Terry McMillan: The F-Word is the Only Weapon I Have

Author Terry McMillan, whose latest salvo in an ongoing battle with her gay former husband Jonathan Plummer is a $40 million lawsuit which claims Plummer and his attorneys “conspired and formed a plan to threaten to humiliate and embarrass Terry McMillan, and violate her privacy and place her in harm’s way, and threatened to damage her professional and personal standing in an attempt to extort monies from her,” tells New York magazine’s Intelligencer that folks should see where she’s coming from, and know why she uses certain derogatory language. Plummer has claimed that McMillan referred to him as “little fag, common fucking criminal, and a common extortionist.”

Mcmillan_plummerMcMillan: “I’m really getting tired of the fact that people get upset that I use the F-word to refer to Jonathan. It was the only weapon that I have. It offends me that gay men think they are above criticism. If you criticize them, you’re automatically a homophobe; I’m starting to think they’re heterophobes. I still see betrayal as betrayal. I don’t care how long he’s been in the closet; I didn’t put him in there.”

McMillan recently contributed an essay called “100 Questions I Meant to Ask Him” in a new anthology called The Honeymoon’s Over which she claims wasn’t meant for publication.

In the essay, which somehow actually did get published, McMillan asks, among other things, “Have you been surprised by the promiscuous behavior of a lot of gay men? Are you going to be like this or are you already?”

Terry McMillan Reminds You That Her Ex-Husband Is the One Harming Her Reputation [intelligencer]


  1. says

    So if I called Terry a n—-r she wouldn’t care? She (and everyone else) wouldn’t think I was a racist? Right…

  2. FernLaPlante says

    She is so bitter. She needs to move on and get a life. If she wants to use the word F*ggot and thinks that is OK then she better not get upset if anyone calls her the N word.

  3. Charlie says

    I think I speak for all gay men when I say that I am not “above criticism,” but I’m not open to being called a fag. Why is McMillan equating name-calling with criticism? Surely she can tell the difference between being told that perhaps she’s being too bitter about the past and being called a worthless, shitty nigger…

  4. SGR says

    I think it’s fair for a woman who gets duped into marrying a gay guy, who later demand spousal support, to call him “little fag, common fucking criminal, and a common extortionist” out of anger every once in a while.

    He was a dishonest parasite, and if she has to call him a name every once in a while to deal with her bitterness and anger, I say go for it. It’s wrong, but she’s earned the right. I’d call him a snivelling little tore-up bitch myself, but that’s me.

  5. soulbrotha says

    Can we please not get started with this “If somebody called her a nigger, she wouldn’t like it” crap. Yes we all know she wouldn’t like it! OK? Commentors on here always start that sh*t and then 100 posts later, it’s become a race war. ENOUGH!
    How about more insightful criticism, like how is it that as a “writer” she can only think of a slur to use as a weapon? Wouldn’t a true writer be able to do damage without uttering a single slur? Or how she has been milking this for all it’s worth? Or even if anybody here has even HEARD of Terry McMillan or read any of her books or CARES what she says.
    ANYTHING but that same old racist crap!

  6. soulbrotha says

    And by the way, when are gays going to stop being hypocrites by calling each OTHER faggots and getting mad at heteros for doing the same thing?

  7. Javier says

    While I don’t condone using the “f word,” I definitely don’t blame her either. Using that word is small potatoes compared to what he ostensibly did. He lied and cheated on her, which is a heinous and selfish thing to do. She should be angry, she should be upset. Adultery is wrong and hateful, and I have not heard her ex-husband say he is repentant for his actions. He is using the gay community as a shroud to distract from his atrocious behavior.

  8. Brian says

    Soulbrotha’s right to a point. There’s no excuse for McMillan to use an ad hominem attack when it would be so easy to focus on the fact that this asshole lied to her in the most calculating way. It’s especially rich to hear an author say “this was my only weapon”. Bullshit. This guy didn’t have two dimes to rub together before he met her… her weapon of choice should be the gajillion dollars she made after writing those 2 or 3 schlocky (but wildly successful) books. Please, honey… cry me a river… as if she’s the only woman who ever married a gay man.

