and demeans the thought of getting older, while many european and asian countries revere and give respect towards their elders.

    Since currently still the majority of us gays don’t have kids it wouldn’t hurt us when we can in SOME way to pay attention to those older, and by that I mean TRUE (over 50-60-70) older gays by taking an interest, helping with yard work if their a neighbor, etc. Since we don’t have kids for the most part we need to take care of our own as we age. It’s only right.

  7. BD says

    I don’t go by those standards. I know there are TONS of hot guys in their 40’s and 50’s. But, I have to admit that after that point they kind of get into the old man grossness spot. I wouldn’t deem them useless though, that’s rather bitchy of the community. Not like society as a whole doesn’t really do the same thing to old people period.

    I just hope people realize, especially the bitchy gay twinks who turn down 30 year olds because they’re too old, that they’ll soon be in the same spot.

  8. Ian says

    Tank, I’ve read a number of your ‘comments’ on this site over time, but I just have to say this one time you come across as a truly vile & vapid person. I would imagine that when you get older many people will give you a wide berth. The often nasty and insulting things you say about others is FAR more a reflection of yourself, and it often isn’t pretty in the slightest.

  9. Eric26 says

    oh Ian, the secret is to just never read Tank’s comments. You have to get used to quickly looking at the commenter’s name before you read. Once you see ‘Tank’ you just skip to the next comment. It’s incredibly liberating. The best part is that if he responds to this I’ll never know what he says <3

  10. excy says

    Very sad to say, but as a gay man tuning 60 this year I find the comments above very disturbing.

    Believe me, we know we are aging and becoming invisible in the gay community.
    Many of us have lost the most important people in our lives, apart from our families, to AIDS. Of course it is possible to meet new people and to develop friendships. Thankfully most are not as judgemental as some of you posting in this thread.

    It revolts me to read that we are considered by some to be predators, scammers, disgusting, toxically bitter and alcoholic. It hurts to read that younger men might find our bodies “vomitous” and our attitude negligent. It hurts to read that our wisdom is considered dated and out of sync with society.

    You may be surprised to hear that most of us are not interested in men young enough to be our sons. I don’t know what else to say. It is just super depressing to read the comments. Thankfully, I have a pretty healthy attitude and am optimistic about the future, in spite of it all.

    As the plaque in the kitchen of my aunt read : Old Age Ain’t For Sissies.

    Now I have to go drink my Ovaltine, watch the news and go to bed.

  11. TANK says

    Look Ian, elder abuse is a huge problem in the united states and world. Just to check your facts here, it’s often assumed that asian culture respects its elderly, but that’s not true as elder abuse occurs at the same rate in japan as it does in the united states (and 85% of elder abuse cases are unreported, too). Elder abuse from a cultural perspective enables it to continue, as it’s found in every culture. Loneliness is a problem at all stages of life, but particularly people as a result of decreased mobility. When older are targeted for over the phone scams, it’s not that they’re losing their “minds” to degenerative cognitive disorders, it’s that that phone hasn’t rung in months, and they’re desperate to keep whoever’s on the line there. I do care about the issue, and I also find predatory older gay men a real problem.

  12. Wil says

    I’m a hot guy in my late 40’s who would love to date someone my own age. But they’re mostly gone and have been since the 80’s. I occasionally date younger or older and I’ve never been called “vomitous” (although that word did give me a nice laugh). Does anyone know of a program like S.A.G.E. in Los Angeles? I’d love to help out.

  13. Ian says

    RE: Excy
    First off I have to agree about the younger guy thing in terms of I’m 38 and would practically never even consider dating someone under, say 36. Someone in their early 20’s is just too immature culturally for me.

    As to the lack of respect by younger gays towards older gays, I think that’s a good deal because gay culture that centers predominantly around gay men in their early to mid-20’s is HYPER-sexualized. So many gay men only know how to have relationships that have sexual contexts to them.

    For some, they simply cannot fathom having a kinship type relationship with a gay man who is both older and has no interest in incorporating anything sexual between the two of them. It’s alien in some respects for many gays and it’s something we need to work on improving upon as a community.

  14. Bryan Harrison says

    Now that I’m in my eighties, there’s nothing I love more than the smooth, tender, shaved and waxed gym bodies of twenty-somethings.

