'How To Turn Straight' Is Your Key To Heterosexuality - VIDEO


YouTuber jokester Timmy Alvarez of Timmy Fell Down The Well is tired of people asking “When did you turn gay?” So he’s made a handy video explaining how to turn straight!

Turns out all you need is a flannel, a cap, some dirt, a lower voice, a handful of catcalls and voila — instant heterosexuality! Of course, it’s much more complicated than all that, but that’s precisely Alvarez’s point.

And if you enjoy him, check out the video of his informal Chatroulette survey on gay people that we featured earlier this year. 

Watch the video AFTER THE JUMP...

Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 12.21.09 PM

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  1. Cute

    Posted by: Bear Aspirin | Aug 4, 2014 12:45:09 PM

  2. cute and ironically apt. know how i "passed for straight" as a teenager? i consciously killed everything about me that made me special and that did the trick. slouched. mumbled. stopped being so articulate and quick and witty. VOILA! straight dude!

    Posted by: Little Kiwi | Aug 4, 2014 12:48:13 PM

  3. @ Kiwi - you could have simplified that just by telling yourself to act boring.

    Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Aug 4, 2014 1:00:06 PM

  4. kiwi a homosexist? my shocked face.

    Posted by: jaker | Aug 4, 2014 1:28:58 PM

  5. This guy is gross. And mentally ill. I don't understand how anyone can be so in need of attention/affirmation that they film themselves having a pyschotic episode like this and broadcast it to the world.

    On the other hand, I'd never really thought of sweat, dirt and grease as makeup for straight guys. Maybe there's something useful there.

    Posted by: Timmy Wells | Aug 4, 2014 1:38:27 PM

  6. and the comments never disappoint...

    Posted by: NotSafeForWork | Aug 4, 2014 1:57:44 PM

  7. So his "straight guy" is Latrice Royale with a head cold.

    Posted by: twostepcub (@twostepcub) | Aug 4, 2014 2:10:34 PM

  8. I'm a nasty troll alias of Rick mocking decency, tired of this troll propaganda.

    I thought my name was Enchantra today. I mean why else did I put this wig on?! I hate trannies because they're prettier than I'll ever be. But at least my dad would still bone me with the lights off.

    Posted by: Ceem | Aug 4, 2014 2:11:16 PM

  9. What a completely annoying video. Why is it here again? Because he's gay?

    This is bottom-feeder gay material.

    Posted by: will | Aug 4, 2014 2:29:44 PM

  10. How to turn straight?
    First we have to find out how he turned into a trashy, loud mouthed black woman.

    Posted by: Rolf | Aug 4, 2014 2:53:56 PM

  11. Another victim-hood complex claiming people are interested in his gay-speartism...Sad...

    Posted by: rochon | Aug 4, 2014 2:54:27 PM

  12. yikes. his video sure did piss of this site's closeted troll. quel surprise!

    Posted by: Little Kiwi | Aug 4, 2014 2:58:48 PM

  13. I wasn't expecting to laugh, but I actually did when he finally spoke in the 'straight man' voice.

    Posted by: Sergio | Aug 4, 2014 3:03:39 PM

  14. That's odd. He was actually more attractive when he put the "straight" clothes and the dirt on.


    Posted by: johnny | Aug 4, 2014 3:34:05 PM

  15. No, the trick is to try to pass for str8 by going out in a crowd and seeing if anyone believes you.

    Posted by: anon | Aug 4, 2014 4:40:20 PM

  16. Timmy is smart and cute ( but he did look a lot sexier when he put of the straight face)

    Posted by: jarago | Aug 4, 2014 6:17:51 PM

  17. Most men and most teenage boys do not have interest in teenage girls who have not finished puberty. If you see who most men have interest in when it comes to women. Most men have interest in women who are in their 20s, 30s to early 40s with women in 20s being most popular, 30s popular and early to mid 40s a woman’s last pretty years. A woman’s prime years when it comes to sexual beauty for most men is when she is in her 20s and 30s with most beautiful years being when a woman is 18 to 35 years old.

    But when you look at who gays have interest in-gays interest sexually are teenage boys to men in early 20s who still have acne. Once a man’s hairline recedes (while it varies this often is noticeable when a man is in early to late 20s), most gays find him too old because the youth is gone. And just because a gay is in a long term relationship such as 20 years, that usually is not their only relationship. They often bring teenage boys to their home. Of course they won’t usually admit this to avoid arrest going to jail and why they are secretive. Truth is that gay/lesbian groups think it’s Okay for gays to homolest teenage boys. From the times I have known gays, gays like teenagers (usually 18 or 19 -barely legal) to men in early 20s. It’s truth that gays like men who are boyish looking-those who still have a full head of hair and acne-there are many gays who have interest in 16 year old teenagers-such as Milk and Liberace. Once the acne clears, a man’s hairline recedes, full grown beard and so on such as in mid 20s, gays begin to lose interest because he looks too old.

