• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • About Towleroad
  • Towleroad on Social Media
  • Privacy Policy

Towleroad Gay News

Gay Blog Towleroad: More than gay news | gay men

  • Politics
  • Health
  • Travel
  • Gay Pride
  • Music
  • Sports
  • Law/Justice
  • Celebrities
  • Men
  • Space
  • Science
  • Gay Iconography
  • Madonna
  • Books
  • Monkeypox
  • Film/TV

First Person: #WhyILeft What I First Thought Was a Consensual Leather Relationship

Michael Goff September 11, 2014

Vancouver_Pride_Parade_-_Flag_(3816236455)

#WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft have gone viral on Twitter since the Ray Rice domestic violence revelations. Our friend David M posted his story of surviving domestic abuse on Facebook earlier today and has given Towleroad permission to share it.

I was helped by several wonderful people when I was a homeless boy, discarded by my LDS family. There was Jim, the leatherman who introduced me properly to the leather scene, the man from whom I earned my first leathers. And there was Miss Gladys, the Black trans sex worker who took me in and gave me a home for a time, who was to me like a mother, and who made the best fried chicken I have ever had.

Then there was Paul. He gave me a place to live, too. But it came at a price. He beat me, raped me, abused me emotionally and financially, and lent me out to his friends. All under the guise of a BDSM relationship, which I wanted desperately. He taught me I had to start out living as his slave if I wanted to be in the scene. I was young and stupid and I believed him. I thought it was normal. And I was afraid of being back on the street, where I was already being raped and abused, anyway. That's #WhyIStayed, far too long. But one day I found the courage to leave.

We were watching tv downstairs by the pool. I locked him into the room, went upstairs and threw my clothes into a bag, and walked out the door. I had no money, no friends, nowhere to go. But I walked out. I walked 50 miles to Tampa where I knew there was a leather bar and other leathermen. That weekend, I went to the local bar, and I started telling people my story. I met Jim, who I mentioned earlier. Jim was an old school (some would say Old Guard) leatherman. He gave me a place to live, and this time there were no strings attached. I would have slept with him; I was used to sleeping with men for food or shelter. But for the  year I lived with him, he never touched me. He taught me how to have a healthy, consensual leather relationship. He taught me the difference between BDSM and abuse. But back to the story…

A few months after I had left, I was at the bar, this was the 2606 in Tampa which some of you may know. Jim was not with me, so I was alone when Paul walked in and tried to get me to leave with him. After being afraid of him for so long, I wasn't afraid any longer. I yelled at him; I told him I was going nowhere with him.

The music kept playing, of course, but all around me men went quiet and turned toward us. The pool games stopped. The tension in the room was palpable. Paul grabbed me by the arm and began to pull me toward the door. And suddenly, something magical happened. The leathermen in that bar closed ranks in front of us. And all around us. Tampa had a small leather community, just the one bar, so I already knew these men, and they knew my story. They knew who Paul was and why he was there. As ethical leathermen, they stepped up to protect me.

Paul didn't really understand what was going on, but for the first time I saw fear on *his* face. I experienced a sudden realization of how small and pitiful he really was. I pulled my arm from his grip. I was shaking not with fear but with anger; I leaned in close to him and I told him that these were my friends, that this was my bar, and that he was not welcome here. He should leave, and never come back. He never did.

To this day I still ask myself #WhyILeft. But I really don't know. Why was it that one day I suddenly had the courage that I had never had before? I don't know. I'm just glad I did. I wish I had done it much sooner.

David M. is now married to his longtime partner. He teaches and mentors young men entering the leather scene. He says the most important thing he teaches them is how to tell the difference between healthy BDSM and abuse. He recommends consulting the site Kink Abuse for more information on the topic.

From time to time Towleroad runs first person stories spotted on social media we think will be of interest to the broader community. Hat tip to Jim Landé for spotting this one. If you come across a particularly timely, moving, amazing or otherwise worthy post, please let us know through our contact form or drop us an email at tips at towleroad dot com.

Previously in this series:
How Three Restaurant Workers Restored a Gay Man's Faith in Humanity [tlrd]

[image kyle pierce – wikimedia commons]

Topics: News More Posts About: facebook, First Person, News

Related Posts
  • Russia Blocks Facebook, Accusing it of Restricting Access to Russian Media;
  • Rising tide of leaks threatens to inundate with Facebook whistleblowers.
  • Oversight panel rebukes Facebook, will review VIP system
  • Bad Bunny refuses to give clothes a gender

    Bad Bunny refuses to give clothes a gender

    Published by BANG Showbiz English Bad Bunny refuses to give clothes a gender. The 28-year-old rap star – whose real name is Benito Ocasio – is unsure what defines “masculine” or “feminine” and cannot discriminate clothing …Read More »
  • Biden to issue policing order on George Floyd death anniversary -media reports