    He’s also right about the comparison with other, racially-based slurs. We all know she wouldn’t like it, and we all know she’s being hypocritical. That argument is obvious and doesn’t really need to be beaten to death again.

    But one thing that is interesting his his comment that it’s hypocritical for gays to feel okay calling each other “fags” and then get upset when straights do it. I don’t think that’s necessarily true. My sister calls me a fag sometimes (in jest only), but I know what her motivation is and I know there’s no animosity behind it. Same thing happens when black people (men usually) refer to each other in a similar way. I think that any thoughtful person can tell the difference between a word spoken in cameraderie and jest, and a word spoken with hateful or prejudicial intent. The question then becomes whether we (black and/or gay people) should use these words at all… and I don’t know if anyone has the right answer to that question. Reasonable arguments could be made to support both positions.

  9. says

    I disagree with anyone supporting her for using the word, let alone her warped equating of a slur with criticism. I think the guy was a complete jerk and totally in the wrong. I don’t think highly of men who know they’re gay but marry a woman for whatever the reason. (Not including men who are confused and come to realize their true identities later on.) I would not blame her for being angry and suing him and whatever else she needs to do or say. But using a slur just destroys her sympathy and her credibility. I saw two women fighting over a seat at the movies and the white woman was in the right but resorted to, “You black bitch.” It no longer mattered that she was right about who should have the seat, it just showed what an ignoramus she was and who cares if she gets the seat she deserves? That’s how I feel about Terry. She’s exposing how her mind works and it’s very obvious she’s homophobic, whether or not she’s got the moral highground with Mr. Leech.

  10. nycredneck says

    Soulbrotha –

    are you equally as critical of black guys who call each other nigger as an attempt to take back the word so that it is harder for it to be used as a way to take away power?

  11. mark m says

    Ok, to really address this, you must accept that the slur refers, not to the individual but to an entire community of people of a certain persuassion. So as not to be guilty of starting a race war here, I will refrain from making the correlation with her skin color.

    Let’s say her ex was handicapped. If she launched into a tirade of slurs that are often used to malign physically challenged people, then all people of that orientation would have the right to be offended.

    If she simply stuck to “cheater, liar, extortionist,” or even “slimeball”, her insults would be directed at her ex as an individual. When you resort to names that malign an entire race of people, it’s just plain wrong.

    I think she’s using her outrage to justify and perhaps validate her own prejudice against gays.

    She didn’t build her ex husband’s closet, but through her attitudes and language, she certainly contributes to why so many men remain in that closet.

  12. jeffnyc says

    How do you all know he KNEW he was gay and was using her? How do you all know he WASN’T one of the confused ones who came to realize his true identity later on?

    Wasn’t he virtually a teenager living in homophobic Jamaica when she moved him to the US? How many teenagers can be out and proud in Jamaica?

  13. moi says

    Look, we’re all (hopefully) intelligent people on this site. Surely we are above being reduced to using racial slurs to make a point?
    Javier you do have a point about Mr P’s seeming reluctance to accept responsibility for his actions in thier relationship. However Ms Mcmillian is starting to sound like a broken record…airing her grievance on Oprah with Jonathan at her side should have brought some closure, by now.

  14. karashi says

    I understand she’s bitter, but perhaps she needs to become a bit more literate and expand her vocabulary. Then she could avoid maligning an entire community instead of the individual that wronged her.

    It might even improve her writing. Obviously it’s giving her life experience and material to write about.

  15. says

    If gays refuse to stop calling each other “fag” (even jokingly), then we don’t have the right to be upset when someone else refers to us that way. It’s the same with blacks: the word “nigger” is never going to go away, as long as high profile role models like Kanye West use the word in the chorus to a #1 song that every kid in this country (and the world) is singing along with.

  16. says

    This is funny. An author, who is supposed to have a gift with words (full confession: never read anything written by her)says the only word she has at her disposal is a slur. And by the way, don’t get on my case for using it. Riiiiiiiight. Funny stuff. Maybe she should make her next book a comedy?