    First, I contact them online where my profile features cleverly retouched photographs of me as captain of my college swim team in 1949. (Luckily speedos don’t change much.) Once they arrive at the luxury suite I’ve rented under an assumed name in a decaying downtown hotel, the devastatingly handsome illegal immigrant I’ve enslaved with threats of deportation and an endless supply of heroine offers them a drink, while I wait in another room, wringing my withered hands and giggling in a whispery, high, cracked voice.

    Given that the perfect cocktail always contains two of the vintage quaaludes I’ve been keeping in the freezer since 1975, after that, the rest is easy. I like to dress them in nice slacks, a letter sweater, and saddle shoes before my dear friends arrive. We give the boys proper haircuts and teach them to do the lindy hop to music no one has heard in 60 years. They bend and twirl under the relentless gaze of our bespectacled, yellowed eyes, surrounded by the scent of urine and decay. The cattle prod always banishes any lingering shyness, and they quickly learn to say, “Hey! Any of you studs know how to madison?” and “Come on Pops! My face seats five and my honeypot’s on fire!”

    Once those of us who aren’t in walkers have all had a dance, my dear friends peel the boys like ripe plums, stroking their firm, blemish-free flesh with shaking fingers crippled by rheumatoid arthritis and stained with many decades of nicotine. We taste the perfect boyflesh with quivering tongues resembling those of the giant possum, or perhaps some intestinal parasite grown to enormous size. We like to flaunt our shrunken penises, which resemble a second navel but for a smell like the finest brie, then slap them in the face with our long, pinkish-grey scrotums which hang almost to our hairless, emaciated knees. If the boy is well behaved, some of us remove our teeth and give him a special treat along with many loving kisses scented by our rotting gums. You haven’t lived until you’ve been injected with meth and sodomized with a 64 oz. bottle of Pepto-Bismol by a guy who really knows how to do it.

    When we’re done, we dose them with Metamucil to help keep them regular, tattoo the Geritol logo on their buttocks for a souvenir of our Happy Time together, and dump their unconscious bodies in an alley.

  15. Glynn Beck says

    When I mentioned other cultures respecting elders I actually meant African and South American, not European and Asian. I’m actually disturbed by the intrinsic racism implied by your statement, Ian.

    Meanwhile, if you are upset by some random comments on a blog, particularly when comment sections on the Internet generally are more snarky, bold, and rude than people are in every day life, you need a therapist, not a friend. I volunteered for Thanksgiving at a Gay Elder Center last year. Two dudes grabbed my penis. One grabbed my butt. Another gave me his number and begged me to call. That = scamming. Maybe if older guys dated each other we’d have role models to look at and stop our own ageism. I have gay friends who are 70+, but not every old person deserves to be treated like an elder.

  16. Ian says

    “Congratulations” Bryan Harrison, you’ve managed to make a comment pretty much as vile & vapid as Tank’s, no mean feat sadly but apparently your lack of respect for those older than yourself shows you were more than low enough for such a pathetic, insulting and sad task. Tell me, do you belong to the Tea Party by any chance?

  17. TANK says

    “African and South American”

    And you’d still be wrong. Tellin’ ya, going by cultural stereotypes enables this grossly underreported crime against the elderly to flourish. There are studies that prove this. Cultures associated with respect for the elderly do not differ in terms of actual elder abuse (the ultimate form of disrespect for the elderly) rates from cultures not associated with those stereotypes. It makes no difference.

    “Hey! Any of you studs know how to madison?”


  18. Ian says

    RE: Glynn Beck (gag on the name btw)
    1. Any intrinsic racism your reading is all in ur mind friend, I don’t have a racist bone in my body & have at 1 point or another dated about every color in the male spectrum.
    2. I’m not “upset” on a blog, I’m trying to converse and educate what is coming across as a number of frankly bitchy twinks who are being ageist. What do u propose, that instead of conversing on the net I buy plane tickets and personally visit them (snark)?
    3. Don’t need a Therapist, I AM a Therapist thanks so much :)
    4. It sounds to me like you have let ur volunteer experience color and/or scar your perceptions of older gays. I know plenty who are wonderful, witty and respectful gents to be around.
    Peace ~

  19. Bryan Harrison says

    Aw… IAN. Come on… It’s called “satire.” I was depending on guys who might have gotten beyond the Disney version of “Gulliver’s Travels” to actually encounter Jonathan Swift. Do you think Evelyn Waugh wrote “The Loved One” in praise of the funeral industry?