    Biden to issue policing order on George Floyd death anniversary -media reports

    Published by Reuters WASHINGTON (Reuters) – President Joe Biden is set to issue an executive order on Wednesday directing federal agencies to revise use-of-force policies as the United States marks the two-year anniversary of the police …Read More »
  • Ellen DeGeneres starts her ‘career pause’ in Africa

    Ellen DeGeneres starts her ‘career pause’ in Africa

    Published by BANG Showbiz English Ellen DeGeneres’ “career pause” will begin with a luxury African vacation. The final episode of ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’ will air later this week, and Ellen and her wife Portia de …Read More »
  • ‘The Kids in the Hall’ review: Sketch comedy is a young person’s game — yet here are older guys just ripping into the form as if they never left

    ‘The Kids in the Hall’ review: Sketch comedy is a young person’s game — yet here are older guys just ripping into the form as if they never left

      Published by Chicago Tribune   The TV landscape tends to feel pretty dismal when “Saturday Night Live” is the only sketch comedy game in town. And often that’s the case. Over its four-plus decade run, …Read More »
Previous Post: « Bear Cub Takes Playtime On The Putting Green: VIDEO
Next Post: 24,000 Transgender People May Be Ineligible To Vote In November Due to Voter ID- VIDEO »

Primary Sidebar

News

  • Pelosi hits back at San Francisco archbishop for banning her from Communion over pro-choice stance

    Pelosi hits back at San Francisco archbishop for banning her from Communion over pro-choice stance

  • Mick Jagger Cuts Harry Style Down To Size, Says He ‘Doesn’t Have A Voice Like Mine Or Move On Stage Like Me’

    Mick Jagger Cuts Harry Style Down To Size, Says He ‘Doesn’t Have A Voice Like Mine Or Move On Stage Like Me’

  • Summer Love? Rosie O’Donnell Teases Possible New Girlfriend With PDA Moment

    Summer Love? Rosie O’Donnell Teases Possible New Girlfriend With PDA Moment

  • U.S. commission recommends renaming nine Army bases to strip Confederate legacy

    U.S. commission recommends renaming nine Army bases to strip Confederate legacy

Break

  • Keanu Reeves hailed one of world’s nicest men

    Keanu Reeves hailed one of world’s nicest men

  • Toni Collette, Mark Ruffalo and Noami Ackie join ‘Parasite’ Filmmaker Bong Joon-ho’s new movie And it Sounds Mind Blowing

    Toni Collette, Mark Ruffalo and Noami Ackie join ‘Parasite’ Filmmaker Bong Joon-ho’s new movie And it Sounds Mind Blowing

  • Starbucks to completely exit Russia after Ukraine invasion

    Starbucks to completely exit Russia after Ukraine invasion

  • Evan Spiegel & Miranda Kerr Pay Off $10 Million In Loans Of Otis College’s Graduating Class

    Evan Spiegel & Miranda Kerr Pay Off $10 Million In Loans Of Otis College’s Graduating Class

RSS Partner Links

  • Morning Wood
  • “The latest ‘Thor: Love and Thunder’ trailer finally reveals the villain” links
  • Duchess Meghan kissed Harry, then wiped her lipstick off of his mouth
  • Kristen Stewart, Scott Speedman & Tom Sturridge Match In Sharp Sunglasses For Cannes 75th Anniversary Event
  • Diane Kruger & Norman Reedus Are Couple Goals at Cannes Film Festival 2022
  • Jennifer Connelly Recalls Meeting Princess Diana When She Was A Teenager
  • CBS Pulls 'FBI' Season Finale After Elementary School Shooting in Texas
  • Scenes from Greg Berlanti’s 50th birthday!
  • Texas: 14 Children, 1 Teacher Shot Dead In Uvalde Elementary School; Shooter Dead

Most Recent

  • NC Republicans push ban on teachers discussing LGBTQ issues, other rules for schools

    NC Republicans push ban on teachers discussing LGBTQ issues, other rules for schools

  • Bad Bunny refuses to give clothes a gender

    Bad Bunny refuses to give clothes a gender

  • Biden to issue policing order on George Floyd death anniversary -media reports

    Biden to issue policing order on George Floyd death anniversary -media reports

  • Ellen DeGeneres starts her ‘career pause’ in Africa

    Ellen DeGeneres starts her ‘career pause’ in Africa

  • ‘The Kids in the Hall’ review: Sketch comedy is a young person’s game — yet here are older guys just ripping into the form as if they never left

    ‘The Kids in the Hall’ review: Sketch comedy is a young person’s game — yet here are older guys just ripping into the form as if they never left

  • Opinion: The Right-Wing Airing of Imaginary Grievances Like Sex Ed Is Not and Never Has Been Used To Groom

    Opinion: The Right-Wing Airing of Imaginary Grievances Like Sex Ed Is Not and Never Has Been Used To Groom

  • Tan France gets parenting advice from Gigi Hadid

    Tan France gets parenting advice from Gigi Hadid

Most Commented

Social

Twitter @tlrd | Facebook | Instagram @tlrd
  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • About Towleroad
  • Towleroad on Social Media
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2022 · Log in