Conan O'Brien | Demetri Martin | Film | News | Playing Gay | Shaquille O'Neal

Demetri Martin, Conan O'Brien, and Shaquille O'Neal Freak Out About Gay Kiss in Taking Woodstock


Demetri Martin appeared on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien last night to talk about his new film Taking Woodstock, based on the memoir by Elliot Tiber, the gay man who helped facilitate the legendary rock fest.

After describing the uncomfortable feeling he got after reading the first couple chapters and discovering he'd be playing a gay man, Martin discussed the horror he felt when he learned he'd have to kiss a man onscreen. Upon hearing that news, Shaquille O'Neal moved away from Martin on the sofa (above), eliciting gales of laughter from Conan and the audience. Here's my rough transcript:

Martin MARTIN: There's a scene in the movie where I have to kiss a guy, where I have to make out with this guy. (big laughter as Shaq moves away on couch) . Ang [Lee], the director said, listen, in that scene you have to kiss a girl first, and then you push her away, and then you kiss the guy. We can cast your girlfriend if you want....So the day comes, and I'm kind of dreading it but I'm like  my girlfriend will be there so that's cool. We do the first take. I kiss my girlfriend, I have to push  push her away. And then I have to go really make out with the guy in front of her. And I hadn't anticipated...

CONAN: The weirdness of doing this in front of your girlfriend.

MARTIN: And then, like eight takes later...we keep doing it over and over again. And it was weird cause it was like girlfriend, push her away, guy, oh yeah I want to kiss you, and then, okay girlfriend again...I had like 500 Altoids that night. I thought it would make a difference.

CONAN: It doesn't really, I know.


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  1. Wow he looks too young to be such a douchebag....

    Posted by: Ted | Aug 18, 2009 10:53:54 AM

  2. Is he that stupid? Does he think this is going to be a straight, frat-boy hit so he can piss of the gays? I'm already over this film. And fuck Shaquille O'Neil, and not in the nice way.

    Posted by: David | Aug 18, 2009 10:55:09 AM

  3. Yeah, I have nightmares about kissing the untalented Dimitri Martin or Shaq. *shudder* where's the lip balm and breath mints?

    Posted by: woodroad34 | Aug 18, 2009 10:56:26 AM

  4. It's actually a funny bit, though the kid is a bit of a dingus.

    Posted by: MikeMick | Aug 18, 2009 10:59:08 AM

  5. Oh the horrors of playing a gay man. Why did he take the role in the first place if he read the book and script and felt uncomfortable about it?

    Douche bag? Yes.

    It's a shame, this could have been his breakout role because his comedy shtick is absurdly lame.

    Posted by: Rad | Aug 18, 2009 11:00:12 AM

  6. Eventually, what will be funny is to look back at YouTube videos like this and laugh hysterically at the hysterical response that people have to simply kissing another human being.

    Posted by: mrmnyc | Aug 18, 2009 11:00:13 AM

  7. I'm disappointed in Conan, but did you expect more from the 3rd rate comic and that mentally challenged pituitary accident?

    It's a shame Tiber has to suffer the indignity of having this guy portray him. Another reason to argue for out gay actors to play gay roles.

    Posted by: OttoErotica | Aug 18, 2009 11:01:55 AM

  8. Interesting that O'Neal, for all his macho posturing, is the one who initiates the cheek-kissing at the start of the segment and later rubs Martin affectionately. What a queen.

    Posted by: Jonathan | Aug 18, 2009 11:05:05 AM

  9. I found Jay Leno's Tonight Show preferable over this piece of crap. Never have been a Conan fan, this video validates my tastes.

    Posted by: Rob | Aug 18, 2009 11:10:44 AM

  10. Damn... wish that was all I had to do to make my millions! I would have been soooo much richer soooo much sooner! Of course it would have been sooo much better had his girlfriend kissed a girl instead right? What a puss this Demetri...reason enough to skip this movie!

    Posted by: GW | Aug 18, 2009 11:15:57 AM

  11. Oh the hilarity of making fun of gays kissing!!! Who would have thought it?

    Hollywood, just when we thought we couldn't hate you more, you continue to impress us with your HOMOPHOBIA!

