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Gay Man Begs Obama to Halt Deportation of His Husband Under DOMA: VIDEO


Another awful story of a married binational gay couple, Brian and Alfonso (together for 10 years), hit with the threat of being deported under DOMA. Alfonso hasn't lived in Mexico for 20 years and is being threatened with deportation.

Watch their touching and heartbreaking video, AFTER THE JUMP...

MarriageIn a post at Stop the Deportations, Brian writes about a particularly awful recent episode:

Our life was on a happy, albeit somewhat boringly ordinary, trajectory until one fateful night last summer. That night and the events that followed have brought me to a whole new level of understanding about how precarious Alfonso’s life had been up to this point. That night we were pulled over for a routine traffic stop. The local law enforcement did their regular background checks and that is when the train went off of the proverbial rails. You see, the local authorities have been conscripted by the federal government in a weird, Orwellian, 1984, Big-Brother sort of way so that now the local authorities are forced to send information directly to federal agencies.

Within a few hours I learned that something called an “immigration hold” had been placed on Alfonso’s file, so even though he was not charged with any crime by the local authorities and had no criminal record they were not allowed to release him. They took my husband away in chains and put him in a county jail. The day before I was going to have my first visitation they moved him to a different jail. Then the day before I was going to be allowed to visit him at the 2nd jail they transferred him to a 3rd facility, a federal immigration facility. It was there in San Francisco, a week after this nightmare began, that I was finally allowed to visit my husband for the first time since the nightmare began. Even though he is not a criminal, they brought him in to a tiny visitation booth in handcuffs and we sat there talking and crying until they took him away 10 minutes later.

Watch Brian and Alfonso tell their story, AFTER THE JUMP...

Writes Brian:

Mr. President I need your help. I am calling on you to stop the deportation of my husband. Not with vague references to a deportation policy that has been reformed to keep families together, but with explicit written directives to stop deportations of couples like, who but for DOMA, would have access to a green card. I deserve to see that in writing. It is an outrage that the administration hides behind general language, and leaves it up to local ICE officials to implement “prosecutorial discretion” guidelines. I have filed a green card petition for Alfonso on the basis of our marriage.

Stop the Deportations has a petition, urging U.S. officials to stop deportation of married gay binational couples.

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  1. Binational couples struggling with separations and deportations are a clear sign of why DOMA is such a barbaric law.

    Posted by: George F | Mar 20, 2012 2:05:35 PM

  2. This is absolutely heartbreaking!! Shame on our government!

    Posted by: Jim Stone | Mar 20, 2012 2:06:45 PM

  3. Nice looking couple

    Posted by: ratbastard | Mar 20, 2012 2:07:58 PM

  4. President Obama

    This is where you show yourself to be a leader. Respond to this direct appeal from the very ones who have supported you and now need your help. "Took my husband away in chains." Take a hard look at those words. Do the right thing. Spend some political capitol and you will garner much greater in return.

    Posted by: JONES | Mar 20, 2012 2:13:45 PM

  5. Isn't the one guy - Brian - pictured in a lot of web advertisements on gay-oriented blogs?

    Posted by: tcw | Mar 20, 2012 2:18:26 PM

  6. Listening to them tell their story is heartbreaking. I'd go crazy. Hugs, love and all my hope for a happy outcome for these men and others in the same situation.

    Posted by: Carlos Abreu | Mar 20, 2012 2:20:31 PM

  7. I had to move to Canada to be with my partner - who is Canadian. We met 13 years ago and it was easier for me to come here based on our relationship. I still miss seeing my family every weekend for family dinners and get togethers.

    Posted by: joe | Mar 20, 2012 2:21:43 PM

  8. "Isn't the one guy - Brian - pictured in a lot of web advertisements on gay-oriented blogs?" And what is your point?

    Posted by: Sergio | Mar 20, 2012 2:26:38 PM

  9. Such a tragic story, so heartbreaking. I feel so much for Brian and Alfonso, their lives completely being in limbo. Based on recent history, Alfonso almost certainly won't be deported since deportation cases like this have been consistently halted for the last several months. The problem is that these couples have to deal with this whatsoever and that DOMA is on the books at all. DOMA is so completely inhumane and has to be repealed. The pressure needs to be ON the federal government, our legislators and Obama to do the right thing here.

    Posted by: Francis | Mar 20, 2012 2:27:45 PM

  10. This is tragic, but help me understand. He's been in the US for 20 years and he's not a citizen? Why not?

    Posted by: JNJ | Mar 20, 2012 2:31:31 PM

  11. Also, it must be noted that under the Obama administration there has been a shift in immigration policy that focuses less on people who have overstayed or cannot attain visas, partially with DOMA in mind. Although DOMA is obviously horrible and NOT enough has been done to repeal it, I hope people do not completely go on all-out attack against Obama, because most LGBTQ couples in situations such as these have been sparred recently. Now it's time for a complete repeal of this law. Stories like this make immigration issues and DOMA so much more human and should open eyes to how horrible and indefensible the law is.

    Posted by: Francis | Mar 20, 2012 2:35:32 PM

  12. Meanwhile, Obama's aunt and uncle are still in the country illegally. They can stay, but this guy has to leave?

    PS - his uncle had a DUI and hit a police officer.