    Posted by: snowisfun | Aug 5, 2014 8:28:53 AM

  18. Even if orientation doesn’t change, it’s best for gays/lesbians to be celibate just as it’s best for a person with tobacco orientation not to smoke. If homosexuality is inborn as some scientists believe, then it would be a birth defect. study which though needs to be replicated links smoking to homosexuality in adulthood

    They have higher rates of smoking during pregnancy and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome on reservations so it would be a study to find out links between American Indian women smoking during pregnancy and a baby turning out homosexual or lesbian in adulthood. In 2011, I had suggested the link between a woman smoking during pregnancy and the increased risk of the baby turning out homosexual in adulthood, so this study is not new.

    behavior including sexual behavior can be learned. Never have I heard straights blame childhood sex abuse for reasons a man has sex with a woman and fathers children with her. Yet sometimes have heard gays and lesbians say childhood sex abuse is reason they do same sex behaviors. Sex abuse in youth can cause people to behave in ways. It’s not controversial to talk of nightmares, suicides, bed wetting often a result of sex abuse in youth. Yet when 1 talks gay/lesbian behaviors in adulthood because they learned this sexual behavior by being repeatedly molested, then gays with politically safe psychologists complain. The politically correct psychologists who deny this know it’s possible for a boy to turn out gay as a result of childhood sex abuse, yet deny what they know is true. Of course, not all who are sexually abused in youth become gay in adulthood-but the risk is higher.

    Main ideas of science and math are always the same (such as freezing temperature is 32 Degrees Fahrenheit & lower, 2+2=4) and with main ideas of science, unless new information is found which changes prior conclusion (such as in 1950s when they found a whale is a mammal not a fish as scientists first thought), the main ideas of science stay the same. I do not believe mainstream science/psychology in the 1960s to early 70s discovered anything new to change long held conclusions on homosexuality when they removed homosexuality from DSM in 1973. They have as said since 1973 become ideological on gay/lesbian topic. I don’t deny possibility homosexuality could be genetic or inborn for some but that is unproven. Even if it’s true that homosexuality is inborn for some people, homosexual/lesbian conduct would still be bad for health. Homosexual/lesbian conduct needs to be marginalized such as smoking/tobacco use is.

    I know my view offends homosexuals, but most smokers do not get offended by negative views of tobacco use. So homosexuals/lesbians have to hear others give negative views of their sex lives, because there is something wrong with this just as there’s something wrong with smoking.

    Repair therapy for gays and lesbians who want to be straight must be available just as repair therapy must be available for a drug junky who wants to become clean. For a therapy to have best chance of success, the patient has to want it for themselves. If a person goes into therapy because he or she is pressured by peers into this, they are usu. not going to last long because they don’t sincerely want it. If a kid is a junky and he or she doesn’t want therapy to quit drugs, then it’s usu. going to fail because they don’t want it. You can not force a person into therapy minus a court order and even if you do, if they don’t sincerely want it, it’s usu. will fail. While repair therapy to treat gayism, lesbianism often fails, using what you ask, we also should not have repair therapy to treat smoking, drug junkyism, etc. because that often fails. Minors can not be forced into therapy against will-minus a court order such as requiring medicines for a minor who does not want medicines.

    Yes, it should also be the right of homosexuals and lesbians not to go into repair therapy just as I support right of tobacco users not to have repair therapy to quit smoking and I support right of any lucid person to refuse medical care such as if a lucid person’s a heart attack victim and does not want open heart surgery, then it should be their right to refuse this. Yes, proof burden is on repair therapists, but if you aren’t going to have repair therapy for homsexuality/lesbianism, then you may as well not have repair therapy for drug junkyism or drunkardism, because such therapy often fails and high relapses. Is it possible for a homosexual or lesbian to change sexual behavior and sexual orientation to heterosexuality? There are gays and lesbians who sincerely believe they changed to heterosexuality and without contrary proof only they know.

    Posted by: snowisfun | Aug 5, 2014 8:30:11 AM

  19. My reasons for being against gay/lesbian behaviors and being against sex changes are unrelated to any religion. You can be secular as I am and see the harms of homosexual and lesbian behavior as you can see the harms of tobacco use. Behavior including sexual behavior can be learned. While they have not conclusively proven same sex behaviors are genes-if that is true, it would be same as alcoholic gene. It’s undebatable truth that if a person’s a victim of childhood sex abuse, then it’s more likely he or she will do gay/lesbian conduct repeating what he learned-those who deny are either dishonest, delusional or both. There could be possibly be genes, but if that’s true then the gay gene would be the same thing as heart attack gene. There is more than 1 cause for why a conduct happens.

    Gerald (Jerry) A. Sandusky is a gay pedophile because he did homosexual relations with young boys though he was also married to a woman. The priests who molest young boys are gay pedophiles. If a man has sex with little girls only, then he is a straight pedophile. You didn’t say anything I haven’t already thought about. Rush H. Limbaugh’s right when he said Jerry A. Sandusky is gay-a gay pedophile and columnist Patrick J. Buchanan condemns who he calls gay priests who molest young boys. Those priests are again gay pedophiles, pederasts or homolesters. All transexuals are homosexual/lesbian as the act of mutilating to become false opposite sex is itself an act of homosexuality/lesbianism-sad maiming and make this illegal.

