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Christian Wants 'Buckeye' Removed as Ohio State Symbol Because it's a Bisexual Tree

One Ohio Christian wingnut is not happy at all that Ohioans are nicknamed 'Buckeyes' or that Ohio State has a team by that name, and believes the state's tree is unfit to represent him.

Why? Because it's bisexual.

Writes Jim Flechtner to The Courier:

BuckeyeSO WHAT ABOUT CARNATIONS?

Something in the "Just Ask" column (Page A3, May 29) disturbed me. According to the column, "the Ohio buckeye, Aesculus glabra, bears flowers with both male and female organs on the same tree. It is a monoecious species."

I couldn't believe this, so I did some research and, sure enough, a science website (forestry.about.com) states that "the Ohio buckeye is polygamo-monoecious, bearing both bisexual and male flowers."

The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, "buckeyes." But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!

I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term "buckeye" as a nickname for residents of Ohio.

Does anyone know if carnations are bisexual?

Jim Flechtner, Findlay

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Comments

  1. uh I'm pretty sure this is a joke

    Posted by: Scott | Jun 18, 2012 9:40:39 AM


  2. I've never laughed so much in my life. A tree??? oh god.

    Posted by: BlueRafael | Jun 18, 2012 9:45:42 AM


  3. I want to believe thats a joke, but at the same time, its totally possible for someone to be that stupid.

    Posted by: Wolf Sawyer | Jun 18, 2012 9:45:54 AM


  4. does it matter? its a tree get over it

    Posted by: ryan | Jun 18, 2012 9:46:48 AM


  5. This guy has waaay too much time on his hands.

    Posted by: PJW | Jun 18, 2012 9:47:20 AM


  6. I'm from Ohio and there are plenty of wingnuts there to be sure, but this is clearly a joke designed to highlight said wingnuttery.

    Posted by: Keith | Jun 18, 2012 9:50:20 AM


  7. Won't someone please think of the seedlings?

    Posted by: jomicur | Jun 18, 2012 9:52:06 AM


  8. I call Poe

    Posted by: Steve in MI | Jun 18, 2012 9:54:16 AM


  9. Why should Ohio card if they are represented by a bisexual tree. They are mostly represented by morons in their state assembly and in congress.

    Posted by: Alex Parrish | Jun 18, 2012 9:56:17 AM


  10. I'm fairly sure this is a put-on.

    Posted by: NaughtyLola | Jun 18, 2012 9:56:21 AM


  11. Flaunting vs. Flouting. Why is it so hard for people to use the right word? I almost NEVER see it used correctly.

    Posted by: Johnson | Jun 18, 2012 9:56:44 AM


  12. This has to be a joke.

    Posted by: Matt26 | Jun 18, 2012 9:59:13 AM


  13. He really IS flaunting the Bible.

    Posted by: The Milkman | Jun 18, 2012 10:00:00 AM


  14. It's nice that someone with english as his first langguage doesn't know how to use flaunting in a sentence.

    Posted by: Winston | Jun 18, 2012 10:00:42 AM


  15. Poe's law, anyone?

    Posted by: Tony | Jun 18, 2012 10:01:53 AM


  16. Maybe they should consider the Weeping Willow as the state tree, in honor of Boehner.

    Posted by: Pancy Nelosi | Jun 18, 2012 10:10:41 AM


  17. I'm so glad others caught that gross misuse of the English language.

    Posted by: Solomon | Jun 18, 2012 10:11:38 AM


  18. Has to be a joke, I weep for humanity already, but seriously?? Also, believe me, plant sex is full of surprises, this guy has no idea.

    Posted by: silvra | Jun 18, 2012 10:19:47 AM


  19. Is it bisexual by choice or was it born that way?

    Posted by: Iwontgrowup | Jun 18, 2012 10:22:24 AM


  20. Used to live in Findlay. Only surprised he didn't blame Obama for making the trees gay,

    from:
    http://www.gardenguides.com/77043-carnations-reproduce.html

    Reproduction Method
    A single carnation plant has both male and female reproductive organs, allowing them to self-pollinate and form seeds. The male organ, or stamen, is covered in pollen. Insects and sometimes birds pick up this pollen and transfer it to the female part of the flower called the pistil in the course of feeding. Carnations require pollinators with long proboscises as their flowers are deep, making access to the pistil difficult for smaller insects. After successful pollination is achieved, the flower begins to die off and the seed head matures.

    Posted by: Christopher | Jun 18, 2012 10:23:25 AM


  21. Additionally, one place says that carnations are bisexual as well lol, though I am willing to bet that primary reproduction is done by cuttings or human manipulation as selective breeding has led to so many petals that any pollinators would have a hard time getting to where the nectar and pollen are produced. In other words, like several other horticultural plants, humans have bred them sterile.

    Posted by: silvra | Jun 18, 2012 10:24:45 AM


  22. Somebody really, really needs to get laid.

    Posted by: Jack M | Jun 18, 2012 10:28:07 AM


  23. Do people not get satire anymore ? That letter was in response to another true anti-gay letter earlier in the week. I still live in Findlay and can tell you letter to the editor section, if anything, is entertaining.

    Posted by: Don Rumgay Jr. | Jun 18, 2012 10:32:50 AM


  24. Additional additional. In plants bisexual just means that both male and female parts are viable and exist on the same plant, nothing to do with sexuality which is an animal thing. The heterosexual rules still apply in that the male pollen(sperm) must land on the female pistil in order to be pollinated.

    Posted by: silvra | Jun 18, 2012 10:34:11 AM


  25. They used to call us Worthless nuts because the buckeyes were only good for squirrels. In this person's case, they should keep the title.

    Posted by: Dale | Jun 18, 2012 10:36:32 AM


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