John Oliver has been following the Mueller Report, which he has called “Stupid Watergate” all along, so it gave him great delight to actually get the “masterpiece” in his hands.
The first item he took pleasure in was the portion that stated that when a Special Counsel had been hired to investigate him, Trump “slumped back in his chair and said, ‘Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my presidency. I’m f**ked.'”
Said Oliver. “F**ked. He said I’m f**ked. And while we obviously don’t know whether Trump will face any repercussions from this report, I’d just like to live a little longer in the moment of him saying, ‘This is the end of my presidency. I’m f**ked.’”
Oliver then took it a little further, and set up the scene which led to Trump’s outburst: “I’d like to take some artistic license to fully paint that scene for you. Trump, upon learning Robert Mueller was appointed, slumping back in his chair. Meanwhile, Ivanka is playing fetch with Don Jr., Eric’s tongue is stuck to a somehow frozen flagpole. Reince Priebus is walking around with his head inside a honeypot. Jared is standing motionless directly in front of a blank wall. Steve Bannon is stress-eating a bowl of used syringes. And Stephen Miller is gleefully pulling the legs off a spider. While Trump says those beautiful words as tears run down his cheeks, ‘this is the end of my presidency. I’m f**ked.’ And right at that very moment, a pigeon flies into the room and sh*ts in his mouth. It is a masterpiece.”
Oliver spent the rest of the segment covering two key factors: “incompetence when it comes to conspiracy with Russia, and disobedience when it comes to obstruction.”