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Here's a Letter from a Dad Disowning His Gay Son

Disown

Reddit user RegBarc posted the disturbing missive, and writes:

In August of 2007, I finally built up the courage to tell my father I was gay. The moment I said it, the phone got quiet and he got off the phone after a few "Okay"s. I decided to give him time to process the news. About a week later, and not long before my birthday, I received the following letter:

"James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad."

It's important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fisher, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people. I've never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn't drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another. 5 years on and I am still doing fine, though this letter saunters into my mind every once in a while. When it does, I say without hesitation: F**k you, Dad.

It's an all too familiar situation for many LGBT kids out there.

He's right. The Dan Cathys of the world are giving tacit permission to parents to act this way. Shame on them.

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Comments

  1. Everyone have to understand,it's very difficult for all the parents accept it,we know,so,the best way to deal with it is leave your life and wait for DAD's ask you what is wrong with you,because he never see you with a girlfriend,tell them not yet and let it go.The truth is no parent want to hear"I AM GAY MOM AND DAD"Let's get real.

    Posted by: Lucy | Aug 8, 2012 9:34:47 AM


  2. We lost our first grandson when he was only 14 months old, I would have given anything for him to be telling me that he was gay rather then burying him.

    My heart hurts for you and I feel sad for a man without a son.

    Posted by: Donna Jennings | Aug 8, 2012 10:07:53 AM


  3. @Truth

    "“When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you’re spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride. For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each others’ presence."

    Once again, you don't know what you're talking about. The context being described still requires the victimizer to be sorry for what they've done. That's not the case.

    In any event, you're own moral framework has proven to be woefully contradictory, since you blithely cited Mandela, who doesn't actually support the case you're making.

    I actually do support Mandela's moral framework, which is that you must answer injustices done against you. Forgiveness is a worthless exercise when the aggressor remains unrepentant and continues to make your life a worse one to live.

    And yes, I am better than this man's father, because I have not done anything remotely so egregious as cut my child out of my life because I don't like who he's attracted to - something which he has no choice in.

    Posted by: Nat | Aug 8, 2012 10:47:49 AM


  4. The handwriting says all you need to know. That's the script of a person with some mental issues. Being in a cult that believes in the mythical man in the sky doesn't help with mental stability. This guy will be FAR better off without his bio-dad, who from the sound of it simply donated some chromosmes, then stopped caring.

    Posted by: Dave | Aug 8, 2012 11:23:24 AM


  5. Same thing happened to me about 15 years ago. The period of silence lasted about two years until the death of my grandmother brought us all (biological family) together again.

    This was for me, THE most hurtful act anyone has ever done to me.

    Posted by: Lloyd | Aug 8, 2012 11:44:58 AM


  6. the truth is that "TRUTH" is a troll who doesn't have the spine nor courage of his/her convictions to put a face to their comments. You gotta love a "Truth" than one only feels confident to share from a place of anonymity.

    Nice Lies :D

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Aug 8, 2012 11:46:52 AM


  7. "Forgiveness is a worthless exercise"

    There's your problem, right there.
    Well, that and the fact that you have completely missed the point about Mandela forgiving his captors.

    "the truth is that "TRUTH" is a troll who doesn't have the spine nor courage of his/her convictions to put a face to their comments. You gotta love a "Truth" than one only feels confident to share from a place of anonymity.

    Nice Lies :D

    Posted by: LittleKiwi"

    Where is your face?

    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 11:54:18 AM


  8. if you choose anti-gay bigotry over the child you've known and raised then you are, at present, a bigot. a sad ignorant bigot who abuses his child in a very subversive way - the denying of love and acceptance and understanding in order to hurt them and make them weak.

    it's abuse. just because it doesn't leave the visible scars that a physical assault does doesn't mean it's just as harmful, and indeed just as valid a form of abuse.

    nor does it make the hatred any "better" when it's delivered from a face of pious faux-faith.

    in fact, in many cases it makes it worse because you get dunderheads who tell you that you should be "happy" that "at least he didn't call you a faggot and hit you with a tire iron"

    what's needed is for all of us who through the miracle of Sheer Dumb Luck have supportive family members to join our family members in Being More Visible. Straight People who are KNOWN as being pro_LGBT. it inspires other straight folks to get over and work on their prejudices.

    the reality is that for many straight fathers and mothers hearing and talking with other straight fathers and mothers of LGBT people is the best way for them to "grow". they see others doing what they feel they cannot do. and they learn how to do it.

    so, to everyone out there who's non-gay family members are putting a face and name to what is to be an ALLY, thank you. keep up the good work. we need to help everyone who didn't get dealt our lucky hand.

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Aug 8, 2012 11:55:12 AM


  9. The problem the LGBT community faces is idiots like you people who post without thinking.
    None of you morons are helping your cause.