  17. soulbrotha says


    Hell yeah! Especially since the history of the word nigger has so much pain attached to it.

    In my view, if everybody can’t use a word freely, then it should not be a part of free speech, regardless of intent.

  18. says

    As a writer, she should have more at her disposal than playground taunts, but if she doesn’t, here is a list of perfectly decent hateful names she can use to describe her evil ex:

    Queer, Poof, Fairy, Bender, Uphill Gardener, Fudge Packer, Knob Jockey, Chutney Ferret, Nancy, Pansy, Arse Bandit…

    She has a right to be bitter, but as a writer she has no right being unimaginative. She won’t get any new readers that way. Writing a haiku might help her through her pain a lot more than name-calling will.

  19. Chris says

    Being called a “f-g” is criticism? Of course he is not above criticism, what he did was wrong and you have every right to be angry at him. But you do not call someone a homophobic epithet as “criticism”….

    Her true colors have sure come out…

  20. Derrick from Philly says

    It’s funny, when Andy ran the Isiaih Washington blooper (and in his case that’s what it was. I mean, he’s practically apologized his damn boxers off), I was one of the first posters to draw the parallel between being called “faggot” to being called “nigger.” For that I got patted on the head by some white posters. Then I realized that many of those posters would be calling me “nigger” even if they never heard a black person ever use the word “faggot.” It was most distressing being the spokesman for this blogs’ Klan faction. I felt like Condi Rice (or Alberto Gonzales) oughta’ feel. But I still believe that both slurs are incredibly damaging to the victim.
    Ms. McMillan is an eccentric woman who writes popular fiction. She also has a little street-talkin’ side to her. She should know that using the word “faggot” insults a whole community.

    In that picture, they both look kinda’ crazy or drugged. Oh, did I finally spell “Isiaih” correctly?

  21. Scott says

    I rather like “Chutney Ferret”. I believe that’s what I’ll be naming my first child.

    I see all these comments that start off “as a writer…”, she should be able to find something better to say. Maybe that’s the point, though. As a writer, she knows exactly what power words can have, and so she’s chosen to use that particular one.

  22. David says

    There is a difference between ‘criticism’ and hate speech.

    Oh, and ‘chutney ferret’ made me chuckle…

  23. carlo says

    She forfitted any chance there was to make any positive come out of this negative situation a long time ago. Stella just wants her 15 minutes back.

  24. Rad says

    I have to agree with Soulbrotha; we should set the example. If we have problems with being labeled faggot, then we should stop using it among ourselves.

  25. Leland says

    I don’t care WHAT color your skin is, it is simply stupid to say that ASKING THE QUESTION, “Wouldn’t she be offended….” is, by definition, racist. Just as it’s stupid to insist that a white person saying the word “nigger” is ALWAYS racist. If I say, “It is totally unacceptable and indefensible for a white person to call a Black man or woman a ‘nigger'” does that mean I’m a racist for simply using the word? CONTEXT is everything.

    And it is the context of this pig [can I call her that without upsetting the pork lobby?] calling her ex “fag” and “faggot” that makes it just as unacceptable, indefensible, and BIGOTED as racism. She’s not “street,” she’s Ghetto Trash, and whether it’s ghetto, trailer, gay, Euro…trash is still trash and should be treated accordingly.

    And the suggestion that Isaiah Washington’s snarling at Patrick Dempsey while physically attacking him that he [IW] was not his [PD] “little faggot” was nothing but a “blooper” is just as retarded, and ranks down there with Cyd No You Can’t Touch My Reagan Blow Up Doll Zeigler’s assertion that Ann Coulter is nothing more than a “commedienne.”

  26. Marco says

    Dear Terry,

    Just because you married a homo who gave you and then took your groove back does not give you the right to say whatever the fuck you want to about a whole group of people. And if you’re interested, I know a few very promiscuous straight boys who wouldn’t mind adding a “cougar” to their scorecard, if you know what I mean.

    thanks and get bitter….better, I mean better,


  27. says

    At first, her comments made me angry and I wanted to retaliate by doing the same thing to her. I hate the n word fiercely. I have many, many African-American friends. I know how the word hurts them. So should Terry McMillan – from experience. At best, she is a hurtful, scorned woman who feels used. At worst, she is what she probably hates the most – a bigot. I believe my friends would probably use a different name than the n word. They would probably call her uncle.