    I am touched, though, by your concern for people older than myself. There are, after all, not all that many of them. Sir Ian and I have more than a fondness for language in common.

  20. Chris says

    I’m 43 and LOVES IT…..Takes care of myself and have a great support system of gay and straight friends whom we all support and watch out for each other.

    Network of friends and family is very important!

    And for you Fags who have a problem with 40 somethings. DUMB BITCHES hope your faggot Godmother you get to be 40!

  21. Modern Meet says

    Tank you very much, Tank. And what makes you and your ilk think that you are so irresistible to guys 40+? I’m 60 and wouldn’t waste a nanosecond on your ass. In fact, there are plenty of alcoholic and tweeking folks in the 20-40 range who are sadly just taking up space on the planet. I hope you don’t find yourself, Tank, et al., at 40 believing yourself to be off the meat rack. Because I think being attractive grows exponentially (for many reasons you don’t have the capacity to understand) as our gay brothers age.

  22. Rick S. says

    Let me put it out there that I am 47 and though I would PREFER to meet guys of my generation, I get hit on almost exclusively by guys much younger than myself, and I don’t even have money.

  23. booka says

    You Guys crack me up, but some of you need to relax a little, satire breeds self reflection too (Tank just has a little harmless ‘tard’ in him). Personally I loath anyone younger than 40. Most are self-absorbed, mean-spirited, self-justifing, elitist jerks that have a huge sense of entitlement and zero compassion. Give me a guy with a gut, a worldly ease, and a good sense of humour, and if he looks a little like Santa…you get gifts every day!

  24. says

    I’m not sure how this OP degenerated into whether our elders have any ‘sex-appeal’ anymore. With some very disturbing points being made.

    Sir Ian’s PSA is simply a call to others for ‘compassionate companianship’ to the elderly who are basically ‘shut-ins’ in his country. It had nothing to do with sex.

    I’ve worked in the health care field for well over 20 years and our elderly here in this country are all but forgotten. It’s bad enough within the nursing homes, let alone if you live by yourself still. Back in the day, this wasn’t ‘usual’ it was rare because we lived in ‘extended’ families. With the onset of the ‘nuclear family’ this all start to change. When a loved one becomes to needy now, we just stick them into a ‘home’… and alas, to often, ‘forget’ about them.

    But today, a person may stay in their home much longer if they don’t require round the clock care. Again though, to often, those individuals are ‘forgotten’ as well, only with them, they don’t have other elderly people surrounding them and maybe taking the sting out of family not being around as often as they would like… or at all. This happens way to often with handi-capable individuals as well.

    I ran group homes for the mentally challenged for 10 years and hardly ever saw the individuals I served families. It not only broke my heart, but pissed me off to no end as well.

    Personally, I love hanging around the elderly (although now, I’m actually becoming one)… I love the stories and any wisdom I could gleam from them. My g’ma was one of the greatest people in my life… and I cherish the time I was able to spend with her.

    There are only myself, my sister and her two sons left in our family… which makes me the matriarch now… and I’m always tickled pink when my 30 year old nephew calls me up from Japan (he’s in the Navy) just to shoot the shit and maybe finagle a story or two out of me. My younger nephew has Autism, but still calls me to see ‘how’ I’m doing and shoot the breeze and asks when he can see me again :)

    It makes me feel that I’m ‘leaving something behind’.

    I forget who posted the question of how they could get involved here in the states.
    Well, you can connect to the link that Andy provided (S.A.G.E) which is an advocacy group here or the AARP. I know there used to be a group that was something like “Adopt a Grandparent”… but what it was actually called or whether it still exists, I don’t know, but I’m sure that either one of the above mentioned organizations could steer you into the right direction. Or just ‘google’.

  25. Rick says

    I am going to have to agree with my namesake above, Rick S.

