2012 Election | Gay Marriage | Iowa | News | Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum Compares Marriage to a Napkin: VIDEO


At a campaign stop in Iowa Falls, GOP presidential hopeful Rick Santorum used a napkin to warn Iowans that something that has been legal in their state since April 2009 is somehow going to destroy society.

Said Santorum:

"Marriage existed before government. This is a napkin. I can call this napkin a paper towel. But it is a napkin. Why? Because it is what it is. Right? You can call it whatever you want, but it doesn't change the character of what it is. From the metaphysical. So people come out and say marriage is something else. A marriage is the marriage of five people. Five, ten, twenty. Marriage can be between fathers and daughters..."

Whatever you call it, a napkin will also always do a decent job at wiping up Santorum.


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  1. Do these numbnuts not get the very rich irony of using Platonic forms to argue against Plato's lifestyle?

    Posted by: Jonathan | Aug 9, 2011 7:19:51 PM

  2. Too bad Frothy hasn't read the Bible. According to the Bible (the literal word of God, right?) marriage is between a man, his pack of concubines, his mother, a pack of raped hookers, etc... Who is Frothy Mix to tell us what marriage is, when the Bible clearly tells us what God says it is?

    Posted by: Carl | Aug 9, 2011 7:21:26 PM

  3. The guy getting a loud as drink at the soda fountain should win an award! (LOLOL)

    Posted by: Hollywood, CA | Aug 9, 2011 7:22:30 PM

  4. Frothy as Aristotle.

    Posted by: Nick | Aug 9, 2011 7:26:32 PM

  5. I am howling at the guy eating pizza and filling up his soda!

    Posted by: nodnarb | Aug 9, 2011 7:34:01 PM

  6. 'napkin' was a semantically poor choice

    Posted by: flucht17 | Aug 9, 2011 7:37:50 PM

  7. A frothy mix by any other name would just be Santorum.

    Posted by: sleepy bear | Aug 9, 2011 7:45:13 PM

  8. "This is a napkin. I can call this napkin a paper towel. But it is a napkin. Why? Because it is, what it is. Right?"

    If we'd only pass a law that said demonstrably insane people are ineligible to run for public office, we could clean all the problems of this country up in minutes.

    Posted by: bobbyjoe | Aug 9, 2011 7:49:12 PM

  9. Well that was the stupidest thing I've heard in a while. Was this speech designed to be read to drunk children who already aren't very bright?

    I don't yet understand how incest and polygamy can be linked to gays marrying.

    what's the connection? we ask "What's wrong with gay couples marrying?" And they say "WHAT ABOUT INCEST?"

    I'm like "I'm not talking about incest I'm talking about this. Why are YOU talking about incest?"

    This is literally like Santorum saying "we have to outlaw plums because i can't STAND the taste of pineapples!"


    Posted by: Little Kiwi | Aug 9, 2011 7:52:22 PM

  10. "Marriage existed before government." Don't you love these statements that appear to be fact, but are really spun out of nothing. They have no basis in reality and can't be supported. He may as well have said, "Marriage existed before people".

    Posted by: Sargon Bighorn | Aug 9, 2011 7:59:49 PM

  11. Maybe we need to market Santorum "Napkins"... to help clean up that messy Santorum! Now we just have to come up with a catchy slogan....

    Posted by: Randy | Aug 9, 2011 8:02:45 PM

  12. its interesting that they think we shouldn't compare our civil rights mvmt to the old civil rights mvmt, two different but at least similar things. But they can make the most ridiculous apologies. I've been compared to: a napkin, trash on the road, beastiality, polygamy, pedophiles and all sorts of things that have nothing to do with civil rights.


    Yes. We can redefine a napkin tone the same as a paper towel. And before long, people would use them interchangeably. Just look at the difference between British English and American English. Somewhere along the way many words were redefined. Talking about the pants you wear isnt weird in Texas. But in England, you'd be talking about your underwear. Somewhere along the way we, or they, redefined the word. Since we invent language, we have the ability to redefine it. What a stupid argument. Good thing most people don't care about frothy mix at all.

    Posted by: Brad | Aug 9, 2011 8:21:09 PM

  13. Man shall not wipe his face with paper products designed to clean up spills. It is an abomination! - Leviticus

    Posted by: arjaycee | Aug 9, 2011 8:26:24 PM

  14. Whoops. Autoceorected analogies to apologies and "to a " to tone.

    Posted by: Brad | Aug 9, 2011 8:26:49 PM

  15. Way to throw polygamist cults under the bus, Frothy Mix!

    Posted by: RWC | Aug 9, 2011 8:39:45 PM

  16. I may use a paper towel to clean up my mess, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't let someone else use a napkin to clean up theirs.

    Posted by: Stephen | Aug 9, 2011 8:49:12 PM

  17. Catholic priests are still child molester's, too, right? We can say they aren't, but that doesn't change what they are.

    Posted by: Alpha | Aug 9, 2011 9:10:19 PM

  18. Santorum bringing the stupid.

    Posted by: jakeinlove | Aug 9, 2011 9:50:44 PM

  19. Why is Rick so obsessed w/ gay marriage? Gays are not destroying heterosexual marriage, the heteros are doing a great job of destroying the institution themselves, they don't need our help. Also why are people wasting money on this shmuck, he has a snowballs chance in hell of winning any nomination let alone the Republican Presidential nomination.

    Posted by: Harry | Aug 9, 2011 10:17:15 PM

  20. Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! The guy loudly getting a huge soda...sitting down eating his pizza, sipping his coke, reading his magazine, paying no attention....is my HERO! love him! Ahhhh-ha-ha-ha

    Posted by: Ian | Aug 9, 2011 10:41:47 PM

  21. 1) Santorum is harping on this to not-to-sutbly arguing against two of his oppenents who are descended from polygamists.

    2) His argument is that the essence of marriage is the union of a man and a woman, not the union of two people in love or a man/man or a woman/woman or a man/several women. For him, the essence of marriage includes man-woman.

    For advocates of same-sex marriage, the essence of marriage is the union of two people who love each other. The gender identification of these two people are not essential to this definition of marriage, this gender identification is accidental. (It is from this that he made his famously frothily slippery slope man-on-dog argument.)

    I actually give him credit, as he is making an argument well within the tradition of Plato-Aristotle-Aquinas.

    Posted by: bravo | Aug 9, 2011 11:23:48 PM

  22. Two things:

    1. A napkin and a paper towel are not really that different. And isn't their "essence" essentially the same?
    2. Has he gained weight? I think yes.

    Posted by: Daniel | Aug 9, 2011 11:33:07 PM

  23. I am just waiting for Santorum to say that all women are made of rib (Gen 2:22).

    The Bible really is an interesting book.

    Posted by: Max | Aug 9, 2011 11:40:56 PM

  24. Civil marriage started after governments started. Simple.

    Posted by: David R. | Aug 10, 2011 12:32:29 AM

  25. here's a bigot who has job no plan and np hope of being elected president hasn't he used up his 500,000 dollars yet. santorum proves money can't buy you love. did you remember to google santorum today

    Posted by: walter | Aug 10, 2011 12:55:09 AM

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