Nigerian Post-Grad ‘Scientifically’ Proves Gay Marriage Is Wrong

Chibuihem Amalaha

Chibuihem Amalaha of the University of Lagos in Nigeria has made what he believes is a scientific breakthrough: using physics, chemistry, biology, and mathematical experiments, he has proven that gay marriage is wrong.

The breakdown:

Physics – with magnets, like poles repel while opposite poles attract, thus should like sexes repel and opposite sexes attract.

Chemistry – an acid mixed with a base will react and result in a neutral solution, while acid added to acid or base to base remains acid or base with no reaction, thus a woman added to a woman or man to man will not react.

Biology – animals like chickens and lions in zoos are not observed engaging in same-sex mating and sperm and eggs are both needed to make children, thus biology proves that gay marriage is wrong.

Mathematics – A + B = B + A, but A + A = A ("Actually in abstract algebra, A + A =2A but we are less concerned with the numerical value two") and because the result is the same there is no reaction, thus commutativity and idempotency prove that gay marriage is wrong.

Amalaha hopes to have his findings published in international journals, but is presently having troubles securing the funding necessary. One day he wants "to be the first African to win Nobel Prize in science," a difficult goal given that Max Theiler of South Africa won it for Medicine in 1951, Claude Cohen-Tannoudji of Algeira won it for Physics in 1997, and Ahmed H. Zewail of Egypt won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry in 1999.

Comments

  1. Stm007 says

    My partner has been toiling away on a PhD for years…little did we know that all it took was throwing some magnets together and pouring some vinegar into baking soda to make a volcano.

  2. Rad says

    His last claim was that I hit the lottery and needed to send $3000 to begin processing the winnings.

    So this is his next big scam; get the Christian Right to send him money to further his “research”. Nothing like tapping into the unlimited wealth of evil and hatred.

  3. UFFDA says

    It’s the voice of darkest Africa, home to the long-to-linger hobgoblins of monstrous ignorance and superstition. Imagine it as the background “science” of homophobia and it become terrifying, like the German eugenics of antisematism.

  4. UFFDA says

    It’s the voice of darkest Africa, home to the long-to-linger hobgoblins of monstrous ignorance and superstition. Imagine it as the background “science” of homophobia and it become terrifying, like the German eugenics of antisematism.

  5. AdamTh says

    A future Nobel Prize winner? No.

    But he appears to be a leading candidate for the Cindy Jacobs Award. People should be required to get a license to be that stupid….

    (On the positive side, he does dress better than Cindy)

  6. HadenoughBS says

    This University of Lagos “grad student” apparently is the educational product of the Nigerian version of Tea Party Christofascist creationism home schooling. He’ll go far in academia with results like his Noble Prize-level theories proving scientifically that SSM is wrong – NOT!!!

  7. Brian1 says

    I liked the math example the best, almost turned me straight. A plus A equals 2A, but wait, that sounds like two guys coupling, so I’ll change it to A plus A equals A. As long as I footnote that my new equation isn’t mathematically correct, (as any five year old who knows 1 plus 1 equals 2 can attest), I think this still works.

  8. says

    Well it’s hard to refute such compelling evidence!

    Between Kirk Cameron proving the existence of God with a banana and this dude, there’s some really brilliant scholarship coming out of the Christian Right! *rolls eyes*

  9. terry says

    the U. of Lagos must be so proud. Next week their math grad students will be learning fractions. All racial stereotypes have been given support. The KKK is very confused. They want to point to this guy as the brightest that Africa has to offer but at the same time agree with his “findings”.

  10. verbocityeric says

    1. Atoms have one proton and any number of ions. Therefore: polygamy!

    2. Ions may move from atom to atom. Ergo, monogamy is against nature.

    I have proved using physics that humans are meant live in open relationships with multiple partners.

    Now I’m off the tailcoat i’ll need to wear when i accept my Nobel from the king of sweden!

  11. Gregory In Seattle says

    @Fenrox – So, condemning willful ignorance and pseudoscience is racist? How so? Or are you saying that a person with dark skin should be given a free pass to push idiotic nonsense because of his skin color?

  12. Bernie says

    this is the most ludicrous “scientific” study right after the gentleman that uses drawings and color for his “brain” study on determining whether someone is gay……..who, why and how would anyone believe this nonsense?????????????

  13. simon says

    Not sure about the South African winner. Claude Cohen-Tannoudji was working in France, and Ahmed H. Zewail was working in the US. The Nobel Prize usually cites their country of origin and not the country they did their prize-winning research. He could be the first if there is a prize for gay marrage theory or stupidity.

  14. Arrowsmith says

    Oil and oil mix perfectly. Vinegar and vinegar mix perfectly. Oil and vinegar do not mix, heterosexual marriage is scientifically wrong, gay marriage is the purest form of marriage.

    See? We can do it too, jackass.

  15. SFshawn says

    He must be brand-new to thinking.
    So young;so unencumbered by common sense,life experience,and LOGIC.
    What else could one expect from the African educational system?

  16. FENROXistheRACIST says

    Fenrox, there are NO comments about race before your comment.

    THAT MEANS YOU ARE THE ONE THAT IS THE RACIST JUDGEMENTAL POS!!

    Now go flush yourself down the nearest toilet.

  17. Rick says

    What would humanity have done without the enormous contributions of sub-Saharan Africans and their descendants to the advancement of science, technology, and knowledge, in general?

    And now this, a continuation of that renowned intellectual tradition.

  18. Rick says

    And, by the way, the “African” winners of the Nobel prize were all Caucasians–a WHITE South African and two Arabs.

    LOL.

    His attempts to “claim” them are as hilarious as Jesse Jackson’s attempts to “claim” Ancient Egypt for “Africa”, the truth of course being that Arabs held Black Africans as slaves long before any European ever did….and continue to do so right down to the present day in remote parts of Mauritania.

  19. ludwig says

    This is fraudulent science the kind that makes a magic trick and witchcraft seem like reality when it is just a slight of hand. This man does not deserve to be in graduate school and certainly he will NOT get a Noble for using a magnet to prove something that is not related to biology. He may pull the wool over the superstitous and barbarians of his country but he does nor fool lelgitimate scientists of the world who see him now as a the laughing stock of science and his University for which he has given a very bad name to the quality of education that they provide.

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