  28. Chilly says

    Has she ever considered that she is such a bitter, hateful, unlovable person that he turned gay to escape her ugly self.

    She is “typical” in every way. She is a walking stereotype.

  29. Derrick from Philly says

    Leland: Uh, thanks for showing me how to spell “Isaiah” correctly. Watch the use of the word “retarded”–it may be a slur against the mentally disabled, and I know you aint suggestin’ that moi…

    Some TV actor known for childish temper tantrums calling another actor (who is gay) a “faggot” was/is wrong. It’s wrong on a TV set, it’s wrong at any work place. But you can’t simply dismiss the effort the person makes to apologize for their behavior, especially if that person has proven in the past that they are not viciously anti-gay. He practically did public groveling. I’ve rarely had a black man apologize to me for verbal and violent gay-bashing, and I’ve rarely had a white gay man apologize to me for ugly racist behavior at gay settings. If their action didn’t ruin someone’s life, people should be forgiven after making sincere apologies …oh, I don’t give a fuck anymore.

  30. Leland says

    1. I do, indeed, hesitate to use the word “retarded” because it demeans those whose mental disability is beyond their control by associating them with the willfully stupid like McMillan.

    2. Willingness to accept Washington’s remorse was not the subject. Trivializing what he did originally was, and, by implication, his lying about it later, while compounding the insult by unnecessarily repeating the word in the process of that lie.

    3. “Viciously antigay” is different from simply “antigay” just as murder is different than manslaughter, but in the latter contrast the victim is still dead, and in the former one bigot is no better than the other.

  31. GBM says

    No, “ASKING THE QUESTION, ‘Wouldn’t she be offended….'” is not, by definition, racist. Most people here are aware of the commonground shared by these two hateful words. What does sound racist are the inevitable, tiresome comments that seethe with gleeful eagerness to call Nigger when a black person has called Faggot. Yes, there can be well-measured, benign comparisons of the N-word to the F-word, but then there are (yes, racist) comments from people who feel that they have license to actually use the N-word when a black person uses the F-word, or even that the glib use of ‘faggot’ is the very thing that makes a black person become a ‘nigger’ in their eyes. It is tiresome, but sadly you can always bet on it rearing its ugly head again and again in the comments section.

  32. soulbrotha says

    “I don’t care WHAT color your skin is, it is simply stupid to say that ASKING THE QUESTION, “Wouldn’t she be offended….” is, by definition, racist.”-Leland

    I am guessing that your comment is directed at my first post. If so I don’t understand how no one else seemed to misunderstand me except you. I was speaking of the racist direction that those comments tend to steer these posts.
    The people who posted before me in essence asked that same question three damn times. What light would that question shed on this story? None, because we all know the most likely answer is yes, she would be offended. Big shock! And…??

    This is nothing more than a woman scorned. “I still see betrayal as betrayal. I don’t care how long he’s been in the closet.” She is angry and wants revenge. Period. She feels it’s her personal right to call him faggot, even in public. What she fails to realize is that she can’t have her cake and eat it too. If she makes it public, it becomes public property and open to rebuke.

  33. M says

    wow, big surprise, shocking… just another one trying to justify herself. Two wrongs do not make a right. Who cares what that smelly crotch says. What was her part… oh yeah she was a victim.

  34. Laura says

    Oh, for god’s sake.

    This bickering over the use of the word ‘retarded’ is tiresome, both here and elsewhere.

    It is a word in its own right, it doesn’t necessarily refer to the mentally handicapped. That is an ALTERNATE meaning, not an exclusive one.

    One can legitimately say something like ‘The english comprehension of many posters here seems to have been retarded at some point’, and it does not refer in any way to those with Down’s Syndrome, or the like.

