News | Transgender | Video

Couple Comes Out To Each Other After 20 Years Of Marriage: VIDEO


While on a drive four years ago, Cat Kaufman turned to David — her husband of 22 years — and said, "Let's stop and get something to eat. I need to talk to you."

She seemed really nervous. David figured whatever her news had something to do with their 12-year-old son or the fact that she had seemed harder to live with over the past several months.

Finally, after biting her lip for a while, she admitted, "I'm really sorry. I'm realizing I'm a lesbian."

Despite David's love and respect for Cat, he had no clue that she was a lesbian. Sure, their sex life had dwindled over the recent years, but he largely blamed himself. He'd spent days feeling guilty and wondering why, but he didn't know how he'd ever approach Cat about it.

On Cat's end, she never suspected the bombshell David that dropped next: "What?! Get outta town!" he exclaimed. "I just figured out I'm gay!"

They both stared at each other in shocked disbelief. And as they continued talking, they both found themselves speaking happily and laughing at the sheer incredulousness of their situation.

Recounting the 2009 experience, David wrote, "We were both thankful to know that our news was not seen as bad by the other. I recall feeling very relieved."

The CBS affiliate in Sacramento recently reported their story; but David's part doesn't end there...

Continue reading and see their interview AFTER THE JUMP...

Three years later, David realized something else about himself. While he had come out to his wife as a gay man, ever since he was 5 years old he had always felt like a girl. He used to dress in his mom's clothes and had considered suicide when he was 13 because he felt so out of place. He thought that coming out as gay would allow him to act as feminine as he liked. But it wasn't enough.

"The part about being attracted to men was correct," David later realized. "The assumption that I was a man was the error."

After 50 years of living as a man, David began transitioning into a woman and renamed himself Danielle.

"Inside he’s the same person that I married…" Cat told CBS News. "Just the outside has changed."

"It felt so good to be me," Danielle said. "It felt so good to be a woman, to be Danielle. This is incredibly cool."

The two are still married and live just a few minutes from one another. Danielle eventually wrote a book about his experience called Untying The Knot: A Husband And Wife’s Story Of Coming Out Together. She also write articles about trans issues for The Huffington Post.

Feed This post's comment feed


  1. wow, brian brown was right. you let gay people get married and straight marriages fall apart. brian is already probably roaming the aisles of lane bryant.

    Posted by: woody | Oct 1, 2013 7:15:50 PM

  2. Hahaha that brought a smile on my face.

    Posted by: Zen | Oct 1, 2013 7:20:44 PM

  3. If Danielle has transitioned to a woman and Cat is a lesbian, doesn't that mean they're compatible again?

    Posted by: crispy | Oct 1, 2013 7:31:25 PM

  4. Crispy I think that Danielle has transitioned to a woman but not a lesbian woman...Danielle likes the dangle. This is a cool story.

    Posted by: Jeff | Oct 1, 2013 7:49:57 PM

  5. Danielle isn't a lesbian, so not quite compatible.

    Posted by: TampaZeke | Oct 1, 2013 7:52:25 PM

  6. Trash

    Posted by: Hagatha | Oct 1, 2013 7:53:32 PM

  7. Trash

    Posted by: Hagatha | Oct 1, 2013 7:53:32 PM

  8. Hagatha, you're pathetic.

    Posted by: JackieFrown | Oct 1, 2013 7:58:34 PM

  9. JACKIEFROWN - trash

    Posted by: Hagatha | Oct 1, 2013 8:01:30 PM

  10. Ooooo mad burn! You should be in a competition for clever insults.

    Posted by: JackieFrown | Oct 1, 2013 8:26:20 PM

  11. I hope their child has a good therapist.

    Posted by: AriesMatt | Oct 1, 2013 9:04:24 PM

  12. This story reinforces all the negative things about us. Towleroad needs to stop associating gender confusion and female sexuality-shopping with the genuine nature of male homosexuality.