    While I’m neutral on abortion, in justness to pro-lifers they believe abortion is killing a baby-there are many women pro-lifers so it’s not men seeking to control women’s bodies. If they decided to make abortion illegal, then I would not care 1 way or another. I’m pro-abortion in some cases such as if it can be predicted an unborn baby will be deformed, transexual or gay-then go ahead and abort them. But I understand view of pro-lifers regarding abortion as murder. I’m against sterlizations. There’s birth control such as the pill, condoms & old fahshioned Rhythm Method. Sterilization surgeries however are mutilations. Unless it’s a hysterectomy to save a life, they must make it a crime to do sterilizations. Sterilizations are spaying & neutering people. Also they make less attractive. All things=, if you have an intact woman vs. a woman who has been spayed, most men would take the intact woman. Same thing with a man who is intact vs. a man who has had a vasectomy, most women would choose the intact man.

    I support birth control but am against sterilization surgeries. I oppose breast implants because they are fake (excludes reconstruct surgeries for women who have had breast disease). If a woman has naturally nice big boobs as singer Katy E. Perry has (she is listed as DD but there are women with bigger boobs than her), then that is good. There is nothing wrong with a woman having small boobs. Most men want a woman with natural boobs-small, medium or big vs. a woman with fake boobs. I would limit Viagra in most cases because those are performance enhancers. If a man is let’s say 25 years old and in a wheelchair, then I support him using Viagra to have sex with his wife or girlfriend and have kids with her because there’s a use to it. But I am against Viagra or any other sexual enhancement drug for old men because that’s like giving steroids to nfl player. I would also be against giving Viagra and sexual enhancement drugs to homosexuals. So I would limit Viagra or other sexual enhancement drug to straight men who are under 40 years old with a handicap to that they can father children which below a certain age it’s medicine, but after a certain age it’s performance enhancers comparable to Steroids as Viagra, Zestra are.

    I support fertility treatments and I support In Vitro Fertilization. There are couples who want children but because the mom has problems getting pregnant or giving birth the only way for a man and his wife to have children is by In Vitro Fertilization. Let’s say that you have a man and a wife and the wife is let’s say paralyzed so that giving birth would be dangerous. I would support that couple’s right to In Vitro Fertilization (I.V.F.) so that both can enjoy having a family, raising kids, taking kids to the zoo, fun of seeing kids raise pets and so on. While In Vitro Fertilization (I.V.F.) is not perfect, In Vitro Fertilization (I.V.F.) must be there for couples who have problems having children. I also support Artificial Insemination with regulations. If you have a straight couple and let’s say the husband has disease where treatment could keep him from having children. Man should have a right to have his sperm stored so that he and his wife can have children. If however, you have artificial insemination for purpose of single parenthood or homosexual parenting, then it is a problem. Of course if a woman wants to have a child without father involvement then what she can do is have a 1 night stand. Also I have a friend who is a Born Again Christian who has told me that he supports In Vitro Fertilization because I.V.F. is about creating life while abortion is about preventing life so there are pro-lifers who support I.V.F. In Vitro Fertilization must be there for people who have problems having children.

    Posted by: snowisfun | Aug 5, 2014 8:31:20 AM

  20. Hi Snow! Just one quick question. Did you have ANY friends as a small child?

    Posted by: Umm... | Aug 5, 2014 8:42:31 AM

  21. No UMM, I did not have any friends as a small child.

    It’s right to be ‘bigoted’ against homosexuality, lesbianism and transexuality (transexuals are mutilated gays) just as it’s right to be ‘bigoted’ against drug junkyism and cocaina smoking. Gays talk of homosexual/lesbian is a good thing, yet call people gay as an insult.

    Truth with homosexuality is any ideas, speculations and truths which offend homosexual groups is condemned as homophobia as there’s alot of ideology on this. With repair therapy for homosexuals/lesbians. Repair therapy for gays and lesbians who want to be straight must be available just as repair therapy must be available for a drug junky who wants to become clean. Yes, proof burden is on repair therapists, but if you aren’t going to have repair therapy for homsexuality/lesbianism, then you may as well not have repair therapy for drug junkyism or drunkardism, because it often fails.

    Finally, sex change maimings which is mutilating some1 to make them fake members of opposite sex is comparable to trying to make a man a fake animal because he thinks he is an animal trapped in a human body. Most feminists are not speaking against this. 1 would hope that feminists would oppose the mutilation that happened to Chastity Sun Bono as feminists have spoken against Female Genital Mutilation which happens in some nations. Transexuals are mutilations which no Dr. should take part in, yet most feminists are not condemning this female genital and breast mutilation as what happened to Chastity S. Bono where her healthy breasts were mutilated, dangerous hormone shots and her genitals mutilated.

    Posted by: snowisfun | Aug 5, 2014 9:27:45 AM

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