    Lord, but I am sick of this idiotic argument!

  35. Blu says

    Look, while I can’t love a guy for conning a woman I would like to point out that he was a poor gay man living in one of the most homophobic countries and she was a rich American lady who went to Jamaica for some sexual tourism and brought back her boy-toy sex slave to the USA. She got her best seller out of it and now she looks like the bourgeois opportunist she is. And there’s always been an element of the anti-gay in her books, it’s nothing new.

  36. Derrick from Philly says

    We weren’t bickering over the term “retarded”. I was sarcastically “reading” Leland about using the word to “read” my comments–you know, a sort of “let’s be politically correct about using any word that’s a possible slur!” Then Leland skillfully let me know that he was using the word with the very definition you just gave “…seems to have been retarded at some point,”–that my trivializing Washington’s verbal outburst was retarded.

    I’m going to give up trying to use irony as a posting literary technique. It just don’t work for me.

  37. Zeke says

    Soulbrotha, you know I’m one of your biggest fans but I read your comment the same way Leland did, even though I knew what you were intending to say.

    Leland’s comment, combined with GBM’s, pretty much sums up my feelings on the slur vs. slur topic. I think Soulbrotha would agree.

    One thing that has always fascinated me about this controversy over gay people getting married (and divorced) and the way people react to them after they come out (ie Plummer, McGreevy etc.); why is it that this anger, bitterness and accusations of betrayal, deception and selfishness are always forthcoming for gay men who marry women but NEVER directed at lesbians who marry men?

    I’ve always found it strange that a lesbian can marry a man, use him, abuse him, divorce him, take the children, the house and 80% of the assets, plus get child support and alimony for life, but NEVER be accused of betraying or deceiving her husband or even of being selfish. In fact they seem to always manage to find a way to blame the failure of their marriage entirely on the husband and come out looking like a victim.

    I can’t figure out if this is a bias against gay men or just a bias against men in general.

  38. Jack! says

    Have the people that are defending her read this.? She wrote it.

    “Have you been surprised by the promiscuous behavior of a lot of gay men? Are you going to be like this or are you already?”

    She is attacking all gay men. She should restrain her anger to Jon and society which is the reason why gay men stay in the closet. The anger and bitterness she has is because he is gay. If he was not gay she would not do the things she is doing.

  39. soulbrotha says

    Hi Zeke, miss hearing from you. Drop me an email when you can. :)

    If you knew what my intention was then that means your read it carefully. Leland evidently did not.
    That aside, GBM is on point and yes I believe that anybody who is willing to drag someone through the mud with frivolous lawsuits and Oprah appearances, mag interviews and book deals deserves the moniker “trash”.
    But again I ask, if she is such a bad person for calling her ex a “fag”, then what does that make outraged gay men who call him the same thing? Hypocrites?

  40. soulbrotha says

    I would thing that if she were talking about all gay men she would have said “all” and not “a lot”. And why would she bother to ask “Are you going to be like this” if she was convinced that ALL gays were promiscuous?
    Also, how can you presume to know WHAT she would do or say if he was straight? If she’s as crazy as she seems, she may have done a lot more damage than this.

  41. bmf6c says

    I think I’m going to stop reading these posts. It’s always just so sad. Everytime time someone African American says something that is homophoic, offensive, or not 100% pro gay, they get lambasted and their race is ALWAYS brought into it. Why can’t she just a be a woman whose been hurt? There’s really no question that she shouldn’t use hurtful language, but let McMillian create her own bad karma. There’s no need to add to it by being malicious. I guess I’d ask any of the posters on here to think about how gay black people might feel reading some of the venom or the use of the n-word here. If this is any indication of the wider gay community, I can’t be surprised why there’s a gulf between white and black gays.

  42. 000000 says

    BMF6C, GBM and Soulbrotha are certainly on target in their observations. But I would just remember one thing to erase the element of surprise. Power is too seductive, and oppressed people don’t usually blink when given the chance to use it against others. That being said, why would a white gay man turn down the opportunity to hurl a racial epithet? This hardcore cynic expects it.