    At 45, I am getting more attention than I ever have in my life. I appreciate guys my age, but the guys I am having regular fun with guys that are 24,25,30, and 36. These are guys who’ve approached me. I am sorry to burst your bubble Tank, but not one of them has thrown up from seeing my naked 45 year old body.

  26. TANK says

    Whatever, gampy. Some young guys are into older dudes. Some people like to be peed on, too…and worse. Thankfully, most people aren’t.

  27. Brandon says

    No one wants to hear about your fetish’s Tank. And someone peeing into an old milk jug and throwing it at you from a moving semi-truck does not a golden shower make.

    I direct an adult day care and I don’t see as much of people abandoning their family in nursing homes as much as them being forced to use adult family homes, assisted livings, and nursing homes as a last resort when their loved ones medical needs or lack of memory have become so severe that they physically don’t have the capacity to care for them anymore. If anything, i have had families that have insisted on keeping their loved ones at home for FAR longer than they should have, when they become so far in their Alzheimers or dementia that they no longer can be left alone or become violent at the slightest disturbance, and the family just becomes more and more worn down from being a 24 hour caregiver.

    But that doesn’t have anything to do with the topic at hand. There are plenty of people out there who are as mentally fit as they ever were who are indeed ignored. It is appalling, especially when you see it first hand.

    I don’t know what it is about the gay community and its age segregation, but it only compounds the issues of human aging even more. We have allowed ourselves to become so hypersexualized that we can’t have a relationship with another gay man that doesn’t have a sexual overtone. Hell, we can barely have a relationship with a straight man without a sexual overtone. We need to see this as human beings helping each other in a community and not see potential sex partners/predators everywhere. I’m 25 and its something even I need to work on.

    And to the guy that was 38 and claiming that people in their 20’s were immature: Being old enough to see Madonna’s Blond Ambition tour live does not make you some paragon of wisdom and maturity.

  28. Ian says

    Re: Brandon
    Let me clarify, of course not all men in their 20’s are immature. However, from the perspective of someone who is nearly 20 yrs their senior a person at that age is going to come across as immature sometimes no matter how smart they are. It’s simply the natural process of the generational divide. Also though, gay culture is hyper-sexualized and many in their 20’s are looking to sow wild oats & to not be making any longterm friendships with guys who are older. I’ve always found that gays by and large don’t start to really mature in terms of seeing the gay community in a greater context outside of sex until at least when they enter their mid 30’s.

  29. tbeth says

    I just watched Sir Ian’s PSA and got “give some money to support elder programs” and “take some time to visit with older folks so they won’t be so lonely.” Did I miss something? Wow, this really makes me miss my grandmother–she had the best stories.

  30. John D.B. says

    Had to skip a lot of this because IT IS SO OFF THE POINT. This spot is about loneliness, not empty bed syndrome. There are women, straight and gay, who also find themselves talking to wallpaper or the newspaper delivery persons (now an endangered species). This is about people who cannot get out of the house for physical or financial reasons. This is about people who could use a CONVERSATION. Actually, there are a bunch of hot young men who would probably cherish like heck a conversation so they could get off their backs and others fronts for a least an afternoon or a night. (Just teasing here.) Assuming that someone is going to jump you because you visit them or “friend” them is pretty sad. And not everyone thinks a hot “child” is the way to go.

  31. TANK says

    Whatever lifts your luggage, comment4k. Brandon…woah woah,’re a “director” of a old folks center? Annnnnd SCENE. Methinks the lady doth protest too much re: fetishes. And keep your urine filled projectiles to yourself, perv.

  32. John in Boston says

    Human beings aren’t meant to live as long as they (we) are on average now, IMO. Old age is God’s way of helping people deal with death. At a certain point many loved ones are dead, you no longer connect with the culture around you, and you are usually physically and sometimes mentally falling apart. You’re ready to make your exit. In fact, it’s looking pretty good.

    And of course it’s a given many gay men and woman suffer from isolation and loneliness especially as they age because by far most don’t have families of their own. It is what it is.

    I was a friends with a senior citizen gay man for years. Nicest gentleman you’d ever want to meet. But he was very lonely and isolated, and hated going out to gay things because he was uncomfortable around young gay men and knew many mocked him. Again, it is what it is.

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