    Posted by: Artie | Mar 20, 2012 2:53:00 PM

  13. @ JNJ- 20 years would seem like a long enough time for someone to have become a naturalized citizen, but as they said in the video, his family has applied for citizenship or green cards for years, and they haven't been granted. I would be somewhat suspicious too, if it weren't for the fact that several of my straight friends from South America have been in the country anywhere from 10 to 17 years- coming here as minors- and have been applying for citizenship for years- and nothing has moved on their cases.

    I don't know for sure if they (ICE, State Dep.) have changed this- but one issue that was identified in the past year or so is that a lot of the quotas for Central and South American countries are nearly the same as some Scandinavian and European countries- which typically have low immigration rates compared to Central and South American countries. That's one quota ruling that could be tweaked- and obviously the repeal of this completely useless-save for harming US citizens- law, DOMA.

    Posted by: Scott | Mar 20, 2012 3:05:17 PM

  14. @JNJ
    Because the U.S. has an immigration system wherein family reunification is at the top of the list, but there's also a HUGE backlog for how these cases are handled. If Alfonso has applied through an immediate family member who is a U.S. citizen (parent, child, sibling), it can 12-15 take years before he's even called in for an interview since Mexico has probably of the the longest wait-lists under this provision.

    If he were to marry his U.S. partner, as all heterosexual couples can, his process for residency would start within months, and after 5 years (or so) of being a resident of the U.S., he can apply for citizenship.

    Posted by: Max | Mar 20, 2012 3:08:21 PM

  15. In case you hadn't noticed, I don't like black people.

    Posted by: Artie | Mar 20, 2012 3:10:52 PM

  16. If someone made this up in a novel and said that the USA would do this I would never have believed it.

    What has happened to openness and tolerance in the USA ? They are married !
    Shouldn't other countries now retaliate.....if a US citizen is married to a European shouldn't residence rights be denied to that US citizen in all Europe and shouldn't he be locked up for weeks and matter how long he has lived in Europe.
    Let's be reciprocal !

    That might make the US Govt sit up and take notice.
    Or is the policy just anti-gay, or xenophobic ?

    Posted by: JackFknTwist | Mar 20, 2012 3:18:30 PM

  17. In case you didn't notice, I'm a loser.

    Posted by: LITTLEKIWI | Mar 20, 2012 3:29:47 PM

  18. Thanks guys - I had no idea! Indeed a system in dire need of repair.

    Posted by: JNJ | Mar 20, 2012 3:30:00 PM

  19. Why Deportation ?? The husband is American so.....He is considered an American Citizen....Right??? This is Crazy........There is no Respect nor justice in this planet anymore.................

    Posted by: gloria mercado | Mar 20, 2012 3:53:18 PM

  20. Obama does not read Towleroad.
    Go to and start a petition.
    It may (or may not) help.
    Legally married to a US citizen, gets handcuffed , awaiting deportation. psh

    Posted by: MalaysianHo | Mar 20, 2012 4:18:34 PM

  21. And not everyone WANTS to be a U.S. citizen or give up their own country. After being married to a US citizen you get residency and can ask for green card later, if you want, but you don't have to become a citizen. I have life long German residency through my German civil union. My husband should get the same. Not everyone wants to be an American. They just want to live with their spouse in peace like heterosexuals do all over the planet.

    I'm so exhausted, and furious, after 25 years of jumping through hoops, dealing with some government worker pissed because they didnt get laid last night, immigration officers who don't like our shoes or that we can afford to travel or that we're gay or that it's ....Tuesday. :-(

    Posted by: Michaelandfred | Mar 20, 2012 4:43:03 PM

  22. Obama is evolving his opinion on SS marriage:
    He is waiting for us to become extinct then he will act.

    Posted by: chuck | Mar 20, 2012 6:18:39 PM

  23. Yawn. my relatives waited their turn to become US Citizens legally. Get in line.

    Posted by: grego | Mar 20, 2012 7:22:17 PM

  24. Some people can be so unsensitive! We were upset when the majority of African Americans voted No on Prop 8- How can they vote No when they particularly understand discrimination and injustice? Well...we have people in our own community who pretty much act like they African American Community: If it doesn't affect me then I don't really care. Our society is pretty selfish:First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. ... " ..this famous quote is something we all need to think when it comes to this injustice affecting some of our brother's and sister's in our Coummunity. This may not affect you but we all agree that is just not fair and we need to help our brothers and sisters....

    Posted by: Josh | Mar 20, 2012 9:15:32 PM

  25. Gay or straight, once you come here illegally, it's almost impossible to legallize your status without returning home and getting "in line". Legally married heterosexual couples have the same problem and concerns. The govt. policy was formed so as to NOT reward those that have ignored the legal pathway to citizenship.

    As for the "immigration hold", I bet Alfonso has a history with Homeland Security. Perhaps a prior order to leave the country, a prior arrest for illegal entry......

    Love is blind and sometimes a good relationship suffers the consequences of poor choices we made earlier in life. I hope the best for both of them. Good luck to you.

    Posted by: magyart | Mar 22, 2012 10:23:39 AM

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