  43. jmg says

    So, if Ellen DeGeneres publicly called someone a “nigger” tomorrow, no one on the black web sites would mention the fact that she is a lesbian?

    They wouldn’t question why someone who has been through discrimination herself could be so callous?

    Ok, sure…

  44. says

    In world post Isaiah Washington, the community has learned to turn any negatives such as this into triumphant positives. In other words the haters’ hate always end up benefitting us in the end, so whatever Terry.

    By the way, I’m not heterophobe but I happen to dislike the fact some hetero women and men feel personally offended that a gay or lesbian is not attracted to the opposite sex. Seems to me that what really object to is the fact LGBT can be happy without them..(and even in a case of a marriage, vows get broken all of the time and for gazillion reasons..in fact it’s 50% of them)

    That offense isn’t talked about often imo. Like, how about our feelings and what we *want*?

  45. GBM says

    “They wouldn’t question why someone who has been through discrimination herself could be so callous?”

    I actually think it is this question that invites bitterness on any given side. While it may seem logical to expect oppressed individuals to be accepting of others who have been oppressed, in practice this expectation invites only a flimsy model of ‘tolerance,’ one that collapses under inevitable pressure of disagreement and individuality. Thus, the moment individuals in one oppressed group are perceived to be making bad on their promise of tolerance, then individuals in another group want to renounce their own tolerance and throw down the racial or homophobic epithets.

    IMHO, an individual in a minority should be called out on using racist, homophobic, hateful, discriminating remarks not because of their own past experience with discrimination, but because of the stronger moral reason that this intolerance is wrong and morally unacceptable. Racism and homophobia are unacceptable on their own terms and must be called out on their own terms. To make them wrong based on shared oppression makes them relative to what is (or is not) being shared by minority groups at any given moment.

  46. mark m says


    You’re so dead on in your observation and I’m inclined to agree with you intellectually. It’s emotionally that I have some difficulty agreeing fully.

    I think if we humans were more evolved, we would be able to judge bigotry on its own terms without any cultural context, but we are all bound by our own personal cultural biases and prejudices.

    I struggle with mine all the time. I have a particular disdain for many aspects of Islamic culture, and all too often I view all Arabs in this light, though, at the same time, I am aware of how wrong that is.

    So I bounce back and forth between prejudice and open-mindedness. Sometimes it takes only a story about a beheading by the Taliban and I begin looking at Arabic women in my own community with hostility. I tell myself that it’s just certain aspects of the Muslim faith that bother me, but it still encourages me to see Arabs as “THEM.”

    I think it’s a shame that any person in a minority couldn’t consider the irony or hypocrisy of their own bigotry. I know I remind myself of mine all the time.

  47. rjp3 says

    not a heterophobe … such hate ignorant bitches who once claimed to have some intellect … guess she must have got an affirmative actiob pass at one point

    that woman is a stupid bitch … cause it is the only word I have that gets to it

    she can now pander to the woman who by the downlow boys and claim they are represent gay men … fuck her and them

  48. anon says

    This all seems to beg the question of how you can criticize someone without hurting their feelings. I’m not sure this can be done.

  49. anonYmous says

    It’s sad that she is so desperate to wound her ex-husband that she has to stoop to childish (and PUBLIC) name calling. Her tactics suggest that “bad” or reprehensible gay men are “faggots,” whereas those on their best behavior are not. Of course this sort of thinking is deeply flawed because that particular epithet can’t be re-tooled to fit certain individual contexts; that word has a deeply entrenched history that McMillan thinks she can ignore for her purposes.

  50. m says

    f word. n word. whatever word.

    she used it in a context of hate. plain and simple.

    whether or not she was a “victim” doesn’t matter.

    two wrongs do not make a right.

    otherwise i’d be calling her a stupid nigger. because that’s the only weapon i have too.

    what a dumb twat though. admit your mistakes and move on. you went to jamaica and bought a boy toy. your boy toy decided he had enough of you and moved on – there’s only so much that your money could buy sweetcheeks.

    now you’re just being bitter. and doing it in public. which is bad enough – but to use the f bomb and basically call every homo out on the floor in your little essay? come on now.

    seriously. PATHETIC.