    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 11:56:09 AM


  10. "And yes, I am better than this man's father"

    Well how nice for you. Glad you can come to that conclusion based on a letter posted on the internet.

    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 11:59:20 AM


  11. Forgive him Lord for he knows not of what he speaks. Too bad he is going to miss out on his sons life due to what I feel are, misguided beliefs. Sad for both of them really.

    Posted by: Rick | Aug 8, 2012 12:02:18 PM


  12. "There's your problem, right there."

    You mean you taking my comments out of their context?

    "Well, that and the fact that you have completely missed the point about Mandela forgiving his captors."

    What point is that, exactly? You keep on alluding to Mandela without actually referencing anything the man actually did or said. Moreover, you seemingly have no knowledge of the history involved in dismantling Apartheid, included a) an often violent guerrilla campaign from MK; b) the general opprobrium of most of the world towards the racist state, including extensive punitive measures (with a few notable, strategic exceptions).

    But please, do enlighten me about this point from Mandela's life, that supposedly overrides everything else he did or supported.

    Posted by: Nat | Aug 8, 2012 12:05:40 PM


  13. "Truth" and other bigot-apologists: feel free to share your own more specific and applicable messages. With back-up examples that show you've made it work. Sincerely, Those With Spines

    http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2011/04/fathers-message.html

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Aug 8, 2012 12:07:00 PM


  14. "Well how nice for you. Glad you can come to that conclusion based on a letter posted on the internet."

    It's an easy conclusion to make, because, as I stated, I have not done anything so remotely reprehensible.

    I would hope that if I were in a similar situation, I would set myself on fire before ever doing so repellent to my child.

    Posted by: Nat | Aug 8, 2012 12:07:25 PM


  15. Click my name, "Truth" - feel free to back up your stance the same way I am. See if you've got the orbs. Doubtful.

    Filed Under: "S**T Cowardly Anonymous Trolls Say"

    *elegant curtsy*

    http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2011/04/fathers-message.html

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Aug 8, 2012 12:14:10 PM


  16. @Alex
    Can you give any reason why homosexuality is bad besides a few poorly translated verses from a 2,000 year old book filled with contradictions and factual inaccuracies? I didn't think so. This man rejected his son for something that he didn't choose and can't change. If you admire someone who loves himself and his beliefs more than he loves his own son then you're just as horrible as he is. Shame on you.

    Posted by: Logan | Aug 8, 2012 12:21:11 PM


  17. this letter only expresses specifically what almost all gay men have had to deal with, its just that usually these sentiments are not verbalized. I am sorry for the son, but welcome him to his "new and improved" family. The father is heading for a sad and lonely end of life.What part of Jesus' message approves of this behavior?

    Posted by: cfox | Aug 8, 2012 12:50:14 PM


  18. Littlekiwi, I have been participating on the internet long enough to know that revealing ANY personal information to complete strangers especially the obviously hostile ones like I see here is not only pointless, it's stupid and narcissistic.
    I am free to express my opinion, as are you.


    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 1:01:29 PM


  19. "What part of Jesus' message approves of this behavior?"
    You should ask that of most of your fellow "commenters".
    Almost all I see is hate, condemnation, desire for revenge, etc.
    Pathetic.

    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 1:03:39 PM


  20. "I'm Little Kiwi. sometimes I'm Johnny the Kid. Cosgrove. ElmStreetKid. Lil'Pepper. Riff Randall (Rock'N'Roller). All are one."

    I'm dying here.
    So this is not anonymous?
    Hypocrite.

    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 1:05:54 PM


  21. Thank you for proving me right, "Truth".

    You're a coward who lives vicariously through an anonymous internet handle. Enjoy a life wasted being useless. Chug some Dran-o.

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Aug 8, 2012 1:07:32 PM


  22. @ Truth

    I'm still waiting on this integral point regarding forgiveness from Mandela that you keep alluding to without ever citing.

    Also, I disagree with Kiwi on many, many things, but claiming that he's anonymous is as farcical as it gets.

    Posted by: Nat | Aug 8, 2012 1:18:37 PM


  23. @Truth
    It's pathetic that you think a father who abandons his own son deserves any sympathy. I'm also pretty sure a good bit of people on here aren't Christians, but if this "father" is then he should be loving and accepting, which he hasn't been at all.

    Posted by: Logan | Aug 8, 2012 1:29:28 PM


  24. Nat, is your Google button broken?
    Or are you just intellectually corrupt?

    'Men of peace must not think about retribution or recriminations. Courageous people do not fear forgiving, for the sake of peace.'

    Nelson Mandela 1994
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/1994/may/01/nelsonmandela.southafrica


    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 1:51:05 PM


  25. "Also, I disagree with Kiwi on many, many things, but claiming that he's anonymous is as farcical as it gets."

    Ok, then what is his real name? What is his address?

    Posted by: Truth | Aug 8, 2012 1:52:04 PM


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