England Lost World Cup Because Wayne Rooney Shaved His Chest


The latest Biblical conspiracy from the Daily Mail:

"According to the Bible, in exchange for his incredible strength, God instructed Samson that he should never cut his hair.
But after falling in love with Delilah, to whom he revealed the secret of his powers, she conspired to have his hair cut off and he was captured and killed by the the Philistines.  [Wayne] Rooney (below) is normally seen with a much hairier chest and for yesterday's match he had also abandoned his normal stubble for a clean-shaven look.
His new set of aerodynamics bore no dividends however as he failed totally to recapture the form that saw him score 34 goals in the Premiership last season.
He looked tired, his first touch was poor and one wild shot on the run ended embarrassingly wide of the target."

(via outsports)



  1. Will says

    I much prefer the furrier version myself. Woof. He’s gone from a sexy man to a hairless boy. This should be a lesson to all you hairy guys out there…. đŸ˜‰

  2. Patric says

    England lost because they suck and I enjoyed every minute of watching them humiliated!

  3. Henry Holland says

    I was very surprised when he took off his shirt and saw he’d shaved his chest. It looks slightly ridiculous when you see his really hairy forearms.

  4. Gregoire says

    I’m going to vote for sans hair. I know people are going to flock to his hairy chest because being bear is the thing now, but pale English lads always look better shaven.

  5. crispy says

    Come to think of it, Frank Lampard, one of the few England players who had a stellar game, was sporting a lovely thicket of chest hair when he stripped off his jersey at the end of the match.

    But it’s not like I paused my DVR and stared at him for 20 minutes. Or took pictures of the screen. Or mailed him my underwear.

  6. Shane says

    Another reason to ignore this sport: dumbasses writing about players and their shaved chests.

    He looks better all hairy. yum.

  7. Dairyqueen says

    That’s too bad, now he looks like every other hairless twink. Yuck, stubble bumps. Bad move

  8. Rann says

    There is no question or doubt, he looks much better with the hair on his chest!! It is natural and it is manly. He looks bad in the second picture…just bad.

  9. jayzeenc says

    prefer the hair, but i’d happily enjoy his legs on my shoulders either way, yum!

  10. Joseph SingerJ says

    He now looks like a pre-pubescent child. I hope he’ll wake up to how un-hot he is now.

  11. Buster says

    I’m a big fan of smooth twinky Northern European boys but even I think it’s an abomination that he shaved that hot chest.

  12. Buster says

    ,,,, unless, of course, it was removed by a teammate in a hot, late-night, too-many-pints, don’t-talk-about -it-the-next-monring shaving scene.

  13. neverstops says

    I’m not a big fan of religious conspiracy theories, but in this case they may be correct


    please. don’t. shave. chest. hair.

  14. RugbySkin says

    Every biblical scholar knows hair removal is only good for one opposing team goal. 2 TOPS! Explain the other one.

    THERE! Now no one will ever debate the merits of Biblical reasoning ever again.

    You’re welcome.

  15. Andrew F says


    I just went into a fit of shock that prompted my roommates to jump with concern. Whyyyyyyy?!?!?! NooooooooOOOOOOOoooooo!!!!