    Posted by: Adam | Oct 1, 2013 9:08:17 PM

  13. I feel for their kids. I hope they find some stability at last.

    Posted by: Jay | Oct 1, 2013 9:16:46 PM

  14. @Jay @Ariesmatt - you guys are assuming that the kid is traumatized by the situation, and can't accept it. That says lots more about you than it does about the kid or his parents, because you don't have anything but your own imaginations to go on - you have no facts about how that family change actually unfolded.

    Posted by: E. Carpenter | Oct 1, 2013 9:34:58 PM

  15. Dan Villarreal, the self-hating homosexual who writes anti-gay blog posts that are used all over the world by the Christian Right, is desperate for hits so that he won't lose yet another blogging job. So of course he would post a piece like this. Dan, you're pathetic.

    Posted by: Tommy | Oct 1, 2013 9:36:27 PM

  16. Good to see that, for all their self-righteous preening, trannies are still good material for Jerry Springer.

    Posted by: Tommy | Oct 1, 2013 9:39:08 PM

  17. Well let's not forget that Chandler Bing turned out okay...

    Posted by: robroy | Oct 1, 2013 11:09:18 PM

  18. Adam and his numerous aliases need to stop posting his homophobic, transphobic and misogynistic rants on this site. To allow him to keep posting reinforces the idea that towleroad condones his inhumane opinions.

    Posted by: Tyler | Oct 1, 2013 11:15:13 PM

  19. This is like an updated version of Gift Of The Magi by O. Henry, except the husband swapped his penis for a vagina instead of his pocket watch for a comb.

    Posted by: FuryOfFirestorm | Oct 1, 2013 11:51:11 PM

  20. Really, Adam. How do you manage to pull yourself away from sucking off Bryan Fischer long enough to fill Towleroad comments with your filth under different sock-puppet aliases?

    Posted by: FFS | Oct 2, 2013 1:24:32 AM

  21. A significant number of gay Iranians are forced by their parents to get sex changes. The government also pressures gay people there to get sex changes and with this demand coupled with a deep stigma against homosexuality, a lot of gay adults have gotten sexual reassignment surgery. They do this because the fear for their lives, but the tragedy of it all causes some to commit suicide.
    We have always had androgynous, transgendered individuals. Look at history. They were valued members of society. They never needed to surgically remove parts of their body and in some societies that was possible, that is, there was the medical capability to perform such excisions, yet it never happened

    The Western World in the 20th century overly pathologized anything that wasn't the sexual "norm." Gay men and women used to be lobotomized and locked away. Transgendered people were told they had to surgically PERFECT their condition.

    Our world just can't handle the third gender. Now, we have transgendered people believing they need surgery to be better people - so messed up. And as a consequence, very homophobic societies now question whether ALL gay people should be reshaped to fit the mold. I really question the truth behind SRS. I believe it to be hypocritical and a part of homophobic society.

    That's my opinion. I wish them well. I wish things didn't always have to be black or white, and I know a lot of you might question how I could say that, but the irony isn't lost on me.

    Posted by: Martin | Oct 2, 2013 3:10:32 AM

  22. When I saw the headline I assumed it was going to be a story about Michelle Bachman and her husband Marcus.

    Posted by: cam | Oct 2, 2013 6:54:05 AM

  23. "If Danielle has transitioned to a woman and Cat is a lesbian, doesn't that mean they're compatible again?"

    Danielle is a straight woman attracted to men.

    Posted by: papi_chulo | Oct 2, 2013 10:06:17 AM

  24. "This story reinforces all the negative things about us. Towleroad needs to stop associating gender confusion and female sexuality-shopping with the genuine nature of male homosexuality."

    And what is this negative thing? T is very much so a part of LGBT.

    Posted by: papi_chulo | Oct 2, 2013 10:08:46 AM

  25. This is a definite made for Jerry Springer story.

    Posted by: anon | Oct 2, 2013 5:19:29 PM

  26. 1 2 »

Post a comment


« «Dartmouth College Approves Plan For $3.6 Million LGBTQIA 'Triangle' House« «