  51. Jack! says

    “And why would she bother to ask “Are you going to be like this” if she was convinced that ALL gays were promiscuous?”
    She has gone into the stereotypes. Her claim that most gay men are promiscuous is not true. Gay men are no more promiscuous than straight men.

    “Also, how can you presume to know WHAT she would do or say if he was straight?”
    She’s had other men before Jon and she didn’t go all out on them.

    I implore all those posters that use her race to say she should be above anti-gay remarks. Anti-gay sentiment is held by people of any race. It goes across the board.

  52. bmf6c says

    Jack, you are right. The idea that people are able to see beyond themselves and see themselves as connected to others isn’t something that most individuals, irrespective of race, have. While people SHOULD have it, they don’t. Things are really too “me” focused. At the end of the day, hating people and wishing them ill only destroys you. In What’s Going On, the legendary Marvin Gaye said, “Only love can conquer hate.” It’s taken me a long time to realize that this true. So condemn Morrison for her actions. Speak out, but please don’t spend energy on hating her. I wish everyone peace and love.

  53. says

    There is absolutely no reason for any queer person to think it is alright to throw around the “n” word. It’s cheap. It’s trash. And it’s the easiest, lowest common demoninator move available.

    @Soulbrotha, thanks for keeping up with the posts. I totally agree. For far too long people of color and LGBTQ people have easily been wedged apart by events just like this. An angry black woman calls her money hungry ex-husband, who by the way is a fag, a faggot and then white queers want to throw around horribly racist words. Why? To get even? Or to show everyone – but particularly Terry McMillian – that in the end she’s got no power? Is that what we want? I surely don’t hope so.

    There really is no excuse for using “nigger.” And for all of you that will immediately jump to the conclusion that I’m another black gay man coming to the rescue for my community you’d be wrong. I’m a midwestern white boy raised by a racist step-father who realizes this shit is cyclical and unhealthy.

  54. ShawnSF says

    I find it interesting that someone as appearingly intelligent as Oprah would actually give this obviously bitter CUNT air time but maybe Oprah felt obligated since her “boyfriend” Stedman was always suspected on the DL and so was that manipulating media whore Star Jones boyfriend/husband? Misery finds company.

  55. mark m says

    “This all seems to beg the question of how you can criticize someone without hurting their feelings. I’m not sure this can be done.”

    They have a name for it: Constructive Criticism.

  56. fagag says

    Calling someone a fag insults a whole bunch of people who didn’t do terrible things to her. It insults a group. If she is angry with all of us that one gay person — who grew up in a society and likely a community that did not allow him to become a fully formed person — did a terrible thing to her, then she should use the word and face the consequences…namely that she’s wrong.

    If she’s not blaming all of us, she shouldn’t use the word. But she knows what she is doing with words.

    I’d say she should use her considerable talent to let him know that he individually and a different group — a bunch of non-faggots who set societal mores — are to blame for the psychological damage that is likely to blame for the hurt that’s been caused to her.

    If this happens in the future the blame will be somewhat on us faggots for not speaking out against the misogyny that has no place in this discussion, though. (Yup, making derogatory comments about women’s bodies or supposed actions as a group is as bad as saying faggot.)

    And ironically using the terms used to oppress us has some power to take the power out of those words. It acknowledges that we know where the fear comes from that leads to its use. And it does not make it OK for others to use against us.

    Words have meanings. People cannot just decide to use them to mean something else even if they don’t agree with the accepted meanings (“That’s so gay” is derogatory.)
    I think they protest too much when they argue that point.
    Ok, faggots?

  57. eatbaygay says

    let’s all just back up one little second and remember that when she said those things to him it was in order to hurt HIM. it was as a result of deceit, betrayal and then extortion. He has embezzled from her while she was hooking him up. Nobody would have ever known waht she said or he said if had not tried to go all the way. He got his citizenship and had a lot of fun doing so why does he have to be such a greedy punk ass bitch? and whose business is it anyway?