No offense, but his wife honestly couldn't tell he was gay before she married him? I mean, you can tell just by listening to him for 2 seconds.
Posted by: Emmy | Dec 18, 2012 3:32:44 PM
really girl? you got married? and she didn't know you were gay to begin with? OH MY.
Posted by: sttlondon | Dec 18, 2012 3:34:14 PM
Honesty and Integrity are the hallmarks of a solid marriage, and it is unfair to your wife to withhold the truth from her. You should sit her down and calmly tell her your truth, and that it doesn't lessen your love or commitment to her. But you must also recognize that you can't control her reaction, and you will need to respect her responses and questions to you once you have disclosed your truth. Only time will tell how this will modify your existing relationship, but you need to be prepared for all possibilities. And as the Littlekiwi mentioned, provide her additional resources and places to go where she can talk to other wives who have gone through this same process. You aren't the first man to tell his wife this news, and you certainly won't be the last.
Posted by: Keith | Dec 18, 2012 3:34:23 PM
i think a lot of women in her situation say the same thing, and i've heard it said so many times that it's almost become canon:
"i didn't think he was gay. i thought he was perfect"
^ i think he already told her that he's gay...that's why he's now living in the hotel.
Posted by: Oliver | Dec 18, 2012 3:38:49 PM
Leave Britney Alone! all over again.
Posted by: Gast | Dec 18, 2012 3:46:46 PM
Who's this guy Penis?
Did he say "bite it in the butt now"? Is that like "bite the bullet" but different?
Note that the far north of Vermont can be seriously scary territory for a gay boy?
Posted by: Bingo | Dec 18, 2012 3:46:56 PM
There are LOTS of books, and, undoubtedly, online and in-person support groups for the wife.
Of course, he has taken advantage of her, and she is delusional, both of which are not shocking in the Southern sticks.
MY ADVICE: shut up, take care of what you need to, forgive yourself, and move on.
OR: you can be a famous drama queen
When you get to Maine, your kind of self-obsession will not go over well.
Posted by: Bob | Dec 18, 2012 3:47:55 PM
sorry, looks like another fame whore to me. She's cute, white, and has a supportive family. i guess she got what she wanted. Her moment has arrived.. take a bow.
Posted by: Nelson | Dec 18, 2012 3:48:41 PM
This video explains why no one ought to be married when they're 19. If she or he thought that such a marriage was a good idea, they clearly weren't ready. Sigh.
Posted by: Guy from DC | Dec 18, 2012 3:49:52 PM
I think Keith already said it best, but be honest, be gentle -- with her and with your self, and above all, take slow steps for a while.
When a gay man comes out, there is every likelihood that he will enter a second (or, rather complete his first) adolescence. Adolescents (in general) aren't known for thinking things through very well, and the impulse you give into today can be your regret tomorrow.
Most of all: breathe.
Posted by: Jeffrey in St. Louis | Dec 18, 2012 3:50:33 PM
My advice to him would be a little more self-reflection and a little less attention seeking.
Posted by: Kieran | Dec 18, 2012 3:51:30 PM
You're thinking about how to talk to your wife so you make, and post on line, a video? Gee, no chance she'll see that.
Posted by: Butch | Dec 18, 2012 3:54:28 PM
In the divorce settlement she should demand a seeing-eye dog and a hearing aide because she's obvious Helen f*cking Keller if she didn't know he was gay!
OK, that was a snotty thing to say, but c'mon!
There are online groups for both gay people and their straight spouses. In places with large populations there may be physical groups. It's a good thing they're doing this now instead of 20 or 30 years from now.
Posted by: Caliban | Dec 18, 2012 3:55:05 PM
She already knew. And if she didn't, she certainly does now. This seems contrived.
Posted by: Paul R | Dec 18, 2012 3:59:13 PM
Get some counseling and a good coat. Then get some.
Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Dec 18, 2012 4:06:41 PM
Gotta be fake.
Posted by: ScoobaSteve | Dec 18, 2012 4:07:30 PM
I can't even see a wedding ring.
Good gods. Some people....
Posted by: Cecilfirefox | Dec 18, 2012 4:16:05 PM
Another episode of "Southern or Gay?" In this case: both.
Sick of these "types" and their internalized homophobia. They get married to women because they are weak nothing more. Dude, be honest! How is that for a start. And do you truely love your wife? Not sure about that either.
Posted by: RK | Dec 18, 2012 4:24:07 PM
20 y.o., from the South, and complaining about how difficult coming out is? Please, I'm 49, a child of the South, and faced much more resistance coming out 25 years ago. Stop whining, accept yourself, and *own* your decisions.
Posted by: Mark | Dec 18, 2012 4:36:10 PM
This cannot be real, can it? I'll give him some advice. I've got lots of advice for him. We'd have to have a sleepover though. It's kinds hands-on advice, if you know what I mean.