    From watching this clip, I can tell you I'm skipping the film if this douchebag is in it. Congrats on a great marketing job, Martin!!

    Posted by: B-rod | Aug 18, 2009 11:18:58 AM

  12. I wish Dimitri said something like this....yes I was ready to kiss the guy and then find out he was black too!! not only kissing I was told to kiss a guy but he was black too!! I am really sick of ignorant black people discriminating another community as if they don't know what discrimination is all about. It is time for these ignorant celebrities to go the fuck away!!

    Posted by: Jake | Aug 18, 2009 11:19:45 AM

  13. You can tell Demetri what you think by leaving a message on his Facebook page:

    Posted by: David Groff | Aug 18, 2009 11:20:13 AM

  14. It's really a toss-up as to which of them is the most unattractive. Two are, frankly, genetic oddities who have no business cracking on anyone else. I'm sure they could score with any number of mercenary star-fucker girls, but they're quite "safe" as far as the gays are concerned. We have those pesky standards.

    Posted by: Gry | Aug 18, 2009 11:20:38 AM

  15. What a complete asshole Dimitri proved himself to be - how sad this historic gay man was played by such a disrespectful idiot.

    Was going to see the movie this weekend.

    Now I am not.

    Posted by: Willie | Aug 18, 2009 11:22:54 AM


    Until haterosexuals stop discriminating against gay people in Hollywood and acknowledge their horrible history of oppression against gay people I will not watch any movie with a haterosexual playing gay or involving a false impression of gay people.

    Posted by: Bill | Aug 18, 2009 11:23:33 AM

  17. interestingly, this didn't play in LA last night. we had a repeat with adam sandler.

    (and oh! a segment where conan repeatedly taunted his purportedly straight assistant with 'you're gay' trash talk.)

    Posted by: lovedog | Aug 18, 2009 11:25:38 AM

  18. F Conan and Dimitri -- both a couple of straight elitists (Harvard and Yale educated) who just yuck it up about a minority group with a more than happy to go along black bigot.


    Posted by: Willie | Aug 18, 2009 11:29:04 AM

  19. i think shaq was the bigger idiot.

    "oh, the dude kissed a guy in a MOVIE (of all things), so he might just lean over and kiss me...YIKES!"


    Posted by: J.R. | Aug 18, 2009 11:29:19 AM

  20. If Shaq is such a dick, then why would he do this:

    I didn't find Shaq offensive at all. He was just being goofy.

    That actor on the other hand, is the one who is the real dick here. If he "dreaded" kissing another guy so much, why didn't he let a more deserving actor take the role? Is he so insecure that he has to have his girlfriend on the set to remind him that he's straight? Asshole.

    Posted by: soulbrotha | Aug 18, 2009 11:29:41 AM

  21. um...he wasn't discriminating against gays...Shaq, maybe. Dmitri was just telling a story about how it was wierd to make out with a guy in front of his girlfriend...

    do you need things to be upset about? This is nothing, perhaps spend your time being angry over something that is actually discriminatory..

    (let the flames begin)

    Posted by: Amaezm | Aug 18, 2009 11:31:46 AM

  22. MArtin is a tool. Shaq is a fool. Conan can no longer lay claim to being cool.

    Posted by: christopher | Aug 18, 2009 11:31:58 AM

  23. 3 grade humor from underdeveloped emotionally arrested pricks who think that two men kissing is "funny" or "gross" but shooting, raping, killing and drug use are a-okay!

    Fuck them. I'll not watch Conan and Shaq is an idiot.

    Demetri should enjoy this, it'll probably be his only highly visible role he'll ever have.

    Posted by: Bobby | Aug 18, 2009 11:34:06 AM

  24. THIRD GRADE HUMOR it's supposed to read above! lol

    Posted by: Bobby | Aug 18, 2009 11:36:37 AM

  25. "You've never had to kiss a guy" --- OH NO so awful.

    ASS ---

    But SHAQ ... super ass.

    Posted by: Tony | Aug 18, 2009 11:36:39 AM

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