FINALLY: Senate passes massive $2 trillion coronavirus spending bill. The Senate approved the 880-page bill in a unanimous 96-0 vote. The measure would provide billions of dollars in credit for struggling industries, a significant boost to unemployment insurance and direct cash payments to Americans.

TONE DEAF TROLL: Trump Ripped Over ‘Congratulations AMERICA!' Tweet Amid Coronavirus Pandemic: ‘People Are Dying'

96-0 in the United States Senate. Congratulations AMERICA!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 26, 2020

ONLY THE BEGINNING: Jobless claims surge to record 3.3 million as coronavirus slams labor market. “This represents the single worst one-day piece of labor market news in America's history,” Andrew Stettner, senior fellow at The Century Foundation, said in an email.

IN DENIAL: Mnuchin Says Surge in U.S. Unemployment Claims ‘Not Relevant'

🚨🚨🚨 A record number of Americans — over 3 million — have now filed for unemployment.

But Donald Trump's Treasury secretary just told the country that "these numbers right now are not relevant."

Try telling that to any one of the 3.28 million people who've lost their jobs. pic.twitter.com/BwTjISHU8Q
— Andrew Bates (@AndrewBatesNC) March 26, 2020

‘PROCLIVITY TOWARD LESBIANISM AND HOMOSEXUALITY': Trump cabinet Bible teacher blames coronavirus pandemic on God's wrath — somehow it involves China, gay people, and environmentalists

PEDOPHILE SAYS WHAT?: Roy Moore Says Closing Churches Is ‘Tyranny,' Tells Pastors They Have Duty to Assemble

SNOWFLAKE: Trump Campaign Threatens to Sue TV Stations Over ‘Deceptive' Ad Claiming POTUS Called Coronavirus a ‘Hoax'

RIP: Broadway Veteran Mark Blum Passes Away from Coronavirus Complications

PANIC AT THE COSTCO: A grocery store threw out $35,000 in food that a woman intentionally coughed on, sparking coronavirus fears, police said. Officials don't believe she's infected with coronavirus but “will make every effort to see that she is tested,” Fasula wrote.

SAFETY FIRST: Pornhub gives NYC coronavirus workers 50K masks — and free porn

HE'S NOT WRONG: Bernie Sanders wants to debate on April 28; Joe Biden says ‘we've had enough debates'

NEW: “My focus is just dealing with this crisis right now. I haven't thought about any more debates,. I think we've had enough debates. I think we should get on with this,” Joe Biden says when asked if there should be more Democratic debates. https://t.co/cZA4ORLjNb pic.twitter.com/4fryw6GhTf
— ABC News (@ABC) March 25, 2020

STAR-STUDDED SPECIAL: Elton John to host coronavirus benefit concert with Mariah Carey, Billie Eilish

View this post on Instagram

Grateful for the best birthday ever with my family 🙏🏻❤️🎂🚀

A post shared by Elton John (@eltonjohn) on Mar 25, 2020 at 4:46pm PDT

WE'RE GONNA NEED A LOT MORE OF THIS … : Taylor Swift Gives Back to a Few Lucky Fans Amid Coronavirus Crisis

i made a post on tumblr about how i was scared i wouldn't be able to stay living in NYC because of what corona has done to the music industry. @taylorswift13 literally single-handedly saved my ability to stay here. i cannot even believe my eyes right now pic.twitter.com/3hAxkSVvGo
— holly (@ittybittyholly) March 25, 2020

… AND THIS: Bill and Hillary Clinton sent over 400 pizzas to New York hospital workers on front lines against coronavirus

HMMM: Cardi B Is Coming For Celebrities With Coronavirus, And Idris Elba Is Defending Them

Cardi B calls out celebrities & the government:

“If [Trump] is saying ‘if you don't have any symptoms of the Coronavirus do not get tested because we don't have enough tests' but a celebrity is saying ‘I don't have symptoms but I got tested & I'm positive' that causes confusion” pic.twitter.com/VgKFqIBH8h
— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) March 25, 2020

GUUUURL: Influencer Larz Says He Tested Positive for Coronavirus After Participating in Toilet Licking Challenge